I want to be loved and explored to the same depths that I would love and explore another. I worry I may never find her, if I hadn't already. I worry that to look elsewhere would be a fool's errand, as to do so would mean leaving behind who I know and so soon, too. I worry that the reality of the lover I am with will make it impossible for us to love/know/explore each other to mutual extents. Yet I've already accepted her for her reality and have yet to learn what all that entails. I don't want to back away upon being presented challenges. There is not always certainty in love, but, there is faith, and sometimes going by faith is what gets you there in the long run. Sometimes, your faith and loyalty in them is what spells out the love you were after once the two have gone through their speed bumps, hurdles, and so on. I do not expect or demand perfection to begin with anyway. I just want to love and be loved, and I've yet to be convinced that neither loves are present. But, I've also yet to be certain that I'm right for her, and that she is right for me. I don't feel a compulsion to push away, more so to pull closer. But, if I find that attempting to get closer is just more pain then what does that tell me? At what point is the love not worth the pain? As pain is inevitable when it comes to love. Conflicted.






















