A/N: I'm back. Life has been so hectic and in the middle of wedding planning this has very much taken a backseat. I hope if you're still reading this, you enjoy this update. This Chapter is a continuation of the timeframe from Chapter 2. Just a small little filler chapter. Feedback is so appreciated!
THE NEXT MORNING
The sheets are warm.
That's the first thing Bria notices when she wakes up in the morning
The second thing is that she’s not alone. Nate is still asleep beside her, sprawled out on his stomach, one arm slung across her waist like he’s afraid she’ll disappear. His face is half-buried in the pillow, dark lashes casting soft shadows over his cheekbones, mouth slightly parted as he breathes deep and steady.
He looks… peaceful. Content.
Like he belongs here, tangled up in her, wrapped around her like she’s something his.
Bria swallows hard and looks away. Because that’s not what this is. Not really.
She should get up. Should slip out before he wakes, before he can look at her with those quiet, stormy eyes and make her feel things she shouldn’t feel—things she doesn’t let herself feel.
But she doesn’t move. Not yet.
Because this—the warmth of Nate's body, the safety of his bed, the way he always lets her in without question, without hesitation—this is the part Bria likes.
The part where she’s wanted. The part where someone is choosing her. Bria just… doesn’t like what comes next.
Because what comes next is always the same.
Bria's never been the girl who stays. And Nate—he’s the kind of boy who wants her to.
It's a tale as old as time. One that has been played out a million different ways with the same predictable ending.
Bria presses her lips together and carefully untangles herself from him, inching out of his hold. His fingers twitch like they don’t want to let go, but he doesn’t wake.
Good.
She rolls out of bed as quietly as she can, gathering her clothes, trying not to think too much about last night.
But the memories came anyway as she felt the dull ache between her legs. Bria couldn't deny the way her body reacted to Nate, how full she felt with him.
The way Nate's hands had held her like she was something delicate, even as he pushed her further down into the bedsheets with every thrust. The way his lips had brushed over her shoulder, slow and reverent, like he meant it, when his hips snapped deeper into her, basking in the way his name rolled off her tongue. The way Nate had looked at Bria, as he spilled deep into her, pressing his thumb to her clit to help guide her through her own climax. And afterward how he looked with his eyes heavy-lidded and aching with something she didn’t want to name.
And then, his voice, thick with sleep, barely above a whisper:
"I’m not going anywhere."
Bria swallows hard. Because of course he’s not.
Nathan MacKinnon has always been there. Always waiting. Always reaching for her first, always opening the door, always letting her take—his time, his affection, his love.
And she does take.
Bria takes and takes and takes, but she never stays.
Because if she stays, then it means something.
And if it means something, then one day it’ll break. Like it broke with her high school boyfriend, and the boyfriend after that...and the next two after that, oh and most recently Chandler.
And Bria has never been good at surviving broken things. That's why she doesn't force herself to.
Bria exhales, shaking off the weight in her chest. She doesn’t let herself hesitate, doesn’t let herself look back at the bed, at Nate, at the life he might offer if she just let him. He knew what she needed when he answered the door last night and is okay with it. If he wasn't, he wouldn't have let her in, he would break the cycle. Nate needed this just as much as Bria did. At least that is what she tells herself.
Instead, Bria pulls on her clothes from the night before, steps into her shoes, and leaves. Leaves Nathan sleeping in the bed that they had previously shared.
LATER
Bria doesn’t check her phone all morning. Not because she doesn’t want to, of course she does. Like a majority of the world, Bria's entire life is on her phone.
She hesitates on checking her phone because but because she already knows what she’ll find. Or worse—what she won’t.
But when she finally does, there’s a single text waiting for her.
Nate: Where’d you go?
Bria stares at the message, heart stuttering.
It’s not a demand.
Not an accusation.
Just a question.
A simple, quiet question from a boy who has spent years letting her break his heart.
Bria's fingers tighten around her phone.
She could tell him the truth.
Could tell him she left because she had to, because she doesn’t know how to be the person he wants her to be, because she’s selfish and scared and incapable of loving him the way he loves her.
But she doesn’t.
Instead, she types:
Bria: Didn’t wanna make it weird.
Three dots appear.
Then disappear.
Then appear again.
And when the reply finally comes, it’s just:
Nate: You didn't, B.
Bria's stomach twists.
It’s too easy. Too simple. Too… final.
Like he’s decided something. Like he’s done something. Like maybe, for the first time, Nate isn’t waiting for her anymore.
And that should be a relief. Shouldn’t it?
She tells herself it should be. That this is what she wanted—needed, even. She can’t have him waiting for her, holding space for something she can’t bring herself to name. He deserves more than that. More than her.
Still, her fingers tighten around her phone, staring down at the message one last time before she forces herself to act like it doesn’t matter. She exhales sharply, jaw clenched, and throws her phone onto the bed.
She doesn’t let herself think about it. Doesn’t let herself analyze the way his words felt too careful, too measured, like he’d already made peace with something she hadn’t realized was slipping away.
She doesn’t let herself wonder if he meant it.
Instead, she does what she’s best at.
She moves on.
Or—at least, she tries.
But then, two weeks later, she’s at some party, tipsy and reckless, and suddenly everything feels wrong. The music is too loud, the people around her too unfamiliar, and she feels untethered, adrift in a way that makes her skin itch.
And before she can stop herself, she’s in an Uber, watching streetlights blur past her window, the address she rattled off so instinctively making her pulse pound in her throat.
And then she’s there.
Standing outside his door, heart racing, stomach twisting, fingers curled into fists to keep them from shaking.
She shouldn’t be here. She knows that.
But that’s never stopped her before.
She knocks once, then again, shifting on unsteady feet as she waits. And when the door finally opens, and she sees him—sleepy and soft and just Nate—it almost undoes her.
He doesn’t ask why she’s here.
He just lets her in.
Bria tells herself it doesn’t mean anything.
Nate lets her pretend as he takes her to his bed.
And that is it continues.
The pattern. The push and pull. The taking and leaving.
Bria never staying long enough to see what could be real. Nate never asking her to.
Only now, it grows. Becomes something heavier, something quieter. The warmth between them edged with something neither of them says out loud.
Bria leaves, and Nate doesn’t ask when she’ll be back.
Bria returns after finding herself in chaos and needing comfort, and there’s something different in his eyes as he refuses to make eye contact as he pounds into her.
Something is slipping. Something she doesn’t want to name.
Because naming it means acknowledging it, and acknowledging it means facing the truth Bria has been running from for years.
But It’s late when Bria stirs against Nate after the latest episode of her finding herself drunk and at his door. She is barely awake, barely thinking. The room is quiet, the only sound his steady breathing, the warmth of his arm draped over her waist. Bria should leave. She always does.
But right now, wrapped up in him, it’s too easy to stay.
“Nate?” she whispers.
He hums, half-asleep.
Bria swallows, pushing a piece of his hair out of his eyes. “Why do you let me do this?”
There’s a pause. A long one.
Then, softer, quieter—like it’s not even meant for her to hear—he murmurs, “I’d wait for you, you know.”
Her throat tightens.
Because he would.
She doesn’t have to ask, doesn’t have to doubt. She knows, deep in her bones, that if she turned around months from now, years from now, he’d still be here.
Still hers, even if she was never really his.
She closes her eyes, leans into him. “Don’t wait for me, Nathan.”
But he just huffs out a quiet laugh, presses a lingering kiss to her temple.
Nate doesn’t make her any promises.
And maybe that’s the moment she should realize.
Maybe that’s when she should understand that he’s already stopped waiting.
Because the next time she leaves, he doesn’t ask when he’ll see her again.
And the next time she comes back, his touch is still familiar, still warm—but there’s something different in his eyes.
Something distant. Something like acceptance.
And the next time after that—there is no next time
Oh man, what can I say....we've reached the end of this series 😭. I cannot believe it's done and I truly hope you guys enjoy this final chapter with these characters !! She's a LONG one, just warning !! Writing this series has been my favorite thing ever and I'm going to miss this little fic so so much. As always enjoy and I cannot wait to hear your final thoughts 💙
“Mommy do you like my picture I make ?” Rowan looked up at Layla with a smile “It daddy, you, me, Pat Pat and Twoy”
Layla nodded with a soft smile, mostly because she was still in shock from how old he looked now. He was no longer a cuter little toddler, he was now entering his own of being a big boy and no longer needing her as much
“It’s beautiful, thank you” she kissed his cheek
“Mommy can you sleep with me in my bed tonight ?” he suddenly asked
“Okay” she nodded “May I ask why ?”
“You give the best cuddles” he grinned hugging her leg
She bent down and picked him up “I remember when you were teeny tiny and only wanted me to carry you all the time, you never wanted me to put you down”
“I was baby and now I a big boy” Rowan nodded “But….you give me more babies….”
“You’re crazy” she tickled him “We have baby Troy”
“No mommy he not cute anymore, he animal” he made a face
Layla laughed as she walked with him to the kitchen and set him on the counter “We can’t have babies just because we need something cute”
“A baby sister….I not have one of those” Rowan shook his head
“I never did either” she said softly “Or a brother. It was just always me”
“Where your mommy and daddy…you not have them ?” he whispered
“No” she whispered “My…My mommy left when I was a little girl and my daddy…he went somewhere else so it was just always me”
It was her first time actually telling that to someone other than Sidney and never did she think the other person would be her 4 year old son. She pet his cheek as she noticed his eyes water and put on a brave face “Hey, it’s okay baby. I’m here with you, everything’s okay. I met daddy when I was in college and we made a family. I made a family with him”
“I not like that mommy” he hugged her tightly
Layla sighed and rubbed his back “Sometimes….sometimes life is just a little hard but-but what matters is that we can make it something really nice and I did that” she wiped his cheeks “I met your daddy and married him and I made you and your brothers. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me…you make me happy”
“But you don’t got a mommy or a daddy, that so sad” he sniffled
“I don’t” she whispered shaking her head
“That not bweak your heart mommy ?” Rowan asked
She shook her head again and gave him a smile “No because if not having a mommy and daddy meant that I could have my own family then that was okay. I got you and your brothers and daddy and that’s all I need.”
Unbeknown to her Sidney had come back downstairs from settling Patrick and Troy down for their naps and had heard it all, he walked to the kitchen and picked Rowan up giving him a hug, mostly because he needed the comfort
“Hi daddy” Rowan whispered hugging his neck
“Hey buddy” Sidney kissed his cheek “How about we go….we go play”
“Come on mommy” Rowan waved her over
Layla joined them in the backyard, watching as Sidney let him win god knows how many rounds of ministicks. When it got dark she stayed seated outside, watching a familiar car drove into their driveway and quickly stood up
“Sidney, who’s here ?” Layla called, but soon she came face to face with him “Are you fucking kidding me ?”
“I told him” Sidney spoke up “He needed to know, it was the right thing”
“I told you not to” Layla snapped “I can’t fucking believe you !”
“Talk to him” he said softly “Talk to him, please….you need to”
She shook her head “I can’t fucking believe you’d do this to me, I can’t believe you’d break the one boundary I made. After all that shit I told you ? I hate you.”
Sidney took it in stride and nodded “Well you can hate me and after you make peace with that part of your life”
Layla watched as he walked away and saw Nate exit his car slowly until he was feet in front of her “Get the fuck back to wherever the hell it is you came from Nathan, now. Why are you here ? Where the hell is your wife ?”
Nathan shook his head “Doesn’t matter right now”
“That’s ridiculous” Layla shook her head “Nathan, go back to your wife. We have nothing to speak about. I caused you to get upset with my bitchy nature and I got in a car accident. We lost a baby we both know we weren’t ready for and I forgot who I was and you moved on. It’s okay, that’s life, I don’t need an explanation.”
