König is strict with his diet. He eats high protein, lots of vegetables, and *no* sugar. He has to stay in top condition for his missions. Which is why you're surprised when you get up for a glass of water and see him shoving one of the cookies you made today in his mouth. It isn't his first one, either. He looks so guilty standing there naked in your kitchen that you just kiss his cheek and go back to bed. Neither one of you brings it up, but you start baking more and more treats every day. You claim they're gifts for friends, but you secretly keep track of which ones go missing mysteriously.
He knows there's a problem when he can't quite button that old set of tactical pants covered in rips and questionable stains that show off every inch of his... assets. He can't believe he let himself get 'fat', and you can't believe that he considers himself fat. He vows it won't happen again and works out religiously to get back into shape before his next mission.
The next holiday season, you go easy on him and only bake a few of his favorite treats, finding excuses to stumble upon him eating them late at night in your kitchen. You finally tell him that he can work off the extra calories, no guilt needed. The cheeky grin on his face is the only hint you have before he shows you exactly what kind of workout he wants. Those tac pants have never fit better.
thinking about König who DID have a partner in high-school, that partner being YOU.
Everyone bullied and teased him throughout his life, feeling so defenseless as you watched it go on until you couldn't.
You stood up for him so much, making sure that there wasn't a moment where they got away for messing with him
König felt loved and appreciated this so much, slowly building back his shattered confidence with you
Then you moved away.
Dealing with grade 13 alone as the bullying only increased by tenfold, everyone believing you left and moved away to get away from him.
But that could have been further from the truth as you cried for weeks after being moved away from him, wanting nothing more than to hug him one last time.
You thought you would never see him again.
Until you did.
Defenseless as you were held hostage by a group of terrorists who held you and a group of others captive. They were using you as a means of getting out of the country without trouble, threatening to bomb everyone there, including themselves, if they didn't get a plane in under an hour.
König was in a well hidden spot of the building, waiting to take all 6 of them out quickly and quietly without the others realizing. But then he saw a face he recognized, a face he had memorized and looked back on every single day.
You.
You were so bruised. You didn't deserve that, no. All of the stuff you did for him in the past, only to be treated with such abuse now angered him.
He couldn't wait any longer, his adrenaline and anger fueling him as he took out the group quickly and violently, insanity filling his eyes as the rest of the hostages shriveled in fear thinking they were in the hands of a new and more violent captor.
You thought so too, the mask hiding the man you've loved and missed for a decade now.
His hands bloodied before he quickly took his gloves off as the other soldiers flooded the building, saving the rest of the hostages.
You looked into his eyes, about to say thank you before you recognized those beautiful blue eyes that captivated you so many times before.
"..König?"
His eyes lit up at the fact you remembered him, a smile hidden by the contents of his mask.
"ja, mein leibling?"
You were quick to wrap your arms around his neck hugging him tightly as he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close, enjoying the warm embrace.
Rest in peace inquisitore3/Vincent.💔🕊 fly High Man.❤....
9,842 signatures are needed, let’s get there by the end of the day?
SIGH THE PETITION!!
He was only 23. He didn't deserve the way he was treated. Accused and rumours made saying he was a groomer that weren't true at all. They were only proven to be fake after he killed himself on live. No one even let him speak to defend himself. He was undoubtedly a wonderful beam of kindness and love. Sick world we live in. Rip 🙏
My personal thing, if you don’t mind me sharing <3, about König, while I know he has the potential to literally kill you without a second thought, I feel like he has a soft spot of children. Parents not so much, but he always spares the children. Now, for the bad behaved children I feel like he would give a scary talking to 👀
Because König feels very strongly about bullying, so if he heard a kid was bullying the other kid? Would come to their immediate rescue and shut the bully down harshly. For him, that’s a mercy, but he promises that if he ever hears word or sees them acting like that again he won’t be as “merciful”. But to the Victims he would console them, but also give them his harsh reality of “you have to be stronger than your enemies” and as much as he wants them to keep their innocence, he doesn’t want them to be weak either. Or worse killed.
