Call me whatever you know me by, but if you don't know me by anything, call me by my username? Or Ajax. Use he/it on me please!
I'm POC!! I'm Indonesian, yahoo!! (I'm living in hell) I speak English, Indonesian, and Spanish. I'm learning Mandarin, actually!
I am a System. I don't have any other specifier really, I don't care. I am ailed with like? NPD, StPD traits, probably some OCD tendencies, the classic Autism + ADHD, and other messed up bullcrap.
I'm 17! Never thought I'd make it this far! I'm taken happily and lovingly by 2 partners, who I adore. I also have a shit ton of interests, but I don't really post them here? I interact + follow from @/chiloser :-)
I don't actually post as much anymore, mainly reblogs about stuff I find important. It's kinda like my #Activism blog but also not really. I'm just a funny highschooler that's kinda messed up but I mean, I lived for this long, too late to cancel it.
Controversial take, but if your heart isn't ready to forgive, you don't have to. Forcing it can be counterproductive. Focus on understanding your emotions and honor your own pace. Whether you find forgiveness or another path to healing, both are valid.
Having a traumatic childhood means you cannot talk even objectively about your basic foundational experiences without it being "venting", even if you're not actually venting. You just straight up have a huge chunk of your life you can't talk about, full stop, without it being trauma dumping.
And it not being socially acceptable to talk about your own childhood is super alienating. Sometimes people want to know why, and any answer you can give them is going to be off putting.
It's to the point I get irritated when something I said is framed as venting when I'm literally just talking about my life experiences, doing my best to keep emotion out of it.
when I was in high school, I overheard two older students talking about a friend of theirs.
One of them said something like, "it doesn't bother me that [Friend] was in residential mental health treatment, I just wish they wouldn't talk about it ALL the time".
The other replied, "Well, that was all of last year for them. So when they say 'when I was in treatment,' it's like when you say 'last year'."
I try to remember that any time someone says something that sounds Shocking to me. sometimes one person's scary special crisis is another person's last year.
also, google is free, but pick up a textbook every once in awhile. Find articles written by POC and keep up to date with how you can be a better ally. I took a black feminist theory class in college…taught by two white women.
You heard me right. Two. White. Women.
Which is fucking insane in itself, but on the first day of class one of the professors was reading an article, written by a black woman…and decided that it was completely acceptable and appropriate to drop the n-word (hard r) and every single person in class was fucking MORTIFIED. Even in the context of education, there was no reason for a white professor to so casually and subtly use that word. (They were called out for it immediately after and profusely apologized)
My point is that covert racism is still racism, and unfortunately it is alive and well.
I also have all of the articles and works saved from this class if anyone would like to do some heavy and necessary reading! I have hard copies, but I’m sure I can find the links for the articles as well.
Just after doing a little research on google, I found these articles to be incredibly helpful on breaking down covert racism, racism, white privilege, etc.
covert racism
systematic racism
racism and health
becoming trustworthy white allies
what is white privilege
books on systematic racism, racial justice, and anti-racism
race equity tools
Bottom line, white people have no excuse to not stand up for BIPOC. There is no excuse for racism. There is no tolerance, and we have to do better. I firmly believe that the first step in becoming a better ally is to educate yourself.
your strengths are harder to see than your weaknesses because the problems you're good at solving don't appear as problems, because you're so good at handling them before they become problems... unlike the relatively rare problem that becomes a crisis, which demands undue attention. it's sort of like a reverse survivorship bias. the problems that become noticed as problems, the moments where you notice your capacity has a gap, are only the ones that aren't cut off at the pass by your strength and capability, before they become problems. so if all you focus on is problems then all you'll see is your weaknesses. which isn't accurate
if you experience any disability or neurodivergency please fill out this form. it is equally important to me to have data that says progesterone doesn't affect autism or testosterone doesn't make you hard of hearing or whatever, as it is to document changes. so if you have any health condition. please fill it out. even if it to say "no change". i am begging you all.
and if you can't. please. please do reblog. i need this to be as big as humanly possible. it is the best way forwards to inform decisions.
If you're writing anything involving cons, scams, heists, or morally questionable characters who are very good at lying, here are some free resources I've been using for research. Saving you the "why is this in my search history" anxiety.
1. The FBI's Famous Cases & Criminals archive (fbi.gov/history/famous-cases) has detailed breakdowns of real fraud cases, Ponzi schemes, and confidence operations. The language they use is clinical and precise, which is perfect for getting the procedural details right.
2. The FTC Consumer Sentinel Network publishes annual reports on the most common fraud tactics in the US. Great for understanding how modern scams actually work and what makes people fall for them.
3. The Smithsonian's American Art Museum has a free digital collection of forgery case studies. If your character forges documents or art, this is gold.
