The Life Of Kimi

Fan fiction writer, she/they pronouns, a lover of sweets.

[bambicoded]

with how deeply physical their bond is, i don't think that hollanov ever bothered to develop a safeword. i do think, though, that they developed-- by accident!-- a physical system to tell each other how they are feeling. and it definitely bleeds into their life outside the bedroom, and it's definitely subconscious at this point, and it definitely makes it into the locker room and onto the ice by the time they're both in ottawa.

which means maybe the centaurs have picked up on the fact that hey, sometimes when shane wants ilya to stop doing something, he taps his arm twice. or if ilya wants shane to move one way, he taps him three times. or if he just wants his attention, its a squeeze. which is all relatively normal, and they probably think its cute that they have an unspoken language for communicating with one another.

and then maybe-- by accident!-- it starts taking root as a thing, and then mindlessly troy or wyatt or bood accidentally double pats shane's arm to get him to stop talking to ilya for a moment, and shane thinks for a moment, that was a weird coincidence, and moves on. but then it happens again, and then maybe luca squeezes his arm to get his attention and then bood taps him three times to get him to move aside so he can walk past and shane feels himself flush to the ears and catches ilya's eyes across the room and ilya definitely noticed that too. so now what? they can't full well ask them to stop without saying, hey, so this was a sex thing. but it'd be weird to let it continue... right?

[ill-gotten-gaines]

Ilya is not allowed to go on Call Her Daddy. It doesn't matter how much he begs and cajoles, and promises to be good, Yuna has put that particular interview on the "Hard No" list at least until they're retired. 

To be honest, Ilya gets it. He doesn't think that any amount of media training could keep him from going fully off the rails if given the chance to talk about how much he loves Shane, how good his cock tastes, how he made Shane cum hands free the first time he was ever inside him. And the thought of literally any of that being chirped back at them on the ice like it's bad or filthy or shameful? No. Not happening. 

So Ilya pouts but understands, and gets over it. That is, until Shane accepts the invitation. Then there are hissy fits and overdramatic shouting matches with zero heat behind them ("Yuna, what the fuck? Why can Shane talk about our filthy sex life?" "Because he blushes when he says the word 'sex', Ilya. And because he's never made a face fucking joke in front of me.") and just so much sulking. 

Yuna knows it's a risk, and there's no way in hell she's going to be there for the taping. But she also knows that Shane's Golden Boy image was shattered to pieces with a single grainy video of him. 

Now is a chance to start over. They've had long conversations about this - conversations over wine, and walks, and in therapy. This being a "rebuilding period" for Shane's reputation, yes, but also for his agency over his own image. And if him going on a podcast to talk about why his knees are perpetually bruised during the summer will give him a sense of control over his life, then this is the penance Yuna will pay for not listening and being in his corner sooner. This is how she will support her son.

So Shane goes on Call Her Daddy, and Ilya sits behind the camera with headphones on, pouting dramatically when Shane is looking, but really just staring with love and adoration at his husband. When Yuna asks how it went, Shane just blushes and Ilya beams and says, "He will break the internet."

And he does. Of course he does. He can't say the word sex without blushing, but it turns out Shane Hollander can employ euphamisms and imagery like a goddamn romance novelist. 

Gif Sets are instantly made of him saying things like:

"It felt like cannonballing into a cold lake: every inch of me was suddenly alive." about Ilya handing him a water bottle when they were eighteen, or;

"It was a revelation." about their first hookup, or;

"It's the only place other than hockey where my mind goes quiet." about their sex life in general.

Entire OpEds are written about Shane's quiet devastation at the end of his Metros run ("They were going to hang my jersey in the rafters. Now they burn it in the streets."). During the Metro's next game, a huge number of fans turn up in his jersey, holding signs that say "We're Sorry." 

A fan account turning his quotes into steamy romance novel covers gets over 1 million likes on the cover they made of Shane's ridiculous cologne ad photo with the words, "I spent years surviving on the minutes we could steal" written over the top.