But that’s just my little HC 😌
Anon rhis is such a good headcannon???? 🥹🥹 lemme just..,🤏🤌
No i don't mind qt all!!! 😊 If anuthing, im so glad you shqred this with me 🥰💖 bc I felt IMMEDIATELY inspired by this headcannon !!😽✨💖...
... so jere are MY headcannons for YOUR headcannon 🙈🙈⛅🌻💞💕💓✨🌼 Took me a short while to formulate my answer, so srry for the delayed reply 😿 I saw this as soon as you sent me this an i dont want u to tjink i ignored you at all:(</33
König with a soft spot for children headcannons🥺🥺
+ father König drabbles🤭
Word count: ~2022
*If you ignore my VERY angsty depiction of König's childhood, then it's totally pure fluff all around 💖✨🤗
*General headcannons for König
Writinf block is fuckinf AGONY and im in PAIN 😭😭💔💔 give me time to recover and ill powt two fully-fleshed out fanfics sometime soon 🙏🥺
Tag List ♡ @simpforkonig ♡ @abysslovesyou ♡ @puff0o0 ☆ @rustic-guitar-notes ☆ @happy-mushrooms ♡ @reyner-lee
...
König, having been bullied all of his childhood, is FIRMLY against bullying.
To see a little girl/boy being labelled an outcast is oh too familiar to him, and hits far too close to home than it should. Brings back the insecurities, the feeling of being utterly humilated, a permanent reminder of his not fitting in. Literally.
Primary school: bullied for being a beanstalk, for head hitting the door frame, for being abnormally large, a "mutant"; balls hurtled at him in dodgeball, all competing in finding out who can knock out the "freak"; knees kicked from behind and legs buckling from the attack, a stampede of legs stamping on him as he cowered on the floor, helpless, and no one caring to help, teachers observing idly nearby.
Secondary school: nose broken to "fix" his crooked features, his "ugly" face; cast aside in class photos for "ruining the picture"; people of his own age turning their heads in the other way in disgust, avoiding him like the plague.
As if his "ugliness" was contagious, and if anyone was to touch him they'd catch the disease.
Power surpassing his tormentors, yet too powerless to fight back, he endured, yet didn't overcome.
Lasting trauma changed König's own perception of self completely.
It took a long time becoming the cocky and confident commander he presents himself as. To stand up to his full height and embrace himself for who he was and is, to be self-assured, domineering, and boisterous with others irrespective of their rank. The Colonel; a hardened soldier; a strict man of discipline exerting his authority over all, not at all sympathetic towards anyone.
Deep down, he is still that young boy, vulnerable in the center of a circle of so many pointing fingers and sneering faces. All became a collective body of ridiculing smiles, of sing-song laughter, so many that he lost count.
So, personally vowing to NEVER let his future children (or any children) go through the same turmoil, he would intervene whenever he had the chance to.
For instance, perhaps König was speed-walking home one day, dufflebag slung over his shoulder as he rushed to get back to you as soon as possible after being deployed these past weeks, and maybe he was passing by a playground.
Initially focused on the goal at hand, he couldn't help but turn his head, a small smile under his mask as he felt a wave of nostalgia crash over him. Nostalgic of times before he was forced to integrate with callous society.
Smiling at the oblivious children playing together, kicking their chubby little legs on the swings, sliding down a slide and falling, squealing. All giggling with glee, so innocent.
All except one. His eyes would land on a small girl, bawling on the ground, no older than five years old.
Surrounded by three others, all pointing fingers and laughing, the ringleader making fun of the poor thing as his henchmen stomped the remainder of her sandcastle, kicking sand at her. Hands on hip, chest puffed out triumphantly.
Rubbing her puffy eyes, thick pouting lips drooping in an open-mouthed frown, chin quivering as she struggled to contain her broken sobs, she kneeled on the ground, hugging her knees to her chest.
