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sheepfilms

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣

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Cosimo Galluzzi
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titsay
todays bird

oozey mess
Not today Justin
Keni
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Misplaced Lens Cap
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

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noise dept.
art blog(derogatory)
TVSTRANGERTHINGS

ellievsbear

blake kathryn
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@starringer
"I don't have a choice, I'm just following orders"
Have you considered smoking one (1) joint?
Like, it truly is that easy to not go do atrocities
"I'll get dishonorably discharged"
Okay at least you wont be killing innocents in the name of imperialism
"I'll go to jail"
Okay so you'd rather go and kill innocent people to avoid a little prison time? You could just go to jail rather than go do atrocities
Note from someone who knows: Neither of these things will even happen, you’ll be administratively separated, which is essentially a faultless parting of ways. Sure, they’ll try to intimidate you with the worst case scenario but at the end of the day pissing hot isn’t actually a crime so without getting you for possession or something the worst they can reasonably do is just make you leave.
Take it from someone who’s seen it happen in real life. They’ll just send you home. Save up for a plane ticket while they’re doing the paperwork.
From someone else who watched it happen many times: You're getting an article 15 for it, same as the guy who couldn't pass his PT test or the guy who got a tattoo without a permission slip from uncle sam. It's NOT a big deal and they are not gonna want to bother with a full court martial required for a dishonorable discharge. It's career ending, but has far less of an effect on your world than lifelong ptsd and guilt.
it still makes me go insane that somehow no social media site bothers to implement interleaved text and images. Fediverse cannot support it broadly, Bluesky can't handle it, Facebook can't do it, Twitter can't do it, fucking, LinkedIn doesn't do this, somehow only Tumblr has this, and it barely even counts as a popular social media site.
well you see we're the new pdf
the new dj crazytimes song … now that’s what I call music!
The over-pronunciation of every word is so spot on lol
Having a baby face is so funny like... ill be talking to a new person about what it was like before Obergefell and theyll be like 'oh but you were too young to get married anyway' and im like '... oh honey noooo....'
-talking about my job history-
"Yeah, Ive been a bunch of things. Retail, school photographer, florist, parks maintenance, kitchen head, worked at a tourist trap, nurses assistant-"
New person:
New person: "youre a really good photographer! Did you go to school for it?"
Me: "i actually went to school for animation, but I picked up a camera ten years ago and decided to turn it into a thing."
New person: "your high school had an animation class?"
Me:
Different new person: 'its so refreshing to see young people like you taking part in civil matters and activism.'
Me: '... oh im not that young.'
New person: '...how old are you?'
Me: 'I'll be 40 this year.'
New person:
-pouring myself a glass of wine at the art show-
Sheryl: are you even old enough to have that?
Me: they literally carded me when I came in, Sheryl.
"Shouldn't you be in class?"
"My highschool diploma can legally drink."
Can Batman sue for copyright/false advertising? If a Gotham auto shop takes credit for his long lasting crime stopping wheels can Batman do anything but personally intimidate them? What if every other shop in Gotham does this?
"S-s-so whatya g-gonna do about it? I got my- There're- State Supreme Court said c-costumed fr- people c-can't sue o-over this stuff!"
"Correct." the shadows of the closed up auto shop intone. "I am not here to sue you."
"Th-then-"
"Or threaten."
If he wasn't too busy trying not to shit himself while wildly looking around trying to figure out what patch of shadows was growling at him, the shop owner might've called bullshit on that last one.
"I am only here to pass along information you should know."
"L-like what?"
"The police will be calling you in half an hour."
"WhAT?!"
"Five people were discovered trying to plant explosives along your vehicle bay tonight."
"WHEN??"
"About ten minutes from now. They're still on their way over. They wont admit it under interrogation, but they're doing so under the orders of Oswald Cobblepot."
"...why?"
"To cripple The Batman, of course. Take out the source of his tires, you remove the Batmobile from the equation, making it much easier to succeed at rapist strike heists and getaways."
"...i only started running the ads this morning..."