Ilya can't get enough. He starts calling Shane his poet, his author, his cunning linguist. He buys tank tops of his favorite phrases and wears them all the time. He and Rose even wear matching ones when they're shopping in LA that say Ravenous over the grainy footage that outed them to start with. Ilya frames and hangs the paparazzi photos.  

Eventually time goes on and the internet finds something else to obsess over and Ilya forgets all about it. That is, until Shane shakes him awake at 3am, looking haunted as he says, "Ilya, Ilya I need to tell you something." 

Ilya's brain is still in Russian mode, still in fight or flight when he mumbles, "What is it?"

"The podcast, Ilya, I..." for a second Ilya thinks he's having a massively delayed panic attack about the whole thing, but then Shane says, "I. I hired someone. An author. To write the talking points."

Ilya laughs himself into an asthma attack. 

[gaygoatshane]

ilya promising children cash if they win knowing he's gonna let them win and then asking shane for money because he doesn't have his wallet. he wasn't even an annoying husband yet but he was letting shane know his potential

[russianblush]

for season two i need ilya at hockey camp being followed around on the ice by a bunch of little kids in hockey gear like a mama duck and her ducklings while shane watches send tweet

[rainbow-femme]

They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.

[shrekhollander]

Shane and Ilya´s babies are runners, they love to escape from their parents and are really energetic playful kids.

Kids: *run*

Ilya: *is always watching them, making sure they don´t get lost or hurt* The Shanelings are getting too far moya lyubov'...

Shane: *rolls his eyes and does the loon noise he makes at the cottage, when their kids hear this sound they know that they need to get back to their dads ASAP and run over them happily, Shane´s bird language is the only thing that works on them getting back.*

[angel-mistakes]

When Shane's in Boston for a game the Metros drag him out to a club where he's lovingly ambushed by Svetlana. She sort of forces her way into meeting him bc she's curious about the man who makes Ilya happier than she's seen him in a long time and-- it's Shane-fucking-Hollander. The fact she hasn't met him already is ridiculous. Plus she knows that if this is Ilya's boyfriend, she needs to become friends with him.

She gets him to dance with her where they can have a more private conversation about their mutual Russian friend, away from Shane's teammates, and get to know each other better. Shane's thankful he's not bothered by the guys for the rest of the night since they think when Svetlana drags him out of the club she's taking him home (not dropping him off at Rozanov's place). There's pictures circulating online almost immediately of Svetlana dancing with Shane Hollander at some club in Boston. Dating rumors are already floating around by the next morning before Metros vs Raiders game.

Svetlana has gotten texts from Ilya of him being a whiny baby over the fact that 1. his team thinks Shane's stolen Svetlana away from him 2. how Svetlana got to dance in a club with Shane and 3. everyone in the world now thinks that Svetlana is Shane's girlfriend. Svetlana tells Ilya to stop being such a crybaby, especially before a game. Then she gets an idea bc she's the worst best friend ever. She shows up to the game in a Shane Hollander jersey. She knows it'll annoy Ilya deeply and make Shane laugh, giving him something to tease Ilya over. Ilya cannot believe the betrayal from both of them. And there is an upside to Svetlana's stunt. Her new connection to Shane in the public eye gives Shane and Ilya a new excuse to be seen together more at the same events-- for Shane to come to Boston more for visits in the eyes of his teammates and parents. Maybe it helps them change the narrative that Svetlana introduced the famous rivals and they started getting along... possibly even becoming friends...

[sinmonger]

Hudson Williams | Best Lead Performer in a Drama Series

I didn't write a speech but I do have a little thank you list. Immediately to all the other nominees, it's just an honor to be nominated alongside you. I'm honored to be Canadian and this is fantastic.

[sweetbabyshane]

Sometimes, when they are out with the team and Shane is in the right mood, he will sip on Ilya's vodka and chase it with his ginger ale. He won't directly ask for his own drink, but Ilya is happy to share, especially when it leads to what Ilya affectionately calls 'brutally honest Shane', who will chirp their friends and call bullshit on anything they say that he disagrees with.