Usually, in these types of situations, people tend to behave in two very different ways when they see something that happened to them happening before their eyes:
"Why should I help them? I went through the same thing, so it's not my problem" or "I should help! They shouldn't have to go through the same thing".
You can probably already guess under which category König falls into.
He was NOT about to actively play a passive role in ignoring the poor blubbering child, to be downright apathetic like the other adults were in their radius. No way.
Still carrying his dufflebag, imagine the horror of the little shitlings*: seeing an imposing giant 2ft+ taller than them, huge body trudging towards their little troupe; cold, icy-blue eyes half-lidded staring into their bulging ones. Glaring.
Little band of clowns would probably actually shitting themselves fr 💀
Not only does König give the brats a stern talking to (all the while they are nodding their heads with jaws on the floor, knees trembling and nearly caving in on themselves), he later makes it his due diligence to track down the parent(s) and scold them too.
"Was wird deinem Gören zu Hause beigebracht? What do you teach your brat? This behaviour is unacceptable. You have set a terrible example, Du verdammter Idiot. How dare you allow this? Bulling is wrong. Scheiße, are you listening to me? Because you should, Dummkopf. You should be ashamed. I am sure ashamed of you. I swear to Gott—"
Cue 1 hours later, he personally grounds them (the child and parents)... 🤐
...And the child goes with it? Even the adults? 😭
I mean, to be honest, I would too, if a 6'10, body-so-broad-that-it-blocked-all-sunlight-and-did-not-fit-in-the-door-frame Colonel, gesticulating wildly, projecting strongly his German-accented voice, cursing in an aggravated amalgamation of furious English and a spiteful spit of German... Yeah, I'd be pissing my pants not even gonna lie 😭
I'd imagine that the parents would be immediately saluting, images of stupidity on their faces, completely dumbfounded to have their parenting challenged and to learn that their "precious little angel(s) that can do no wrong" actually can do wrong. (sorry guys i hate toddlers with a RAGING PASSION... rant over fyi no more of me insulting shitheads🥰)
As for the sweet, weeping girl, he would crouch down to her height, gentle eyes genuine behind his menacing mask. Slowly lifting the fabric, wary of his facial deformities, his scars, he'd do his best to give her a comforting smile, wanting to make her at ease.
She was not put off by his appearance at all. If anything, she maintained eye contact — was curious yes, so with no filter whispered, "You... you have a nice smile, sir. I like your eyes.
"They're—" a loud sniff, wiping her nose with her sleeve "—they're pretty. "
Taken aback, König's eyes widened. Then, in soft whisper:
"Meine Süße, I'm so very sorry about those— those idiots..."
The girl giggled a little, dimples appearing on her tear-stained cheeks.
"And I'm so very sorry, but there will others. Other idiots," he allowed himself to smile, letting out a dry chuckle.
A tentative hand dropping to her round shoulder, squeezing it every so slightly to emphasise his words. "And you have to be strong, Mädchen. You must be strong. This world isn't a good place for angels like you."
Obviously, he didn't sugarcoat the truth. Situations like this would be unavoidable. He would make that clear.
"I do not condone violence, but—" a wink, acknowledging the irony behind his words. "—if you stick your foot out when one of those brats are walking down the corridors, surely nothing will happen, ja?"
Seeing the girl lighten up, smiling brightly, no signs anymore of crying, he ruffled her hair with a toothy grin.
Letting the veil drop down his face, he suddenly fixed his posture and gave an exaggeratedly goofy salute as he turned to head home, satisfied. All the while the girl waved at him energetically, eyes crinkling up in an adolescent's adorable smile.
On another note: I never really gave it much thought before, but... König as a father? 🥺🥺
Your headcannons unlocked a part of my brain that had been locked. 🤭✨ Needed to upgrade my König skill tree before I got to this poin. 🦸🏼♀️ Sure has been worth it, though. 🤩
Ever since he was past his teenage years, the thought of a family was something he longed for. Desired.
Maybe it's because he was taught traditional house roles in his European household, or was longing for something that was out of reach, he couldn't tell.
