The Price of loving a Gladiator
꒦꒷ synopsis: You are a princess of Rome, bound by duty. He is Toji, a gladiator who survived the impossible and captured your heart. Forbidden glances turn into stolen moments, but when your father arranges a marriage you cannot refuse, love and duty collide in a tragic, unforgettable finale.
gladiator!toji x princess!reader x arranged marriage!kenjaku
꒦꒷ A/N: wrote this instead of doing my latin homework :p all 4 years of intense latin learning and I am still thinking about gladiators, how tragically beautiful they are. mwah mwah -> m.list
It had never been considered strange for you, the Princess of Rome, daughter of an empire built upon conquest, marble, and blood — to sit beside your father while men fought for their survival in the grand arena, their lives offered up as entertainment for roaring crowds hungry for spectacle, violence and death.
You had witnessed these games since childhood, seated upon gilded balconies as the fate of enslaved men unfolded below, watched their desperation as they battled wild beasts for the faintest chance at freedom, listened to the thunderous applause that erupted whenever a life was taken as though it were nothing more than a thrilling performance.
Yet, despite the years, you had never grown accustomed to it.
You found no excitement in watching men struggle only to perish beneath the claws of beasts, no amusement in the laughter of citizens who seemed to forget that the victims before them were once sons, brothers, lovers - human beings with hopes that had been stripped away.
Still, tradition demanded your presence, and tradition was not something easily defied.
Today, like countless days before, you accompanied your father to the Colosseum, though your heart weighed heavier than usual, for this day - your birthday - was meant to be one of joy, celebration, and warmth rather than cruelty disguised as festivity.
You had attempted to persuade him to choose another way to honor the occasion - a feast, a festival, music in the palace gardens, but he had merely dismissed your request with a wave of his hand, claiming that the games were arranged especially for you, as though bloodshed could ever be a gift.
If only he understood how deeply you despised it.
That morning, you had awakened with a lingering sense of dizziness, the early sunlight spilling across your chamber as servants entered with hushed voices and graceful movements, bringing with them breakfast laid upon silver trays, fragrant oils, and garments fit for royalty.
They dressed you in the softest pink silk, fabric so delicate it clung effortlessly to your form, highlighting your posture with gentle elegance, adorning you not as a warrior’s daughter but as Rome’s most cherished jewel.
Your hair was brushed until it gleamed like molten gold, woven with care, scented lightly with floral perfume, while fine jewelry rested upon your skin, cool and luminous against your warmth.
By the time you were guided outside, you looked every inch the Princess of Rome, composed, graceful, intelligent, kind — the embodiment of dignity and softness that your father admired and your people adored.
Seated upon the carriage drawn by proud horses, you kept your gaze lowered in polite modesty, your posture refined, your expression serene, though beneath the practiced calm your thoughts wandered restlessly.
Upon entering the Colosseum, the noise swelled around you like a living creature- laughter, conversation, excitement, and the distant roar of the crowd eager for carnage. Wealthy citizens greeted you warmly, bowing and offering small gifts in honor of your birthday - silks, hair ornaments, baskets of fruit, trinkets meant to please a princess they loved and admired.
You accepted each gift with a gentle smile, responding with gratitude, for it mattered to you that the people felt comforted in your presence, that they saw in you kindness rather than authority.
And yet, even as you returned their warmth, your mind strayed toward those who would soon enter the arena below.
Did they see you as complicit in their suffering? Did they resent you for sitting safely above while they risked death below? The thought lingered uncomfortably, until you pushed it aside - for there was nothing you could do.
Before the games began, an overwhelming need for solitude overcame you, and you quietly excused yourself, requesting a moment of privacy. Though hesitant, the guards trusted you, stepping aside as you promised not to wander far.
Outside, the palace gardens offered a sanctuary untouched by the violence of the arena - pink blossoms swayed gently in the warm summer breeze, tulips painted the earth with soft color, and tall apple trees whispered beneath the sunlight.
You settled upon a stone bench, closing your eyes as the breeze brushed against your skin, hoping to calm the unease stirring within your chest. Then, faintly at first, you heard it.
The sound of steel cutting through air.
The rhythm of effort.
A controlled, powerful cadence.
Curiosity guided your steps as you followed the noise through the trees, your heart beating more quickly with each step. And then you saw him.
A gladiator stood in a small clearing, tall and imposing, his movements precise and disciplined as he practiced with his sword, each strike fluid yet powerful, each motion revealing years of training and endurance.
A golden helmet concealed his face, adorned with striking red plumes that caught the sunlight, giving him an almost mythic presence - like a warrior pulled from legend.
Sweat glistened upon his skin, clinging to the sculpted lines of his arms and shoulders, proof of his strength and the harsh reality of his life. The fabric wrapped around his thighs accentuated his powerful stance, and before you could stop yourself, warmth crept across your cheeks.
You realized, too late, that you had been staring.
His movements slowed.
Then stopped.
Heavy footsteps approached, deliberate and unhurried, until your back met the rough bark of a tree and he stood before you, close enough that you could sense the heat of him, the faint scent of leather, metal, and sweat. Your pulse raced.
“Princess,” he remarked dryly, voice edged with quiet sarcasm. “Watching me before I am sent to die? How considerate of you.”
Anger sparked through your nerves, stiffening your posture.
“Mind your tone,” you replied, gathering your courage despite the tension curling in your chest. “I have no interest in you. I was simply enjoying the gardens. It is you who is being rude.”
