River Mae

Trans-femme Non-binary | They/Them, She/Her Coming back to my old Tumblr account with hopes to find the authentic feel of how the Internet once was.

[shade37]

I used to think the worst period of my life was the time that I had no desire.

I learn now that it's even worse to have Desire but no Hope...

[thekidsfromyestergay]

This was on a post about how it's ignorant and privileged to wear headphones in public and I fear its already become a part of my vocabulary. Must everything harbor a moral failure.

[shade37]

How can I tell everyone with so much confidence that I'm doing better, and truly believe it myself, but can't seem to get through the night without thoughts of the abyss?

[shade37]

---...---The dissonance deepens---...---

[shade37]

[shade37]

TW: Self Harm implied

The cups been empty for quite a while now so I'm cutting myself open to still try to get what liquid I can to pour.

[lunius-art]

H2O just add water but it's 40 year old office worker Dave

[hanpancakes]

I just want Dave to feel appreciated…. 🥺

[shade37]

I just found out that I have the opportunity to land a role with a queer community outreach program that I'm heavily involved with and may lead into one of the career paths I've long been interested in. Only problem: I have an interview tomorrow to work for another nonprofit close to my heart under one of my closest friends doing the old line of work I used to do and have found myself missing.

I know they say when one door closes, another opens, but I've never been prepared on how to navigate the hallway of life... I'm so torn on what to do unfortunately.

Genuinely, if anyone has advice I will gladly hear it out!

[hajohinta]

[evergreen-hills]

nooooo theyre scrunching him,,

[shade37]

What if we were eating the same van and had a little smooch in the middle? (⁠〃ﾟ⁠3ﾟ⁠〃⁠)

[shade37]

My name change is official!!!

The court order came back and now it's time to start the grind of letting every single other entity know! Yay? 😅😁

[shade37]

Chronicles of My Unholy Existence : The Child

I can't keep being the worlds therapist

Nor their emotional scapegoat as they please

I'm sorry my suffering is your tragedy

Sorry I had the courage to be... Me.

A baby boy, not quite good enough

A caring daughter not worthy of love

The prodigal son, returned home at last

Not for penance, but feelings of vengeance

So burry your son, burry him deep

And suffer not, my love to keep

Because I'm a daughter of the world

(As I am certainly not yours)

Because you've sown your hatred

And now it's yours to reap

[shade37]

CW: Hate Speech, Religion, Body Image, SA terms

Chronicles of My Unholy Existence : Perception

Oh no, they're glaring at me

Is it because I've no right to be,

Me?

-

Have they clocked me;

Seen through my facade?

Or because loving my wife;

Angers their God?

-

Is it because of my weight?

You know "good" girls aren't fat

Is it my confidence?

"You shouldn't wear that!"

-

Is it the combo of things;

Would they be okay with just one?

I want to go home now,

This is no longer fun.

-

My existence!

My persistence!

Is an abomination,

To this "great" nation!

-

I'm a rapist,  a fatass, a faggot, a whore!

Whatever it is, it's something they can't ignore...

-

They're glaring at me,

Should I go run and hide

Can something just calm,

This turmoil inside-

My heart...

-

Oh, the Mets just lost,

Along with the bets they had placed.

They had zoned out for a bit,

And they just have a sharp face

-

Their food just came out,

And it doesn't look right.

Whatever it is,

I won't have to fight

-

But watchful I'll be, and vigilant I stay

Just to make sure, I live another day.

[puppygirllaika]

It's actually so fucking weird that your identity is absolute these days. like, it's been normalized to the point we don't think of it much, but until a hundred years ago, hell even less, you could just kinda. go somewhere else, and be a new person. and that's not a thing anymore.

[secretearthworm]

Yk this is fully untrue right? You can fully still do this if you're willing to change and let go of everything at literally any moment you want

[puppygirllaika]

since a good few people now have said this i want to be clear: you can move to a new town still and change socially, but like. the government still knows who you are. so do tons of corporations. your identity follows you.

[puppygirllaika]

13 hours later and the parade of stupid comments like this has not stopped =_=

[ratbastard69420]

a guy named Rusty cage did a video on how it's impossible to leave your identity behind unless you become a eunuch

[ratbastard69420]

fuck hermit I meant hermit

[puppygirllaika]

Identity is stored in the balls.

[boybeetles]

Someone in Glasgow please go see this for me pls. I will be there in spirit 🙏

[tinyglowingsharks]

Brief report from the flute accompaniment:

It went well! At least 100 people attended, families dogs a solid portion of Glasgow's trans community. There was a really lovely atmosphere, nice weather and a very cheerful celebratory vibe.

After short speeches from the ballhaver and the large dyke (my wife), the ballhaver was given a chupa chup and blindfolded (execution style). The balls were then duly kicked; it made a surprisingly loud dull thumping sound. She fell to the ground to loud cheers and there was a moment of silence while Taps played on the flute. The large dyke wore solovair urban hikers.

[butch-bear-arcadia]

Account from the Large Dyke.

Arrived early to find the crowd already gathering, so the kick got off to a prompt start. Following some introductions from everybody and some cheery folk music from our flautist (my wife!) we got on with the kick.

I think we got good contact, the top of my boot making a good solid noise on impact. Very good atmosphere all round, people stayed to chat for a while. Were it not January it would have been an excellent opportunity for a picnic.

10/10 queer event, would happily kick anybody in the balls in the name of community.

[noisepuppy]

Account from the ball haver

7am: the pressure is getting to me; I wake up and drink half a bottle of diet iron bru from my bedside table; roll out of bed, and psych myself up in the mirror - "you can do this my little pogchamp" I say to myself over and over until I decend into a stupor.

8am: I play an hour of Okami on steam to replenish my chi levels

9am: I look at my balls for a while

10am: I spend 20 or so minutes trying to decide what to wear before realising it's the subartic in midwinter and I'm going to have to dress for -2C° regardless of what I choose and opt of my trusty black Schott thermal padded winter flight jacket and a pair of loose, warm Uniqlo trousers to give my testicles room to breathe.

11am: crashing out, texting my friends to arange a substitute kickee, an understudy, anybody so I can just become one with the crowd and not go through with it

12am: the homies have arrived, I'm drinking redbush tea in a small cafe by the park; god is in his heaven and all is right with the world

12.15: "you must be here to watch me get kicked in the balls?"

12.40: a circle emerges, from within the circle a palpable energy focuses like a lens down unto me and I feel like I'm gonna pee my pants a little

12.50: cheers begin, several complete families with dogs arrive - more friends appear and assort themselves into a gathering of 'real heads' ready to watch my groin be dessicated by the firm lace of a women for woman woman with a foot loosed through the gates of war as Augustus saw fit the dispatch and return of his troops from far corners through the blessings of Janus.

12.55: I think I left the stove on

1pm: Short introductions are made, grace is shown, music accompanies the gathering

1.03pm: what is left of my dignity disappears up my inguinal canal; I can feel it more in my lower chest than I can in my groin but the humour and adrenaline lift me and I'm laughing on my feet again soon. I kneel for the last post.

[spaceshipsandpurpledrank]

[stele3]

ANOTHER cis guy with the power to joke about trans-ness.

[wagnetic]

#an innovative new twist on healing cock?

[pyupa]

fuck my stupid fungus life

[porterr-robinson]

[nightmare-grass]

Why is this the funniest thing I’ve ever seen

[wasdplz]

can’t remember if i’ve reblogged this before but i stumbled across it again at 9pm and am sitting here cryIN G, SO