What he was certain about was that it was his biggest wish. His dream.
Deployed in a foreign country, his favourite past-time was fantasizing about his future with a special someone, to have a big family, and to raise his children, giving them everything good he never had, and to shield them from everything bad he had experienced.
Something in being the breadwinner of the house was so masculine to him, and coming home to so many short, out-stretched arms, so excited to be reunited with their papa clinging on to his long legs brought a tear to his eye.
And, once you two officially became a couple, he knew that he wanted to start a family with you at some point. From the moment he met your eyes, intuition assured him that you would be the right one for him.
If you're a [fertile] female, he wants nothing more than to see miniature you and him running around, sweet cherub faces and their chubby cheeks smiling at him, calling him papa, calling you mama.
Seeing your belly swell up with his baby would strangely give him a sense of pride, proud that you would both bring sacred life into the world together, and would practically worship the ground you walk on. He would want to get this right, for everything to be perfect.
He wouldn't allow you to lift a finger despite your protests, catering to your every need, caring for you in any and all ways he could:
Carrying the groceries, 3 carrier bags in each hand, serving you while simultaneously subtly making you swoon, not missing the googly eyes you made at his strength from his peripheral vision;
Doing the bed, making sure to stock up on additional soft pillows and fluffy blankets so you would rest well, removing all stress from your morning routine, and the discomfort of finding a comfortable sleeping position at night;
Insisting you eat balanced meals, preparing nutritious food that had all the nutrients you would need, the sustenance to feed you and develop a healthy baby.
The gore and guts he had witnessed in the battlefield did not compare at all to the sight of blood staining the hospital bed sheet. The look of horror in his eyes as you went into labour, death grip on his hand, knuckles turning white. He'd be hyperventilating, almost feeling the same pain you were going through 😢💔
Not to say that your agony was worth it, but seeing the beautiful blanketed bundle in your arms, you cooing at the little one, made every single horrific moment combined in his life worthwhile.
All the struggles, the hardships, the troubles; all worth it if it meant seeing you with his child.
If you're anything other ([infertile] female, male, non-binary, etc), König would get so emotional when adopting a newborn with you.
He'd be teary-eyed, unable to hide the emotions.
To think that he'd be rescuing a child, giving them a second chance and making it feel so wanted, so loved. To give it all the love he was missing, the feeling forgotten through years of bullying, abuse, and violence, and war.
He would waste no time building the nursery. Painting the walls, building the crib, buying plush blankets, stuffed teddy bears, toys that would be in no way a choking hazard.
His helicopter parent preparations aside, his dream would be to grow old with you, and be surrounded by children, grand-children, and even great-grand-children, sharing stories as the lively atmosphere was bubbling with life, with a family.
Piggy back rides would be a MUST!! 😡 Or, better yet, his infants (taking turns — dunno if three kids at once is very practical 😭) sitting on his shoulders, seeing the world from so high up. Reaching out, and their head in the clouds. Reading bed time stories, stroking their head, stood in the door way minutes after his children had fallen asleep. Keeping them safe.
A family of his own. To eventually embarrass endearingly, to squish their cheeks, and tickle their sides, play-wrestle and tease by keeping objects out of reach. His extensive research also included horrible dad jokes, which were made hilarious by their poor translations into English.
Wanting to raise his children the way his mother had raised him while she was still around, to give his children the happy childhood he hadn't had, to make school a positive journey into adulthood. He'd teach them to deal with bullies, to stand up for themselves when he never could...
...And, athough he has good intentions, the truth is that with a father like him no snot-nosed brat would ever dare to mess with the Colonel's children ☠️
...
Note: Omg you. csn tell that i got so carried away w/ this😭😭 you know rhat line where König "fantasized" about a family ?yea that was me the entire time wiritng this...💔 God i need to stop daydreamimg excessively ajd return to reality 🥲 ...
