Only On the Weekends

My mission is unimportant but if you're a fangirl get to the back of the bus.

[draconym]

Me: Fuck, the paper towels I want are on the top shelf.

The Sir David Attenborough That Lives In My Brain: Being smaller-than-average presents an added challenge to foraging ... but necessity is the mother of invention. A little creativity turns a baguette into a tool, and voilà--

(paper towel roll falls on my face)

Sir David Attenborough, pleasantly: Success.

[lizmamont]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

woo i am such a fan of dramatic plants. just prissy fucking plantlife, be it unreasonable or implacable or ostentatious. plants, man

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

u know what yeah, let’s talk about weird nonsense plants

1. Living Stones

these plants imitate rocks. who does that?

imagine deciding to straight up evolve into rocks as a defense mechanism. i had a whole rant planned but now i’m remembering that i have, in the past, on multiple occasions, daydreamed about being a rock. like that has been a recurring theme in my rich inner fantasy life. i would not forsake the opportunity to evolve into a stone.

2. Hooker’s Lips

ostentatious. flamboyant. vulgar. garish. randy. dare i say whorish? yes. this plant is whorish.

pucker up you hussy

3. Hoya Hearts

overused trope. lacks subtlety and creativity. truly, they just went with the first thought to pop in their head, no brainstorming involved. “ho ho ho i’m just gonna grow into a fucking HEART, that’ll show em!” Needy & basic bitch. looks cute on a desk

4. Lifesaver Plants

manages to be both psychedelic and disapproving. reminiscent of a prudish great aunt–but like, one who did a lot of LSD in the 70s. evidence of an alien lifeform who crash landed and then decided, fuck it, i’m gonna rent a one-story in the midwest and decorate it with vintage wood paneling & floral upholstery. probably smells like stale weed and glass ashtrays

5. Happy Alien Flowers

yes that is their NAME. sort of anticlimactic, but take a gander:

they are absolute sluts for drama, as demonstrated by the little hussies pictured above are YELLING AT ME. they bring to mind seagulls engaged in a Shakespearean blood feud. this flowers have committed aggravated manslaughter and probably got away with it too.

6. Bat Plant 

aka Cat’s Whiskers aka Devil Flower. how fucking emo is that??? this plant listens to mcr and is probably the gay cousin. they never got the hang of eyeliner but that doesn’t stop them from trying, bless em. their impetuous devil-may-care persona is hindered by their crippling social anxiety. i’m immensely fond of this plant. they’ll come into their own once they graduate and move away from college, but in the mean time they sit with the tech crew at lunch. you go little Bat Plant! 

 7. Dancing Plants

total band kids. also called Semaphore Plants, bc they look like they’re trying to flag down a plane. nifty fuckers 

in conclusion, three cheers for whiny, namby-pamby, scatterbrained plantlife

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

so you’ll reblog THIS and my Non-Comprehensive List of Cursed Bird That Piss Me Off, but Whimsical Creatures Failing To Tempt Me Into The Ocean is where tumblr draws the line huh

[wheres-lostboy]

I am absolutely delighted to show you this orchid the ‘Naked Man’. It’s an orchid native to the Mediterranean and it looks like a lil dude with a tiny penis

[wt-nv-quotes]

It’s not darkest before the dawn. It’s actually darkest after all the stars have gone out. It’s very dark then.

[polkadotmotmot]

Saskia Rem Brandt - Illusion of Perfection, 2023 - Oil on canvas

[pbeeanjay]

angel with a body

[johannestevans]

i would love a batjokes concept with Joker pursuing Bruce that really digs into the fact that Bruce Wayne is way more of a false identity than Batman is

and the Joker is smart, just like Selina and other partners to get close to Bruce - he'd REALISE that and be fascinated by it

my favourite variations of Bruce Wayne are never the garbage grimdark ones where he's Really Serious and Broody, bc like. that's ridiculous (and too hetero). batman is really serious and broody. bruce wayne needs to be the opposite of that.