Some of Ilya's favorite appearances of 'brutally honest Shane' are at the Kingfisher with their team, as well as the Admirals.

---

Hunter and Vaughn both rolled their eyes at yet another classic Rozanov chirp. Shane hadn't been listening to that side of the table, as he was enjoying his conversation with Kip about the latest paintings he acquired for a gallery.

"God, Roz, you are a real piece of work. I bet you even chirp the kids at your camps," Carter said, a little too plainly to be a joke. Shane did not like that one bit.

"What? Ilya would never. He is a sweetheart with the kids," Shane countered, turning his attention and leaning into Ilya's side.

Scott huffed a laugh and nodded. "Well, that may be true, but on the ice, he’s a menace. Even you can admit that, Rook."

"Of course he is; it’s a strategy. That is the role he plays. He’s nothing like that off the ice. That's how most of us are, you know that," Shane replied firmly. He knew Ilya enjoyed the chirping when it was fair, but Shane did not like the implication of his husband being bad with children or just genuinely being a 'bad' person.

"You are the same on and off, Hollz," Carter said.

Ilya stopped himself from laughing, but Shane couldn't. He chuckled a bit and then paused before responding. "Oh, wait, you’re serious?"

The entire table went quiet, listening in on the conversation now. Scott was the one to reply. "Uh, yeah, Shane. You are the nicest guy in the league."

"I am definitely not," Shane said, not able to hide his surprise. Ilya had to tuck his face into Shane's shoulder to keep his smile at bay.

"What are you talking about? You are always composed on the ice. You are a good leader, especially for the rookies. All the stripes love you. You don't fight. I mean, you started a whole damn charity. They called you Canada's Golden Boy for a reason, Rook."

Shane rolled his eyes. He appreciated all of Scott's kind words, but sometimes he hated that his reputation always boiled down to that, especially given the pressure of maintaining it.

"I guess that is true. Thank you, but like I said before, that is on the ice. I'm not saying I'm a bad person or anything, but I can be a real bitch. I know that."

Multiple voices called out around the table in contention, shocked by what he just said.

Shane's eyes grew wide, seeing them all react as if this were new information. He thought it was a bit obvious. "What? It’s true!"

Scott set his beer down with a loud clatter on the table. "You aren’t a bitch, Shane. What the hell are you talking about?"

Shane shrugged as he took another bolstering sip of Ilya's vodka, not even bothering to chase this one. "Not all the time, no, but I’m way meaner than Ilya. I just don't chirp you guys to your faces."

Ilya finally joined the conversation with a nod before adding, "Is true. He is like that meme. Looks like cinnamon roll but could kill you. I have been saying Shane Hollander is an asshole for many years, and no one would listen."

Everyone around the table laughed, some sporting expressions of recognition at Ilya's meme comparison. That was until Troy leaned in from his spot across the table.

"Hang on, Hollzy. What do you mean you don't chirp us to our faces?"

Shane leveled Troy with that unimpressed look some of the Centaurs have received after making subpar passing choices or shot attempts at practice.

"Barrett, you really think Ilya comes up with chirps about stats on his own? Or the ones in French? I thought you were smarter than that."

The entire table burst with laughter again, at Troy's expense this time. Kip looked especially pleased with this revelation as he said, "Oh my God, Shane, you really are a bitch. I love this for you."

[russianblush]

Best Lead Performer, Drama Series is....Hudson Williams!

[connorsbackpocket]

Ilya quickly learns the tells for when Shane gets overwhelmed in social situations and needs a few minutes in the quiet or with no other people around or a place to stim freely (and maybe aggressively) for a bit. Ilya always takes the 'blame' for them stepping out. Shane, I need a smoke and I don't want to go by myself, come outside with me. Moy lyubimyy, I can't find the bathroom, show me the way? I can never remember the name of the drink you like, come to the bar with me and order it. Ilya then takes Shane's hand and trots them off somewhere Shane can deescalate a bit, and they come back when he's ready.