...,,jk i wont 🥰💅✨💫 good mental health??😰😰 guurrl we don't know her 💆🏼♀️💫✨🧚♀️💓
Functioning like a normal human being💔🤮🤮🤮<<<<< Making up vivid scenarios in my head💓💓 😍😍😍
*fyi, shitlings is a loose translation for "gówniaki/gówniarze", an insult you have for children in Polish (similar to the English "shithead"). Do what you will with that new knowledge. The world is your oyster with that one ig 👍
I. CANNOT FIND A FANART OF KÖNIG QND ITS RLLY IMPORTANT 😭😭😭
Theres a little girl that gives König a flower crown or a single daisy and says something like "this looks good on you mister!" and it's very adorable because König is happy and completely contrasts the girl's small delicate frame 🥺
QND I NEED IT FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES😭😭😭😭 (to be my cover for my next jeadcannons shhhhhhhhh🤫)
Can anyone PLEASE link the image + artist ??🙏🙏 Dont wwnt to repost their work witjout proper creds (if ever i do get my hands on it)😔 so i would like all their socials (because I don't have any myself aside from Tumblr, Google gives me no search results for what im looking for, and Pinterest deleted my pin so i. cant even find it myself :( )
Favourite content to watch: penguinz0, orangepeanut + True Crime, Trash Spanish reality TV💅😘, Dinner Date/Come Dine With Me
Favourite game(s): Doom Eternal, Quake II, Far Cry 3, Metro Exodus, Call of Duty Modern Warfare (2007/2009)... don't have the funds to buy the lwtest remqsters and my PS4 is 8 yrs old so im heavily relying on YouTube gameplay and clips..😞😞)
Favourite colour(s): Any shade of blue!! + Olive green, black
Favourite animal(s): Dogs AND cats!! 🐕🐈 Also think pandas🐼 are cute...👉👈🥺
Favourite food/meal + drink: Honestlt i forgor whay i like to eat 🤯 anything tbh so long qs it is cooked and edible ?? + Tomato juice 😋
Sweet? Spicy? Savoury?: Sweet! Favourite unhealthy (yet HEAVENLY honest to GOD👼) snack are Digestives/Rich Tea biscuits 💞 I could eat ¾ of a pack in one (1) sitting lmao im breakijg world records fr ☠️
Current obsession(s): MW2 (specifically König💓), Money Heist/La Casa De Papel, watching old movie classics (there's just a charm to old blockbusters rhat rlly gets to me 😭😭makes me feel nostalgic even tho i was not alive for at least 2 decades 💀💀), also watching cringe TikTok compilations 😵
Last book read: Sarah Knight — The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k
Last thing Googled: "boolets" 🤪 R.I.P to the "I need more boolets" guy on TikTok 😔💔...don't have the app and will never install it but I'm sire the guy['s ass] made an impact on all of us wordlwidw, 🙏
Relationship status: Single 😎
Fun fact about me: my legs are so fuckinf RIPPED 😭😭😭 im a *taaaaad* overweight (not obese or anything but DEFFO NOT skinny 🚫‼️) an like... my legs are just.. muscle?? im so unathletic i literally stay home most of tje time but the like two times i go our i build muscle rlly fast and have legs that are rock fucjing solid ???🗿 Guess I just inherited mt father's god-like genetics in terms of our calves and thighs 😎might need yo become a bodybuilder soon (and could pass ofd my overweight-ness as me beingon a bulk🏋🏼♀️🏋🏼♀️cant wait to become Miss Olympia !!🤭)
Feel free to add/subtract anything to your liking!! 🫶
10(actually 2) Mutuals I wanna get to know better~
Thanks for the tag @simp4konig love ya 💕
@silverefflux @deadbranch (It’s totally up to you two and if you have the time to do it💕)
Last song I listened to: Angst-Rammstein (I was working out lol)
Favorite content to watch: (The YouTube channel) Watcher (I love Shane and Ryan), Jack Reacher Series (BOTH THE TOM CRUISE MOVIES AND THE SERIES, it kinda gives me a more social Simon Riley vibes)
Favorite Games: DCS, Warthunder (More of a love-hate relationship), COD(ofc), Stardew valley…
Favorite Color: Blue, Yellow
Favorite Animals: DUCKS!