“Layla it’s me” Nathan whispered
“Exactly” she looked at him “It’s you…..do you realize what I did to Sidney ? What I did to my family ? How all because I didn’t communicate I ruined us for years. I used you Nate ! I used you and you let me !”
“Because I fell in love you” he said simply
“And that’s exactly what I didn’t want” she whispered “I did my best for that not to happen and it did, it did and it ruined everything”
Nathan shook his head “I don’t think it ruined anything at all, I’m just mad I wasn’t man enough to understand your pregnancy had you in different moods. I should’ve been patient and I should’ve stayed with you that day. It’s my biggest regret and-”
“And nothing” she looked up at him “And nothing Nathan. It’s done and it’s over and you need to go back to your life like I’m going back to mine”
“I just… needed to give you something.”
Layla’s eyes flicked to the suitcase next to him, her chest tightened immediately “What is that ?”
“Your stuff.” he said softly
“What stuff ?” she blinked
He shifted slightly, careful not to step closer as he let out a sigh “I went to see your dad.”
The words hit her like ice water and Layla went completely still “You what ?”
“He was dying at the time” Nate said quietly “Cancer. I heard he died 2 months ago though”
Her face didn’t change, not even a little, and somehow that was worse
“I found him a few months ago,” he continued carefully “I didn’t tell you because… at the time, you didn’t remember anything, and I didn’t know if it would hurt you more.”
Layla simply stared at him “You saw Keith.”
Nate nodded once and her jaw tightened slightly “And ?”
The bitterness in that single word told him everything and he exhaled slowly “He had boxes of your things. Photos, clothes, stuff from when you were younger.” he glanced down briefly “He…He sold them to me.”
Layla actually looked nauseous for a second as she shook her head “That son of a bitch sold my childhood ? Holy fuck thank god he’s in burning in hell”
The way she said it made Nate’s chest ache, “He-He asked about you,” he lied
She scoffed “Yeah that’s bullshit, you were always a bad liar Nate. You stutter when you lie and you just did that. We both know that piece of shit didn’t ask me and that’s fine. Nate, you really shouldn’t be here”
“I know.” he nodded
“Then why are you ?”
Because I couldn’t let this stay buried forever, because you deserve to know who you are….because I still love you. But instead he said,“Because there’s more I need to tell you and you need to know.”
Layla frowned slightly as Nate tightened his grip on the duffel strap “Your mom…your mom had two more kids after she left.”
“What ?” she whispered
“She died a few years ago,” he said gently “Her and her partner. Car accident.”
The room tilted slightly around her and she held onto the porch railing as she sat down on the steps “She had…she had more kids ?”
Nate nodded as he took the chance to go sit next to her “A boy and a girl.”
Layla stared at him, unable to process it “How old ?”
“Your…your brother Connor is almost 17 now and your little sister Jane is 11 now.”
Her breath caught “Oh my god”
“They’re with a family friend now, they’re not in the system anymore. They're okay. They’re healthy and living good lives” he whispered with a small grin
Complete silence took over and Layla looked like she had forgotten how to breathe, “I have siblings,” she whispered
Nate nodded again “I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“You knew this whole time ?”
“I found out after I went looking into your family.” he admitted “I wanted to find them to at least bring you something to help you and…and I saw for my own eyes what a monster your dad was and your mom…she wrote you Layla. She wrote you tons and sent you money” he reached in the bag and showed her the letters
Her eyes filled instantly as she took them and read through each one taking the cash and ripping it to shreds as she shook her head “She says sorry but never does she actually admit she fucked up, never did she genuinely try to find me and now she’s dead and she had kids ? Do they know about me ?”
“I don’t think so.” Nathan whispered
Layla pressed a hand to her mouth and somewhere upstairs, Troy started crying again faintly yet the sound barely registered in her ears. She was too busy coming to terms with everything
“I know you probably don’t want me in your life,” Nate said softly “I understand that. I’m not here to force anything.”
Before she could even say anything, Sidney appeared. He stopped immediately when he saw Nate yet Nate kept his eyes on Layla, ignoring him completely
“I brought everything because it belongs to you,” he said “Not me.”
Slowly, he crouched down and unzipped the duffel bag. Inside were boxes, photo albums, clothes and old journals. All pieces of her. Layla stared at them like they might disappear as she gently took a few things out
“And there’s one more thing.” Nate whispered as he reached into his jacket pocket
Sidney’s jaw tightened immediately from across the room, he knew it was coming and he hated it. He hated the feeling of jealousy and anger that was building up inside of him but Nate didn’t care one bit. He held out a small velvet box to Layla “This is yours”
Layla looked at it uncertainly before taking it, her fingers trembling as she opened it “Oh my God.”
“It’s back where it belongs” Nate’s voice softened
“You sold it after Sidney kicked you out and took away all your access to funds, you bought that little beach cottage with the money you got from it.” he stared Sidney down “I had a few friends on the look out and I got it back”
Layla looked up at him slowly “You bought it back ?”
He nodded “I did”
Tears finally spilled down her face, not because of him but because suddenly the past felt unbearably real again. The ring, her new siblings who didn’t know she existed, the ugly past with Sidney, her dead parents. It was all crashing into her at once.
“I’m not asking you for anything,” Nate said quietly “You can hate me. You can never speak to me again after tonight. But this stuff…these people…they’re yours. You decide what you want now.”
Layla looked down at the ring again as her hands shook. Sidney finally came down the rest of the stairs then, moving closer cautiously and protective, stopping when he saw her face
Nate got the hint and stood up “I’ll leave,” he said softly
Layla looked up quickly “Nate—”
He paused and for the first time in a long time, there was no fight left in him. No desperation, just sadness “You don’t owe me anything,” he shook his head “Or a place in your life.” the words hurt him as he said them but he continued “But you deserve the truth. All of it.”
Layla stared at him silently, “Thank you.” she whispered
Nate nodded once then turned and walked away into his car, driving off fast before he could change his or her mind
The front door had barely shut behind her before the silence changed.Layla still stood in the middle of the living room clutching the velvet ring box in one hand while the other rested shakily against the duffel bag full of pieces of her life
Sidney lingered a few feet away, watching her and upstairs, Troy’s crying had quieted again.The rest of the house slept peacefully while everything underneath it shifted.
Layla looked down at the ring again, then at the boxes “My mom had more kids,” she whispered, almost to herself
Sidney rubbed a hand over his jaw “Layla—”
“He found out not too long ago” she interrupted softly
Sidney’s chest tightened “He shouldn’t have shown up here, I fucked up. I should’ve never told him. I’m sorry”
Her eyes lifted immediately “That’s what you got from this ?”
“He came here at eleven at night after you just got your memory back ? I fucked up”
“He brought me my childhood.” she whispered
The words cut sharper than she intended and Sidney flinched slightly
Layla closed her eyes briefly, instantly regretting it “I’m sorry,” she murmured “I just… I can’t process all of this at once.”
Sidney stepped closer instinctively “You don’t have to process it alone.”
Layla set the ring box carefully onto the coffee table “I think I need space.”
The room went still and Sidney stared at her “What ?”
She wrapped her arms around herself tightly “Not forever,” she said quickly “I just—I need room to think.”
His expression hardened immediately, not angry exactly, but defensive “Because he came here ?”
“No.”
“Layla” Sidney sighed
“This isn’t about Nate,” she said firmly “I got my entire memory back a few days ago and every day since then feels like I’m waking up inside somebody else’s life. I remember loving you,” she admitted quietly “I remember hating you sometimes too. I remember us hurting each other. I remember the boys being babies and now suddenly they’re not.” tears filled her eyes again “And now I find out I have siblings who probably think nobody wants them.”
Sidney immediately stepped closer again petting her cheek “Hey, baby look at me”
She shook her head “I don’t know who I’m supposed to be right now.”
“You don’t have to figure that out tonight.” he kissed her forehead
“But I do need room to breathe,” she said softly
“Layla.”
There was panic underneath his voice now, real panic and he saw it immediately “I’m not taking the boys away from you,” she said quickly
“That’s not what I care about: Sidney scrubbed a hand down his face, trying to get control of himself “I can’t do this again,” he admitted quietly
Her brows pulled together. “Do what ?”
“Watch you pull away.” he met her eyes
The vulnerability in that hit her hard because she remembered now. She remembered how terrified he’d been after the accident. How desperate he’d become afterward to hold onto her. And before that..how terrified he’d been of losing her to Nate.
“I’m not trying to punish you.” she said softly
“I know.” Sidney nodded
“But I need to deal with things that have nothing to do with our marriage.” she admitted “Things I should’ve dealt with before we even got married
Sidney looked away briefly “That doesn’t mean I stop being your husband.”
“You keep saying things like that,” she murmured
His eyes snapped back to hers “Because it’s true.”, his expression cracked slightly “I’m trying not to lose you, I can’t handle that again Layla.”
Layla’s eyes stung, “You already lost me once,” she whispered “Before the accident. We both know that now.”
He went completely still, she was right. The memory loss had covered things temporarily. But now ? Now all the fractures were visible again. Sidney stepped closer anyway “I know we were broken,” he said quietly “I know I hurt you. I know you hurt me.” his voice roughened slightly “But I can’t go back to pretending I don’t need you.”
Layla looked down “You shouldn’t need me that much.”
“Too bad.” he smirked slightly
Despite everything, a weak breath of a laugh escaped her and Sidney’s face softened immediately at the sound “I’ll help you with your siblings,” he said quietly “If you want to find them, I’ll help.”
She leaned into him as he wrapped his arms around her “No…they’re okay” she whispered “They’re happy and have no idea I exist, I won’t shake up their lives at such an important age. I’ll let them be.”
“I’ll do whatever it is you want me to do” he nodded
“Why ?”
“Because I love you.”
Layla’s chest ached “But loving me hasn’t always been good for either of us,”
“No,” he admitted “What are you asking for ? I can make it happen”
“I think…” she took a shaky breath “I think I need space emotionally. Not another version of us pretending everything’s fixed because my memory came back.”
Sidney nodded slowly, though it clearly hurt him to do it “And physically ?”
“I’m not leaving tonight.” she shook her head “I do think I need some time just for me, maybe at my place that I still have by the beach”
Relief flashed across his face so quickly it almost hurt to witness and Layla noticed that too. She suddenly understood something she maybe should’ve understood sooner, that Sidney loved her deeply. But sometimes that love bordered on fear and fear made people hold too tightly. Sidney finally reached for her hand carefully and this time she let him take it because neither of them knew how to fully let go yet.
2 Months Later
The office was quiet in a way Layla hated lately. It wasn’t peaceful, just still enough that her thoughts got loud. She sat curled into the corner of the couch, fingers tucked into the sleeves of her sweater despite the warm afternoon, while Dr. Meyers watched her carefully from across the room
“You already know what you want,” Dr. Meyers said gently
Layla gave a tired laugh “If I knew what I wanted, I wouldn’t be here twice a week.”
“You know what you need.”
That made her go quiet, because she did. She needed space and silence. She needed distance from Sidney before she drowned in his guilt and his love and the way those two things had become tangled together so tightly she couldn’t separate them anymore
“He’s trying now,” she said after a moment “That’s what makes this so hard. If he was still terrible, it’d be easy.”
“And is he still terrible ?”
“No.” her answer came immediately “He’s a good father now. He shows up. He listens. He… loves me better than he used to.”
“But ?”
Layla stared down at her hands “But sometimes I look at him and I still feel like I did 4 years ago” her voice thinned “Lonely. Invisible. Like I’m begging someone to notice I’m drowning.”
Dr. Meyers nodded slowly “And when you feel that way, what do you usually do ?”
Layla knew what answer she wanted, men, she swallowed hard “I attach myself to whoever makes me feel safe.”
