hazy @seductive-mop - Tumblr Blog

Kesha making her live comeback at Coachella with Zedd, performing True Colors. She changed the lyric from “we’ve escaped our capture, but we have our masters,” to “we’ve escaped our capture, and I have no master”

may

THE VOCALS ON THE LAST CHORUS!! she’s BACK!

catwitching

2-shane-s

sdrgiobhjkfdlbjreiug-deactivate

I hate that I laughed at this

kyraneko

“Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there,” and another one appears. And dodges the downward sweep of claws, darting to the side, bouncing off the pentagram’s barriers, and tripping over the demon’s tail. “In the Vatican!” she cries out as she moves, using the State Farm Agent summoning charm to modify the situation as she was taught, and mentally thanking her trainer for expecting her to be fast enough to do it on the first incantation.

Most State Farm agents, when they run into trouble, have to get the customer to do the jingle a second time. That guy with the buffalo was lucky.

The magic takes hold, and she materializes in the aisle of St. Peter’s Basilica, still holding the demon by the tail, in the middle of Sunday morning Mass. The music clatters unprofessionally to a halt as laypeople, deacons, priests, monks, nuns, and the Pope all turn their attention to the surprised demon whose fifth course of dinner has turned, unaccountably, into a visit to one of his least favorite places on Earth.

There is chanting in Latin, and vaguely cross-shaped gestures, and clouds of incense, and the demon vanishes in a puff of smoke, whether from the efforts of the clergy or of his own volition no one can say. The Agent doesn’t wait, fleeing towards the doors and escaping in the confusion.

She gains the exit and walks, purposefully, toward Rome proper; there, she ducks into the nearest alley. A burner cell phone comes out of one of the less-used pockets of her purse, and she dials a number from memory.

“Allstate,” says a smooth masculine voice after three rings.

“State Farm,” she answers. “I’m calling in a favor.”

“Yeah?” Interest. “What sort?”

As she talks she’s pulling out her smartphone, keying an app that was activated by the summoning, and pulling up the policyholder data that enabled the incantation to work.

“Insurance fraud,” she said, and can almost hear teeth sharpening on the other end of the line. She gives him the name, the address, the policy number. “Someone needs some mayhem.”

“That’s my name,” the man says.

She smiles. “Someone needs all the mayhem.”

He chuckles. Slow. Evil. Even with the echoes of demonic laughter ringing in her ears, she’s impressed. “Don’t worry,” he says, almost purring.

“You’re in good hands.”

thewinterotter

OH MY FUCKING GOD I just read insurance commercial fan fiction and it was so good, bless you, I’m going to remember this day forever.

bob-belcher

fancytunaaaaaaa-blog

If you had a bad day here

onlytwitterpics

weloveshortvideos

cutegirlonline-deactivated20181

FUXKSJSFJDHD

officialcrow

ehquzoanteelweovadoza

TMZ VIDEO

Paparazzi: What’s your hair care regime? Abel: “I’m black.”

bigtittydgemini

LMFAO at the only black guy being like “shut up you stupid white people” OUT LOUD

vanillascentedthot

Lmaoo he told they ass

blackgirlsreverything

i’m going to reblog this for the rest of my life

bougieauntie-deactivated

i hate this fake ass news site but lol

amuzed1-deactivated20241106

I was all set to be pissed when they were trying to shade him for not washing his hair, and then I heard a voice, a voice of reason and knowledge. Thank you, Black Guy, for not letting that shit stand.

note-a-bear

“I didn’t know!” “Because…you’re stupid white people” I need a gif of that

nevermindthattt-deactivated2021

This is the only real thing from tmz. White people being a mess and this black man getting real.

rayvone-deactivated20200430

Wasn’t there a blacks guy with locs that used to work there? So they would talk to him and be around him every day but just assumed he was dirty and didn’t wash?