Favorite food: Honestly I am an active being so I devour most foods, I don’t have a preference. For drinks, COFFEE? I mean, I am a STEM student :(
Sweet? Spicy? Savory? : ALL. Also add in salty cuz I love pickles(are pickles savory?)
Current Obsessions: I mean you can also see it on my nickname, Call of Duty Modern warfare 2. Military men (Especially Konig😳), AVIATION (could talk about it for days), Biological sciences.
Last book I read: Wuthering Height by Emily Bronte (kinda depressing ngl)
Last Thing I googled: mouse preimplantation embryo development (Its a thing I have to research for the lab that im in, I swear I’m not a weird person 😔😔)
Relationship: Single like VERY single….
Fun fact: I started drawing, so I could put myself in romantic situations (delulu from the beginning ;)) just until I got a boyfriend which was when I was 17 and 18, and he was a bit toxic and discouraged me from drawing. He often said I was kinda bad at it. BUT I DUMPED HIS ASS 😤AND NOW IM INTO OLDER MEN
I think I caught the seasonal flu. My nose is RUNNING. like RUNNING. It’s like a waterfall at this point. EVERY TIME I SNEEZE MY CHEST HURTS. I think I wasted more paper towels than I ever used in my life span 😭😭😭 I CANT DO ANYTHING OR FOCUS ON SOMETHING. I have a marathon to run in 10 days and I’m positive I will lose progress :p. Well thanks for listening to my TED talk and take very good care. TAKE YOUR VITAMINS PEOPLE, or eat lots of fruits.
A year since that soldier had knocked on your door and told you that he was dead.
You still haven't gotten over it.
How could you?
The love your life who always managed to make you smile when times were nothing but dark.
You refused to imagine his death, to cry at random times when you missed him because you knew it would hurt him.
He would want you to smile and laugh so that is exactly what you did.
You did it for him, you always would. No matter what you had to do, you would always do it for him.
Especially now, when he had died on the battlefield without you or someone else to die with.
He died alone.
The thought always hurt you to think. To know that his last moments were filled with nothing but agony and loneliness.
It angered you that not one soldier went to bring his body back
To lift him out from the rubble and give him the damn funeral he deserves. His body was still out there somewhere. Lying under dirt, rubble, metal, and boot prints.
Like trash.
You wanted to search for him, to bring his body peace in a casket.
To be able to visit his grave and actually feel like he was there.
You never expected his body to turn up back to you.
Especially the way it did.
Strong familiar arms wrapped around you tightly as he pulled you close without second thought. His hands cupping the back of your head as he covered you with his body
His arms wrapped so tightly around you as he shook, loving you with every ounce of strength left in him.
He needed this, he waited months for this.
Your sobs choked as your cried into his shoulder, him sharing tears of joy to finally have you in his arms once more.
His lips kissed your head as he spoke in between each one of them.
"I'm here now"
A kiss
"I'm sorry, I won't leave again"
And another
"Mein Schatz"
And another
"Ich liebe Dich"
And another
"I'm here for you, forever and always, meine liebe"
You couldn't think about what the soldier was saying to you. Your love, your life, your happiness. Dead on a battlefield to save a group of soldiers' lives.
Gone, just like that.
The man who always promised he'd come back home to you, that he would never leave. But he did leave. It was selfish but you didn't care
You couldn't
Your emotions were bottled up momentarily as the soldier told you everything he did and how his death was in pure honor.
Even the soldier was struggling to find words
But not because he felt guilty.
König was alive.
He had to fake his death, meaning you had to be left clueless as to what happened and why.
The soldier hated having to see the tears of his colonel's wife as he spoke. König begged him to tell you that it was an easy death, that no pain happened and it was quick.
It would help you in the meantime
However, you had to feel the pain of not having him in your arms once more. His shoulder was only a ghost to cry on.