A faint sound escaped him, a breath that might have been amusement, though his helmet revealed nothing. He lifted your chin gently but firmly, forcing your gaze upward.
“Be careful,” he murmured, voice lower now. “Standing alone, looking so soft… smelling so sweet. I may be a gladiator, but I am still a man.” Heat rushed to your face.
Mortified and indignant, you knocked his hand away and turned sharply, walking as quickly as you could, ignoring the low laugh that followed you.
Then, before you could stop yourself, you said firmly without turning back:
And you fled. By the time you returned to your seat, your heart thundered in your chest. Your father spoke animatedly with senators and philosophers, oblivious to the storm of thoughts swirling within you.
But you barely heard them. All you could think of was the man in the golden helmet. Was he fighting today? Would he face another gladiator - or the tiger?
The roar of the crowd swelled like a living storm, rolling across the Colosseum in waves of thunderous anticipation, as though the very stones beneath their feet trembled in hunger for blood.
You sat frozen in your seat, fingers curled tightly into the folds of your silk, pulse racing in a rhythm that refused to settle. The gates below groaned open. A hush rippled outward - the kind born not from peace, but from fear.
It was larger than any beast you had ever seen, a creature that seemed less animal and more legend, its massive frame coiled with lethal power, muscles rippling beneath striped gold and black like living fire beneath skin. Its eyes burned with feral intelligence, sharp and merciless, reflecting no mercy, no hesitation, only instinct and dominance.
This was the tiger that had already claimed dozens of lives. The tiger that had devoured strong men, hardened warriors, boys who had still dreamed of freedom. No one had ever defeated it.
A low, guttural snarl crawled from its throat as it paced the arena, tail flicking with impatient authority, claws scoring lines into the sand as if marking graves yet to be filled. The crowd erupted, cheering, shouting, pleading for slaughter.
And then he stepped forward. The gladiator in the golden helmet.
Sunlight kissed the metal, igniting it into a radiant blaze that made him look less like a man and more like a warrior carved from myth. The crimson plume trembled as he moved, his posture calm, controlled, every step measured with the precision of someone who understood death intimately.
Your breath caught painfully in your throat. He held his sword with practiced ease, blade gleaming, body coiled with restrained power - not reckless, not arrogant, but deliberate, alert, prepared.
The tiger noticed him immediately. Its head lowered. Its shoulders rolled. Its lips peeled back to reveal curved fangs stained with the memory of blood.
Even the crowd seemed to sense what was about to unfold.
The movement was violent, explosive, a storm of muscle and teeth, crossing the sand in a heartbeat. The gladiator barely had time to evade, twisting aside as claws tore through the space where he had stood moments before.
Gasps erupted from the stands.
The tiger struck again, faster, more vicious, its paw slicing the air with a brutal swipe that could have shattered bone. He blocked with his shield, impact sending a jarring shock through his arm, sand scattering beneath his boots as he staggered back.
The beast roared, triumphant. It circled him like a predator circling prey, tail flicking, head tilted, calculating, not mindless, but cunning.
It had killed before. It knew how men died.
The gladiator adjusted his stance, breath steady beneath the helmet, blade angled just so, waiting - not chasing victory, but studying death. The tiger feinted.
Then attacked from another angle. He dodged narrowly, sword flashing as he aimed for its flank, but the tiger twisted, impossibly fast, its claws grazing his arm. Blood bloomed instantly, crimson against sunlit skin.
A cry surged from the crowd. You felt your heart drop. The tiger smelled blood.
It charged again with renewed fury, jaws snapping, paws striking, forcing him backward step by step as the sand betrayed his footing. He fell to one knee, barely raising his shield in time as the beast slammed into him with crushing weight.
Dust erupted. The roar of the crowd dissolved into shocked silence. For one terrible moment, it seemed over. The tiger loomed above him, massive paw raised, claws glinting - ready to end another life.
Your lungs forgot how to breathe, you shouted, loudly "DO NOT DIE! I BEG"
Then he moved. With sudden, explosive force, the gladiator rolled aside as the tiger struck where he had been, claws tearing deep into the sand instead of flesh. He surged upward in the same motion, sword flashing in a clean, brutal arc that cut across the tiger’s side. The beast screamed, a raw, furious sound that shook the arena.
Wounded.
But not defeated.
It retaliated with savage fury, lunging, snapping, ramming him with crushing force. They collided again and again, man versus monster, strength against instinct, discipline against primal rage.
He ducked beneath snapping jaws. Slashed across its shoulder.
Dodged claws that could have torn him in half. Sweat streaked down his body. Blood smeared the sand. His breathing grew heavier, yet his movements never lost their precision.
The tiger charged once more, gathering every ounce of its monstrous power for a final, devastating strike. It leaped. Time seemed to slow. The crowd screamed. And the gladiator struck.
With a single, decisive motion, he stepped forward instead of retreating, driving his blade upward with every ounce of strength and resolve, straight into the tiger’s chest.
The impact knocked the breath from both of them. The tiger convulsed, letting out a shattered, fading roar as its massive body collapsed into the sand, dust blooming around it like a final breath.
Silence fell. For a heartbeat. Then the Colosseum erupted. A deafening explosion of cheers, disbelief, awe. No one had ever defeated that tiger.