now some stories go for a bruce wayne that's just incredibly earnest, who's genuine and kind and full of love - and by definition HAS to either be misrepresenting himself, or is so naive that he never really hardens himself to the people who lie to his face

my FAVOURITE, though, is when bruce wayne goes HARD on being a himbo. he's a bright-eyed grinning playboy, he's a billionaire, he's kind in the thoughtless, easy way of a man who's so incredibly rich he can throw money at whomever and whatever cause he pleases

this is the bruce wayne who's always at parties and is always having fun and drinking, who dates all these beautiful models and he does funny videos playing with puppies for gotham's equivalent of buzzfeed and he uses the cutest filters on insta, he does stupid dances on tiktok

and the thing is, it's ALREADY fun if. it's known among certain of bruce's compatriots that this is false. bruce has glazed eyes during the board meeting but he's listening to every word; he looks pretty, so people invite him to important shit, and then bruce CAN be disarming

because in a city like gotham, of COURSE bruce wayne would pretend he's a beautiful himbo with nothing going on between his ears - it's the perfect defence mechanism. none of the corrupt cunts at the mayor's office will hurt him, bc they don't think he's a threat

and so bruce can pretend to just stumble into valuable philanthropy, he can work on certain fundraisers and similar, and he won't be targeted the same way his parents were

and that alone would FASCINATE joker

like once he got close enough to realise, to grok this - like, he's brushed this pretty billionaire off as some hot eyecandy, but WAIT, there's a BRAIN behind those baby blues? that sexy carved jaw and cleft chin isn't even as interesting as what he can SAY?

and just like… bruce having to juggle the fact that suddenly joker is stalking him and making a big show of making notes about his behaviours like he's birdwatching, but joker ISN'T being violent, and he's actually occupied, so bruce just-- lets him

it's the perfect cover, right? bruce wayne is already an act where he pretends to be something he's not, so why would anyone ever think that there's ANOTHER secret identity under that?

i was just reading a Batjokes fic that isn't delving that much into this, but there's a moment where Joker picks up the picture of Bruce's parents in his office and makes some comments, and Bruce snaps and grabs him by the throat

and FUCK but like. can u imagine a moment like that in a story like this, where Bruce Wayne is a little scared of Joker, but genuinely trying to be nice - probably thinks he can rehabilitate him, the sweet, pretty idiot - and Joker is filtering out where he's acting

he's gorgeous and he CAN read, he CAN do maths, he CAN play people against each other

but then bruce snaps and suddenly joker is bent back against a wall or shoved to the ground or over a desk, and he's staring up at him, AWED

because, o ho ho, Brucie. this doesn't match in either column - should I be adding a third one to my table, huh? Brucie the playboy, Bruce Wayne the businessman, and… who's THIS?

and. fuck. what is Bruce supposed to say?

especially because a story like bruce's is EXPLICITLY and CONTINUOUSLY about masking and being closeted, like. joker could get very excited over what this reveals which is a bruce that's NOT soft: it's a bruce that's gay and KINKY, which is why he likes joker in the first place

[johannestevans]

to build on this thanks to anon putting it back in my mind, like...

i always love when Bruce Wayne as a persona is a fun, bubbly sort of guy, that he's just considered vapid, right? and esp bc he says things frequently that are stupid as fuck and end up being quoted all around the tabloids, often well-meaning and earnest, but generally just indicative of a stereotypical playboy bunny-esque personality - he's there to look pretty, he's rich enough that he's never had to learn to live like a normal person, and people rush to do whatever he needs or wants, so he never has to do much thinking

and because he's a man, and especially because he's ruggedly handsome with a cleft in his chin and does not look like people imagine a queer man to look - no matter that he regularly says he's bisexual in interviews, or refers to ex-boyfriends or is seen with other queer men, it will be treated every time as a revelation or just him hanging out with some curiously queer people rather than with any seriousness - he won't receive the hatred or misogyny that you'd expect say, a paris hilton to receive

bruce wayne can be vapid and pretty and stupid, but bc he's a man and not a woman, he'll be given more leeway, treated as more harmless, but also seen as even less of a threat than a ~conniving~ woman trying to get somebody else's fortune or whatever

and esp bc bruce is a white guy like... taking in orphans all the time, not irregularly there'll be shit in the media about him being toonaive and too charitable, and that's why he keeps helping all these ppl who don't deserve it - dick grayson particularly, who's probably frequently racially fetishised in a lot of the presses even before he comes out as bisexual himself, and then damian, esp when he's older, getting similar treatment

and that's just ppl going "oh this poor naive man is being led astray and made to think poc should have rights!", not even thinking abt more complex stuff like bruce being earnestly pro-migrant, pro-disability, pro-reparations, etc etc

but that's the whole value of the himbo persona, right? he's able to be earnestly left-wing and honestly quite radical, he can throw money into it, and bc he can act like he's just super easily swayed by diff causes etc, the creeps in gotham who are far more regressive won't necessarily put him down, bc he's not like his parents, who were traitors to their (white, evil, corrupt) way of life, he's just... you know... a little slow

so, imagine you're the joker.

