This goes for assholes, too, guys. I know a couple who went tubing once, and they had to re-air their tubes, but the guy thought it would be funny to stick the tip of the air compressor up to her bikini trunks, the air ruptured something inside her and she died within thirty minutes.
Reblogging with a link because I thought this was a legit joke. Never heard it before. Like I knew you could kill a person by inserting air into a vein but still.
As a general rule of thumb, do not push air into any bodily orifice, regardless of gender. It never ends well. Air compressors and the human body do NOT mix.
Nanami Kento is a very serious man. He was serious in his job as a salaryman was serious in the four years he did it full time. He is serious about his wife and his daughter and son on the way. Now though, he has more pressure as a jujutsu sorcerer and teacher at Jujutsu high. He doesn't get to spend as much time as he would like with, you, his heavily pregnant wife and two year old daughter Kurotori. He has a picture on his desk from when you moved to your new country home in a tiny village not far from Jujutsu High. He looked forward to coming home to his girls every day.
After leaving the school after another draining day, he was excited when he saw Kuro in the window waiting on him. As soon as he parked and got out of his car Kuro took off towards him, screaming at the top of her lungs "papa home! papa home! papa home!" Ken dropped his briefcase and immediately picked her up and smothered her in kisses causing her to giggle at the feeling of his stubble tickling her.
He was a man who loved his routine. He loved parking his car and picking up his daughter who always ran outside to be the first to greet him before you could. She was a daddy's girl through and through. He loved you though, just as much. He loved you waiting for him at the door with a kiss and when your daughter would push you away cause "das my papa mama!" and you can't kiss him until he Ken tickles her and calls her a brat(playfully) for not letting you kiss him. Dinner changes every other day depending on leftovers. He always looked forward to eating the delicious food you made, and getting your daughter stripped and in her high chair ready to make a mess with whatever it was.
Most parents find being with their child and doing little tasks tedious and annoying. But not him. He loves being home early enough to spend time with Kuro before she goes to bed. He does bath time every night, unless he has to work late (which is very rarely does, that was his one rule when going back to sorcery). He enjoys rolling up his sleeves and playing with the bubbles and bath toys and spending as much time as he can with these little moments. Both of you have to get Kuro ready for bed. One of you does the diaper and the other gets her dressed. Then, her night time routine. Her cup of milk and snuggled in her big girl bed between you and Ken and one of the many books she has. Her favorite series is Skippyjon Jones, so those books are read over and over again, but Ken doesn't care. He loves seeing the way her eyes light up at the silly cat and the very cute way she repeats certain words and phrases like a parrot.
After getting her to bed, it's big people time. This is the time where you both clean up and put away dinner and do the dishes. Soft music playing in the background and glasses of wine for the bu both of you. After the dishes are done the two of you dance in the dim light of the kitchen having a moment to be with each other in a way that isn't sexual. After cleaning up, you two head to the bath or shower with soothing lavender candles. Most of the time it leads to passionate love making, neither of you in a rush and just being together in the moment. Your night time routine is pretty much intertwined, you do yours and his skincare, brush your teeth, rub lotion on each other, Ken is always the one to rub your baby bump with lotion, he talks to it and tries to feel the baby kicking. Massages are a must, his shoulders kill him and your lower back and hips is typically what kills you with the baby on the way.
He loves his routine and wouldn't change it for a thing. So when his routine gets interrupted by whatever the case may be pissed is an understatement. Not at you or Kuro, never at you two. Working late is usually what pisses him off to no end. But this time it was important. Curses everywhere, wiping out all the sorcerers. He knew you and Kuro would be safe away from the city thank God. There was so much damage to the city and the innocent people by the major attack. He was hurt badly, so even though he knew you were up waiting for him he stayed at the school and got his wounds tended to before coming home.
"Mr. Nanami? Mr. Nanami?" He was confused, at first he thought it was your voice but you never called him that. It was a mans voice. All of a sudden everything isn't blurry anymore. The police tape on his front door, red and blue lights illuminating everything. Including the three bodies under sheets being put back into the coroner vans. He was sitting in the back of an ambulance with a shock blanket, barely registering that an officer was telling him he would have to identify the bodies.