The gladiator wrenched his sword free and rose slowly, chest heaving, blood streaking his skin, golden helmet still gleaming beneath the sun. He lifted his weapon in victory. And for a brief, impossible moment, though you knew it was madness, it felt as though his gaze found you.
The cheers of the Colosseum continued to echo long after the tiger’s body had fallen still, its once-feared strength reduced to a silent heap upon the stained sand, while the crowd reveled in the shock of witnessing a victory no one had believed possible.
You, however, found no thrill in the celebration.
Your heart remained trapped in the memory of the fight, in the flash of gold beneath the sun, in the power and precision of the gladiator’s movements, in the haunting certainty that you had watched a man walk the very edge of death and return.
Your father, seated beside you in regal satisfaction, leaned back with an approving smile, clearly delighted by the spectacle Rome had been granted.
“A magnificent battle,” he declared, his voice filled with pride. “That gladiator fought like a legend. Rome will speak of him for months. Be proud, daughter, that this event was specially for you.”
You folded your hands carefully in your lap, attempting to maintain the composure expected of you, even as your pulse continued to flutter erratically beneath your ribs.
“It was… impressive,” you replied quietly, though the word felt far too small to contain what you had witnessed. “But it was also terrifying.” Your father turned to you with mild amusement. “You have always been gentle, my daughter. You see tragedy where others see triumph. Yet this is our tradition. Strength must be admired. Courage must be rewarded.”
You lowered your gaze. “And mercy?” you asked softly. “Must that be forgotten?” He paused, studying you with a mixture of fondness and dismissal. “Mercy has its place, but Rome is built upon power, not softness.”
Perhaps he believed that. Perhaps Rome demanded that. But your heart, trembling and conflicted, was already drifting elsewhere.
As the sun began to descend, casting warm amber light across the marble and stone, an overwhelming restlessness stirred within you, a longing not merely to escape the noise of the crowd, but to return to the quiet sanctuary of the gardens.
More truthfully, you longed to return to him.
You excused yourself with graceful politeness, rising from your seat as senators and nobles continued their conversations, noticing the curves of your body and the plush of flesh, smiling.
The guards hesitated when you requested solitude once more, but your calm assurance and your history of trust convinced them to allow it. “I only need a moment of air,” you promised gently. They bowed, stepping aside. The gardens greeted you with hushed serenity.
The scent of blossoms hung softly in the air, mingling with the fading warmth of the day. Pale petals trembled in the breeze, and the tall apple trees whispered overhead, as though guarding secrets meant only for those brave enough to wander beneath them.
Your steps slowed as you walked deeper into the greenery, your heart beating with an emotion you struggled to name, a fragile blend of curiosity, concern, anticipation, and something far more dangerous.
He stood in the clearing where you had first encountered him, no longer hidden behind the imposing golden helmet, his face now revealed in the gentle light of evening, marked with exhaustion, faint bruises, and the quiet dignity of someone who had faced death and survived. Black hair glistened with sweat.
A cut traced his lips, and streaks of blood and sweat still clung to his skin, catching the glow of the setting sun. His posture, once taut with readiness for battle, had softened into something more human, less warrior, more man.
For a long moment, neither of you spoke. The silence between you felt heavy, yet strangely alive, as though filled with all the words neither of you yet dared to say. Finally, his gaze lifted fully to meet yours.
“So,” he said quietly, a faint note of dry humor threading his voice, “it seems I managed to disappoint death today.” Relief surged through you, warm and unexpected, loosening a knot you had not realized had tightened in your chest.
“You fought bravely,” you replied, stopping a few steps away, your voice steady despite the tremor in your heart. “The tiger had never been defeated.”
“It was never meant to be,” he answered softly. “That beast has claimed stronger men than I.”
“Yet it did not claim you,” you murmured.
He tilted his head slightly, studying you with a gaze that felt both curious and guarded. “Fate was undecided,” he said. “Or perhaps simply entertained.”
You hesitated before speaking again, searching for the right words. “You frightened me,” you admitted quietly. “For a moment, I believed you would die.”
A faint, surprised expression flickered across his features before settling into something gentler. “Princesses should not worry about men like me,” he replied. “Our lives are meant to be forgotten.”
“I do not believe that,” you said firmly. “No life deserves to be treated as disposable.” For a brief instant, his defenses seemed to waver, as though your words had struck deeper than he expected.
“You speak as though you belong to another world,” he said in a low voice.
“Perhaps I wish I did,” you replied softly.
The evening breeze lifted, stirring strands of your hair and carrying with it the scent of flowers and fading warmth. He watched you with quiet intensity, as though trying to understand a mystery he had never expected to encounter.
“You returned,” he observed. “Did you come to ensure I was still breathing?”
Your heart fluttered. “I returned,” you said after a moment, “because I hoped you were.” A silence fell, delicate and charged.
He stepped a fraction closer not enough to touch, but close enough that you became acutely aware of his presence, of the warmth radiating from him, of the quiet steadiness in his breathing.
“You should be careful,” he murmured. “If you continue wandering into places like this, you may find yourself entangled in things far more dangerous than you intend.”
You lifted your chin slightly, meeting his gaze. “Perhaps,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper, “I am already entangled.”
Something softened in his expression, something unguarded, something almost tender.
“You are unlike the others,” he admitted. “Most look at me and see a weapon. You look at me and see a person.”
“That is because you are a person,” you answered simply.
For a heartbeat, the world beyond the garden seemed to vanish, no empire, no arena, no chains, no expectations, only the fragile connection forming between two people who were never meant to meet this way.