as you do from time to time, you've decided you need a new pet project, something to entertain you. things have been getting so stale of recent, and as you do your usual mischief around the city - kill a few veterinarians while having your guys dressed as cats do some mischief on the gotham streets, you know, just a bit of kooky fun for international cat day - it's just not hitting like it should

and you just happen to see playboy millionaire bruce wayne out for lunch with some socialite, and normally you'd kidnap her, but you've always considered yourself an equal opportunities kidnapper, and you'd not want to be accused of choosing your victims based off of something as cliché as sexism - you're an upstanding, modern clown!

so you hold a gun to his head, and say, "listen, brucie, i bet you know the drill."

"valuables in the bag?" he asks, kind of even in the voice, almost sweet, although his eyes have widened and his lips have parted.

"kinda," you say with a giggle as batsy's rich girlfriend puts her hand over her mouth. "a little bit different today."

he is honestly pretty nice about the whole thing. like, weirdly patient, obviously scared, but for god's sake, the guy tips his waiter as you escort him out of the place, and when you ask very casually for him to pass you a different handgun out of the dashboard, his voice quavers, but he asks, "um, do you mean the actual gun, or the water pistol?" and smiles nervously back when you say the latter

point is, he's not shivering or shaking. he's not begging for his life or crying. he even stood between you and his girlfriend when you sized her up and thought about taking her too, and as you chatter on at him, he talks back

"kiddo," you say, "you do realise i might just kill you tonight?"

"why would you do that?" he asks.

"uh, because i'm a crazed psycho killer?"

"i think that's just an act you put on," he says, almost confidently, and he meets your gaze with those beautiful baby blues of his. "you're not as crazy as you look."

"huh," you say, narrowing your eyes and lunging closer - and what's funny about it is, he doesn't flinch. he stays right there, looking at you, and although his eyes widen and his mouth opens wider, it happens just a second too late for you to believe it. "that's real funny, brucie. seems to me that i'm not the only one between us who might be putting on act."

he puts on a smile, tries to look nervous again, more nervous, but it's too late - you've got the scent now. and when you let him go, he actually puts his hand on your wrist and says some crazy bullshit about how he knows people just haven't been kind enough to you, and he just hopes you'd call on him if you ever wanted things to change

people do that sometimes - normally weird religious types - but you get the impression that he means it, and you start doing your research. everything bruce wayne's ever donated to, ever spent money on.

you start noticing patterns.

you start planting bugs, spying on his dates, and you find that a lot of his girlfriends know what you're finding out - that bruce wayne isn't as stupid as he looks, that he's not just a pretty face, that there's a keen and calculating little business brain under all that handsome, that he puts on a show just to get his charity under the radar

you find him again, on some beach holiday. he lies and says, "oh. i was hoping i'd see you again."

and you say, "you know, brucie, i think you're hiding something."

he looks at you so, so fucking innocently. "i'm not hiding anything," he says.

"you sure?" you ask, slipping closer, grinning. "you sure there's no secret identity under that cleft chin and tight t-shirt?"

and there's the thing. here's the first clue you get that there's even more to this mook than there seems, even more than you've already dug down under, because for a second, just a second, his pretty eyes go flinty. they go hard.

it actually makes a shiver run down your spine, and there's not many in the city who could make your body do that little primal reaction - how long's it been since you have played a special game with batman, anyway?

it only lasts for a second, less than that, and then his eyes are just as soft as they pretend to be as he goes, in a more serious voice - slightly lower cadence than his himbo voice, slightly less airy, "it's not like you're the only one who knows," he murmurs. "this is a pretty unpleasant city, mr joker. sometimes it's easier to pretend you're just a handsome face."

"mr," you repeat, "oh, that's cute. that work on a lot of guys?"

"more than you'd think."

and you take a step closer, examining him carefully, trying to find that steel hardness again, but it's not there.