4. Court Listener (courtlistener.com) is a free legal database where you can read actual court transcripts from fraud trials. Want to know how a real con artist talks under oath? This is where you find out.
5. The Internet Archive's collection of old newspaper crime sections. Search for "confidence man" or "swindle" in papers from the 1920s through 1960s and you'll find incredible real stories that would feel too dramatic for fiction.
Bonus: The Psychology of Fraud section on the Association for Psychological Science website has accessible articles about why people trust, how deception works cognitively, and what makes someone a convincing liar. Essential reading if you want your con artist characters to feel psychologically real.
Reblog to save for later. Your WIP will thank you.
Anyway, homie is, like all wealthy white dudes, egregiously imperfect, but he’s definitely fucking trying. So in that regard, he’s valuable because he’s reaching audiences that you personally probably wouldn’t be able to reach, and if you find he has specific stuff on topics you need to persuade people on, he’s a valuable avenue.
on the topic of disabled characters, though, i think a LOT of artists give characters mobility aids that their character wouldn't actually benefit from using.
i'm sort of having a mild brain fog moment rn so i can't fully articulate what i'm on about, but i think a lot of able-bodied artists view things like canes and crutches as interchangeable. and they often don't know enough about the wide range of mobility aids to make an informed decision about what their character might actually use based on their disability
i also think that aids like walkers and rollators are sort of viewed as "cringe" on some level, and many people view them to be "just for old people," so many artists will opt for giving a character who has full-body pain and fatigue a cane (which, in many cases, can potentially WORSEN full-body pain) instead. and a lot of people don't realize that most wheelchair users are able to walk, so they don't consider it an option for characters with chronic pain
idk it's kind of frustrating. i've genuinely never, ever seen a character that uses a rollator before. not once. i cannot name a single one. i know of multiple ocs who are described to have full-body pain, dizziness, and fatigue that are drawn as cane users and are never shown with wheelchairs or walkers, though
it's also sort of sad? i've been diagnosed since i was twelve years old, and i only heard of rollators LAST YEAR. and that was only because i saw one irl and immediately asked what it was. i wonder how many disabled people out there don't even know it's an option solely because they're completely underrepresented online and in media
if you're a creative with a disabled oc, PLEASEEE check out this link. it's a very nice and detailed guide for telling which mobility aids suit someone's needs best. it's incredibly important to make the right choice for your character! mobility aids tell you a LOT about someone's lived experience. picking the right one will communicate to your audience #1 what your character goes through #2 that you UNDERSTAND what your character goes through!
Yoshiro Kimura's new game Stray Children is a spiritual successor to Moon: Remix RPG, but it has more than a little in common with Undertale
If you’re enjoying Moon: Remix RPG Adventure’s newly released Switch port, you probably have Undertale creator Toby Fox to thank. In a recen
There is no 'Undertale' without 'moon,' the so-called "anti-RPG" that took the many tropes of the JRPG and turned them on their head.
Putting all these interviews here to emphasize the importance of Moon Remix RPG Adventure's in inspiring Toby Fox, and how Undertale in turn inspired one of its devs, Yoshiro Kimura, to take a chance and make a game like Moon again
i just think thats beautiful to find out that a little known game you made when you were in your 20s inspired a kid (who was like probably fucking 7 years old when it came out) who grew up to make one of the most beloved games ever made
So I do 3D modeling and printing as a hobby, and a few weeks ago I designed wheel guards meant to prevent office chairs from running over cables and clothes... or your pet's tail.
I got the idea from cowcatchers old locomotives used to have.
Anyways, yesterday I uploaded the model to Thingiverse, and just hours after uploading it, the Community Relationship Manager of the whole website left a comment suggesting I enter the model into a competition that's currently being held on the site.
So I did... and now it's in third place not even a day later. First place is $500, but the competition still has a month to go.
Then the Community Manager contacted me again, telling me they want to feature my model in an upcoming design promotion.
Just, what is happening? I mostly made this thing for myself in, like, an hour, and now it's suddenly super popular? This is all a little bit overwhelming 😵💫
Other models I worked on for weeks didn't get nearly as popular. I swear, it's impossible to predict what people will like.
Anyways, if you want to print the wheel guards yourself, you can get the model here or here.
I also made a quiet version you can stick furniture felt pads on.
every so often i remember how awesome the modern interconnected multicultural world is. i grew up getting to hear fairy tales from all over the world. africa, asia, europe, america. everywhere in between. i can have bagels for breakfast, curry for lunch, and ramen for dinner without even leaving the city limits. music and art and philosophy and technology that originated thousands of miles and years apart from eachother have come together and interwoven into something greater than the sum of its parts. its hard not fall into despair when thinking about the horrors but god. god the wonders.
do you guys remember when it came out that there was targeted sexual abuse & forced labor of transmasc & other queer perceived-female people at an ICE facility, and like it was very specifically "transmascs getting both sexually harassed, told to wear makeup, actively assaulted to make them act more feminine, while also being forced to do grueling manual labor & being directly told this was a result of them "wanting to be a man""? do you remember when that came out and then it was crickets from the community it feels like.