Then distant footsteps echoed, a reminder of reality drawing ever closer. Reluctantly, you turned to leave.
“Rest,” you said softly. “You have endured enough for one day.”
He watched you with an unreadable expression. “And you,” he replied quietly, “should not let Rome harden the kindness out of you.”
You paused, glancing back at him over your shoulder, a faint smile touching your lips. “I will try,” you whispered. And as you walked away, your heart felt lighter, yet more dangerously tethered, than it had ever been before.
The palace felt quieter than usual when you returned that evening, as though its marble halls and golden corridors sensed the weight of your thoughts and chose to tread softly around them.
Servants bowed as you passed, candles flickered in tall holders, and silk curtains whispered in the gentle night breeze, yet none of it managed to distract you from the single presence that had lodged itself firmly within your mind.
His name lingered on your tongue like a secret you were not meant to speak aloud.
Even as your attendants helped you from your ceremonial attire and replaced silk with softer linens, even as warm water was poured over your hands and floral oils brushed against your skin, your thoughts remained tethered to him, to the steady intensity in his gaze, the quiet strength in his posture, the faint cut at the corner of his mouth that marked both violence and survival.
When at last you were alone, seated by the open window of your chambers, the distant hum of Rome murmuring below, you found yourself staring at the darkening sky, replaying the memory of him with an ache that felt dangerously close to yearning.
You remembered the sunlight glinting against his skin.
The way black hair fell in loose, untamed strands against his brow.
The subtle scar at his lip, lending him a rugged severity softened only by the quiet restraint in his voice.
The way he had looked at you.
The realization unsettled you. It thrilled you. It frightened you. Sleep eluded you that night. Each time you closed your eyes, you saw him again, standing beneath the apple trees, breathing steadily after battle, carrying both exhaustion and dignity with the same quiet resolve.
By morning, your decision had already taken root. At breakfast, as your father discussed politics, trade, and the endless affairs of the empire, you listened politely, waiting for the moment to speak.
When it came, your voice remained calm, though your heart beat faster than usual. “Father,” you began gently, “I have been thinking about the gladiator who fought yesterday.”
His expression brightened immediately. “Ah, yes. The one who defeated the tiger. A remarkable warrior. Rome will remember his name.”
“So will I,” you replied quietly. He lifted a brow, amused. “And why is that?” You hesitated only briefly before continuing.
“I believe a man of such strength and discipline could serve the palace well,” you said. “I would like him appointed as my personal guard.”
For a moment, he regarded you with curiosity. “A gladiator as your escort?” he repeated thoughtfully. “That is an unusual request.”
“He has proven his loyalty to survival, his control under pressure, and his ability to protect himself against impossible odds,” you answered carefully. “Surely those qualities are valuable in a guardian.”
Your father studied you for a long moment, then gave a faint chuckle. “You surprise me, my daughter,” he said. “Very well. If you wish it, I will arrange for him to be transferred from the arena.”
Relief surged through you, quiet, but profound. “Thank you,” you said softly.
You saw him again two days later. He stood in the palace courtyard beneath towering columns, dressed no longer in the armor of spectacle but in the simpler attire of a royal guard, dark fabric, leather straps, sword resting at his side.
He looked different without the golden helmet. More real. More dangerous. More human.
Black hair framed his face in loose, unruly strands, catching the light when he turned his head, while the faint cut at the corner of his mouth remained like a permanent reminder of a life shaped by struggle.
When he noticed you approaching, he straightened immediately, posture respectful but not submissive, his gaze lifting to meet yours with quiet intensity.
“Princess,” he greeted, bowing his head slightly.
“You may call me by my name when we are alone,” you replied, surprising both him and yourself. “And you are Toji, correct?”
A flicker of surprise crossed his expression. “Yes,” he answered. “Toji.” Hearing his name spoken aloud felt strangely intimate.
“You will serve as my personal guard,” you continued softly. “I hope you do not resent the assignment.”
He regarded you for a moment before responding.
“I do not resent protecting the one who saved me from returning to the arena,” he said quietly. “You have my loyalty.”
You felt warmth rise to your cheeks. “I did not save you,” you murmured. “You saved yourself.”
“Perhaps,” he replied. “But you gave me another life.”
Days turned into weeks, and slowly, subtly, the space between you began to change. He walked a respectful distance behind you through palace halls, stood silently near your chambers, accompanied you through gardens where sunlight filtered through leaves and painted shifting patterns across marble pathways.
At first, your conversations were careful, formal, restrained by expectation. Then, gradually, they softened.
You learned that he spoke little, but observed much.
That beneath his stoic exterior lay a quiet sense of dry humor.
That he listened when you spoke, as though your thoughts mattered more than the expectations of Rome.
And he learned you. Not just the princess adored by the people, but the woman beneath, thoughtful, conflicted, compassionate, yearning for a world gentler than the one she had inherited.
Sometimes, you caught him watching you when he believed you were not looking. Sometimes, your gaze lingered on him longer than it should have.
And every time your eyes met, something unspoken seemed to pass between you, something fragile, dangerous, undeniable.
One evening, as the sky melted into shades of gold and violet, you found yourself walking beside him in the gardens, the air warm and scented with blooming flowers.
“You are quieter than usual,” he observed softly.
“I am thinking,” you replied.
“Of you,” you admitted before you could stop yourself.