"Cobblepot wanted to strike fast before The Joker had a chance to compromise you."
"Compro-?"
"Threats. Blackmail. Concentrated Joker Venom. Whatever it took to get you under his thumb so you'd sabotage my gear."
"I-"
"You should also know about numerous Public Damage lawsuits currently filed against The Batman and Accomplices."
"Lawsu-?"
"The same legal rulings that prevent costumed individuals from suing also make it difficult for us to be sued in turn. So there are numerous lawsuits currently waiting for a legal identity to be linked to the Batman, even if just as a supplier."
"I-"
"Needless to say, furnishing tires for the Batmobile absolutely counts as aiding and abetting."
*sound of a display rack giving way in the next room and a dozen heavy duty tires falling to the ground and bounce/rolling throughout the storefront.*
"The fuck is that?!"
"That would be The Red Hood."
*wordless bitback scream*
"He's got this thing about stealing Batmobile tires. It's a long story."
*shouted from the next room* "Is this seriously where you're getting them from now? The quality of these is -shit-." *multiple gunshots in quick succession* "I didn't even need to use AP rounds to puncture these! That's just sad!" *lower volume* "No, just the handcarts should be fine. Let's say an even dozen. We'll put them up over the wet bar."
"I believe that was everything I needed to cover." The shadows conclude. "If you'll excuse me, I need to stop Cobblepot's men from bombing your place of business."
"What about Hood?"
*loud clatter and the sound of a heavy issue tire crashing into something expensive* "Didn't I just say lift with your legs? They're shit, but they're still heavy."
"If you think having a dozen tires stolen is a larger threat to your business than it's full-scale demolition, I'll refocus my attentions."
*leading the dark souls knight I adopted off the street by the hand into a gas station* so this is sort of like our bonfire. They have a lot of different kinds of estus here
*dark souls knight cautiously approaches the teller behind the counter*
*gong strikes somewhere in the background*
*level up interface opens*
*the crew of assholes in the F150 out in the parking lot respawn*
*dark souls knight finishes increasing his stats with the bewildered cashier*
*dodge-rolls out the door, past the assholes in the F150 who start chasing after him, and over to the air pump machine*
*hits the button to activate it*
*the assholes in the F150 de-aggro and wander back to the truck*
*metallic clanging noises ring out as the dark souls knight upgrades the stolen stop-sign they've been using as a polearm* *with the air pump machine*
*finishes*
*turns towards the F150*
*chugs a Code Red*
*aggressively dodge-rolls forward*
anyway i looked up the post about seeing your grandma's boobs and tumblr has deleted the screenshot of the story where the finnish dude says that americans are "like that" because they haven't seen their grandma's tits
good job tumblr 👍
[image description: a screenshot of a tumblr post. the first post is an answer to an ask. anonymous asked: boobs shouldn't sag like that asirensseng answered: what a funny way of admitting that you've never seen a pair of boobs outside of porn
a reblog on this post from tumblr user "that1betch" is a screenshot of the following text:
I always think of one of my co-workers at a husky farm near Inari, who told me apropos of nothing while we were clearing out dog shit together that he thought the reason Americans are "like that" ("like what, Veikka" got the response "you know what I mean") is because "they never see their grandma's tits." His logic was that "in Finland, you go to the sauna with your grandma from when you're a baby, and you see her naked, and this is years and years before you ever see any porn, so you know before you see any of it that it's temporary and fake. And when you get a girlfriend later, you know it's only a matter of time before her tits look like that too, you accept this.
And Americans don't know that! They don't! They look at porn, and then they get a wife, and then they're surprised and bitter when she gets old - it's true!"
Like, to be clear, I think Veikka's analysis might have been missing more than a bit of nuance, this is the same guy whose motto was "Driving 600km south to Rovaniemi to get therapy is expensive, chopping wood till you don't care about it anymore is free", but I do occasionally still look at some British or American take online and think to myself, in his voice, "they've never seen their grandma's tits"
it has 44,547 notes. end I.D.]
I mean. Guy's not wrong.
req'd by @mossylemon
ahh the fanfic classic
text: oh... oh.
I love how using gold instead of italics to emphasize the second oh also serves to emphasize the...parallels? causative relationship? connection between whatever realization prompts the first 'oh' and the emotional reaction to that realization that prompts the second 'oh'