"say, brucie," you say, and you put your hand on his pecs, and now he shivers. "you ever been with a man?"

"uh huh," he says. "a few times."

"what about a clown?"

"a few times."

"... you screwing with me?"

and he grins at you, so fucking pretty, and you laugh too, because gee, the bastard got you, and that's just dandy, you'll let this one slide - but. but, but, but.

"you ever fuck nasty, then?" you ask. "you ever pin a man down while he's bleeding, you ever make him beg?"

"what?" he asks, just a second too late. "no."

because that's where your assumption goes with his guy. not that he's batman - that there's a sadistic streak under those layers, and obviously, if you're the joker, one of the biggest masochists on earth, of course you're going to want to tease it out

[knightofleo]

Kestrel-dad not sure how to dad but he’s trying his best.

[astarlingdiscovery]

[punished-ned]

Dad loves you and feeds you. But he is also dumb and feeds you a wonderfully done wagyu steak. You are 3 days old.

[swan2swan]

Okay, but check out this video from mid-May 2022 of a Kestrel Dad who just kept piling up voles and mice beside his babies when the mom was injured/killed/mia’d by owls…but then watched one of his babies just swallow a lizard and went “OH. I can feed them small food!” and learned to tear it apart!

EDIT: There’s a not-zero percent chance that this could be the same dad???????? The source is the same–Robert E Fuller–but they could be different birds. 

[swan2swan]

UPDATE: Not only has Mister Kes learned to feed his chicks all on his own…

….the three chicks who were taken out of the nest for intensive care after the mom disappeared were put back in, and he just started feeding them, too.

He’s a single father of six who does not possess the instincts to feed even one of his offspring, but he learned and adopted that behavior without difficulty and is now hunting and providing for six kids all on his own. 

[tuulikki]

[random-chaos-thoughts]

Happy father’s day to the Krestel single dad of 6 Who is doing a wonderful job

[adreamngofdragons]

Shout out to these chicks who have never seen a hand before.

[birds-in-posts]

Common kestrel (Falco tinnunculus)

[official-ornithology-posts]

Official ornithology post

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Imagine you’re chilling at home with your siblings and some alien thing beyond your understanding breaks into your home and just puts more siblings in there

[billtrader]

@derinthescarletpescatarian Yeah, I used to watch Brady Bunch too.

[youngmikosbabymama]

*holds your freshly dumped lesbian face in my hands* she shattered my heart like it was nothing and three months later I was kissing her favorite musician at a party in LA.

And I was fat too.

Never kill yourself.

[kevinbparry]

Cheers to 10 years of making videos 🥂

[cheacegirl]

I made a bad comic and now you have to look at it

[my-dailydreams]

[asparrowsfall]

Writing existing character voices for fanfic

Hey, so, I started doing a writeup a week ago about how to get character voices in your fanfic to sound “in character,” in response to a comment from a new writer I was beta-ing for. 

I’ve been told this is a thing I do well.

As someone who studied dialogue extensively for a theatre degree, I tend to do this reflexively now, and I don’t write out each individual step. But I put some thought into how I might break down the process if I was new at it and looking to get better.

I don’t think it’s actually that different than an actor studying character accents, except as a writer you’re breaking down meaning rather than sound.

Let’s take a look at what makes dialogue unique to a character. I’m gonna list these as bullet points first, and then I’ll suggest some exercises to explore these aspects of speech.

Most important aspects - focus on these first

Vocabulary - the words they use. As subset of this:

Complexity of words, which can include:

Syllable length

Likelihood to be used in casual conversation - a character can be very smart and still use very informal language.

Cultural touchpoints

Culture can include pop culture references - think Tony Stark’s nicknames for everyone, i.e. “Point Break” and “Underoos”

How in or out of sync the character is with the story’s setting with regard to both time and place - are they from a different country or era of time than their peers?

Important - Check these out if you have time

How likely the character is to speak their mind vs. change the subject - this could be for any number of reasons, from fear to duplicity

Amount they say / Introvertedness / how reticent they are - This is somewhat related to the above point, but not necessarily, and should be researched from different angles. Subverting a topic is not the same thing as being afraid to talk about it.