The words lingered between you like a breath held too long. He slowed his steps, turning to face you more fully, expression unreadable yet undeniably softened.
“And what about me troubles a princess’s mind?” he asked quietly.
You hesitated, then answered with honesty that felt almost reckless.
“I wonder what kind of life you might have lived if you had never been forced into the arena.”
For a moment, something raw flickered in his gaze. “I wonder,” he said just as softly, “what kind of life you might have lived if you had never been born into a throne.”
The realization struck you both at once. Different worlds. Different burdens. Yet the same quiet longing. The breeze stirred your hair, and he reached out instinctively, stopping just short of touching you, his hand hovering as though unsure whether he was allowed.
You felt the warmth of him even without contact. For a heartbeat, it seemed as though the distance between you might disappear entirely.
But neither of you moved. Neither of you spoke the truth burning in your chest. Instead, you stepped back slightly, offering him a faint, trembling smile.
“Thank you,” you said softly. “For staying.”
His voice was low, steady, and filled with something dangerously close to devotion.
“I will always stay,” he replied.
And though neither of you confessed it, though neither dared to name the feeling growing between you, the truth lingered in every glance, every pause, every quiet moment shared: You were already falling in love.
The news did not arrive like thunder. It arrived like a blade.
You learned of it in your father’s private chambers, where sunlight filtered through tall columns and dust shimmered in the air like something fragile and already fading. He spoke with the calm certainty of a ruler who believed he was acting wisely, speaking of alliances, political stability, and Rome’s future as though your life were merely another piece in a strategic game.
“You will marry Kenjaku,” he said, as if naming the weather. “The arrangement has already been made. The union will strengthen our standing in the Senate.”
The words settled over you slowly, like ash. For a moment, you could not breathe. “You did not ask me,” you said quietly, though your voice felt far away from your own body.
“You are a princess,” he replied, gently but firmly. “Your duty has never belonged to you alone.” A thousand thoughts screamed inside your mind, yet none of them found their way to your lips. You wanted to protest, to argue, to beg, to refuse, but centuries of expectation pressed against your spine, holding you upright even as something inside you fractured.
“I understand,” you whispered, because you had been taught to understand. He smiled, satisfied, believing the matter settled. You left the chamber with steady steps, but the moment you turned the corner, your composure shattered.
The palace felt different after that, colder, heavier, filled with corridors that seemed too narrow to contain the storm inside your chest. And with terrible clarity, your mind went to only one person. Toji.
You found him in the gardens at dusk, where the last light of day painted the sky in bruised shades of gold and purple, and the air carried the scent of fading blossoms. He stood as he always did, watchful, composed, attentive, but the moment he saw your expression, something sharpened in his gaze.
“What happened?” he asked quietly.
You tried to answer, but the words trembled. “My father,” you began, then stopped, swallowing hard. “He has arranged my marriage.”
The sentence felt like it did not belong to you, like it had been torn from someone else’s life and forced into your mouth. Toji went utterly still. For a moment, he said nothing, and the silence between you swelled, thick with everything he was not allowed to say.
“…When?” he asked at last, his voice low and tightly controlled.
“Soon,” you replied softly. “There is no room for refusal.”
He looked away, jaw tightening, the faint cut at his mouth pulling slightly as though the emotion beneath his composure were physically painful to restrain.
“So,” he murmured, almost to himself, “Rome has finally decided your fate.”
You stepped closer to him, the ache in your chest unbearable. “I do not want this,” you confessed, your voice trembling despite your effort to keep it steady. “I do not want a life chosen for me by duty and expectation.”
His hands curled slowly at his sides, knuckles whitening. “Then do not accept it,” he said quietly, though the words sounded like a lie even to him.
You shook your head, bitterly. “I do not have your freedom,” you replied. “Every step I take belongs to Rome before it belongs to me.”
He turned back to you, and for the first time since you had met him, the discipline in his expression cracked, revealing something raw, wounded, and dangerously human.
“And what about what you want?” he asked, voice rough. “Does that matter at all?”
You hesitated. Then you told the truth.
“I want the days we have shared,” you said softly. “The quiet conversations. The walks in the garden. The moments where I am not only a princess, but simply… myself.”
His breath faltered almost imperceptibly.
“You should not say such things to a man like me,” he replied, though his tone lacked conviction.
“But I am saying them,” you whispered, eyes glistening. “Because I do not know how to carry this alone.”
For a long moment, he stared at you as though memorizing every detail, the curve of your expression, the tremble in your lips, the vulnerability you so rarely allowed anyone to see.
“There are things I have never permitted myself to want,” he admitted quietly. “Because wanting them would mean suffering.”
“Then we are alike,” you said softly. “Because I have been suffering since the day I learned my heart was not my own.”
The breeze lifted between you, stirring the air with something that felt painfully close to farewell.
“If I could,” he murmured, voice heavy with restraint, “I would take you far from this place. Somewhere no one could command you. Somewhere your name would not belong to an empire.”
Tears burned behind your eyes. “If you said that aloud,” you replied, barely audible, “Rome would call it treason.”
“Then let Rome call it what it wishes,” he said bitterly. “It does not change the truth.” Silence stretched aching, trembling, filled with everything neither of you dared to act upon.
You stepped closer, close enough to feel the warmth of him, close enough to sense the steady rhythm of his breath, close enough that the space between you felt like a fragile thread ready to snap.