“Or seen. Your life has revolved around men for a very long time, Layla. You just didn’t realize it till now.”
The words weren’t cruel and that somehow made them hurt more.
“Your father controlled the emotional climate of the house,” Dr. Meyers continued carefully. “You learned very young that survival meant monitoring a man’s moods, keeping him calm, keeping him close, earning affection where you could and ultimately even that didn’t stop him from physically hurting you. You realized no matter what you did right, a man could hurt you.”
Layla looked away quickly, feeling the emotional punch to the gut
“And then Sidney became your center,” Dr. Meyers said “Even when he hurt you. Even when he failed you.”
Tears pricked Layla’s eyes immediately because it was true. Every version of herself somehow revolved around being wanted by someone. A daughter, a wife, a mother….an affair partner. Her stomach twisted at the last one
“Nate,” Dr. Meyers said softly, reading her expression
Layla closed her eyes, just hearing his name still did something awful to her chest
“He loved me.”, it came out broken
“Yes,” Dr. Meyers said “I think he did.”
“And I ruined his life.”
“You didn’t ruin his life.”
“I used him,” Layla whispered “I was lonely and angry and hurting and he…” her throat tightened “He loved me and I hurt him, I used him.”
“You chose familiarity,” Dr. Meyers corrected gently “There’s a difference.”
Layla wiped at her face angrily “I hate that I still think about him.”
“Why ?”
“Because it makes me feel disloyal.” she whispered
“To who?”
She opened her mouth and stopped because she didn’t actually know anymore. To Sidney ? To her marriage ? or to the version of herself trying desperately to be a good person ?
Dr. Meyers leaned forward slightly “I’m going to say something important, and I need you to really hear it.”
Layla nodded faintly “okay”
“You do not need to choose between Sidney and Nate right now.”
She blinked “I…I don’t know what you mean”
“In fact,” Dr. Meyers continued, “I think choosing either man before you learn who you are without one would be a mistake.You are allowed to be alone, you are allowed to build a life that does not orbit a man’s approval, love, or presence.”
Layla let out a shaky breath and nodded “O-Okay”
“But,” Dr. Meyers added carefully, “I do think you need to talk to Nate.”
Her eyes snapped up immediately “No.”
“You’re avoiding him because you’re afraid of what you’ll feel.”
“I ended things”
“And emotionally ?” Dr. Meyers asked quietly “Did you ?”
Layla looked sick suddenly because no, she hadn’t. She had shoved him into a locked room in her mind and sat against the door for years pretending she couldn’t hear him knocking. She had told herself she was fine with him moving on and how she didn’t care for him anymore. She had lied to herself
“He mattered to you,” Dr. Meyers said “And whether you ultimately choose Sidney, or choose yourself, or choose an entirely different future… you cannot heal by pretending Nate was meaningless.”
A tear slid down Layla’s cheek as she sniffled, “He was the only other person who ever looked at me like I wasn’t hard to love.”
The room went silent and Dr. Meyers’ expression softened immediately “And what did you do with that ?”
Layla laughed through her tears, hollow and ashamed “I ran back to what hurt me because it was familiar.”
Dr. Meyers nodded once “That’s the cycle we’re trying to break.”
The sun was too bright when Layla stepped out of the building and for a second she just stood there on the sidewalk. One hand gripping the strap of her purse and the other wrapped around her phone so tightly her knuckles hurt
Traffic moved around her, people laughed somewhere down the block. The world kept going like her entire chest hadn’t just been split open in therapy. She had actually almost talked herself out of it three separate times.
But eventually she opened her contacts, Nate. Her thumb hovered then she finally pressed call. It rang longer than she expected. Long enough she thought maybe he wouldn’t answer at all.
“Hello ?”
His voice hit her like a crashing wave, it was lower than she remembered. More tired somehow.
Layla closed her eyes immediately and sighed “Nate….”
Silence followed for a bit, “You okay ?” he asked after a second
The concern in his voice nearly made her cry right there on the sidewalk, “No,” she admitted softly
“What happened ?”
“I just left therapy.” Layla whispered
“Ah, I see.” Nathan nodded
Layla leaned against the brick wall beside the office building. “Can I see you, please ?”
“No.”
His answer came instantly, firm and it stunned her a little, “Nate—”
“I’m not doing that anymore, Layla.” Nathan said softly
She swallowed “I could FaceTime you.”
“No.” he repeated
A year ago or so he would’ve folded the second she sounded upset. Now there was distance in him. Structure and boundaries she’d never seen him keep with her before and somehow that hurt worse.
“I can talk for a little while,” he said gently “That’s it.”
Layla nodded even though he couldn’t see her “Okay.”
The silence stretched until she forced herself to say the thing she’d called to say “I’m sorry.”
He exhaled slowly on the other end “Layla, you don’t need to-”
“No, please.” her voice cracked immediately “Please just let me say it.”
“Okay.” Nate sighed “Okay….go ahead”
She pressed the heel of her hand against her eyes and sniffled “When we were together… I was so wrapped up in my own pain that I never really stopped to think about yours. I kept thinking I was the victim in everything,” she whispered “My marriage, the accident, losing the baby, losing my memory afterward… all of it.”
The word baby nearly broke her voice apart and across the line, Nate went completely silent. Layla stared blindly at the passing cars as she continued and pushed through
“You lost that baby too,” she said shakily
His breathing changed faintly and that was it. That tiny sound he let out and suddenly she could picture him exactly as he’d been back then in that hospital waiting room, alone with that grief while she forgot him entirely. Forgot them.
“I didn’t even remember you,” she whispered, horrified all over again “And you had to carry all of it by yourself while I just… disappeared.”
Nate finally spoke, his voice rough “You were hurt too.”
“But I was cruel.” Layla sniffled “I was so fucking cruel and put things on you that didn’t even involve you, I know Sidney was looking out for me but he didn’t tell me everything ! He told me you came onto me, how you knew I was married and none of that was true and you never once corrected him ! You never once told me the truth ! I came onto you, I seduced you into this whole mess. I ruined your life !”
She took in a shaky breath and wiped her runny nose “I was cruel because I needed someone to save me and I didn’t care what it cost you.” more tears slipped down her face “You fell in love with me and I treated that love like-like it was somewhere to hide, like it didn’t matter.”
He let out a long breath “I never saw it that way.”
“But I do now.” Layla said back as she wiped at her face uselessly “I think part of me thought if you really loved me, you’d survive anything I did to you.”
“That’s not fair, Layla.” Nate whispered “That’s….not okay”
“I know.” she whispered “I know, it’s so fucking fucked up”
Another silence settled between them until he spoke again “How’s Sidney?”
The question surprised her but she answered anyway,“He’s trying,” she admitted “He’s… better now.”
Nate hummed faintly “And you ?”
Layla laughed softly through tears “I don’t know who I am without hurting.”
“Don’t say that.” he said softly “You know that’s not true”
“But it is true.”
“No,” he said gently “It’s just what you were taught.”
She started crying harder at that, because even now, even now in this shit moment, he spoke to her with tenderness despite not having to
“Jessica right ? Is she-Is she good to you ?” she asked gently
He paused before letting out a soft sigh “Yeah, Jess is amazing. She’s…she’s healing in a way.”
The softness in his voice when he said his wife’s name told Layla everything. Not passionate chaos, not unhealthy obsession or possession, just peace. And for the first time, she realized maybe that was what love was supposed to feel like from the beginning
“I’m glad,” she whispered honestly
“I need you to let me go.” Nate said suddenly
Layla’s breath caught and she shook her head “Nate—”
“I mean it.” his voice stayed calm, but firm “You have to move on.”
Tears rolled down her cheeks silently now “I am moving on, I’m just-”
“You can’t keep reaching for me every time your life hurts.” he suddenly snapped “I loved you, I probably always will in some way and I fucking hate that because I shouldn’t but I’m not living there anymore and it’s not healthy. You were an obsession for me, you were like some drug I needed and then I lost you and I just wanted you to be okay and remember….I…I can’t do this with you, I refuse to do this with you again.”
Layla covered her mouth with her hand as she swallowed the sob that wanted to come up “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”
“I have a wife who trusts me now,” he whispered “I’m building something healthy and I can’t be the place you come to when you’re trying to figure yourself out. I’m not that guy anymore.”
She nodded helplessly though he couldn’t see “I know.”
“I want you to be okay,” Nate admitted “Really okay. Not just attached to someone who makes the pain quieter for a little while.”
Layla squeezed her eyes shut “I’m trying.”
“I know you are” His voice cracked slightly on the last word “I want the best for you, for Sidney and the boys. I truly do. You’re a good person who was just hardened, you deserve good things, don’t forget that…goodbye, Layla.”
The finality of it hollowed her out and she could’ve begged but instead she wiped her eyes and grinned weakly “Goodbye, Nate.”
The line went then went dead, he hung up first and for the first time in her life, Layla stood completely alone. No abusive father she had to fear, no Sidney and no Nate…just herself and soon she’d have to learn to love that
On the other side in Denver, Colorado Nate sat motionless for a long moment after the call ended. His phone still pressed to his ear despite him being the one who hung up. The house was quiet except for the hum of the dishwasher in the kitchen and the faint sound of rain against the windows.
He lowered his phone and looked up, Jessica stood in the hallway. Barefoot and arms crossed tightly over her chest. Hurt written all over her face in a way that made his stomach sink immediately. She had clearly heard enough
“Nathan Raymond” Jessica murmured, shaking her head “No, no. Absolutely not.”
He stood carefully from the couch “Jess, Jess listen to me”
“You answered her.” she met his eyes “You answered her ?”
“I was trying to-”
“You answered her.” Jessica emphasized, the anger in her eyes looking painfully close to tears now.
After everything. After the nights he woke up gasping from nightmares after the accident. After drinking too much because grief hollowed him out from the inside. After sitting on the bathroom floor shaking because Layla couldn’t remember him. Jessica had been there for all of it, not Layla. Jessica.
“She called upset,” Nate said weakly
“And you still care more about rescuing her than protecting us ?” she snapped
“That’s not fair.” Nate whispered
Jessica laughed once, sharp and wounded “Isn’t it ?”
Nate went quiet, there was no defense that didn’t sound hollow now.
She walked further into the living room, eyes glassy “Do you know what it was like watching you mourn someone who was still alive ?”
His face tightened instantly “Jess…”
“You loved her so much you destroyed yourself over her.” her voice cracked as she pointed at his chest “And I stayed.”
He looked away, shaking his head
“I stayed when you were angry all the time. I stayed when you couldn’t touch me without looking guilty afterward. I stayed when you said her name in your sleep.” she rubbed her face “When you fucked me and would then go throw up in the bathroom and whisper her name as you finished by yourself….I fucking stayed”
Jessica wiped angrily at her face “And now she calls after all this time and you just…” she shook her head “You let her back in.”
“I didn’t let her back in !” he said desperately
“You picked up the phone !” she exclaimed, grounding herself as she breathed in and out slowly “You are never contacting her again, you understand that ? You are never ever to speak to her again. I am your wife and you will listen to me.”
Nate closed his eyes briefly “She’s trying to heal.”
“And that is not your responsibility anymore.” her voice broke completely on the last word. Jessica looked smaller suddenly, not angry anymore just scared “I will not come second to her again.”
That finally made him look at her fully, underneath the anger was the real thing. Fear. The fear that no matter how much time had passed, some part of him would always belong to another woman.
Jessica’s eyes filled with tears as she met his eyes “I loved you through her, Nate.”
He moved toward her instinctively, but she stepped back “No,” she whispered “Don’t do that unless you mean it. Just answer me, are you actually happy with me ?”
