SolarFlicker (AO3)

I post about religious trauma here, specifically evangelical Christianity. This is a prominent theme in a lot of my writing, almost all of which is blasphemous yet earnest fanfiction about jesus.

[solarflicker-ao3]

This blog used to be where I would put my Jesus Christ Superstar fanfiction. Now it’s where I complain about and process religious trauma from being raised in and leaving evangelical Christianity. (and yes the trauma features prominently in the fanfics)(yes including the smut)

[chimso-writes]

Unpopular opinion: Saying "I respect but don't support" is just a sugarcoated way of admitting you're queerphobic.

[thethirdromana]

Putting the term "Catholic guilt" on a high shelf where fandom can't reach it until everyone learns how to identify characters who are very very clearly coded as Protestant.

[queer-crows-nightmare]

[michfogg486]

For the exvangelicals, ex-ex-gays, and the LGBTQIA+ still stuck in conservative evangelical churches.

[jcsfreak]

if jesus died for all sins that means he foresaw me shipping him with judas and still decided to die for me. big if true.

[gerardpilled]

“act natural my RA is at the door”

18 year old girl who just smoked the cheapest joint ever constructed after escaping a lifetime of Christian fundamentalism just 2 months prior:

[lilcowzia]

why is it that ppl hear "fetish" and immediately think "devoid of morals" like ur genuinely not making sense. ppl dont actually become inhuman and beast-like when theyre turned on, thats something we are told bc it aligns with christian patriarcal values, u know that right? desire isnt actually bad. it doesnt make you evil, or incapable of having/respecting boundaries

[lilcowzia]

i got a response to this abt how men get horny and "lose their minds" and "causes" them to behave vile. i rlly rlly neeeeed ppl to understand that men behaving inappropriately when turned on is something they are *choosing* to do, and when you equate that to human nature you are enabling them and diminishing the seriousness of that choice

[vyva-melinkolya]

One of them born again Christian girls with the eyeliner: “so actually you can be alt and conservative :)”

Me: how did you get in my house

[princncess]

porn is bad because [christian talking point] and [alt-right study] and [misunderstood neurochemistry] and of course [feature of capitalism]

[princncess]

thank you SO MUCH for reminding me about [feature of patriarchy] and [problem caused by lack of kids' sex ed] random tumblr user in the notes! louder for those in the back!

[fantaboy91]

The adult content warning on this post is really just the icing on the cake

[suzispoonerart]

Digital files from my "Good News" zine

This work is about the joy and freedom that come with deconverting from an oppressive religion. I hope you enjoy!

Debates about belief/religion are not welcome. If you disagree, just keep scrolling :)

[catmorlandleaguette]

"blah blah atheism is also a religion" yeah the same way fasting is a kind of food. and darkness is a source of light. have any other mind-blowing super deep opinions from my fundamentalist high school to share with the class?

[girlmostlikely]

[winged-thinged]

Tumblr woke commie Jesus is such a nice story. It's a pity he isn't real.

[depsidase]

[solarflicker-ao3]

Rejection shouldn’t make me nauseated for days unless it’s a sign I can barf up my desire for lifelong companionship

[resignedseraph]

I’m doing slides at my parents church today, and tbh the dissociation/horror of it all is kind of getting to me.

[ID: A picture of song lyrics reading: And from this day on my life will change / And I will not look back / For my former self has passed away / And everything is new / I belong to You. /End ID]

To me the concept of dying to self is just… Well, in a lot of ways that’s spiritual suicide. The old self is deemed evil, killed —or maybe as a softer metaphor, euthanized— and a pure version of the self is brought to life… owned, possessed, and controlled by god forever after.

I had no life before the church since I was raised in it, so this dynamic as one that was so crucial to many’s understanding of their faith both had to apply to me, and simultaneously was impossible to apply to me. There was no old self to kill, but there had to be. Spiritually I was born a ghost of a self that never lived. And that has been horrifying to realize over the years

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

If i may share an experience on the "thoughts crimes and is it SA to think of someone while masturbating without their consent"

Someone asked me my consent for it once. A friend of mine said "hey, i think you're cute, would you mind if i masturbated to the thought of you?"

And i looked her dead in the eye and said "i dont want to know that- are you serious? What kind of question is that? It's in your brain?? You dont need to ask permission for what's happening in your brain, i dont care"

And she said "okay but youre my friend and i care about you and i dont want to do it if it would make you uncomfortable"

So i answered "i dont care what you think about when you masturbate. You can think about me, i dont care, i just *dont want to know about it* okay?? Dont tell me"

It was a deeply unpleasant and uncomfortable conversation, and i dont think she understood why I didnt care about her doing it but did care about her telling me she had done it or wanted to do it.

Anyway it was like, the only boundary i ever set in that friendship (thats not saying much, we didnt interact a lot so none of my boundaries ever came up) and she ended up breaking it bc she'd done it and she felt "so guilty and like she sullied our friendship and she needed to apologise and repent" so she was telling me so i could. Forgive her. Of doing something i didnt want to know and breaking my only boundary.

All that to say THOUGHT CRIMES ARENT REAL, and oftentimes when youre bending over backwards to keep your thoughts 'ethical and pure' youll just end up hurting the people around you in your desperate efforts to self-flagellate about something you cant control.

But yeah we're not friends anymore. Surprisingly enough that wasnt the breaking point. The breaking point was when she tried to fuck my boyfriend.

I always think it's genuinely so so so wild that people will express that they want to avoid making anyone uncomfortable by masturbating to the thought of them and their strat to avoid this discomfort is to look someone they know in the eye and ask if they can jack off to them. just like. really perfectly indicative of the total disconnect some folks experience when it comes to understanding the difference between private thoughts and actions. not asking about the boyfriend thing btw that's none of my business.

[solarflicker-ao3]

In hindsight, perhaps the ever-looming terror that somebody out there might masturbate to me might not have been normal. Also! Fucked up that my boyfriend (at the time) brought up masturbation deliberately to upset me in a fight. I felt extremely violated at the time.

I don’t care anymore, I’m fine now, but uh it would have been a healthier approach to not teach me that was a bad thing? Someone else’s completely private business shouldn’t be something used against you.

Also the use of the word repent gives me a suspicion of where the weirdness came from lol