“Tell me,” you whispered, voice shaking, “that this meant nothing to you. That our time together was only duty.”
He looked at you as though the request wounded him. “I cannot,” he answered honestly. “Because it would be a lie.”
Your heart twisted painfully. “Then we are already lost,” you said softly.
His voice lowered, raw with emotion he had fought too long to contain. “If loving you is a sin,” he murmured, “then it is one I will carry in silence.” The confession hovered between you, unspoken, unnamed, yet undeniable. You wanted to reach for him. To hold him. To beg him not to let go.
But the world waited beyond the garden walls. Rome waited.
A future you did not choose waited. So instead, you took a step back, tears finally slipping free.
“Promise me,” you whispered, “that you will not disappear from my life.”
He bowed his head slightly, voice low and steady despite the storm inside him. “I will stay,” he said. “Even if staying breaks me.”
The night before your wedding arrived quietly, as though it did not wish to draw attention to the devastation it carried.
The palace had been transformed in preparation for celebration, corridors draped in silk, halls perfumed with incense and flowers, servants whispering excitedly about the ceremony that would soon bind you to a man you had never chosen, yet none of it felt real to you. It all felt distant. Unreachable.
Like a future already lost. You could not sleep.
Your chamber felt too small to contain the storm of emotions churning within you, and so you rose from your bed and wrapped yourself in a light cloak, stepping out into the corridors with soft, careful footsteps, guided not by reason, but by longing.
You did not need to wonder where you were going. Your heart already knew.
The gardens greeted you in silence, bathed in pale moonlight that softened every color and blurred every edge, turning marble paths and flowered hedges into something dreamlike and unreal.
The air was cool, scented with night-blooming blossoms, and somewhere in the distance, Rome breathed quietly, unaware that a princess was breaking beneath the weight of her fate.
Toji stood beneath the trees, just as though he had been summoned by the same unspoken pull, dark hair falling loosely around his face, the faint cut at the corner of his mouth still visible, his posture tense with emotions he had been forcing himself to restrain all day.
For a moment, neither of you spoke. You simply looked at each other, and in that single glance lived every conversation you had never been allowed to finish, every feeling you had never dared to name, every future you would never have.
“You should not be here,” he said quietly, though his voice lacked any real conviction.
“Neither should you,” you replied, stepping closer, the gravel crunching softly beneath your feet. “Yet here we are.”
The distance between you felt heavier than ever before. Tomorrow, you would belong to another man. Tomorrow, this fragile, forbidden connection would be expected to vanish.
“You will be married by this time tomorrow,” he murmured, as though saying it aloud might finally make it feel real.
“Yes,” you whispered. “And tonight may be the last time I am allowed to stand here with you as myself.” The words trembled on your tongue.
He looked at you with an intensity that felt almost unbearable, as though he were trying to memorize every detail, the curve of your expression, the softness in your eyes, the quiet heartbreak written across your face.
“You deserved a life chosen by love,” he said softly. “Not by politics. Not by duty.”
“And yet,” you replied, voice shaking, “here I am, still wishing for something I was never meant to have.” The breeze lifted gently between you, stirring the edge of your cloak, brushing your hair across your cheek, carrying with it the ache of all that remained unsaid.
He let out a slow, unsteady breath. Your chest tightened painfully. Silence settled again - heavy, trembling, electric. You stepped closer. Then closer still.
So close that you could feel the warmth of him, the faint scent of leather and night air, the steady rhythm of his breathing faltering beneath the weight of restraint.
“If we cross this line,” he murmured, voice low and raw, “there will be no undoing it.”
“There is already no undoing what I feel,” you replied, tears burning behind your eyes.
For a moment, he hesitated as though fighting the last remnants of discipline, honor, and self-control. Then he lifted his hand. Slowly. Carefully.
His fingers brushed against your jaw with a tenderness that felt almost reverent, as though you were something sacred rather than forbidden, his touch warm and grounding and devastating all at once. Your breath caught.
His thumb lingered briefly near your cheek, and in that instant, every wall between you crumbled. You leaned toward him without fully realizing it. He met you halfway.
The kiss was soft at first, hesitant, restrained, trembling with everything you had both been holding back, his lips brushing against yours with a gentleness that felt like a confession whispered in silence rather than spoken aloud.
Then it deepened. Not rushed. Not reckless. But slow, deliberate, aching with emotion. A kiss filled with longing and grief and love that had never been allowed to bloom in daylight, a kiss that carried every unspoken word, every stolen moment, every dream that would never be fulfilled.
Your hands curled lightly into the fabric at his chest, as though anchoring yourself to the only person who had ever made you feel seen beyond your title. His hand slid to rest at your waist, steady and protective, holding you as though he feared you might vanish if he let go.
For a moment, the world disappeared. There was no Rome.
No throne. No wedding. No duty. Only the fragile, burning truth that you loved him, and that he loved you in return, even if neither of you dared to say it aloud.
When you finally pulled apart, your foreheads rested together, breaths mingling, hearts racing in painful, synchronized rhythm. “This is cruel,” you whispered shakily. “To taste happiness on the eve of losing it.”
He closed his eyes briefly. “If this is all we are ever allowed,” he murmured, voice thick with emotion, “then I will carry it with me for the rest of my life.”
Tears slipped down your cheeks. “And I will carry you,” you replied softly. “Even when I am forced to walk a path that is not mine.”Reluctantly, you stepped back. The distance returned. But something between you had changed forever.