Nate’s expression fell apart a little as he shook his head “Jess don’t do that”
“Don’t lie to me.” she whispered
He swallowed hard, he did love her. He loved the quiet safety of her, the steadiness, the patience. The life they’d built out of wreckage but love and grief were not always separate things. And Layla… Layla was carved into him forever, no matter how much he wanted to rip her out of him.
Jessica watched him struggle to answer and her face slowly crumpled before he even spoke “Jesus Christ,” she whispered
“No, listen to me-” Nate whispered
“I knew it.”
“That’s not what this is !”
“Then what is it ?” she pushed
Nate looked exhausted suddenly. “I am happy with you,” he said honestly “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“But ?”
“I’ll always love her.” he finally admitted
Jessica shut her eyes, like the words physically hurt and Nate stepped forward again carefully. “Jess, loving her doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”
“But it means part of you will always belong to someone else.” she ignored his eyes
Jessica looked at him for a long moment with tears slipping silently down her face, then she nodded once “I need some space,” she whispered
Nate sighed as he shook his head “Jess, it’s not like that. It’s just what we went through and what I helped her with. It’s not that what you and I have.”
“I was there when she broke you,” Jessica said quietly “And I can’t survive competing with her ghost for the rest of my life.”
She walked past him toward the bedroom, leaving Nate standing alone in the living room with the terrible realization that sometimes loving two people meant inevitably hurting them both.
A Month Later
The beach cottage was quiet except for the waves outside and the distant creak of the old porch swing moving in the wind. Layla stood at the tiny kitchen counter pretending to straighten things that were already straight when she heard the knock at the door.
Her stomach tightened instantly because she just knew. Sidney always knocked differently than everyone else, three quick taps and one softer one after. It was their code for when he used to sneak her into his hotel room on roadies when she’d surprise him
She opened the door and smiled “Hey you, you’re early…boys are still napping”
His eyes softened the second he saw her “Hey” he lifted a paper bag slightly “I brought dinner.”
Layla almost smiled despite herself “You still remember my order?”
Sidney gave a faint shrug “Kinda hard to forget after all these years.”
She stepped aside to let him in. The cottage had become hers gain over the last few weeks in small, healing ways. Books stacked beside the couch, a blanket draped over the armchair, the boys’ drawings taped crookedly to the refrigerator. Sidney noticed all of it immediately.
“They really love it here,” he said softly
Layla looked over as he stared at a crayon drawing and grinned “Heavy emphasis on the fact you let them eat popsicles after dinner,” she said lightly
He laughed quietly and she grinned, she had forgotten sometimes how much she missed hearing that sound
Sidney set the food down before glancing around again “They say this is the coolest place ever. They tell me it’s more fun here.”
Layla smiled faintly. “That’s because I don’t make them go to bed on time.”
“No,” Sidney said softly, eyes on her now “It’s because you seem happier here.”
The honesty in that made her chest ache. They ate on the porch while the sun lowered over the water. For once, they didn’t fight
Sidney watched the ocean for a long moment before speaking “I miss you.”
Layla’s hand tightened slightly around her drink as she ate a chip
“I know things were bad,” he continued quietly “Worse than bad sometimes and I know I made you lonely for a really long time.”
Sidney rubbed his hands together nervously before looking at her fully “I wasn’t a good husband to you…at first,” he corrected himself painfully “And honestly ? I wasn’t a very good dad either.”
She opened her mouth instinctively to soften it, but he shook his head, “No. Don’t.” his voice stayed calm “I need to say it the way it really was. I thought providing was enough,” Sidney said “I thought if I worked hard and got you the perks that…that counted as loving you properly. But meanwhile you were drowning right next to me and I didn’t even notice until someone else did.”
Layla looked away immediately, he was talking about Nate.
Sidney exhaled slowly “I hated him for a long time but if I’m honest…” he gave a hollow laugh “Part of me understood why you needed him.”
That hurt more than anger would’ve and suddenly she was silently crying now
“I’m not saying what happened was okay,” he added quickly “It destroyed me. But I know I helped build the loneliness that led there…and I destroyed you too with Rachel.”
Layla stared at him silently, emotions tangling painfully in her chest “Sidney”
Sidney leaned back in his chair slightly “I love you,” he said simply “I think I always will and if you decide you want a divorce…” he nodded once, like he had rehearsed this part alone a hundred time “I’ll accept it.”
Her breath caught “What ?”
“I won’t fight you. I won’t guilt you. I won’t make you carry my feelings for me anymore. But I need you to know something first.” his voice shook slightly now “I am so sorry I couldn’t do right by you when it mattered most.”
Layla looked down quickly as tears slipped onto her cheeks but Sidney continued anyway
“You deserved a husband who saw you sooner. You deserved someone who protected your heart instead of assuming you’d survive anything. No matter what happens, I’ll always be there for you.”
Layla covered her mouth briefly, overwhelmed “I know…I know”
“And if…” he stopped, gathering himself “If you do decide to come back to me someday…I’ll spend the rest of my life being the man I should’ve been from the start.”
Layla’s face crumpled. For years that was all she wanted, for him to see her, to choose her fully over hockey. To fight for the life they could’ve had and now that he finally was,she didn’t know if she still knew how to trust it
It was only a day later a knock at the cottage door came a little after midnight. Layla had been half asleep on the couch, wrapped in a blanket with the tv playing quietly in the background, when it startled her awake. For a second panic flashed through her, the boys were at Sidney’s and he’d call or text if he were coming over. Nobody should’ve been there.
She moved cautiously to the door and looked through the small window beside it then froze. It was Nate. Summer rain soaked through his tshirt and darkened his blonde hair, his chest rising hard like he’d been breathing heavily before she even opened the door
The second she pulled it open, his eyes found hers and whatever expression she expected, it wasn’t this. He looked furious.
“Why did you call me ?” he demanded immediately
Layla blinked “Nate-”
“No, seriously.” he stepped inside before she could answer, soaked shoes leaving water across the floor “Why the hell did you call me ?”
She stared at him, stunned “You told me goodbye.”
“I know that.”
“You said you were moving on.” she whispered
“I KNOW !” his voice cracked through the cottage so sharply it made her flinch
Nate turned away immediately, dragging a hand through wet hair, visibly trying to get control of himself but it was too late now. Everything he’d been holding back was already spilling out.
“You don’t get to do this to me,” he said hoarsely pointing a finger at her
Layla’s throat tightened “Do what ?”
“Call me crying and apologizing and talking about our baby like that and then just…” he laughed once bitterly “What ? Expect me to go back home and be fine ?”
Her eyes filled instantly as Nate paced once through the tiny living room, restless and unraveling “I have tried so hard to let you go.”
Every word sounded dragged out of him, “You think I want this ?” He pointed at himself angrily “You think I enjoy waking up every morning still thinking about you?”
“Nate…”
“I’m so fucking angry at you !” he admitted, voice breaking “I’m so fucking angry at you for still being in my head after everything.”
Layla just stood there silently crying because part of her had always believed eventually he’d stop loving her. That enough time would kill it, but standing in front of her now, he looked haunted by it.
“I love my wife,” Nate said shakily “Jessica is good and patient and she deserves someone who isn’t still carrying another woman around in his chest like a ghost. And I keep trying,” he whispered “I keep trying to be the man she deserves. But every time I think I’m finally past you…” his eyes locked onto hers helplessly “You’re still there.”
.Nate laughed bitterly at himself, wiping at his face angrily because he hated that he was emotional “I hate that I came here tonight.”
“Then why did you ?” Layla whispered “Why ? I didn’t fucking force you”
That stopped him cold, because there it was. The real Layla he always knew finally showing emotions underneath all the anger. Nate looked at her like the answer physically hurt
“Because I needed to see if you’d stop me.” he whispered
He stepped closer slowly now, not touching her. Just close enough she could see how exhausted he looked “How am I supposed to move on from someone who never really let me go ?” he asked quietly
Tears rolled down Layla’s cheeks “I tried to let you hate me,” she whispered
“Well, that didn’t work.” he scoffed, wiping his eyes with his wet sleeve, he looked down briefly before speaking again, softer this time “When you forgot me after the accident…” his jaw tightened hard “Do you know what that did to me ?”
Layla shut her eyes immediately shaking her head
“I would’ve survived losing you, I know it sounds harsh” he admitted “But losing you while you were still alive ? While you looked at me like I was nobody ?” his voice cracked completely “That destroyed me.”
“I know,” she whispered painfully
“No,” he said quietly “I don’t think you do.”
The room fell silent except for the storm outside then Nate looked at her with tears standing openly in his eyes now “I can’t keep doing this.”
Layla’s chest tightened so hard it hurt to breathe “We’re not doing anything”
“I can’t keep loving you halfway,” he whispered “And I can’t keep pretending I know how to stop.”
He stepped even closer, close enough now that she could feel the warmth coming off him despite the now cold rain on his clothes “So tell me” his voice shook “If this is over, really over, then tell me to my face.”
Layla stared at him silently and Nate’s expression crumpled with desperation she’d never seen from him before “Tell me you don’t need me.”
Her lips parted but no sound came out
“Please,” he whispered desperately “I need you to say it,” he begged quietly “I need you to tell me to move on so I can finally try.”
Layla looked at him standing there in the dim light of the cottage, soaked from the rain and shaking apart in front of her, she felt her heart break in a quieter, deeper way than it ever had before because for the first time since she had known him, Nate wasn’t asking her to choose him, he was asking her to free him and she loved him enough now to finally tell the truth.
Her voice trembled when she spoke “You have to move on, Nate.”
The words hit him instantly, she saw it happen. His face went still in that awful way people do when pain lands too deep to show immediately but she forced herself to continue before she lost the courage
“What we had…” she swallowed hard “It wasn’t healthy.”
Nate shook his head faintly like he physically didn’t want to hear it “Okay”
“No.” tears slid down her cheeks “Please let me be honest this time. We loved each other,” she whispered “But we were drowning when we found each other and instead of helping each other heal, we just…” her voice cracked. “We became obsessed.”
Nate’s eyes shut briefly because he knew. God, he knew. The hiding, the desperation whenever they had sex, the way they clung to each other like losing contact for even a second would kill them. It had never felt calm or safe. It felt like needing oxygen.
“We were too physical,” Layla admitted shakily “Too consumed by each other. Half the time we weren’t even thinking clearly, we were just trying to escape our lives inside each other.”
Nate looked down at the floor like every word physically hurt him as he nodded
“And I think part of me confused being needed with being loved,” she whispered
That made him finally look back at her, pain flashed openly across his face “You did love me ?”
“I did,” she said immediately “But loving someone isn’t always enough to build something healthy.”
Layla wiped at her face, trying to steady herself “You have a chance at something different now.”
Nate laughed hollowly “With Jessica ?”
“Yes.”the answer came without hesitation “She loves you in a peaceful way, Nate.”
His eyes filled with tears again immediately “Thank you”
“And you deserve peace.”
He shook his head, broken “I wanted you, I wanted you so bad I let it almost ruin me Layla.”
“I know.”
“You were it for me.” Nate murmured
Layla’s face crumpled, part of her believed that too but belief wasn’t always truth
“You deserve a family that isn’t built out of pain and betrayal and grief,” she whispered “You deserve children who grow up watching their father love their mother without guilt attached to it. Be the man you wanted to be with me.”
That nearly undid him completely. Tears slid down his face openly now, and he didn’t even try to hide them. Layla reached up slowly and touched his cheek for what she knew, deep down, would probably be the last time
“You loved me when I didn’t know how to love myself, you loved me from afar and you healed me. You went to….you went to face my father" she whispered “And I will spend the rest of my life being grateful for that.”
