Im all about bread

and mamma mia

[paperandpencilsandskips]

[tarynel]

Do you think the cave men were eating ass?

[tsunamiwavesurfing]

in my dictatorship people like you would be sent to the coal mines

[monsterly-kisses]

Do you think the coal miners would be eating ass?

[the-axiom-of-choice]

I just got Covid for literally the first time ever and I’ve never bern more sick in my entire life, I’m in and out of consciousness and generally disoriented and in a barely conscious stupor I decided to try opening tumblr for entertainment and this was the post at the top of my dashboard

[segamascott]

obviously they were eating ass what else was there to do

[papayajuan2019]

i always wanted to be an ingredient

[i-am-a-fish]

I'm on an evil mission to turn Every Grape into a raisin. I collect grapes, and take them to my lair. I microwave them one by one. 10 minutes per grape

[papayajuan2019]

if i were a spider i would have changed bedroom corners today

[lotzofteeth]

I think about this a lot

[homunculus-argument]

The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.

And by the time he finally gets back it's almost 3 am and the bar is about to close while she's sitting there stone cold sober, surrounded by 5 drunk guys unsuccessfully trying to convince her to give up on waiting for him and go home with one of them instead. And the guy shows up to proceed to beat the shit out of them before explaining himself to her like hey sorry bullshit kept happening, my phone fell into a storm drain and my wallet got stolen when I was trying to find someone who'd borrow me a phone so I could call and

[thekijs]

His girlfriend had been fending off the 5 drunk guys for most of the evening by explaining that even if she was going to ditch her boyfriend, she can't possibly leave without finishing her beer, which she is keeping perpetually full via careful sleight of hand where she's just pouring it back and forth into and out of the pitcher.

However the drunk guys are also drinking, and eventually she can't afford to buy another pitcher for the table so she can't keep up the ever-full beer glass trick. At this point she has to resort to setting up the pool trick shot that she's never seen anyone but her boyfriend pull off, and says she'll leave with whoever manages the shot first.

That buys her another hour or so and then, finally, her boyfriend makes it back. He looks like shit, hair down and just a mess, he's wearing an entirely different jacket that he got from an alley, and barely recognizable—especially to 5 guys who've been drunk for hours now. He lurks for a minute, finds out what's going on, and proceeds to pull off the trick shot first try. Throws the jacket off, fixes his hair with a hair tie his girlfriend lends him, finally looks like himself again, and THEN beats the shit out of them with the pool cue.

[weaselle]

yuh i was there, that's how it happened

[selkypostergirl]

love my downward spiral :) #myspiral #descending

[selkypostergirl]

#descending

[selkypostergirl]

#descending

[selkypostergirl]

#descending

[selkypostergirl]

#descending

[selkypostergirl]

#descending

[selkypostergirl]

#descending

[selkypostergirl]

[selkypostergirl]

[achillesinhighheels]

my sexual fantasy Is to have someone notice my absence and wonder about me

[segamascott]

[doyoulovethewayzeylily]

does anyone know how to talk to girls

[feastofsnakes]

they added another luftballon while you were sleeping

[sheabutterbitch]

Passionate about little baby potatoes baked with garlic, butter, rosemary, and sea salt

[amygdalae]

I absolutely adore dogs but I think dog haters are (usually) more justified than cat haters wrt their reasoning

[amygdalae]

your average cat hater: I don't like how they r bitchy and ignore me/ won't let me manhandle them

your average dog hater: I have been mortally endangered by an ill-trained dog

[shinolavolume1-deactivated20240]

[shinolavolume1-deactivated20240]

[were--ralph]

i sent this gif to a black cowowker at work then later asked my white manager if he likes apple fritters and he was like "i fuckin love apple friters" and she laughed so hard she got a migraine

[t4timekeeper]

ACCIDENTALLY LEFT MY MACERATED APPLE SYRUP ON THE STOVE AND IT CARAMELIZED I GUESS?

[t4timekeeper]

it was super thick and dark and golden and bubbly so i took it off the heat. happy accident.

[t4timekeeper]

tastes delicious so good. idk what to do with it though

[t4timekeeper]

thank you for your recommendation! with brief consideration, it has been disregarded.

[billiuspendragon]

Okay, fine, I'll say it. I'll speak my mind. Meow meow meow meow meow.