Days had passed since the wedding, yet the palace still felt unfamiliar, as though its walls had subtly shifted around you, reshaping your existence into something narrower, quieter, and far more suffocating than the life you had once known.
Rome celebrated your union with tireless enthusiasm, praising the alliance, the political advantage, the elegance of the ceremony, and the way you had smiled so beautifully as you pledged yourself to a man you had never chosen.
To them, everything had settled. To you, nothing had.
Your husband - Kenjaku - moved through the palace with the confidence of a man who believed he had rightfully claimed something valuable, speaking to you with a possessiveness disguised as affection, placing his hand at your waist too firmly, lingering a little too long, reminding you through both gesture and presence that you now belonged to him. He was not cruel. But he was insistent. Demanding. Expectant.
And every expectation felt like another lock placed around your heart. Toji, however, remained by your side. He walked a careful distance behind you through marble corridors, stood quietly during court gatherings, accompanied you through gardens where laughter once felt lighter, always present, always restrained, always carrying his emotions behind a mask of unwavering discipline.
If your husband noticed, he did not comment. If he suspected, he did not acknowledge. And yet, every step you took felt heavier under the weight of what could never be spoken.
One afternoon, as golden sunlight poured through the palace windows and dust drifted lazily through the air, you sat beside your husband in the grand hall, surrounded by soft music, distant conversation, and the gentle illusion of contentment.
Kenjaku leaned closer to you, his voice low and pleased. “My wife,” he murmured, as though savoring the title, “Rome adores you. You have made this union even more successful than I imagined.”
You smiled politely, because you had been trained to smile even when your chest felt hollow. “I am glad Rome is satisfied,” you replied softly.
His hand found yours, fingers closing with quiet ownership, and he lifted your knuckles to his lips in a gesture meant to appear romantic. “Affection, my love,” he whispered, glancing briefly at the watching nobles. “They expect to see it.”
Your heart tightened. You knew what he was asking. You also knew who was standing behind you. Toji. You did not turn around, but you could feel his presence with painful clarity, silent, unmoving, witnessing something he had no right to witness and yet could not look away from.
Kenjaku leaned closer. “Come,” he murmured gently but firmly, “kiss me.” The request felt like a blade pressed to your throat. For a brief, treacherous moment, your mind rebelled, screaming that you could refuse, that you could step away, that you could protect the last fragile pieces of yourself. But duty prevailed. Rome prevailed. You leaned forward.
Your lips brushed against your husband’s, soft, restrained, obedient, a kiss born not from desire but from surrender, lasting only a moment yet heavy with the unbearable knowledge of what it symbolized.
When you pulled away, your breath trembled faintly. Applause rippled through the hall. Satisfied murmurs followed. Your husband smiled, pleased with both the performance and the possession. Behind you, silence endured.
Later that evening, you walked through the gardens, the air warm and perfumed with flowers that now felt too sweet, too reminiscent of a time when hope had not yet been torn from your grasp.
Toji followed at his usual distance. You stopped near the apple trees, hands clasped tightly before you, struggling to steady the storm inside your chest. “I did not want him to see,” you whispered without turning around.
“I saw,” Toji replied quietly. The words felt heavier than any accusation. You turned to face him, eyes shining with unshed tears.
“I had no choice,” you said, voice breaking despite your effort to remain composed. “It is expected of me. It is demanded of me. Every part of this life belongs to duty.”
His jaw tightened, the faint cut at his mouth pulling slightly as he restrained emotion. “I know,” he said. “But knowing does not make it easier to witness.”
Your heart twisted painfully. “It hurt you,” you murmured.
“It destroyed me,” he answered honestly. The admission trembled in the air between you.
“I am sorry,” you whispered, stepping closer. “I never wanted you to carry this pain.”
“You never gave it to me,” he replied. “Rome did.” A silence settled, thick, aching, full of everything you could not say.
“You look at me now,” he continued softly, “and I see the same woman you were before the wedding, kind, thoughtful, alive, yet there is also something missing, something dimmed.”
You swallowed hard. “Because I am living a life that does not belong to me,” you replied. “Because every day, I must pretend to love a man while loving another in silence.”
The confession hovered between you, dangerous, raw, undeniable. Toji looked at you as though it pained him to do so. “I would endure any wound,” he murmured, “if it meant sparing you this.”
Tears finally slipped down your cheeks. “I endure it for Rome,” you whispered. “But every time I am asked to smile, every time I am expected to show affection, every time I am reminded that I belong to someone else… it feels like losing you again.”
He stepped closer, not touching, never crossing the line, yet near enough that the space between you trembled with restrained emotion. “You have not lost me,” he said quietly. “Even if I am forced to watch you live a life I cannot share, my loyalty to you has not changed.”
Your voice trembled. “And what of your heart?” you asked softly.
He hesitated. Then answered with quiet truth. “It belongs where it always has,” he said. “Even if it must remain silent.” The words broke something inside you. You turned away briefly, pressing a hand to your chest as though trying to hold yourself together.
“This is cruelty,” you whispered. “To love someone you cannot choose. To belong to someone you cannot love. To smile through a pain no one else sees.”
He watched you with an expression carved from restraint and sorrow. “If loving you is my burden,” he said softly, “then I will carry it without regret.”
You met his gaze again, heart aching, voice trembling. “And I will carry you,” you replied, “even if I must carry you alone.”
