Shelbologna

she/they etsy.com/shop/MyersMotifs ✨

[effemimaniac]

sorry for the delay in responding to your message. I was walking around the house with unclear intentions

[lady-of-the-spirit]

It's fanfiction it doesn't have to be perfect it doesn't have to be accurate this is a hobby you're doing this for fun it's okay if it isn't perfect and polished you're doing it for fun [talking to myself in the mirror]

[zinjanthropusboisei]

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These pictures are killing me

[scarfanon]

There are many animals I expect to see in caves, but I can confidently say that this was not one of them.

[maneater-mela]

The elephants yearn for the mines

[sabertoothwalrus]

I love when someone is explaining instructions to a group I’m in and they look at me and it reminds them to say something about using preferred names/pronouns or that there’s vegan food options available. I go by my given name/pronouns and I’m not vegan but I’m proud that I can provide this service

[batbetbitbotbut]

[slowspinningredemption]

i was in the supermarket and a guy looked at me and calls over to his wife like "honey what are we having for dinner tonight?" and when she told him he nodded and, still staring directly at my shirt, said "i'll get some garlic bread"

my shirt:

[play-now-my-lord]

gambling with angels is easy. they can't lie but they have addictive personalities; it's easy to clean them out then make them divulge secrets about the business of heaven to call your bets. my dad used to say "hey, watch this" and summon angels to play poker with him with a sort of bone flute he inherited from his grandpa, and they'd be holding horseshit and still want to call him. i'm talking "raise on a two pair" level bad at it, but they couldn't stop trying to win. my dad taught me all the secret names of God before i was out of grade school and i would use them to curse my enemies so they came down with leprosy. you can cure leprosy these days but it still sucks, especially for a child. but they had it coming for pissing me off

[cyan-concrete]

SO I HAD A WEAPON WITH LOOTING 9000+ AND NEARLY TOOK DOWN THE SERVER

[oscilite]

I thought this was a slab of ground beef superimposed into minecraft

[daily-memory-of-touch]

You thought this was a rabbit? They thought this was a rabbit. That's fucking funny bitch, this is fucking Winnie the fucking Pooh. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck 4th of July

[greekceltic]

my cat bit me with a mouthful of water once

[prokopetz]

I love it when media fucks up the wording of the Rasputin disclaimer and ends up with shit like "any resemblance to people or locations living or dead is coincidental". I'd love to know what committing libel against a dead location would entail.

[abalidoth]

Fuck the Fiesta Mall in Mesa, AZ. I heard it ate someone once.

[probabilitydirigible]

this sea sucks shit. it doesnt even have any scrolls im sure

[prokopetz]

#Sorry what do you mean “rasputin disclaimer” (via @big-condiments-official)

For once I'm not actually doing a bit; those "any resemblance to real persons living or dead" disclaimers genuinely exist because of Rasputin.

(In brief, the 1932 MGM Studios film Rasputin and the Empress is a dramatisation of the life and times of Grigori Rasputin which is partially adapted from the personal memoirs of Felix Yusupov, one of the principal conspirators responsible for Rasputin's assassination. The film, which was heavily marketed as being based on real events, falsely claims that Rasputin fucked Yusupov's wife, Princess Irina Alexandrovna. As both Yusupov and Princess Irina were still alive at the time, they jointly sued MGM for libel – and won. This is actually, literally the reason the practice of including those disclaimers was taken up.)

[spicyhorror-deactivated20220222]

[yellow-cat]

the reason that wounds that break the skin hurt is because its always supposed to be dark inside your body and when your blood sees sunlight for the first time it gets scared. and that causes the pain. or maybe it doesnt

[liberalsarecool]

The bubble is nigh.

[ampervadasz]

[bemusedlybespectacled]

I realize this is a cast iron gate but I’m choosing to believe it’s a magic protection ritual

[princecharmingtobe]

It IS a magic protection ritual, and it summons an iron gate to protect you from intruders. 

[rando-posts]

“I cast Iron Gate!”

[diary-of-a-teenage-blacksmith]

As a blacksmith I have been called a wizard by several small kids

[treefey]

"I want my media to be historically accurate"

Cool, so you want natural fiber costumes with no/nuanced corset slander, people wearing colors, historical hairstyles, people wearing hats or headcoverings and long sleeves outside during the day, no potatoes or pumpkins in pre-columbian Europe, actors with textured skin and wrinkles, minimal makeup, consulting HEMA groups and weapons scholars for all the weapons and fight scenes, a good soundtrack that includes traditional instruments?

Oh, you mean you want 100% white people. Even in crowd scenes in port cities. There's a different word for that.

[sawed-on-shotgun]

the human body when you use it and exist in it

[innerchildabortionclinic]

also I don't think parents "these days" are uniquely terrible, I just think neglect is showing up in new ways as technology progresses. today's ipad kid would've been wandering around in a ditch alone all day and night before. parents not wanting to have to deal with children is not a new phenomenon.

[scooplery]

"it's just growing pains" -> "you're too young for that to hurt that bad" -> "you just need to get in better shape" -> "welcome to being old, everyone is in pain"