Nate leaned into her hand for just a second, eyes squeezed shut “I’d do it again if I had to”
“You shouldn’t have done that Nate….he was a dangerous man” she finally admitted
“He pointed a gun at me and I didn’t care’ he let out a wet chuckle “I was determined to either beat his ass or get your things back, I think I did the best thing”
Layla finally let a sob out “I can’t believe you did that for me”
“I wanted you to have something” he sniffled “Every person deserves to have their childhood and even though yours wasn’t the best…I knew you’d want your things at some point. When I was looking through it, I just…I just pictured you as a little girl and it made me wanna kill him”
She cried harder than ever as she covered her face “He’s dead and I’m so fucking happy he is, he ruined my fucking life”
Nate wrapped his arms around her tightly “Shh it’s okay”
“It’s not” she shook her head “He’s why I hurt so many people, he made me this way”
“I think you’re perfect just the way you are” he kissed the top of her head
Layla said nothing as she got out of his hold and wiped her eyes, she looked him over and nodded “I think you’re gonna be the best dad ever when you become one, I have such good faith in you Nathan”
“Why does this feel worse than losing you the first time ?” Nathan whispered
“Because this time,” Layla said through tears “We’re both choosing it.”
That silence afterward felt endless. He looked at her for a long moment like he was trying to memorize her one last time “I think part of me will always love you.”
Layla sniffled and nodded “I know.”
He gave a weak, devastated smile “Guess we finally stopped lying to each other.”
She almost laughed through the tears, Nate stepped back then and walked until he was at the door, stopping once more without turning around “I hope you find peace too, Layla.”
Her throat tightened painfully “You too.”
Then he left the door shut softly behind him and for the first time since they’d met, neither of them ran after the other. Nate got in his car and hit the steering wheel, pressing his head against it for a while. He lifted his head when something fell out of the sun visor onto his lap. It was the paper he had gotten from the hospital that day of the accident, the one giving him the confirmation of the gender of the child he and Layla were expecting, a girl.
He knew he’d never tell her, he knew it wouldn’t end well and that he finally had to move on. He kissed the paper as he closed his eyes and let out a deep breath as he tore it up into tiny pieces. That was in the past and how he was looking forward to the future. Layla was done with him and in a way that was healing. He felt pain at the moment but he knew he’d be okay, he had new beginnings to look forward to now and that was what mattered
One Year Later
The boys were loud the entire drive to Sidney’s house. The 3 of them talking over each other from the backseat about the tide pools Layla had taken them to that morning, one missing shoe somehow abandoned at the beach, and whether cereal counted as dinner if Mom said it did.
Layla laughed and Sidney kept glancing at her from the driver’s seat during red lights, quiet little looks like he still couldn’t fully believe she was there. By the time they pulled into the driveway, the boys exploded out of the car before Sidney even finished parking.
Layla shook her head as they sprinted toward the house “They’re going to break their necks.”
“They got that from you.” he smirked
She snorted softly “Absolutely not.”
Sidney smiled, that smile still got her so good she could feel her cheeks warm up.
Inside, the house smelled like garlic and laundry detergent and home. The boys disappeared upstairs instantly, yelling to each other, while Layla lingered awkwardly near the kitchen island. It had once been so easy to stand in this house. Now every room held old versions of them.
Sidney walked toward her slowly“There’s something I wanna show you.”
Her stomach tightened a little “Sid”
“Just trust me.” The softness in his voice made it impossible not to
He took her hand and led her upstairs. Layla frowned slightly when he stopped outside the spare bedroom at the end of the hall “That room used to be storage.”
“Not anymore.” he opened the door
Layla stopped breathing. The room looked like something pulled straight from the deepest, most impossible part of her childhood. Soft cream-colored walls. Bookshelves filled with old classics she used to check out repeatedly from the library as a little girl because owning books felt unimaginable back then. A window seat covered in quilts. Fairy lights, paint supplies. A pink boombox. It looked like the bedroom a little girl would dream up after surviving too much.
Layla’s hand flew to her mouth “Sidney…”
Sidney looked nervous suddenly, almost boyish “You told me once,” he said quietly “That when you were little, you used to imagine having a room where nobody could….could hurt you. I know I can’t fix what happened to you,” Sidney whispered “I know I can’t give you back your childhood. But I wanted you to have something beautiful that belonged only to you.”
Sidney stepped closer carefully “There’s one more thing.”
Layla laughed shakily through tears “There’s more ?”
“Come with me.”
Twenty minutes later, they stood in front of an old brick building near the edge of downtown. The sign had been taken down and construction equipment sat outside.
Layla looked confused “What is this ?”
Sidney reached into his coat pocket and handed her a folded paper with architectural renderings. Her eyes moved across the page slowly, there were art rooms, counseling offices, after-school programs, emergency family services, reading spaces, safe recreation areas.
And at the top of the page was the name The Layla Martin Foundation.
Layla looked up at him in shock
Sidney’s voice was quiet now “I bought the building three months ago.”
Her eyes widened “What ?”
“You said once that kids like you don’t just need rescue.” he swallowed “They need somewhere to go after.”
Layla stared at him speechlessly shaking her head
“I kept thinking about how many versions of you are still out there,” he admitted “Kids trying to survive homes they shouldn’t have to survive.”
Tears streamed freely down her face now “Oh my god”
“So…” he gave a nervous little shrug “I wanted to build something that helps.”
“For abused children ?” she whispered
He nodded “There’ll be therapists, tutors, activities… somewhere safe to exist for a while.” his eyes softened “Somewhere kids can just be kids.”
Layla looked back at the building, completely overwhelmed then back at him and suddenly she understood. Sidney stepped closer “I know I failed you before,” he said softly “I know there are parts of our marriage I can never undo.But I love you,” he whispered “I love every version of you. The woman you are now, the girl you used to be… all of it.And I don’t want to spend another second making you wonder if you’re alone.”
The silence between them felt enormous then Layla stepped forward suddenly and kissed him. Sidney made a startled sound against her mouth before holding her carefully, like he still didn’t trust this was real. When she finally pulled back, both of them were crying a little.
“I want to come home,” she whispered
Sidney’s eyes shut immediately like the words physically overwhelmed him “Yeah ?”
Layla nodded, smiling through tears “Yes.”
His forehead dropped against hers shakily and for the first time in years, loving each other no longer felt like surviving or just dealing with each other, it felt real.
EPILOGUE -10 YEARS LATER
Ten years later, Nova Scotia still smelled the same. Salt air, Pine trees and cold ocean water crashing against dark rocks was exactly what summer was. Layla stood near the edge of the harbor market with a coffee in one hand while watching tourists drift between little shops and fishing boats below the cliffs.
Behind her, Sidney was unsuccessfully trying to convince 15 year old Rowan that carrying luggage counted as “character building”,
“It’s one duffel bag,” Sidney argued “Dude, Patrick already got all the stuff down and he’s only a year younger and Troy’s 12 and he helped mom pack everything in the car, don’t be a whiner”
“As the oldest I deserve privileges” Rowan muttered as he did as told
Layla laughed into her coffee, some things never changed and other things had changed completely. The foundation had grown beyond anything either of them imagined. What started as one building became multiple programs across the state. Emergency housing, therapy grants, arts camps and….foster support.
Three years ago, after one particularly difficult placement case, they’d adopted a little girl named Claire. Claire, who had severe nightmares for almost a year. Claire, who now slept sprawled sideways across their bed whenever thunderstorms hit and cuddled up to Sidney every time she felt scared. Claire, who had slowly and cautiously learned what safety looked like and would hug Layla every morning she woke up. Claire who adored her brothers from the beginning and was spoiled rotten by them
Layla turned as she heard small footsteps racing behind her, tiny arms wrapped around her leg. She blinked down in surprise and saw a little girl she had never seen before stared up at her with huge serious brown eyes and a mess of dark curls escaping two crooked braids
“Well hello there,” Layla said gently
The little girl said nothing and just leaned harder against her leg
She crouched slightly towards her “You okay babe ?”
The girl nodded once solemnly but still said nothing
“Where’s your grown-up honey ?”
The child pointed vaguely behind herself without even looking, finally speaking after a moment “I like your voice.”
Layla’s heart melted instantly “Well, thank you.”
The girl studied her carefully before deciding, apparently, that Layla belonged to her now and climbed directly into her lap like this was the most natural thing in the world
Layla laughed softly in surprise “Okay, confident choice.”
“She does that.”
The voice behind her made the entire world stop for half a second. Layla froze as she slowly turned. Nate stood about twenty feet away near the boardwalk entrance, slightly out of breath like he’d been searching for the little girl for a while.
Older now but still blonde and still with those icy blues that were just a little softer now, still unmistakably him. For a moment neither of them moved, not shock exactly but the strange stillness of seeing someone who once changed your entire life
Then the little girl in Layla’s arms groaned dramatically “Daddy, you lost me.”
Nate blinked once before laughing under his breath “You ran away from me, Lucy.”
Lucy. Layla looked between them slowly and understood immediately. Adopted. It was clear in the way she looked nothing like him and nothing like Jessica either. Somehow faith had worked in mysterious ways because now they both had adopted daughters.
Nate walked closer and for the first time she saw how peaceful he looked “Sorry,” he said lightly “She likes kidnapping strangers.”
“I’m not strangering daddy ” Lucy informed him seriously from Layla’s lap “I’m sitting you silly goose, this is why you shouldn't get hit in the head with pucks no mores”
Layla laughed before she could stop herself and Nate smiled at the sound instinctively. The sharp ache that once existed between them had softened into something survivable
“You look good,” he said quietly
“So do you.” she grinned
No haunted sadness hid underneath him anymore, no desperation. Just a man finally living inside his own life. A woman approached from farther down the boardwalk carrying ice cream cups, Jessica.
Layla hadn’t seen her in over a decade, but she recognized her instantly. Jessica slowed slightly when she noticed who Lucy had attached herself to. Her eyes widened briefly then softened. Nate walked toward her naturally, automatically taking the extra ice cream from her hand. The ease between them told Layla everything, marriage with trust rebuilt carefully and kept intact.
Jessica smiled politely at Layla “I see Lucy found someone new to emotionally adopt.”
“I like her,” Lucy announced with a nod
“That tracks,” Jessica chuckled
Everyone laughed softly then another small blur came sprinting down the boardwalk
“Mommy !”
Clair launched herself at Layla’s side before stopping abruptly when she noticed Lucy. The two girls stared at each other before Claire took it upon herself to take charge
“Do you wanna see shells ?” she asked Lucy
“Yes.” Lucy nodded and took her hand and just like that they ran off together toward the rocky shore without another thought
“Claire !” Sidney called from behind them
He finally reached the group carrying two bags and looking mildly exhausted then he noticed Nate. There was a brief pause, the both of them standing in the aftermath of an old war neither of them wanted anymore.
Sidney looked at Nate and Nate looked at Sidney, they both grinned a little, not because the past was funny but because somehow all of them survived it. Jessica folded her arms loosely as the girls crouched near the shoreline already chattering like lifelong friends
“Can you two little ladies stay near us ?” she called out
“Yes !” both girls shouted back instantly
“Okay. But stay close.” Sidney called “Both of you, Claire you’re older watch over Lucy please”
The adults stood quietly watching them for a moment. Lucy and Claire holding up seashells excitedly to each other while waves crashed behind them. Two little girls with difficult beginnings. Safe and loved now.