That night, as you returned to your chambers, your husband awaited you with expectation, speaking of duty, of heirs, of the future Rome demanded. But when you were finally alone, standing before the window where moonlight spilled across marble floors, you allowed yourself to feel everything you had been forced to suppress. The kiss replayed in your mind, not as romance, but as sacrifice. Toji’s silence echoed louder than applause.
Toji followed you, silent as always, the shadows hugging him as though they, too, respected his restraint, and you were acutely aware of the rhythm of his steps behind yours, steady, unwavering, the sound both a comfort and a knife pressed against your chest, reminding you that the man who truly held your heart was here, yet forbidden. You had worn your composure like armor, had forced smiles when your husband’s hand lingered too long, had endured kisses that felt like commands and yet tonight, as you moved through the hall toward the secluded balcony that overlooked the gardens, you knew that the fragile control you had maintained for days was about to shatter.
Kenjaku had followed you. You had sensed it long before his presence became audible, the faint shift of air behind you, the careful step that carried threat more than civility, the quiet click of polished boots against the marble that promised confrontation. You had hoped to avoid him, to slip into the night with Toji, perhaps to carve a single stolen moment of solace beneath the moonlight, but fate, cruel, deliberate, had chosen otherwise. He emerged from the shadows, tall, imposing, the flickering torchlight glinting off the blade he carried, the same polished steel he had been taught to wield with lethal precision, now aimed with intent at the man who had dared to capture your heart.
“Toji,” he hissed, voice low and trembling with rage, “you overstep your place. I will not allow you to steal what is mine!” His hand gripped the hilt tighter, knuckles white, and he advanced like a predator who had finally cornered the prey he had been circling, and in that moment, the world seemed to narrow, the air dense, electric, charged with the inevitability of death.
You froze, chest constricting, vision narrowing to the three figures, yourself, your husband, and Toji, standing beneath the shadows of a world that refused to grant you choice. Time itself seemed suspended. Every breath felt like a lifetime, every heartbeat a drumbeat signaling the end. You saw the flash of steel, the glint that had once belonged to the tiger and now belonged to the hand of a man who had declared war on the one who had dared to love you. And in that moment, a decision crystallized, pure and raw, forged from love so deep it would brook no compromise.
“No!” you cried, voice piercing the tense silence like a bell tolling doom. And before either man could react, before Kenjaku could strike, you stepped forward. Not away, not hiding, not pleading, but forward, deliberate, resolute. You placed yourself between them, feeling the weight of both men’s gazes upon you, knowing fully that in this instant, you had become the fulcrum upon which fate would pivot.
Kenjaku’s eyes widened, a flicker of horror crossing his features as the steel struck flesh or, rather, struck you. The blade tore through your silk, through the warmth and softness of your chest, through the fragile, beating heart that had never truly belonged to him. Pain blossomed in your body, sharp and white-hot, and yet your vision remained fixed on Toji.
He was frozen, wide-eyed, breath catching as he watched the woman he loved, the only woman he would ever allow himself to love, shatter before him. His hand twitched toward the tiger-forged blade he had once wielded to claim victory over the beast, to claim life from the impossible, to strike with precision and survival, yet now, it was useless. It could not save you, though it could only promise that vengeance, justice, and grief would follow in its wake.
Tears burned your eyes as the world around you blurred, the torchlight, the marble, the garden beyond the balcony, all fading into a haze of heat and pain. Your husband’s voice wavered, raw and panicked. “No! This was not meant to happen!”
“Yes,” you whispered, voice barely audible, trembling as you sank to your knees, your fingers brushing the cold marble, reaching for Toji’s hand though you barely had the strength to hold your own life, “it was always meant to happen… because I chose him… because I have always loved him… because I could not live without… seeing… you survive.”
Toji stepped forward, voice cracking, raw with anguish. “Princess… don’t… don’t leave me…” His knees buckled slightly as he reached toward you, fingers trembling, catching only the edge of your sleeve, brushing against silk soaked with your blood.
Your lips lifted in a faint, broken smile. “Then… live, Toji… live… for both of us… even if I cannot…” The words left your lips like a sigh, fragile, fleeting, and utterly final.
Kenjaku’s face was white with horror, rage, disbelief, his own betrayal, his own ambition, his own expectations collapsing around him as he realized he had killed not only the woman he had claimed but the only thing in the world he could never truly possess.
Toji sank to his knees beside you, gripping your hands, pressing his forehead against yours, tears carving paths down his face. “I am here,” he whispered, voice breaking. “I am still here… and I… I will carry you with me…”
Your hand trembled against his cheek, your bloodied fingers brushing the dark strands of hair he had never cut. And then, slowly, impossibly, your eyes closed. The world held its breath.
The moonlight lingered on marble and silk, on blood and hair, on the two figures still kneeling in the garden, caught between love and grief, between rage and sorrow, between a life that demanded duty and a heart that had been claimed and broken beyond repair.
Toji’s scream tore through the night, a sound of despair that would haunt the palace forever. His hands clutched your body, pressing it to his chest as he wept, as he cursed fate, as he mourned the life that had been taken while he could do nothing but watch, powerless, his soul fracturing with every heartbeat that no longer belonged to you.
Kenjaku fell silent, finally recognizing that his ambition had delivered him only horror, that the life he had claimed had been never his to possess, and that he had destroyed the only thing that had ever made him insignificant to someone else.
The world had taken you from Toji, but it had never taken what you had been to each other.
