alexa kill this clown

[charlesoberonn]

Future Grandkid: Grandpa, what was it like when Obama was president?

Me: Aah, yes… the Homestuck President.

[fozby]

what the shit does that mean

[charlesoberonn]

[spiralizer]

look at him

[wonderarium]

this sewing pattern just touched me while i was in the middle of reading it

[1966loveminuszeronolimit]

how to keep going for beginners

[kosmogrl]

I can’t overshare because that would be very humiliating but everyone else should overshare because I like to know everything

[omtai]

Concerts will have you staring at the taller person infront of you and thinking Why were you born? Why? Why? Why?

[killhitleragain]

[ravioliet]

imagine being a dog and you think your chances are pretty good. and then you look over and there's Mitski getting her wallet out

[soup-mother]

Sober as fuck at the back of the club going onto Wikipedia and typing "List of birds"

[paverics]

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

[paverics]

comedians can only dream of writing something this funny

[fairycosmos]

nostalgia will have you thinking delusional crap like "i miss being 14." no the fuck i don't!!!

[shortwaveradioenthusiast]

[kingedwardsapphires]

Me stepping out of the optometry office after slamming four lokos with the doctor and immediately meeting the love of my life (but I have social anxiety)

[npdclaraoswald]

A doll youtuber I watch has made a video about the history of Polly Pocket, and she's describing the plots of the dvd specials, one of which features an elderly woman named Ms. Throckmorton, and my reaction was

[pseudomantis]

[is-the-owl-video-cute-deactivat]

a squirrel or perhaps a cardinal posted this

[phaeton-flier]

How about you mind your own damn business

[pjackk]

Yeah i dont think i can take any more madness/pain

[emil]

"Peggle make phone calls" has become shorthand for "fuck it, whatever" for me but no one ever knows what im talkingabout and it's also longer (longhand?)

[emil]

peggle make phone calls

[sniperct]

tumblr waiting for news on mitch mcconnell (image source)