Layla glanced at Nate once more as he winked at her, not flirting but reassuring her thoughts and somehow Sidney got the hint and walked over to to help the boys and Jessica simply grinned as Nate kissed her head
“We both adopted girls” Nate chuckled “Wow”
“I know” Layla laughed “Lucy is adorable, I need like 10 of her”
“Claire’s cute as can be” Nate grinned at her
“Why’d you adopt ?” Layla asked looking at him
“Just wanted to give a little girl something I wish a little old friend of mine could’ve had, wish fulfilled” he said softly with a smile as he looked up at the sky. He knew Layla didn’t know what he meant but that was okay, he was glad she was happy and he was too. He walked back to Jessica and sat next to her kissing her cheek
Layla walked by Sidney’s side, cuddling into his side “You’re snuggly”
“Claire tells me the same thing” he kissed her
For a moment Layla watched the girls then the waves, she blew a kiss to the boys who were playing a game of catch on the grass and smiled. Life could be messy and ugly but at least now Layla had what she had always wanted, peace.
Summary: Robby’s gone and you bring in the one person you know can help, Jack. He’s there for you and does what Robby should be doing but what isn’t expected is him coming clean about some things that leave you even more heartbroken and what you especially don’t expect is Robby coming back from a bad crash leaving you to realize you have a choice to make
Warnings: unrequited feelings, talk of pregnancy, emotional breakdowns
AN: Thank you all so much for the love on part 1 ! I genuinely appreciate it so so much and hope you enjoy this second part just as much ! As always please reblog with tags, comment and support anyway you can ! If you like it to read later remember to come back ! I tried to tag everyone who asked as well. Feedback is what makes the writing world go round so if you were tagged can't wait to especially hear your thoughts, my ask box is always open 💙
You stayed in for days, calling him over and over until you brought in the reinforcement you hoped could help you
“He left ?” Jack asked immediately as he stepped inside “No that’s not true, he told me-”
“He left !” you exclaimed “He left ! He took his things and left me this bullshit note on the table !”
He walked over and took it from your still shaking hands and sighed “Oh man, okay listen you need to calm down okay ? You’ve got a baby inside of you and you can’t cause yourself any more stress. How far along are you now ?”
“14 weeks” you whispered
Jack nodded “Okay well you just focus on not worrying too much and I’m gonna handle this, I’m gonna find him” he repeated as he walked over and hugged you “I promise you, I will”
“What if something happens to him ?” you murmured in his hold “It’s what he wants Jack, it’s why he took that stupid bike in the first place”
He shook his head “He just wants it to stop…he’s been going through some stuff and he didn’t know how to deal with it”
“So rather than tell me, his girlfriend and soon to be mother of his child, he would rather abandon us like we’re not worth anything ?” you pulled back and looked at him “Do you think that was the right choice here ?”
Jack sighed and rubbed his forehead “Of course not, I never said that I mean that he sabotaged things on purpose rather than be open and get help. He needs help” he looked at you with a pained expression “He needs serious help”
You shook your head as you felt your eyes water and choked back a sob “And here I am making things so much worse for him with a baby that he doesn’t even want, I did this” you cried “I added onto his already bad state and scared him so much he just left. I did this to him, I hurt him”
“Hey none of that” he said sternly yet gentle “Don’t say that, it’s bullshit alright ? In the 6 months you’ve been with him he’s been happy. He talked about you to patients and other doctors, he always found a way to mention you and he always looked forward to you visiting him. This isn’t about you or the kid, it’s him. He’s self sabotaging”
“I need him….I love him” you looked up at Jack “He told me he loved me for the first time last night….and now he’s gone. You don’t do that to someone you love.”
“You’ve got me” he whispered caressing your cheek “You’ve got me okay ? I’ll help you”
In the short time you had known Jack you had learned so much about him, Robby had given you the cliff notes version one night during a night he had stayed late to talk with him after a rough shift. You knew his time in combat had been rough and that he had a prosthetic leg and you also learned he had lost his wife a few years ago and Robby had alluded to her being pregnant at the time as well. He had endured a lot of pain and trauma and somehow he still wanted to make sure you were okay
“Robby doesn’t want me to find him” you murmured “He doesn’t want me to wait for him, he wants me to move on but I know it’s all just words. I know he was just in his head”
“Well he’s out of luck because I’m gonna find him” Jack repeated “I will”
The next month you had prayed, something you had never really done but you knew that in desperate times it helped. Jack and you had called every single hospital, police station…..even morgues all up and down the state lines. You had remembered him talking about Canada and how he wanted to see Banff and quickly made calls to the same places over there but nothing. There was no trace of Robby whatsoever and now his phone was going straight to voicemail without even ringing
It had been time for your monthly appointment and despite your mind telling you to stay home you forced yourself to go. The waiting room was torture as you looked around and saw every woman with their partner next to them, happily talking and looking through the expecting parent magazines while you had no one, well not who you envisioned anyways
“You have lunch ?” Jack asked you
“A granola bar.” you answered pretending to flip through one of those cheesy parenting magazines
“That’s not food.”
“It is technically food.”
“It’s technically cardboard with vitamins.” he smirked slightly
Despite yourself, your mouth twitched faintly and Jack noticed. He didn’t smile about it though or make a big deal out of getting even the smallest reaction from you. He simply grinned and looked down at his lap, content he at least made you somewhat smile
“You sleeping any better ?” he asked after a minute
You simply shook your head. Truthfully, sleep was worse now. Mostly because Robby was everywhere in your dreams. Sometimes he came home, sometimes he was standing just out of reach and sometimes he was holding the baby and smiling like none of this had ever happened. Waking up from those dreams felt like losing him all over again and you didn’t wanna get into that so stayed quiet, standing up when your name was finally called
The appointment went normally at first, the usual weight check, blood pressure and routine questions about symptoms or anything feeling different. Jack sat beside you quietly, his long legs stretched awkwardly in the too-small chair, occasionally scrolling through his phone while still paying attention to everything the doctor said
“Well,” she said brightly, flipping through the chart “Mom and dad are looking good today.”
Your stomach twisted instantly as Jack’s head lifted and for one horrible second, the room went painfully silent. The correction was sitting right on your tongue but you couldn’t get it out. You wanted to stand up and scream, He’s not the father ! The father left, disappeared, hasn’t even checked if his baby is okay !
But before you could force any of that out, the doctor was already continuing her usual questions “Any nausea still ? How’s she treating you, dad ?”
Jack hesitated briefly “ Well um…there’s no vomiting lately,” he answered calmly, glancing toward you instead “She’s been keeping food down better.”
Your eyes snapped toward him but he didn't look back or correct her. He knew it’d be awkward and that was the last thing he wanted for you. He just kept the conversation moving like he noticed the panic freeze you up and stepped in front of it before it could hit you.
“Good. That first trimester can be rough.” the doctor nodded approvingly
You barely heard the rest because something strange and painful had settled in your chest instead. Not because Jack let the doctor assume but because for once it felt normal, someone being there felt normal. Someone asking questions, someone caring enough to make you a vitamin schedule and remind you to drink water, someone always making sure you ate.
Your throat burned suddenly and Jack noticed immediately, “You okay?” he asked quietly
“Yeah.” you nodded a little too fast
The ultrasound started a few minutes later, the screen flickered and then there it was, your baby. Bigger now and moving right in front of you on the dimly lit screen
Your breath caught so sharply it hurt, Jack went still beside you and gave you a small reassuring grin
“Healthy heartbeat.” the technician smiled “Really strong”
You stared at the screen as tears immediately spilled down your cheeks. Even in a moment where it was about you and your baby all you could think about was Robby. How he should’ve been there beside you holding your hand. The thought hit you with such force you nearly folded in on yourself
Robby should be seeing this. He should be making sarcastic comments to hide the fact he’s emotional and wants to cry. He should be holding your hand too tightly like he always did whenever you two watched a thriller or horror movie on the couch. He should be here but instead, it’s Jack sitting beside you silently while you cry and somehow that makes you feel even worse
When the appointment finally ended Jack drove you home in silence. He had offered to stop anywhere but you declined. All you wanted was to get in bed and cry
“Why hasn’t he called ?” you whispered after a bit
Jack said nothing but you could see his grip tighten slightly on the steering wheel
You laughed weakly, wiping your eyes “I keep thinking maybe he lost his phone or something stupid.”
Jack said nothing, because both of you knew Robby disappearing wasn’t accidental and you both knew his phone was more than fine. He just wasn’t in the headspace to bother to reach out and that made it all that much worse
“He knew about the baby,” you murmured brokenly “How do you leave knowing that ?”
“I don’t know” he exhaled slowly through his nose
He dropped you off and the first thing you did was call Robby’s phone, you had hoped for some miracle, that he’d pick it up and tell you he was coming home and how he’d be there in no time but instead once again just voicemail. Robby was gone and you had started to believe that maybe he wouldn’t come back
It was the next day when you had finally left work and dreamed of being in bed at home with nothing but a bowl of ice cream in your lap, what you didn’t expect when you stepped into Robby’s house was furniture
There was a built crib in the corner of the living room along with the matching dresser beside it. The bassinet was near the couch with the tags removed, fitted sheets already tucked neatly into place
“What the fuck…”, you walked farther in slowly like the room would disappear if you moved too fast
The nursery furniture had been sitting untouched in boxes for a month but ever since Robby left, you couldn’t bring yourself to open them. Every time you tried, you ended up crying on the floor halfway through reading the instructions because all you could think about was how Robby should’ve been with you
You heard movement in the kitchen and walked towards it, your heart beating against your chest as you mentally prepared yourself to see him but instead it was someone else, the person who had been there the last 2 months
Jack was holding a screwdriver and immediately looked almost guilty at being caught “Oh,” he said cautiously “You’re home early.”
You stared at him, the disappointment settling in your heart but quickly masked it when you looked at the crib
“You built all this ?”
Jack rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly “Yeah. Uh… hope that’s okay.”
Your throat tightens unexpectedly, it wasn’t Robby who was back and doing all of this, it was Jack. Jack who had stepped into a role that wasn’t his to take. You managed to give a small grin and nodded
The apartment smelled faintly like sawdust and takeout food. One of the instruction manuals was folded on the counter with pencil marks all over it and there was a bandaid wrapped around Jack’s thumb where you assumed he had caught himself on unfinished wood
“I just figured,” Jack says carefully, “you shouldn’t have to do it alone.”
That did it for you, your eyes immediately filled up and you turned away fast, pressing your lips together hard “Th-thanks”
“Hey,” he said quietly, instantly worried “You don’t have to keep any of it if you hate it—”
“No,” you interrupted shakily “No, I don’t hate it. I just…I just” you laughed once through the tears, embarrassed “I just… thought it was him. I thought he was back”
“Oh man” Jack said softly wiping his hands on his shirt “I should’ve texted or called you….I just thought maybe I could surprise you”
“No no” you shook your head, sniffling “I really appreciate it so much. I actually was gonna ask you if you’d help me out on your next day off”
“It took way longer than the instructions claimed, by the way” he said softly with a grin “Whoever wrote those lies professionally.”
That got a small real laugh out of you, the first one since that dreadful day. His expression softened at the sound, though he tried not to show it too obviously. You wiped your face quickly and looked around again, noticing more little things now. The loose cabinet handle in the kitchen was now fixed, the hallway light that flickered constantly was working normally, the trash was taken out. Even the coffee table’s loose leg was fixed
“You do all this too ?”
Jack shrugged “Was already here.”
You stared at him for a long moment. No one had taken care of you like this since Robby left. Not without making you feel guilty for needing help. Emotion swelled painfully in your chest again
“You should stay for dinner,” you blurted out suddenly
Jack blinked “You don’t have to—”
“I want you to.” you nodded “Beats eating alone and crying once again for the millionth time”
“Okay,” he said softly
Dinner ended up being takeout because you were too exhausted to cook and Jack refused to let you stand at the stove longer than necessary anyway
“You’re bossy,” you muttered at one point when he took a heavy grocery bag from your hands
“You’re pregnant.” he said back
After dinner, you found him kneeling near the nursery putting together the small bookshelf in the corner. For a second, your chest ached so badly you almost left…because this should have been Robby. Every milestone still circled back to him somehow despite him not making an attempt to contact you at all
Jack noticed you standing there and straightened slightly “What ?”
