donβt know what parent of an autistic child needs to hear this but as long as theyβre not harming anyone your kidβs stimming is not a βproblem behaviourβ
in our house we have a few categories of stimming behavior.
1. the no category. this is for things that are unsafe. hurting self (head banging, scratching), hurting others, chewing on choking hazards. i know this is excluded in OPβs post, but iβm putting it on my list because if you parent an autistic child and deal with this, you have to be aware that a key to off-limits stimming is redirection. stimming satisfies an important physical and neurological need for the autistic brain, and that behavior is sensory-seeking. if you must say no, please also offer options or help redirecting to appropriate outlets for pressure, motion, rhythm, chewing, etc.
2. the shared space category. listen, i get that a lot of people are assholes about things that arenβt hurting them. thatβs not what this category is for. but we have a household with multiple autistic individuals and a work from home situation. βshared spaceβ is the code phrase we use for βplease take this stimming to a different location.β sometimes, aural stims like repetitive noises or physical stims like pacing can be legitimately distracting to other people in a room (or car!). in the case of other autistic people, it might even feel painful or mentally consuming. this category is no-judgment βplease move to another location to continue stimming this way.β itβs not bad, itβs not wrong, you arenβt being shamedβ just do your best to respect others and their needs or comfort, and leave the communal area or lower your volume.
3. the you do you category. it doesnβt matter that nobody else is doing this to feel comfortable or happyβ you arenβt hurting anyone else, you arenβt being disruptive in a space other people are using together. go for it.
and in every single category, anger has no place in redirecting a stim. not even the no category. stimming isnβt malicious, thereβs no actual moral requirement to be βless weirdβ or βlike everyone else.β even reminders like βyou arenβt the only person in this room and thatβs very loudβ donβt need anger. stims arenβt done at anyone. theyβre just the body expressing a kind of neurological hunger, and whether the answer is βenjoy that!β or βthis isnβt safe for you to eat (ie, do)β fury doesnβt help.
oh shit this is a REALLY helpful way to conceptualize stimming and competing needs.
I love this so much.
Iβve been needing this my whole life.