"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today..." Ken zoned out after that. He was sitting in the front pew of the church with all the staff from Jujutsu High. All he could focus on was the three pictures. You, Kuro, and your baby boy who didn't have time to live. He knew that your daughter would've wanted pink and glittery, so he fulfilled her request. Matte black for you and a powder blue matte for your son. He knew how much his girls loved flowers so he spared no expense and the whole church was an array of flowers in different colors and species even if it wasn't the right season.
Empty. That doesn't even describe it. There is nothing to describe the hole that is his heart. He has tried to go on about his routine as best he can. But the ultimate interruption has driven him mad. He has no more tears to cry. He sleeps with your clothes and Kuro's favorite blanket and stuffed teddy bear because it smells like you both still. He goes to work and stares at that picture on his desk. He goes through the motions of his daily routine.
Sitting at his desk, he was watching your wedding video. One thing you said in your vows stuck out to him though.
"I found you in this life, and I promise to find you in every other life after this one." Both of you were crying and looking absolutely stunning in your dress and his suit.
In another life. You said you would find him. He said he would find you. So it's okay that he wants to leave so much to be with you and his kids. He has thought about it a lot since that day. It is so tempting. He hasn't been eating as much. Again, it's his planning period, so he is alone in the classroom. He planned it all out. Something quick and painless, he would simply go to sleep in his chair.
The needle in his neck hurt like hell, so did the liquid going in. He leaned back in his chair and got comfortable staring at the ceiling. His vision started going blurry before he saw everything clear as day. It was his normal routine. He got out of the car in the driveway, Kuro was running to greet him after seeing him in the window. He picked her up and smothered her in kisses. He saw you, standing on the porch holding your new son waiting to give him his kiss.
In another life, you and your children were brutally murdered by curses. This life though, this life is perfect and he wouldn't change a damn thing.
I see that you are accepting requests so I would love to request a 7 minute in heaven scenario with all the dorm leaders plus Lilia. You can make it fluffy/suggestive and if you wanted to do an 18+ continuation. You can if you want to. Thank you
7 minutes too little
For the sake of keeping it gn as possible I will refer to the reader as Yuu and you
Some you're dating them some you're not
⚠️some NSFW content, mentions of male genitalia, some strong language⚠️
Riddle Rosehearts
Riddle is already uncomfortable being at a party with the rest of the heartslabyul. Cater had the idea to play 7 minutes in heaven. Trey collected all the names and Riddle being the dorm leader pulled out two names. He got a little pissed off when he read it was You. he begrudgingly unfolded the other paper and let out a surprised yelp when he read his name.
I'm not gonna name names, but Cater charmed the fake papers to only say Riddle and Yuu.
I can feel the heat radiating off Riddle's nervous body as you two walked into the closet. Now this can go multiple ways. All of them involve him being in love with you.
So, if you return his feelings and haven't made them obvious, like me. I would be just as nervous as him and be awkward.
But if you are the opposite and constantly flirt with him, you might make the first move.
kabedon him. Or don't. I would. his face would be funny.
I don't think Riddle would last the full 7 minutes.
He would probably get a boner and a nosebleed just from kissing you.
He would be too embarrassed after time is up and cover his boner with his cape and quickly walk out of the room.
This is when you slip Cater and Trey their 20 Thaumarks each for helping you make a move on Riddle.
Leona Kingscholar
Smug mfer.
There was literally only five of you. Leona, Ruggie, Jack, and Rook.
Leona didn't even read the name on the paper before he threw you over his shoulder and took you out of the common room leaving grossed out jack and Ruggie and a smirking Rook.
I hope to God that Leona knows a silencing charm like in Harry Potter.
Let's go with Beastmen have heat/mating cycles. and lets say leona had just started his the day you were all hanging out. Beastmen get time off from classes for their heat cycles, so their partners do too. So for the next week you are Leona's prey and I wish you luck. All you wanted to do was play a game of 7 minutes in heaven, not 7 days of rough sex (that was followed up by soft aftercare cause Leona is soft for you)
Azul Ashengrotto
Okay so you weren't actually playing 7 minutes in heaven. You were actually on your way to see Azul to work on a project. Floyd just so happens to scream really loud that Azul likes you and says that you should kiss and barricades you two in his office.
