A bit of everything.

30something, he/him Just here to look around, mostly. I'll post things that tickle my fancy on occasion. Chances are said fancy-ticklers will be nerdy.

[pronouncingitwang]

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

[yokowan]

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

[le-jardin-inculte]

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

[shithowdy]

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

[whitachi]

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

[araceil]

At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.

[seabiscuit88]

@epichuglass

[aqueerkettleofish]

For those who have missed it, a tourist in Hawaii decided it would be fun to chuck a rock (a BIG rock) at a monk seal. He missed, but he was captured on video, and when told it was illegal to interfere with them, said "I'm rich, I can pay the fine."

Is the best part that he got doxxed? No.

Is the best part that he got tracked down by a local and beaten? No.

Arrested on state at federal charges, looking at up to 5 years and 50K? Nope.

The best part is the local city council's reaction.

And the best part of that is the look on the attorney's face.

[mistflarden-deactivated20200816]

“In Europe they–”

WHERE in Europe??!? WHERE??? You mean Iceland?? Azerbaijan? The Netherlands? Liechtenstein???? THERE ARE 50 COUNTRIES IN EUROPE. ALL WITH DIFFERENT CULTURES. SO PRAY TELL ME, WHERE IN FUCKING EUROPE.

[eldriitchmurmurs]

in europe they got antisemitism

[number-one-malloc-appreciator]

[animentality]

[catchymemes]

[bl1tzkr136fr1tz-62nd-attempt]

[fantasmalresplendent]

I can't be the first to make this connection

[fantasmalresplendent]

y'all slept on the first chart but I will make the world see my vision

[spaceshiporion]

...Can I add this

[bedupolker]

Pros of AI: my landlord that im sueing is using AI for his defense instead of hiring a lawyer (despite having the money to do so) and it is fabricating laws that don't exist which im told is not great in the eyes of the court, so maybe ill win :D

Cons of using AI: the rest of it

[userfinalgirls]

april fools? on [tumblr] ? i see fools on here 365 days a year, pal.

[no-chill-at-all]

[wildlyannoyingdoofus]

These kinds of responses are my FAVORITE. Some examples to answers to this question I have heard:

1.

“Okay, and who’s the president?”

“Obama, no wait, shit *vehemently* fuck, I hate him… what’s his name…”

“It’s okay, you know who he is.”

2.

“Who’s the president?”

“*drunkenly angry and confused* ..uhhhhhhh…Orange… damn it what’s the fuck’s name….

“Yup, good enough.”

3.

“And who’s the president,”

“Not fuckin’ Obama!”

“I feel ya.”

4.

“Who’s the president- wait, nevermind you’re from Korea you said, right? So who’s-“

“Everybody knows that Trump-bitch.”

“Oh, well, alright then.”

5. (My personal favorite)

“Who’s the president?”

“Ew.”

“Good enough.”

[epaulettes]

My roommate is a neurologist and has to do this check all the time. Her all-time favorite so far has been “ay dios mio” during which the woman was vigorously crossing herself.

[moodyehudi-deactivated20180519]

lol me too , lady

[emi--rose]

One time I got “that orange fuck” from a very cute little old lady with urosepsis

[nezumipi]

I have - quite unintentionally - contributed to this phenomenon.

I was waking up from surgery in the post-op observation room, where they kept people before sending them off to the ICU. The nurse was talking to me as I was semi-awake, telling me that as soon as it was ready, I would be sent to room 2008.

I did not hear the word “room”.

I started trying to sit up and get out of bed (entirely unsuccessfully), shouting (mumbling forcefully), “He’s not president yet! I have to warn everyone!”

[magimerlyn]

That’s awesome. Thank you for trying to warn us

[euphoria-my-love]

i’ve been looking for this post for ages and it finally crossed my dash again

[whatsgoodmentalhealth]

(( *smiles* the post is back))

[stackcats]

Paramedics had to stop asking “who’s the prime minister?” in Australia because it changed so often that not knowing the answer wasn’t really all that indicative of anything.

One paramedic reported receiving the answer “I haven’t watched the news today”.

[placeofwonder]

Meanwhile in Germany, the joke goes that a teenager is waking up in a hospital bed, the nurse asks them who the chancellor is and they say, “hang on are you telling me that can change?”

[teaboot]

[labelleizzy]

[thepassenger1-deactivated202512]

[lordascapelion]

This was so peak in 1999

[peechaku]

I regret to inform you that it’s absolutely still peak in 2024

[unterwaesche]

Loads faster, too.

[bulbasaur-propaganda]

I need more bipedal Bulbasaur after watching this

From: @sisyamo2580k5 / Twitter

[nymphoutofwater]

fuuuuck that is my circus. are those…? yep… those are my monkeys….. goddammit.

[managerie76]

[desolationlesbian]

remember when Elementary adapted the holmes stories and made Watson a woman which removed the gay subtext but then made Moriarty also a woman and gave them weird lesbian subtext. masterful technique. the never-before-seen uno yuri reverse

[blignick]

[bunjywunjy]

this is actually HILARIOUS because both domestic rabbits and domestic cats practice dominance-related social grooming but for wildly different reasons.

if you're a rabbit, the boss rabbit is the one who gets groomed by its subordinate rabbits.

but if you're a cat... the boss cat is the one that grooms the other cats.

BOTH these idiots are going "aw yeah, it's good to be on top >:) "

[todayintokyo]

Volleyball player Yuji Nishida accidentally hit a line judge. This is how he apologized.

[rakkzi]

[ruinedchildhood]

When you accidentally become important at work