dear heart, it's me, it's me

anna, 26, she/her ♠️♾️🇧🇷

[franks23]

I think the day after Shane’s hockey obligations are over for the season, he sleeps for an absurdly long time, just totally dead to the world, really deep, nothing short of the apocalypse is gonna wake him up type shit.

The first year Shane and Ilya live together, when the season ends, Shane goes to sleep and then just doesn’t wake up for a full day. Ilya, obviously, freaks the fuck out, tries to wake him and then when that fails, goes to check his pulse.

Unfortunately for Ilya, because Shane is a ridiculously fit athlete, his resting heart rate is shockingly low (hey Sid Crosby and your 36-38 bpm) and in Ilya’s panic he legit thinks Shane’s dead or at the very least experiencing some kind of heart issue and is in a coma.

Cue Ilya calling an ambulance, convinced his husband is a goner, only for Shane to wake up extremely confused with a room full of strangers and a stretcher next to his bed.

Ilya is, understandably, equal parts distraught and relieved, and Shane is horrifically embarrassed and then has to spend the next week making it up to Ilya because he didn’t give him a heads up that that was likely to happen.

[gokusclit]

Smiling seeing cute kid/baby videos but then suddenly ain’t shit funny bc why are you posting your kids on the internet you dumb bitch take this shit down now don’t fucking do that

[kosmogrl]

[probuccalfat]

nobody else doing it like me. particularly because the way i’m doing it is needlessly difficult

[antiheroblake]

when you’re trying to pretend you’re not evil but your reflection is literally your evil cannibal ex bf

[sobcat]

ready for what the next week brings...

[avoicefromgazau]

Urgent Update 😭💔

​Thank God, the doctor told us my mother’s condition is slowly improving. But while her recovery brings me hope, I am terrified of what comes next. Every single dollar we raised went directly to her life-saving treatments, leaving us with absolutely nothing to buy a new tent after ours was buried under the rubble.

​For the past three days, my little brother and I have been entirely on our own—dragging this heavily loaded cart with everything we own through the heat, desperately looking for anywhere we can live. My body is in severe pain, and without any painkillers, every step feels unbearable. Look at us: we are completely exhausted, helpless, and running out of strength.

​Please, my dear friends, I beg you not to scroll past or ignore our cries. We urgently need your help to buy a new shelter before we collapse. Please, check our campaign and talk to us—we desperately need a lifeline right now. 😭😭💔

Help for Mahmoud and his family

Hi, my name is Max and I am raising funds for Mahmoud and his family who are living in Gaza. Please read his story below:

[berdymane]

[toasted-rivalry]

Ilya and Shane, but it’s just them seeing each other as a version of their husband no one else understands them seeing.

To Ilya, Shane is the funniest, sexiest, bitchiest and downright FREAKIEST person he knows. He tells everyone he knows this, yet for some reason no one seems to believe him. His husband is such an asshole, and Ilya loves him for it.

While to Shane, Ilya is his soft and most precious baby. A heart of gold and with feelings so wide and deep he is breathless at just how much he CARES. Sunshine itself. Shane laughs at how people describe his ‘scary, no-smiling Slavic nightmare of a husband.’ See Ilya! He DOES get sarcasm (he does not.)

[prisonhannibal]

My favorite banned terms on this site are "suicide prevention" and "safe sex"

[breadcunt]

Fuck nasty and kill yourself inmediately after

[dagny-hashtaggart-deactivated20]

Salmon male grindset

[clownarchivism]

i love this post so much i painted it on some bark at the lake this weekend

[prisonhannibal]

I love it!!!!!! ❤️🐟

[penandinkprincess]

blessed with the divine vision that bb shane was a fucking STICKLER for equal application of rules when he was an itty bitty. he'll accept the rules just fine, but they will now be HOUSEHOLD rules.

and most of the time it's fine. shane's bedtime is 7:30 pm because he is so itty bitty, but yuna and david have always just gone to their room after that so bb just assumed they were also following The Time To Sleep rules.

which is all well and good until nana is visiting while staying with her sister, it's 7:40 pm, and she is just cooing and delighted at bb shane just repeating "night NIGHT" over and over from the doorway to the living room because she is not understanding that this is not him being cute and saying goodnight.

this is attempted enforcement of the rules because nana, it is time for NIGHT NIGHT and you are clearly NOT ready for night night, and to TOP IT ALL OFF!! YOU ARE KEEPING MAMA AND DADDY FROM NIGHT NIGHT. RULES!! BROKEN!! RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS LITTLE BABY FACE. >:(

[waldemarstr]

Have we considered that between Ilya Slavanov and Mr. Autism 3000 this is probably how they look to the outside world even when they're as happy as can be 😭

[academicblorbo]

Everyone: omg Hollander leash your dog, Ilya is barking at opponent hockey players again

Shane Enabler Hollander: ok so Ilyusha this player has had zero assists in the entire season, he got drafted last, and finally - and this is crucial - he once scored a goal in his own team's net

Ilya Heart Eyes Rozanov: thank you my ShaneWiki this is valuable data, off I go

[allesfresser]

Snuggle bugs 🐞

[slayermoon92]

I am once again begging and pleading to people who don't like evil people in their shows to stop watching the everybody is evil show

[florientius]

alternatively: shane comes out to his parents. no mention of boyfriend. so best momager and agent of all time yuna hollander asks around, does some sleuthing, goes undercover online and surveys the land for the most successful queer hockey player other than her son. imagine her surprise when she discovers from multiple sources that ilya rozanov might be gay. she arranges ads and promotions and sponsors for shane and ilya to do jointly. she hopes they hit it off and get together - only the best for her baby ofc - and she not so subtly asks after ilya from shane when they have a joint thing or an event where they meet. she is hoping, manifesting, praying and buying spells on etsy to have the two best hockey players in her family.

meanwhile every time shane and ilya meet up they fuck nasty, and ofc shane does not understand why his mom suddenly become a bears fan...

[jewelcoatfish]

shane (a little tipsy) being cornered by a few fans at a bar one night and they ask him what’s the best thing about coming out, expecting him to say something motivating like self-expression and liberation and shane just goes

“i don’t know, probably that i can have ilya’s photos on my phone now :).”

and the whole of non bigot hockey twt just fucking crash out and montreal metros and crowell gets burned at the stake

[toapoet]

These tags are my fave