Azul wants to hide in his octopot. He is bright red.
He desperately tries to avoid looking at you as he tries to focus on the project you two are supposed to do.
Me personally I would wait until he thinks I forgot about what Floyd did then I would attack. A single kiss on the cheek then back to work like nothing.
"Are ya kissin em' Azul!?" Floyd yelled loud enough for the whole restaurant to hear which made him even more embarrassed.
The best you would get from him if he didn't have a heart attack would be a kiss on the hand before you leave.
If you made a move you could kiss him and he wouldn't complain.
Kalim Al-Asim
Kalim has no filter. So you might be playing 7 in heaven but there wouldn't be time for a closet before you could see big hearts in his eyes and gasping before immediately kissing you even if everyone was complaining.
He is super excited and he sits next to you after kissing you and holds your hand the entire time.
no joke there is no need for 7 in heaven. All you have to do is ask this sweet boy for a kiss or hug and he'll give it to you.
Vil Schoenheit
Bold of you to assume he would stoop to the level of childish games such as that. No no. He would never, especially if it would ruin his makeup or disrupt his necessary sleep.
No. He will not play. He only uses smudge proof makeup and so he will give you a kiss. A single kiss. Not only does he respect you not to go overboard with PDA but he also has an image to keep up.
So don't ask him to play that stupid game, just ask for a kiss little sweet potato (his words, not mine)
He doesn't ever leave his room, he would rather be caught dead than in a situation where this game would be played.
However, you would make your Thems (Sims) characters play this game which would still make his heart melt. I mean, he would call you a cringey normie but still. He absolutely thinks it's cute. He would record it and watch it over and over and over again. He won't tell you that though. (Ortho would sow you the video and Idia watching it)
Malleus Draconia
What is this heaven and why do you have to go in a closet to get there?
Poor baby is so confused. If you want him to kiss you why do you have to go to a different realm to do it?
I think Lilia would put you two up to it, not necessarily playing the game as Malleus wouldn't understand the concept. Probably like Floyd he locked you guys in a room in Diasomnia. He would be polite about it and ask to kiss you. Straight up no shame.
He wouldn't make out with you like a horny teen. All kisses would be romantic. However, he would absolutely tangle his fingers in your hair or put his hand on the back of your neck not letting you get away from the kiss.
He would not have sex with you in a stuffy closet if it escalated to that. That is for peasants. He's gonna treat you right with his incredibly soft bed and incredible love making. Also literally the king of aftercare. Any pain you have is taken away when he gives you a potion.
Lilia Vanrouge
you would literally just be walking down the hall and Lilia would appear and drag you into a closet
Cheeky mf
Literally would make a huge show of setting his timer. Actually it's an hourglass cause he's old. 🙃
He would take his time rolling up his sleeves like he's about to cook that nasty wonderful cooking he always does.
He would draw everything out to tease you saying shit like 'Oh I'm not as young as I used to be I don't know how to kiss anyone' like he didn't make out with you before class Spiderman style???
Anyways, after he makes this grand show he finally gets ready to kiss you.
He puts his hands on your cheeks, looking into your eyes all sweetly. He teases a bit by looking down to your lips and back to your eyes. He asks if he can kiss you, such a gentleman. You close your eyes and prepare for a kiss. You feel his breath on your skin.
Just as you expect to feel his soft lips against yours
.........
YOU FEEL HIS TONGUE ON YOUR CHEEK!!!!!!!
Then you hear his little keehee tee laughter before he disappears and leaves you in the closet.
A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)
C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)
D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)
E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)
G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)
H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)
I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)
J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)
K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)
L = Little ones (How are they around children?)
M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)
N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)
O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)
P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)
Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)
R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)
S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)
T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)
U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)
V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)
W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)
X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)
Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)
To help keep things separate and easier for me, if you would like to request headcanons please put the number/s and which part of the headcanon prompts you are wanting from. Or any scenarios you would like
izzy806
snowghoul
baratheonpilled
dededos
annaxmalina
discoholicmusic