Different ways of speaking with different characters - this could be a function of story (i.e. how a character who is captured speaks to their captors as opposed to friends) as well as pure Code Switching

Deep cuts - Advanced aspects of speech

Fluency in the language they are speaking

Accents - You do not have to write a character in an accent, i.e. spell the words differently to show the accent, if you don’t want to. It really depends on the piece (usually how light hearted or humorous you want it to be) whether you do or not.

Okay, this is all well and good, you say. But HOW do I incorporate this into my writing?

Dialogue analysis exercise

Find five (or more, but at least five) representative lines from your character’s canon dialogue.

If they don’t speak, don’t have five lines, do the best you can. (I imagine other forms of communications can probably also be analyzed in this way, but I’m gonna focus on dialogue for now.)

These are going to be your key phrases. They need to be from canon and they need to be words that really show off who your character is.

Say the words out loud. Read them again and again. What do they sound / feel like?

What is the average syllable length? How many long words do they use?

Do any words jump out at you as archaic? What about modern pop culture references?

What is a different way they could have said this? Write some alternate versions of this phrase and figure out WHY the character didn’t say it this way instead. What is the difference between the canon dialogue and the alternative? Try to be as specific as possible. It’s as important to know what they wouldn’t say as what they would.

Look up any of the more complex words and find some similar ones, with a similar level of complexity. Use a thesaurus you trust and possibly also Wordnik. If your character doesn’t use ANY complex words, reflect on that. Why? What’s their reason? How does that fit with the rest of their personality?

Think of some other characters from other pop culture pieces who speak in a similar way. It doesn’t have to be 100% the same, but if it can help your ear get used to some new-but-different phrases, it’s enough. You’re training your brain to speak like the character. Start to sort phrases they would say from ones they wouldn’t. How do these two characters differ?

Now that you have worked thoroughly through your key phrases, start to imagine these lines said in something other than the original context. What if they were said to a different character? WOULD they even be said? What would change? What would happen if your character was scared / hurt / overjoyed / sick?

Finally, after all that, write some NEW dialogue for your character, either as practice, or right into your fic draft. Keep using your key phrases as a guide and go back to canon as much as you need to! You can do this!

After all of this, you should feel significantly more confident in writing that existing character into your story. Huzzah!

If you found this at all helpful, reblog and / or leave me a note. I’m curious to hear what you think.

[nat111love]

Lucy Liu as O-REN ISHII

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003) dir. Quentin Tarantino

[whumpster-fire]

We've had Eldritch Horror Jolene and "The singer is in love with Jolene" but I just saw this youtube comment suggesting Jolene is a personification of death and I'm absolutely floored by it.

Like holy shit. "Flaming locks of auburn hair" just being literally flames, "Emerald eyes" being an unearthly green glow. The "ivory skin" line referring to the paleness of bloodless skin or even bleached bone, and yet Jolene is still spoken of as having haunting, enticing beauty, like a sort of angelic figure. The husband "talking about her in his sleep" meaning he's delirious with fever and keeps talking like he knows he's going to die. Of course the narrator can't compete with, or do anything about, a literal force of nature.

[whumpster-fire]

#music#reminds me of that one death image where she 'knew your dad well' and was an anti-war ad

actually YKW in honor of this, I'm going one further: what if the husband isn't sick, he's a soldier who just got sent off to war, and Jolene is not only a personification of death but a Valkyrie-like figure. The singer is not only begging Jolene, as a personification of the fortunes of war, not to take her husband but praying for her husband to remember that he has loved ones at home waiting for him and not succumb to the temptation of glory and "heroism" and self-sacrifice represented by Jolene's beauty.

[whereserpentswalk]

I love how tumblr can take a normal love song and turn it into something from out of the Iliad.

[ampervadasz]

Unmute !

[rumplefuckingstiltzkin]

POV: You are Simba

[drtanner]

Love it when you can see the impending disaster before it hits, lol.

[ceekari]

you know the camera is going down, so you’re just guessing which dog it’s gonna be

until suddenly you know

[niteshade925]

Chinese History Timeline

There won't be a post this week (sorry, am finishing up a commission atm, should be done soon though), but I did make this Chinese history timeline in advance:

I realized that some dynasty names could be mixed up due to their pinyin being very similar (ex: Qin and Qing dynasty) and some time periods might be confusing because too many things were happening at once, so I thought it would be nice to give a timeline, and everyone could refer to it if needed.

(this timeline is translated from a nice visual I found online)