You had to feel the pain of not being able to comfort him and his wounds like you usually did, both emotionally and physically.
Everything would be different in your perspective.
But König would make up for it, as soon as this mission was over
Fuckin chapter name. It's good as a standalone at this point LMAO
See Chapter List
Photo from Freepik
Summary: König takes a look at Kate’s closet.
C/W: MAJOR ANGST. MAJOR PLOTLINE SKIP. Established relationship, grieving, mentions of possible death, implications of violence, one pinch of racism
A/N: Chapter works fine alone, but is wayyy beyond the current position in the plotline. Sorry about the algebraic chapter number. While I still want my story in chronological order, I am mainly writing this for my enjoyment, and my mind is incapable of forcing itself to write in order right now.
As with my prior attempts to make multi-chapters in other fandoms, I can map out the whole plot almost instantly, but the writing itself of each chapter is so difficult. Enjoy (?) this sharp, angsty left turn though.
. . .
Possibility // Lykke Li
Dominik awoke lying face up, his limbs carelessly limp on their mess of a bed. It was the same position he fell asleep in. Like a corpse—hollow, lifeless—of which was the closest thing he felt like at the moment. The first thing that flooded his consciousness was a seeping ache on one side of his head. His eyelids reluctantly fluttered half-open. A boundless blur of white manifested itself into their bedroom ceiling; the same thing he last saw before his body surrendered to slumber.
Two painfully slow days have passed. Two days of tossing and turning in an untimed cycle of crying, then not crying. Not that he had a sense of time. Or a sense of being. His stomach grumbled as hunger crawled up to his throat, but no amount of food or water could answer for his soul craving his wife’s presence. No warm shower could replicate the feeling of her skin on his.
By now, the passengers’ and crew’s loved ones would have been storming Harrier Air’s headquarters for answers. He wished he had the strength to join them. He grew sick of watching the news too—it was all that everyone could talk about. There was no further lead anyway as to the plane’s whereabouts except the video that the hijacker sent to provoke the public.
“Captain down, First Officer down…”
If the shows weren't broadcasting replays of the same information, they were spewing senseless theories and tirades directed at anyone and anything. One of them pointed at Kate being “fairly new and foreign” as a possible fault. At that point, there was nothing more that Dominik wanted to do than to fling the remote control through the screen and into the commentator’s face, but instead he chose to simply turn the TV off.
He turned his head to the side and caught sight of her closet.
Her clothes are still in there. At some point I have to clean it—
Nein. Not unless they bring her body home.
A part of him wanted to believe that she was still alive. That maybe the terrorists were just exaggerating to add to their scare tactic. Or that, by some miracle, she was able to hold out for her life until rescue reached the plane. That is, if there still was a plane. Regardless, she was gone and no one knows where, and he wasn’t shying away from the possibility—the likeliness—that she wasn’t coming home and all he had left of her was her possessions.
With a grumble, he sat up and stared at the closet, then groggily paced towards it, mentally preparing himself to look at what’s inside. His fingers shakily gripped at the door handles, and the doors of the cabinet opened with a soft creak.
Her clothes were neatly kept in rows of hangers and columns of folded fabric. He ran his hands through the row of memories.
She wore this dress on our anniversary.
These were her favorite trousers to wear in-flight.
She would wear this coat over literally anything.
His hand stopped over the sleeve of a silken blouse hung in front of him. He closed his eyes as he brought the sleeve close to his face. Faint hints of Kate’s scent and her perfume immediately crept its way into him as the fabric softly rested on his cheek and nose.
For the first time in two days, he smiled.
But it was a bitter smile as a lump grew in his throat, a mere attempt to console himself over this meager replacement for human contact. When he opened his eyes, they were watering and his heart was racing, another wave of sorrow making its way. He leafed through the clothes lined up in hangers once more, this time with urgency, then slid them aside to reveal the rest of her clothes below. At the left corner, a stack of sweaters were safely folded away.