And sometimes people notice that they've disappeared together when they were only supposed to be crossing the room, and that Shane looks so much more relaxed and calm than he did and if they want to assume that Ilya just got him off in the janitor's closet then hey, that's on them (and is maybe not a wrong assumption every time).

He'll take the hit if they have to leave, too. So sorry to be leaving so early but I have splitting headache. We'll catch up in a few weeks! Or sometimes, depending on the crowd, just a wink and a comment about how amazing Shane looks and it really is getting late. No one ever has to know that Shane's the one struggling.

When they're at a big press event, Ilya will even wear earplugs so Shane isn't the only one and he will respond to any questions asked on the matter with hearing loss affects over 50% of Canadian adults. We are just taking a stand. Or he will wear some kind of jangly bracelet that Shane can mess with while they're holding hands, or he'll wear one of those spinny rings. Ilya will stuff his pockets with really strong mints and sour hard candies so that if Shane needs some kind of sensory jolt and they can't duck out at that moment, he can have something to ground with for a minute.

[novelconcepts]

Hey, man, c'mere. Listen. Get in real close, this is important.

You're gonna make stuff again. You're gonna make stuff you're proud of. You're gonna make stuff you're excited to share. You're going to feel that overwhelming drive to create, not just the frantic I want to want to you're stuck in now. You're going to have awesome ideas, and you're going to make them into reality. You're going to create again. You're still an artist. You're still a writer. You're still home to the same passion you had before. You'll find it again. It's not gone. It's just resting. Let it rest. You're going to make stuff again. I promise.

[tinylilhollander]

Just imagining Ilya admitting to Shane during their first year as a couple post-cottage, that it's always been his dream to have an arcade in his house one day, because it was so rare that he was ever allowed to go to one growing up. And Shane immediately starts secretly reaching out to his contractors, asking how possible it would be to build an extension on his games room. For the rest of the year, Shane spends every free moment checking the building progress, sourcing machines, finding people to restore the ones that are a little beat up, pushing to get everything done before the season ends.

He gets to the cottage a day before Ilya's due to arrive to get all the groceries and snacks they'd need for their two weeks, but also to check the new arcade and it's absolutely perfect. He's so excited going to fetch Ilya he can barely contain himself. He thinks that he'll like it, but there's a small part of his mind that's like is it too much though?

"Excited to be going back?" Ilya asks, taking the hand Shane's been nervously drumming against the wheel. And Shane can't even really speak. He just nods, and brings Ilya's hand up to his lips to kiss it.

When they get to the cottage, Ilya immediately starts dragging him off in the direction of the bedroom, and Shane digs his heels in. Ilya turns around looking concerned.

"Something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," says Shane, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. "I just have something to show you and I'm not going to be able to think about anything else until I do. Come with me."

Ilya only looks marginally less worried as Shane leads him to the games room.

"See anything new?" he asks, and Ilya dutifully looks around for anything that looks different from last time.

"You have bookshelves now," says Ilya. "I did not know we would be doing so much reading this time."

And Shane laughs and tells him to take a closer look. When Ilya approaches the bookshelf and notices the little wooden loon, Shane knows his plan will work. As soon as Ilya tries to pick it up, presumably to chirp him about it, it tips and the bookshelf springs forward on one side. Ilya turns back to Shane looking like a kid at Christmas.

"You have a secret room now? A sex dungeon? My Shane, are you planning to do wicked things to me in here for the next two weeks?"

"Just go look, asshole," Shane laughs, following Ilya into the room, heart catching when Ilya sees it for the first time.

"An arcade?" he asks, awestruck. "You have an arcade?"

"You have an arcade. Or, I mean, we have an arcade." Ilya turns to look at him. "I know you've always wanted one and I want the cottage to be yours as much as it's mine so I, uh—"

And that's all he can say for the next few minutes because suddenly he finds himself crowded against a claw game being kissed to within an inch of his life.