You shook your head quickly and went to sit in the rocking chair near the window while he tightened the last screw into place “Nothing, all good”
Silence settled comfortably for a bit until Jack spoke without looking at you “I need to tell you something.”
“Okay…” your stomach tightened immediately “Go for it”
He set the screwdriver down slowly “I’m not trying to replace him.”
The words hit harder than you expected but you nodded “I’m aware”
Jack finally looked over at you then, serious and steady “I know you love him and I know part of you probably always will.”
You look down at your hands “And ?”
“I’m not saying this because I expect something from you,” he continued carefully “And if it makes things weird, forget I said anything.”
Your heartbeat started climbing upon listening to him “Um…okay ?”
“But I do like you.” he exhaled “And I know the timing’s terrible, trust me, I know.”
You didn't know what to say, part of you saw this coming. The way he looked at you sometimes when you weren’t paying attention, the gentleness, the protectiveness, the fact he kept showing up.You tried telling yourself it wasn’t true but here was Jack Abbott in building your child’s nursery furniture confessing his feelings for you
“I’m not asking you for anything,” he said quickly when you stayed silent for too long “I mean that.But I care about you. And I care about the baby too.So whether you ever feel the same or not…” he paused. “I’m here.”
The simplicity of his confession nearly destroyed you. You stared at him across the half-finished nursery, emotions tangled so tightly you could barely separate them anymore and finally you shook your head
“Jack….Jack no” you whispered “No”
“I know” he finished the shelf and stood up “I know, it’s not good”
“No it’s not good” you snapped “I love Robby, I want Robby”
“And I love him too but he did this and it’s not right” he met your eyes
“Jack you need to go” you whispered “Please leave”
He nodded “I’m sorry…this doesn’t mean I’m not gonna stop looking for him, I love him just as much as you do. I’m gonna find him”
“I don’t want you to contact me” you looked at him “Please”
“I deserve that” he murmured
You watched as he walked away and gently closed the door, you sat on the couch and cried. Your usual routine but this time it wasn’t for you or your baby, it was for him too. You knew Jack didn’t genuinely like you, at least not like how he thought he did. You knew that in you he saw what he couldn’t do for his wife and child. You knew it wasn’t love or affection, it was just him trying to save what he couldn’t save for himself
The next 2 months were rough as can be, Jack had kept an eye on you via some work friends that oh so causally happened to show up at your job here and there but you knew it was him. He still hadn’t called or texted you and you were thankful, until one late night when your phone rang over and over again
“Jack what the actual fuck is wrong with you ? Do you see the time ? It’s 11 o’clock ! I don’t work nightshift like you, I work-”
“It’s Robby” he interrupted “It’s Robby, he’s in the hospital”
“What ?” you sat up quickly “How do you know ? Who called you ?”
“I’m his emergency contact” he revealed “I got the call just now, they’re transferring him over to us here. He’ll be here in an hour or so”
You sat frozen on the edge of the bed, after four months of silence, four months of nothing, suddenly he was twenty minutes away in the same hospital he used to work in.
“He asked for you,” Jack said quietly
Something horrible twisted in your chest, a feeling you had never had before, anger. Now he asked for you, not during the ultrasounds, not during the nights you cried yourself sick wondering if he was dead somewhere. Not when your baby started kicking, he wanted now.
You closed your eyes hard and exhaled “I’m not coming.”
Jack sat silent for a second too long and sighed “You don’t have to decide right now.”
“Yes I do.” your voice sharpened immediately “He left.”
“I know.”
“He knew I was pregnant.”
“I know.”
You stood abruptly, pacing now because your rage was suddenly mixing with grief so violently it made your hands shake “You don’t get to disappear for months and then show back up because you crashed your fucking motorcycle.”
Jack let you vent, he knew better than to interrupt you
“I hate him,” you whispered finally,your voice cracking around it
“No you don’t.”
You still ended up at the hospital an hour later, you told yourself it was for closure. That you were only there because if he died before you got to say any of this to his face, it would haunt you forever. Not because part of you still loved him so badly it felt carved into your bones.
Jack met you near the elevators still wearing navy scrubs, exhaustion heavy in his face. His eyes flicked automatically toward your stomach first, six months along now and impossible to miss, then back to your face “You sure ?”
No. But you nod anyway
Jack walked beside you quietly down the hallway, the closer you got to Robby’s room, the harder your heart pounded, you hate that it still does
Jack stopped outside the door and stood in front of you, “He’s awake,” he said gently “But he’s pretty messed up.”
You crossed your arms protectively over your stomach “Good.”
“He doesn’t know how far along you are.” and before you could respond, Jack pushed the door open
Robby was sitting partially upright in the hospital bed with bruises spread across half his face. There was a cut above his eyebrow held together with stitches. His arm was immobilized along with one leg heavily splinted. He also looked thinner, like the last few months hollowed him out from the inside
The second his eyes landed on you everything in him stopped. The color drained from his face and his gaze dropped instinctively to your stomach that was visible now beneath the oversized sweatshirt. You physically watched the realization hit him. His mouth opened slightly but no sound came out then suddenly his eyes filled.
Robby turned his face away sharply like he was ashamed of it, breathing uneven “Oh my god,” he whispers hoarsely
The sound of his voice after months apart nearly broke your composure instantly but you hardened against it. You forced yourself to because this man destroyed you.
He finally looks back at you and there’s genuine devastation written all over his face now.
“You’re—”
“Pregnant ? Did you forget I was ?” you cut in coldly “Yeah I know, showing still happens even when you abandon someone ”
Jack shifted uncomfortably near the door and sighed “Hey…let’s calm down”
Robby flinched like you hit him but you didn’t care, not anymore at least
“I’m sorry,” he said immediately, voice breaking apart “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“You don’t get to say that now.”
The room went painfully quiet, Robby stared at your stomach again, something raw and shattered in his expression “You’re really having my baby,” he whispered like he still couldn’t process it
Your jaw tightens upon his words “He’s not your anything.”
“Okay that’s enough” Jack stepped in “He’s got injuries and it’s time he gets some rest”
“No,” you snapped, eyes never leaving Robby’s “He left us.”
Robby’s face crumpled “I know,” he said quietly
“And I don’t want you there when I give birth,” you continued voice shaking now despite your best efforts “I don’t want you there.”
Robby went completely still, like even breathing hurt “What ?”
“You don’t get to walk back in because you suddenly changed your mind.”
“I didn’t—”
“You left.” you snapped
The monitor beside him started beeping faster and Jack moved closer immediately “Hey, both of you need to calm down.”
But neither of you heard him anymore, Robby’s eyes were locked in on yours desperately “I thought I was ruining your life.”
“You did.”
That finally broke him, he folded forward slightly despite the obvious pain from his injuries, one shaking hand covering his mouth as tears spilled freely now. Robby never cried, not in front of people
“I couldn’t breathe,” Robby choked out “Every time I looked at you I kept thinking eventually I’d become my mother and ruin both of you and I—”
“You didn’t get to decide that for me !”, your own tears falling now too “You didn’t get to decide I’d be better off alone !”
Jack had enough and physically stepped between you two “Enough.” he looked at you first gently “You should go home.”
“Fine.” you wiped angrily at your cheeks
Robby panicked immediately at the idea of you leaving again “Wait—”
“No.”, your voice frighteningly flat “You made your choice months ago.”
The look on his face is almost hard to survive but you forced yourself to turn away anyway. You knew if you stayed another second, part of you might forgive him and you weren’t ready for how much that would hurt you so instead you walked out and left. Not sure how things would be now but you had a feeling they wouldn’t be easy.
Summary: You and Andrew have been officially together for a bit and he decides to finally ask you why you never touch him and fears you don't want him that way only to find out there's a bigger reason and it sends him down a spiral he works hard to come back from
Warnings: age gap (Pope is 40ish and reader is mid 20's) mentions of rape and sexual assault, victim blaming
AN: Fic is inspired by the song "Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby" by Cigarettes After Sex !! Finally my first Pope/Andrew fic !!! I've had this one in the works for a while and I'm so proud of it. Enjoy and let me know what you think ! Remember to comment and reblog 🖤
* I appreciate the likes but please remember if you’re liking to read later, please remember to give feedback ! It’s the smallest of things that us writers ask for. You could reblog with tags, comment or leave an ask, anything you feel comfortable with !! Feedback and support is what makes us write and post more
Dinner had gone cold twenty minutes ago. The pasta sat untouched on both of your plates while rain tapped softly against your condo windows. The only sound in the kitchen was the quiet clink of your boyfriend, Andrew, turning his fork over and over against the ceramic plate
You watched him carefully from across the table, he got like this sometimes. Quiet first, then distant and then somewhere dangerous inside his own head
“You don’t have to eat it if it sucks,” you said lightly, trying to pull him out of it “I definitely didn’t make it al dente like you usually like, I’m sorry”
His eyes lifted immediately “It’s good.”
“Okay.” you nodded
He rubbed at the scar on his knuckle unconsciously, a repetitive motion you had learned meant his OCD was flaring. Usually when he was stressed, overstimulated, or trying not to think about something. You knew he wanted to say something so you waited until he did
“Do you even like me ?”
The question hit so suddenly you almost choked on your water, “What ?”
His jaw tightened “You heard me.”
“Of course I like you.” you looked at him “What kind of fucking question is that Andrew ? Are you being serious right now ?”
“No, I mean actually like me.” he laughed once under his breath, humorless “Because sometimes I can’t tell if you’re just… comfortable with me.”
You stared at him confused “Where is this coming from ?”
He pushed his plate away abruptly “Four months.”
“What about four months ?” you whispered
“We’ve been together four months and every time I touch you for too long you tense up.” Andrew rasped out “Are you scared of me ? Do I scare you ? If-If I did I’m sorry, I am. I don’t mean to”
Your chest tightened instantly and you shook your head “No ! Oh god no, don’t say that...that’s not true at all”
He stood from the table and paced once through the kitchen “I try not to push you,” he said quickly, words starting to come faster “I know I’m older than you and I know I come with—” he gestured vaguely at himself “—all this shit. I know I’m not exactly easy to be with.”
“You are easy to be with.” you said immediately but he ignored that
“I can’t tell if you’re disgusted by me or scared of me or if you just…if you just hate me” Andrew murmured
“I don’t !” you said as you stood up from your chair “I don’t hate you !”
“Then why won’t you let me ever be…near you ?” he met your eyes
The room went still after that, there was no more anger or raised voices and somehow that made the feeling worse. Underneath the frustration was something bad, something that could easily change everything for the both of you. You could see it happening in real time now, his breathing was too shallow, his hands flexing repeatedly and thoughts moving too fast for him to control
You knew enough about him by now to recognize when his suspected BPD latched onto rejection and once it latched on, it tore him apart like no other
“I didn’t mean—” he started suddenly, running a hand through his auburn curls “Forget it. I shouldn’t have said it like that. It was fucked up, I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry”
“You deserve an answer.” you whispered
“No, because now you’re gonna feel cornered and then you’ll hate me for pushing and—”
“I don’t hate you Andrew, please quit saying that.”
His eyes snapped to yours immediately, almost desperate “Then tell me what I’m doing wrong.”
