Pandemonium

Sarah

[tiktaali]

[ivytea]

requiem for vanished birdsong

[charlesoberonn]

Some of my favorite variants

[charlesoberonn]

More variants

[goaltnding]

one of my favorite moments in hockey is when there’s just equipment scattered on the ice like the players evaporated and that’s all that was left

[cogentranting]

Observed today:

Two little girls playing gently with a daddy long legs.

Girl 1: can it die?

Girl 2, in a calm happy even tone: of course. Like all living things it can and must die.

[prokopetz]

Tabletop RPG character who, when encountering any sort of systemic injustice, piously declares that in their homeland such things do not happen; eventually it's revealed that they're the sole survivor of a very localised apocalypse, and the reason their homeland does not have such things is because everybody's dead.

[shencomix]

My Fitness Coach is a Dark Wizard [Complete]

[dogcunt]

reinstalled grindr and this was thee last dm someone sent me lmfao

[oneheadtoanother]

[micro-usb-deactivated20230625]

[kushblazer666]

[casualfruit]

[the-hawks-rye]

ID 1: two tweets from “young rich and tasteless” (@year3008) reading: “mpreg fics forget abortion exists / like kill that thing patrick”.

ID 2: screenshot of 3 tumblr tags. user mytestosteroneromance said "stump?" in all caps with 6 question marks, user shephoun said "bateman?" and user redhotarsenic said "star?" with 4 question marks

[is-this-mpreg-joke-funny]

This Mpreg joke is: Funny!

It is less so a joke about mpreg, but a joke about the conventions of works fetishizing it.

Additionally, the joke relies on who 'Patrick' could be. Especially important is Patrick star, as starfish are not mammals and therfor cannot get pregnant.

Instead, starfish typically reproduce through releasing sex cells into the water, which can then fertilize with those of other starfish

[byelacey]

beef with the wind

[userfish]

[thatlavendergremlin]

Galaxies are yurinating...

[spotforme]

don't say it like that

[ishimarukiyotaka]

literally the worst way of ending a series is “all the survivors are happily straight married with tons and tons of babies!” 

[ishimarukiyotaka]

people still getting mad at this post i made in 2014 so I will add here. in 2026. that the point of this post isn’t “happy endings bad” its when the story’s only way to imagine a happy ending is a heterosexual nuclear family for everyone.

[foone]

I was looking at sex toys on aliexpress (like you do) and it suggested I get a 45cm (17″) Black Tourmaline Hexagonal Obelisk. I don’t think that’s a good idea

[foone]

FINALLY, WE CAN TENTACLIZE THE CLOUDS THEMSELVES! 

[foone]

and now I found the “realistic torture/execution devices for dolls” section. 

[foone]

aliexpress is seriously the best place to look at sex toys because they can’t show nudity so they have to finding other ways to show off the use of the toys.

This results in a LOT of abused food, which is always hilarious. 

[foone]

that’s not what I was searching for and frankly at this point I can’t really remember what I was searching for 

[foone]

oh baby, slide into my chrysanthemum for some novel gameplay!

[foone]

one of my favorite things is when they decide to give you the whole hard sell.

instead of just being like “hey this is a good sex toy”, they instead try to explain why you’d even need a sex toy, from first principles. and that principle is usually “your boyfriend/husband sucks”. or doesn’t, I guess. 

they always end up looking like a r/wheredidthesodago commercial for lesbianism

[foone]

so the sound of this sex toy is between a flower and a clock! 

wait, a flower? do… do flowers make sounds? 

[foone]

I’ve posted about the Hammer Sex Toy before, but it turns out it’s not alone. There’s also… 

THE WRENCH! 

[foone]

now that is a fucking slogan

[foone]

one of my favorite things is that when they’re showing off that sex toys have a bluetooth+internet thing so people can control them remotely, they always show a world map and two points labeled with city names and they’re ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE NEAR THE ACTUAL CITIES. 

[foone]

sex toy or vulcan starship? 

[foone]

OH MEHR SPIELMÖGLICHKEITEN! 

[foone]

this will give you the biggest orgasm of your life, but your mother will die. Oh well, there’s other parents.

[foone]

In the quiet night all you can hear is your rapid breathing

[foone]

found another tool! it’s scissors this time.

I’m not sure anyone of any gender really wants scissors near their genitals, so this may not be the best design

[foone]

sometimes all I can say is “what”

[foone]

is this vaporwave?

[foone]

I don’t think that’s how that works

[foone]

your strawberries will never be safe

[foone]

finally, the first robot that can eat a flan! 

[foone]

another fun trope in aliexpress sex toys: just listing off all the rooms of your house you could use it in! 

(Unlike all those terrible dildos that don’t work in the living room or kitchen)

[foone]

finally the first sex toy designed specifically for wizards! 

[mutantrenegade]

You know Jones soda cap, as a tumblr user i can actually say i think I have.

[emil]

"Peggle make phone calls" has become shorthand for "fuck it, whatever" for me but no one ever knows what im talkingabout and it's also longer (longhand?)

[emil]

peggle make phone calls