"You're so fucking crazy, Hollander," says Ilya when they eventually part, pressing his forehead to Shane's. "A fucking secret arcade. Thank you, lyubimyy. I don't even know how to say it. Just thank you. I love you and your big crazy heart so fucking much."

And Shane laughs and presses a small kiss to his lips.

"Happy anniversary, baby. I love you too."

[mawofthemagnetar]

What do you mean “chat” is now referring to ChatGPT and not twitch chat? What? What? What the fuck? No?

When I address chat I am speaking to a presumed Greek chorus of real human people shitposting on their lunch break, not a machine that devours lakes to covert electricity into slop.

[felixafterall]

Headcanon of the day:

Shane and Harris went to the same school and Harris saw this kid sitting alone during lunch and decided that is now my friend

Ofc they keep in contact over the years and Harris is the first Shane comes out too (after rose) and Harris is like “babes I thought we knew this”

Shane just stares at him for a while before replying “you couldn’t have let me know as well?” Then they laugh.

Harris freaks the fuck out when he hears Ilya is moving to Ottawa and Shane has to pretend that he has no fucking clue why Ilya is moving.

One day Harris invites Shane to one of the barbecues and he just says he’s bringing his old school friend named Shane. No one expects Shane fucking Hollander to show up. Not even Ilya.

Later that night Ilya is like “why didn’t you tell meeee???” Shane just turns to him with the most deadpanned expression and says “I did I talk about him regularly” and then falls asleep.

Ilya lays there staring at the ceiling for a while before he’s hit with several memories all at once the most prominent being the one where Shane tells him over the phone that one of his friends from school had pretty much gotten his dream job as media person with the centaurs. The other memories being little mentions of Harris here and there but all of them vague enough that he didn’t realize it was the same Harris

[regular-frankie-fan10]

Tim Curry is so good in Psych I want to see him playing some primadonna judge for a million more hours 😭😭 "this is the plushest most opulent robe I have ever had the pleasure of wearing". That bit where he faints dramatically 😭😭

[themoonandmyman]

I personally believe that Shane loves fishing with David but Ilya can’t imagine anything worse than sitting in a boat and waiting for hours, so he stays home with Yuna and they watch Steel Magnolias with face masks on and an entire bottle of wine each

[ilyarozanovsmouth]

It's their second summer at the cottage. They'd been there 5 days so far when Shane tentatively approaches Ilya in the kitchen.

"Hey, so, uhh...," he hesitates. Ilya raises an eyebrow. Shane hadn't seemed this nervous around him since last summer.

"Everything okay?"

"Yea. Yea, everything's great. I just, well, I know you're only here for a couple of weeks but I wondered if you'd be ok with spending some time with my parents," Shane looked away how he always did when he was nervous.

Ilya's heart melted a bit.

"I mean. You can say no. I know we don't have a lot of time just the two of us. It's just that my dad and I have a tradition. We go fishing every summer and we didn't go last year so I thought maybe-"

"Of course we can Hollander."

"Really? I mean, we don't have to if you'd rather us stay here. I know we don't get to spend a lot of time together and if you'd rather just do something else we can. I won't be upset or anyth-"

"Hollander, is fine. We will go," Ilya says. Shane grins at him and they start planning their day out fishing with David. Shane packs snacks and gear while Ilya sends him different iterations of the "women want me, fish fear me" tiktok. Shane ignores all of them.

The next day they pull up to David and Yuna's cottage midmorning. David is already outside packing a tackle box with various lures.

"Hey, boys," he greets them. They spend a few moments talking about the weather and Shane tells his dad about the new rod he had bought. Yuna pops her head out the front door, she's wearing very fancy looking silk pajamas.

"David, where did you put my foot spa," she calls. Ilya looks at Shane, confused. Shane just shrugs. David sighs.