Your throat tightened painfully, you had spent years avoiding this conversation. Years pretending it sat far enough in the past to not matter but here you were years later trying to build a future with a man who was looking at you like he was already preparing himself to lose you
“I was raped when I was 15” you whispered lowly
Andrew turned his head towards you and you swore you could see his eyes begin to water “What ?” he whispered
“My older brother's friend, he was in college and I was about to enter my freshman year of high school” you looked at him “He was sleeping over and it was a Friday night, everyone was asleep except he and I. We were in the living room watching a movie and I went to bed and while I was asleep he came into my room and….and he raped me”
“What ? He…..No” he shook his head, his voice barely existing “No…no…not you”
You swallowed hard and blinked to avoid the moisture building up in your eyes “I never really dealt with it properly. I just learned how to avoid things that make me feel trapped or panicked.” you gave a tiny shrug “Sometimes physical stuff is harder than I want it to be.”
He stared at you like he couldn’t process the words, you waited and waited and then you watched the exact moment it sank in. His face was drained of color but somehow he straightened up his posture and looked in your eyes “Who.”
It wasn’t a question, it was a demand. You knew exactly where his mind was going and there was no way you’d ever let him handle anything like that for you, ever “No.”
“Who did it ?” Andrew rasped out, his voice frighteningly calm now, which was always worse than yelling “Just tell me…please”
You knew stories about him before you dated him, the things he’d done for his family. The extreme violence and the arrests. You remembered your friends and locals referring to him as Pope, a nickname he had told you he despised and only kept because his brothers refused to ever refer to him by his actual name
You knew his family was one to never cross but he had assured you time and time again he was done with that. There was no way you’d ever take him back to that kind of thing. The people who crossed him and his family regretted it, most ended up dead or missing somewhere. You knew the things he personally was capable of
He stepped away from the table entirely now, grabbing his jacket off the counter with shaking hands “Tell me his name.”
“Hey.” you walked over to his side and held his hands “No.”
“You-You said he was in college when you were a freshman, he was-he was an adult ? You were 15 ? Tell me.” Andrews voice shook “Remember, please remember”
“I don’t want to talk about him.” you moved your hands to caress his cheeks, attempting to ground him
“I do.” he nodded avoiding your eyes as his breathing was getting rougher
You could practically see the compulsive thoughts taking over him, fix it, hurt him, make it right, do something. It was going over and over in his brain and you desperately wanted to bring him back “Hey…look at me, please”
“If he’s still alive—”
“Stop.” you whispered “Just stop, please….forget I even said anything just stop”
“He hurt you.” he finally looked at you “He hurt you….he violated you”
“I know.”
“And nobody did anything ?” he exclaimed, his voice cracking at the end “No one did a damn thing ?”
You flinched slightly at the sudden sharpness in his voice and that made him freeze instantly. The anger vanished from his face, replaced immediately with horror “Oh my God” he dropped his jacket “I’m sorry. I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to raise my voice.”
“You didn’t yell.” you shook your head “Just…just surprised”
“But you flinched” his face twisted like the sight physically hurt him
Leaning your head on his chest you wrapped your arms around his waist and hugged him tightly, looking up at him “Look at me.”
He couldn’t do it, he shook his head, his breathing continuing to speed up “I should’ve protected you.”
“You didn’t even know me Andrew” you murmured
“I should’ve protected you.” he repeated
“You were not responsible for what happened to me when I was fifteen.”
“But somebody should’ve been”, his eyes were glassy now, frantic in a way that made your chest ache “You think I can sit here knowing somebody touched you like that?” he whispered “You think I can just eat dinner after hearing that ?”
“You have to.” you said softly
“No.”
“Yes.”
He tried pulling away again but you tightened your hold on him, “Listen to me carefully,” you said softly
He finally looked at you with glossy eyes and moved his hands to your face “You were a kid…you were a little girl…who hurts little girls like that ?”
“You going after someone isn’t going to undo what happened to me” you sniffled
His jaw clenched hard enough you saw the muscle jump “He deserves it…he deserves it for hurting you like that”
“Maybe he does. But I’m asking you not to” he looked tortured by that, actually tortured and it made your heart break
“I don’t know how to live with hearing that.” Andrew looked at you “I wanna kill anyone who ever hurt you”
“You don’t have to…do that” you shook your head
“That’s easy for you to say.”
“No,” you finally said gently “It’s actually not.”
That finally shut him up and you watched the anger in his face slowly crack apart into something else now, grief. Not for himself but for you. His hands squeezed yours almost painfully “You were a kid.” he repeated
The way he said it nearly broke your composure but you managed to stay calm and simply nodded
He shut his eyes hard and when he spoke again, his voice sounded wrecked “I can’t stand thinking about somebody hurting you.”
“I know.”
“And now every time you pull away from me I’m gonna wonder if I remind you of him.”
“You don’t.” you answered quickly as your voice broke “How could you think that Andrew ? Of course you don’t”
“How do you know ?”
“Because I’m not scared of you.” you shook your head
That hit him hard enough that his expression crumpled slightly and you reached up to kiss his cheek “You know what the difference is ?”
He shook his head once
“You stop when I need you to stop, you ask before you touch me sometimes, you pay attention and you make me feel safe,” you whispered “Even now.”
He looked devastated hearing that after what you had told him, his thumb rubbed unconsciously over your knuckles again and again and again, repetitive and grounding “I don’t know what to do with this feeling,” he admitted quietly “I feel like I’m gonna crawl out of my skin.”
“You sit with me.” you murmured
“That’s it ?”
“That’s it.”
His eyes searched yours like he still wasn’t convinced, then finally, slowly, he nodded. You guided him toward the couch and for once, he let you take care of him. Later that night, long after the rain stopped, he held you carefully against his chest in bed like he was still trying to understand how the world could’ve ever been cruel enough to hurt you at all
You could always tell when his brain got stuck on something because he became unnervingly focused. Like every thought tunneled into one point until it consumed him completely. He hadn’t let go of your hand in almost an hour, his thumb kept moving against your skin in absent repetitive strokes, grounding himself
Finally, quietly, he spoke again “Did you tell anybody ?”
You looked over at him “No.”
“Not even your parents ?”
You shook your head once “Nope”
His jaw tightened slightly, but there was no anger in it this time. More disbelief than anything else “You were fifteen.”
“I know.”
“How does a fifteen-year-old carry that alone ?”
You gave a small shrug “I just did”
“That’s not an answer.”
A tiny breath of laughter escaped you despite yourself “See ? This is what I mean.”
His brows pulled together immediately “What ?”
“You ask things like an interrogator babe”
“I’m trying to understand.” he said as softly as he could
“I know.”
And you did know, that was the difference. He wasn’t asking for details out of curiosity. He was trying to build a map in his head so he could understand every reaction you’d ever had around him. From every hesitation to every flinch to every moment you froze up and pretended you were fine afterward
He looked down at your joined hands again “Did he…” his voice caught slightly before he forced himself to continue “Did he hurt you physically ?”
You considered the question carefully and finally nodded “Yes, he did”
His breathing changed immediately, still controlled but barely “And afterwards ?” he asked quietly “Did you get help ? Like did you go to the hospital ?”
“No I didn’t”
His head snapped toward you “No ?”
“I didn’t tell anyone, remember ?”
“That doesn’t make sense.” Andrew shook his head
“It made sense to fifteen-year-old me.” you shrugged
He stared at you for a long moment like he hated that answer because he couldn’t argue with it. He knew what he was going to ask next could get him kicked out of your place but he needed it answered, “Did you think it was your fault ?”
The bluntness of it should’ve sounded harsh but instead it just sounded sad. You looked down at your lap and nodded “At the time I did….I shouldn’t have been alone with him. I should’ve gone to bed when my brother did. I should’ve locked my bedroom door like I always did…I…let it happen”
His face twisted instantly “That’s insane to even think that kind of shit. How could you think it was your fault ? It’s that sick fuck’s fault for hurting a kid”
“I’m the one who stayed up till 1 am with him” you whispered
“You were failed by every adult around you.” he brought up sternly
You reached over and touched his arm gently “I’m okay.”
“No,” he said immediately “You survived it. That’s different.” he rubbed a hand over his face roughly before asking another question “Is that why you don’t like being pinned down ?”
You stiffened slightly in surprise “You noticed that ?”
“I notice everything about you.” he answered instantly
The answer came so quick it made your chest ache, of course he would notice that. Andrew noticed everything about you, the good and the bad
He continued before you could respond “The first time we kissed on the couch and I leaned over you, your breathing changed.” he glanced away briefly “So I stopped doing it.”
“You stop touching me in certain ways when I get nervous,” you realized softly
“Obviously.” he nodded
“Most people wouldn’t notice.”
“Well, I do.” he shifted toward you a little more now, eyes searching your face carefully “Does it happen all the time ?” he asked “Or only sometimes ?”
“Sometimes.”
“What does it feel like ?” he whispered
That question took you longer to answer, you tried to think of a way to explain it that would make sense to someone who had never experienced it “It’s like…” you paused for a bit and let out a deep breath “My body gets confused. My brain knows I’m safe but my nervous system doesn’t always catch up right away.”
He nodded immediately like that made perfect sense to him “Like panic responses.”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
You blinked at how quickly he accepted it. There was no confusion or frustration, just acceptance. He sat back slightly, thinking again “Have I ever made you feel unsafe ?”
Your answer came instantly “No.”
The tension in his shoulders loosened just slightly “You would tell me if I did though, right ?”
“Yes.”
“You swear ?” Andrew looked at you “Right ?”
“I swear.” you leaned over and kissed him “I swear”
He held your gaze another second longer, making sure “Okay.”, silence settled again for a moment before he spoke quietly again, “I don’t really know how normal people respond to hearing something like this.”
“I don’t think there is a normal response.” you huffed softly
“There should be.” he murmured
“You’re doing fine.” you held his hand “You are”
“I’m trying very hard not to go find somebody.” Andrew admitted
You smiled faintly “I know.”
“I mean it.” his eyes dropped again “Every five minutes my brain goes back to wanting a name.”
“I know.”
“But I’m not asking again.”
That surprised you enough that your expression softened immediately “You’re not ?”
“No.” he swallowed “Because you asked me not to.”
Something warm and painful grew in your chest. This man, with all his damage, all his violence, all the terrible things he had survived and done was trying so hard to be gentle with you even now, especially now. You could tell he was trying his absolute hardest to be calm and to be comforting to you
He shifted closer suddenly and reached up carefully, brushing hair back from your face with tenderness “You know what bothers me the most ?”
“What ?”
“That you learned to expect people not to protect you.” he admitted
Your throat tightened and his hand cupped your cheek softly “That’s over now though”
You looked at him quietly “Okay”
“I mean it,” he said, voice low and steady “Nothing is ever going to hurt you again, nothing’s gonna hurt you baby”
Emotion rose so suddenly in your chest it caught you off guard “You can’t control everything.”
“No,” he admitted “But I can control me.”
His thumb brushed gently beneath your eye “I will never be another thing you survive.”
That nearly broke you and your eyes watered instantly. He noticed right away, expression shifting with immediate concern “Hey,” he said softly “Did I say something wrong ?”
You shook your head quickly “No.”
“Then why are you crying ?”
“Because nobody’s ever said that to me before.”
The look on his face after that broke your heart. There was no pity, just heartbreak that nobody had loved you carefully enough before him…kind of like he had felt just before he had met you. He pulled you into his chest slowly, giving you plenty of time to pull away if you wanted but you didn’t
His arms wrapped around you carefully, securely, like he was building shelter around your body. He pressed his lips against your hair and kissed softly
“Nothing’s gonna hurt you baby, as long as you’re with me you’ll be just fine”
but I want SO BADLY to free the WAG Playoff Jackets from the Sports Atelier Clean Girl Minimalist Aesthetic.
bring back chunky cute letterman style varsity jackets. please free these women from the thought that wearing a hockey jersey is cringe. I want these women to look like THEY are about to suit up and get on the ice. like yes, please be head to toe in your team's hockey colors this is literally the nhl playoffs.