On top of the pile was her favorite—a knitted one that they bought together in Nuremberg during the holidays, already slightly worn out from being used and washed so often. If wearing it outside was deemed embarrassing, she would proudly wear it inside the house as a substitute for a t-shirt or a pajama top.
“It’s not just a Christmas sweater!” she would insist with her classic cackling laughter.
“It has Christmas tree designs, Katie. You don’t have to wear that all the time,” he would jokingly argue back.
He took the sweater out. Then the hoodie under it. Then the next one. Bunching them up together, he clutched them close to his chest and relished the small amount of comfort he found in Kate’s scent again. The wool from her favorite sweater brushed lightly at his lips as he held the clothes near, reminding him of what it was like to embrace her.
When was the last time we hugged?
After sorrow came a wave of guilt, and the joyless expression returned on his face.
I wish I gave a more proper goodbye.
I wish I had kissed her more before I left.
I wish I knew how much our fights didn’t matter.
I wish I was a better husband.
He wanted to cry, but his tears were close to running out that all he had left were the ones clinging around his lashes. That and the silent, crushing pain that felt like his demons pressing their muddy boots onto his heart and shattering it into a million pieces.
He crashed onto the pillows again, knees weakened by the agony. He rolled over to his shoulder, still desperately holding the sweaters close. If there was something Kate helped him do, it was hacking away at the walls that he put up so there was nothing but honest emotion expressed within the walls of their home. But honesty meant vulnerability, and with her gone, he was defenseless to his own grief.
Please come home.
If you really are dead, at least haunt me right now.
No tighter embrace was enough as he squeezed the sweaters even closer towards him. His head bowed into the fabrics as he winced, pleading with his own body to cry the pain out, but no tears were coming out. But there were none left. One would know they’re in a whole other level of misery when they’re begging themselves to cry for relief. All he had to grasp onto was to imagine what she would be doing if she was with him at the moment.
She would’ve snaked an arm around him and pulled herself into a cuddle, murmuring soft words of encouragement to comfort him. Her gentle hand would trace its way up his back and rest at the back of his neck, her thumb moving back and forth behind his ear.
He placed his hand where hers would’ve been.
When he opened his eyes, her face would be inches away, looking back at him. Smiling softly, wordlessly telling him things will be better, and that it’s okay for him to be this way around her.
“Damn it, Schatzi…” she would say in a long whine, “If you’re crying, I’m crying too.”
Then, still teary-eyed, they would giggle at them being absolute softies for each other behind closed doors. He would close his eyes and pull her close too, and slowly, things would become okay again.
Where are you, Kate?
Oh, how he missed those deep brown eyes of hers. He could fall into the pools of her irises, sinking into the depths of her being until the last sliver of light bid goodbye, but he wouldn’t think he was drowning. Rather, he would happily explore the mysterious abyss of her soul in that darkness.
It’s been around three months and two days since he last saw those eyes face-to-face. If only he was granted another chance to look at them again.
It’s been two days since the hijacking. There was still no sign of the plane. Its fuel could only last for so long. There were only two possibilities: that it landed somewhere undetected by radar and its navigational equipment tampered, or that it fell before it made its way to land. Dominik was afraid he knew which was more plausible.
If the plane crashed, I hope that she was unconscious or dead as it happened.
The thought of her suffering the way she did delivered the final blow to his chest as tears finally poured out again in sobs.
She didn’t have to suffer.
He knew that between the both of them, he was the one built to withstand that kind of torture. Not her. She didn’t deserve any of it. His hands clutched even more tightly at the sweaters as he cried out in torment, his mind calling out for her despite those around him convinced that she was gone, and his imagination convincing him that she was right next to him on the bed.
Es tut mir so Leid.
And the cycle starts again. He cried until he couldn’t cry anymore, tormenting himself to exhaustion until he fell back asleep.
. . .
Translation:
Es tut mir so Leid - I'm so sorry
For the algebra chapter number, the timeline skip, the spoiler, the PAIN, I am once again willing to receive a "SILVER WHAT THE FUCK" HAHAHAHAHHA love u all