And now we have the community panicking about “ICE targeting trans people” and it’s like… they already did, you just didn’t care when it was happening to trans men of colour.
At the South Louisiana Ice Processing Center in Basile, detainees say they were forced into hard labor – and sexually assaulted and stalked
“I was treated worse than an animal,” said Mario Garcia-Valenzuela, one of the detainees. “We don’t deserve to be treated like this.”
Garcia-Valenzuela, a trans man detained at SLIPC, has alleged that, as part of the unsanctioned work program, [assistant warden] Reyes forced him to move heavy cabinets and cinder blocks, and to clean using industrial-strength chemicals without gloves or protective gear. When Garcia-Valenzuela complained of injuries from the work program, he said, Reyes and his associates forcefully stripped him naked and mocked him.
Kenia Campos-Flores, who is trans and non-binary, told the Guardian that they suffered from persistent migraines and chest pain after exposure to cleaning chemicals they were made to use during unofficial, overnight work shifts. Campos-Flores also alleged in a complaint they were persistently sexually harassed by Reyes, who entered their dorm and stole possessions including their boxers.
Another trans detainee, Monica Renteria-Gonzalez, complained that a stripper chemical he was told to use to clean the facility floors seeped through his fabric shoes and burned the skin of his feet. On more than one occasion, while Renteria-Gonzalez was bent over cleaning, he said, Reyes came up from behind and inappropriately touched him. The assistant warden also told Renteria-Gonzalez he was watching the detainee through security cameras, including while he was showering.
A fourth detainee, identified by the pseudonym Jane Doe, is a cisgender, queer woman who said that Reyes forced her to perform oral sex on him on a “near daily basis” between February and May 2024, threatening to kill her if she refused, according to her complaint.
Doe, who was deported to the Dominican Republic in January this year, has chosen not to share her name or speak publicly because she fears that Reyes will make good on his threat to find and harm her, her lawyer said. [...]
“This was a sadistic late-night work program,” said Sarah Decker, a senior staff attorney with RFK Human Rights. “It was designed to target vulnerable trans men or masculine-presenting LGBTQ people, who [Reyes] coerced into participating.”
A cis woman was also involved in the sexual violence:
Twice, Renteria-Gonzalez said, Reyes came up behind him and touched him inappropriately. Another SLIPC officer, according to Renteria-Gonzalez, began to sexually harass him as well, sending him explicit notes and showing him pornographic images of herself.
This article includes more from each victim, but I want to highlight this part as well:
Garcia-Valenzuela had fled to the US in 2014 from Mexico, where he was tortured by members of a drug cartel. “I have no choice, that’s why I’m fighting,” he said. “Because I know that as soon as they deport me, I’m going to be handed over to the cartels and I’m going to be tortured and killed – ripped into pieces.”
But in SLIPC he faced a new kind of horror. He alleged that on more than one occasion he was told to move heavy metal filing cabinets back and forth across a room. When he struggled to lift the furniture, Reyes would taunt him, he said, saying: “If you think you are a man, I’m going to treat you like a man.”
In the spring of 2024, Garcia-Valenzuela reported sexual harassment on the basis of his gender, in accordance with Prea. He said he felt targeted due to his gender identity and wanted the fact he is transgender removed from his file, as a measure of protection. But an [ICE] officer responded that “even if we take off your transgender marker, there is no hiding that you are transgender”, noting Garcia-Valenzuela’s physical appearance, he said. To Garcia-Valenzuela’s knowledge, no follow-up investigation into Reyes was conducted.
Renteria-Gonzalez’s complaints were dismissed as well, Renteria-Gonzalez said.
To repeat what was said above: we have the community panicking about “ICE targeting trans people” and it’s like… they already did, you just didn’t care when it was happening to trans men (and nonbinary people and queer women) of colour.
the angry ones, the small ones, the new ones, the bitter ones, the jaded ones, the depressed ones, the scared ones, the ones who aren't technically persecutors anymore, and all the ones in between.
know that you have inherent value. you are more than what's been done to you. you are more than hatred. you are more than anger. you are worthy of a good life. you are capable of more than harm. you are not your mistakes. you still deserve kindness. you are allowed to have feelings. you can take up space. you deserve to be heard. you deserve to be cared about. what you choose to do matters. your interests matter. you matter.
i hope someday you're able to find happiness, too.
