Look, Gwen's Blog

an actual sailor | she/they | enby | omnisexual | gentle chaos | send cats friendly neighborhood dice goblin

[dwinkus]

my friend liz downloaded some free audio software a few months ago to do something and now every time she joins a call a female voice says “trial. trial.” and liz doesn’t remember the name of the software or know how to stop it and she doesn’t want to

[dwinkus]

my friend liz had her spotify account hacked and literally didn’t realize for a year until I was talking about my decade in review playlist and she looked at hers and it was all brazilian music and she was like oh this explains why I would go to sleep listening to classical music and wake up and it’s playing trap. and also why there are like 30 playlists on my account that I didn’t make. she just thought spotify was like that

[dwinkus]

hand to god at some point my friend liz managed to fuck up her install of Portal so bad that it was displaying minecraft textures

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like she’s bringing me dead mice

[swholli]

@evilwizard is that you?

[evilwizard]

yeah i was doin some sky stuff. don’t worry about it

[homunculus-argument]

Demons who obey human commands, but instead of being absolutely controlled or compelled by the signs, salt lines and sigils that people draw, they treat it like the rules of a sport game - they'd never injure another demon while doing it, but they'll humour the humans and have fun coming up with rules-lawyering their "anti-demon" wards purely for the challenge.

Like imagine if you were suddenly summoned by a gang of squirrels who offer you a bag of sugar, a bottle of whiskey and a request: find this one specific squirrel and use your mighty kicking power to punt him across a room. His home is warded by a shit ton of silly string but we have full confidence in your magnificient power.

And then you go to this other squirrel's location and find his fortress being protrcted with a lot of silly string, glitter, and the neighbour's 6-year-old kid who takes this a lot more seriously than you do. He, too, is vulnerable to silly string (you respect this rule) but immune to glitter due to not giving a shit. Your own aversion to getting glitter on you is very real. And to the squirrels, of course, whatever wild drama they've got going on is a battle of good and evil, and a matter of life and death.

[l0newvlf23-deactivated20221217]

[strawberryhorrorshow]

My conservative family members seeing me taking up embroidery:

One week later when I post the finished project:

[ebearcrochet]

I had to reblog this as soon as I stopped laughing

[cozysafechaotic]

My sister did this. Only her masterpiece that my parents HATE is

[cricketcat9]

Express yourself through handicrafts 😁

[oneheadtoanother]

[noahnomore]

[iimr3]

*hitting you with a stick* no benoit blanc movies should not interact. they should not lead up to something. you need to detox from the marvel/sherlock bbc poisoning. they should be completely independent movies (maybe w some cameos/little references for fun) and go on for as long as there are stories rian johnson wants to tell in this universe. i do not want an overarching plot i do not want a team up i dont want a benoit-focused prequel i want some good old fashioned episodic murder mysteries that have nothing to do with each other!!!!!!!!!!! also rian johnson has literally said he's not gonna do a prequel and he wants the movies to all stand on their own

[gothicprep]

book banning is unequivocally bad and worth being concerned about, but it's funny how this practice has survived into the internet age, where information is more readily available than it's ever been in human history.

"ACK! my kid is going to learn Gender Queer at the school library" dude your kid has a porn machine in his pocket and you pay for it.

[tauforged]

why does my caladium act like she is starving for light. hang on

[tauforged]

every day i ahve to reposition the damn lamp cuz she’s dead set on sticking her first leaf Right The Fuck In There and i don’t want her to burn. but every day i come home from work and she has closed the distance anyway. bestie PLEASE cooperate with me

[tauforged]

i finally caved and moved her to the windowsill but this has clearly not satisfied her because she still presses that leaf RIGHT up against the glass

[tauforged]

apparently instead of actually growing new leaves in order to increase her light intake she’s decided that these are PERFECT conditions to flower in

BABYGIRL YOU HAVE ONE LEAF PLEASE

[jackalopeonline]

[luckydreaming]

Don’t post your negativity on a positive post.

[mancomics]

Electrons

[luckydreaming]

I should kick your ass. 

[aromanticduck]

Things that would fix the internet immediately:

Bring back Club Penguin for the kids

Create a separate Club Penguin for adults which is exactly the same except you're allowed to swear

[kasphyxia-deactivated20210107]

need a girlfriend so i can deactivate for good

[rottingfacade]

[kasphyxia-deactivated20220529]

Bad news everyone

[transgendercyborg-deactivated20]

[precambrianhottopic]

[aventios-deactivated20240306]

[beekerosene]

[24602060451-deactivated20241111]

[youremyvioleta]

benoit blanc failing at amogus

GLASS ONION: A KNIVES OUT MYSTERY (2022)

[shanastoryteller]

I worked at a McDonald's as a cashier in high school and it was during a time when they changed their POS system (point of sale, not piece of shit) so everything was now in a slightly different, less logical place, but I was working 20ish hours a week so I picked it up really quickly

Anyway I was out with my friend in the next town over and we went to a McDonald's because she really wanted an ice tea and we go through the drive through. The man greets us out of the little speaker and asks for our order and she says "Hi! Could I get a large sweet ice tea please?"

Silence.

Longer silence.

And I knew in my heart what was happening.

So I leaned over and said, "It's on page two of drinks, under juice, then the third one down."

Another much shorter silence.

Then:

"What the - how the hell did... Uh. I mean. Thank you?"

And it's been literally ten years but I'm still riding the high from that.

[timeclonemike]

Ninety percent of most magic consists of knowing one extra fact.

-Terry Pratchett

[pansexualjamestkirk]

Can you imagine Pirate King Elizabeth killing people on the high seas and her final words to them are ‘Say hello to my husband’

[captainlordauditor]

#the pirate queen kills you and you meet davy jones and he’s eagerly like ‘did elizabeth have a message for me?!’ #you flash back to your bewildered last moment #’…she said jack is teaching your son to shoot’ #‘oh god no’ says davy jones