"Come help me," he says quietly to Shane, "I think it's in the hall closet behind the Christmas stuff."

The three of them make their way into the house. Shane and David head for the hallway, leaving Yuna and Ilya standing in the living room. There was a bit of an awkward silence, they hadn't spoken all that much since last summer when they had met. So instead of saying anything, Ilya looks around and sees various chocolates, a bottle of wine, charcuterie board, a face mask kit, and a pedicure set.

Yuna sees him looking at everything and says, "fishing has always been Shane and David's thing. And you couldn't pay me enough to sit on the lake all day so I've always just had myself a little spa day when they go."

Ilya nodded and was instantly jealous. In truth, he did not want to go fishing. He had only agreed for Shane's sake. He didn't want to take him away from his family. He glanced down the hall and then back at the table.

Shane and David reemerged from the hallway then, carrying the foot spa.

"Is that all you need from us," David asked.

"I think so, thank you," Yuna replied.

"Ready to head out," David asked, turning to Shane.

"Yep," he replied, "ready Ilya?"

Ilya dutifully followed them towards the door, but glanced back one more time towards Yuna who was following them to the door.

"Boys," she said as they reached the door, "I think you two need to have some time by yourselves. Just the two of you. How about you leave Ilya here."

Shane looked a little surprised. Ilya tried his very best not to look relieved. He wanted to hug Yuna at that moment for saving him from a day of touching worms.

"Mom, I can't just leave Ilya here," Shane protested.

"What you don't trust me? Think I'll scare him away?"

"Well, no, but what's he going to do all day? If he goes back home he'll just be by himself. I can't make him do that."

"Shane, he doesn't have to go home. He can stay here."

Shane's face scrunched up in that confused look Ilya loved so much, "here?"

Yuna laughed, "yes. Here. He can have a spa day with me."

"I don't think he'd want to do your whole spa day thing, Mom."

"Oh, just because you can't relax enough to enjoy it doesn't mean he can't. Just go. He'll be fine here."

Ilya thought it was amusing how they were talking about him as if he wasn't standing right next to them. Like they were fighting over who got to hang out with him.

"I can stay," Ilya said, speaking for the first time since they arrived. "Is fine. This is for you and your dad. I can stay here, I don't mind."

Shane looked conflicted for a moment but nodded. He fished his car keys out of his pocket and handed them to Ilya, "just in case you wanted to go back home." Yuna rolled her eyes.

Once David and Shane had left, Yuna led Ilya to the couch. Where they chose their respective spots and Yuna explained that she usually watched old movies but if Ilya wanted to watch something else they could. He didn't, so they started with Sixteen Candles. They snacked on the chocolates and charcuterie while Yuna applied Ilya's face mask. She set up her foot spa and they relaxed for a while in silence other than the movie.

They started chatting a little, mostly about hockey and Shane. Ilya asked Yuna what Shane was like as a child and she told him stories of a Shane that used to run off every time they went anywhere.

"I bought a leash! I was too afraid to use it. I thought people would think we were horrible, but he just kept bolting every chance he got," she said while laughing.

Around noon, Yuna opened the wine and put on Dirty Dancing. They kept chatting about nothing in particular and more hockey. Ilya was enjoying talking to her about hockey. He was surprised by her knowledge and understanding, it rivaled Svetlana's.

When Dirty Dancing ended, she put on Steel Magnolias and grabbed another bottle of wine. By the end of it she and Ilya were more than a little Tipsy and both were sniffling messes.

And this was the Yuna and Ilya that Shane and David came back to. The movie had ended, the credits were rolling, and the two of them were sniveling and talking about how unfair it all was.

"Steel Magnolias," David said to Shane solemnly. Shane nodded.

It took some convincing to get Ilya into the car, but eventually he was situated in the passenger's seat. Shane waved goodbye to his parents on their porch and climbed in.

"Did you have fun today," he asked Ilya.

Ilya nodded enthusiastically, "so much fun. We have to do that again next year." Shane just laughed and drove them both home.