i appreciate this lovely analysis of my stylistic choice but I'm compelled to tell you that I did the gold as an afterthought cuz while I was photographing the cards for the week I realized I neglected to italicize the latter "oh"
still prefer the fanon interpretation 😘
yknow what that's in the spirit of the vibe interpreted here, fair to ya!
This is such a perfect snapshot of death of the author and I'm here for it
this is tumblr after all, yall should be able to kill me as a fun lil treat! :3c
Things you can do as a security guard instead of acting like a dickhead: a vent post disguised as advice
Offer alternatives: IE, “Sorry, nobody’s allowed to hang out over there, but we have seats over here you’re welcome to use”. I recommend getting familiar with local parks, public seating, free food programs, outreach, mobile aid, etc., just in case those are needed.
Be polite: IE, “Excuse me, sir”, “I beg your pardon, miss”. This should go without saying but everyone deserves dignity.
Avoid phrasing requests as orders: IE, “Don’t stand in front of that” VS “Excuse me, could you move a bit to the side?”. This works best with an explanation, like, “There’s a sign behind you”, or, “you might get clipped by someone”. This helps communicate that you are asking for a reason, not just throwing your weight around. If you don’t have a reason, rethink whether or not you need to be doing anything.
Avoid directing blame or fault. Don’t say, “The owner says you gotta go” when you could say, “I’m not supposed to let people be here for X period” or “do X thing”. Again, try to have alternatives ready so people can use other resources or do something else instead of just abruptly changing plans.
Come from a place of compassion whenever you can. People are gonna tell you to get rid of the crazy screaming guy. They say that because they’re frightened and don’t know what to do. Your best approach is, “Hello sir”, followed by, “How are you today?”, “how’s it going?”, “are you doing alright?”, etc., depending on what the person is ACTUALLY doing / saying when you get there. You can offer help from there if needed, or leave them alone if they’re not in danger or a risk to anyone.
Remember you’re not a cop. This can mean whatever you need it to mean. For me personally, that means that with incredibly rare exception (like trying to sell to kids, contaminating other’s food or drink) I won’t report you for drugs. If I find you doing drugs on my site I’ll tell you a different place where you can do them instead and ask you to do them there. I have interrupted drug deals to ask the client and the salesman to both kindly move 15 feet to the left, I’m not kidding, I do not care.
Know who you can throw under the bus. Sometimes you gotta enforce rules and be the bad guy and if that’s the fault of some dipshit in a suit 200 miles away, you can say that. Sorry man, I can’t let you park your car on the lawn. I know you’re not hurting anyone and frankly I think lawn culture is stupid but there’s other parking stalls and if my boss sees you I’ll get a write-up for not doing my job. Shit sucks sometimes but if it wasn’t me telling you it’d be the new guy, and between you and me he’s an idiot and he’ll probably just report you to bylaw.
Don’t just act like you’re their friend, genuinely try to be a good friend. If you know that someone is doing something that will only result in a bystander phoning police, don’t let them go down like that. Let them know, “hey man, you seem like you’re having a shit time and I get it, I’ll do what I can, but we gotta have this conversation somewhere else ‘cause we’re freaking out the old ladies.”
Swallow your tongue. You can’t fix the world. People are gonna bitch at you about communists and 5G and gangster rap ruining the neighbourhood, that’s just part of the deal. Nod along, remain neutral, shut down any hate speech, redirect if you can, and keep a limit in mind where you’ll have to shut things down.
Accept that sometimes there are no solutions. Yes, that angry guy who blasts music will be back tomorrow. That homeless woman who asks you to help her find her dog that she hasn’t had in 30 years will ask again, and yes, you’re still going to take a description and promise to keep an eye out. That kid who smokes crack behind the building has been clean for a few weeks and still stops by to say hi, and you hope he’ll get his life together and be happy, but he also might relapse and OD before he hits 25. Sometimes you just have to do the best you can, even if nothing is guaranteed.
Be kind to teenagers. Being a kid is hard, and everyone’s on their ass all the damn time for everything.
Remember that the vast majority of bad people aren’t bad, just unhappy. The guy who keeps showing up drunk and puking on the carpet is unhappy. The lady who bitches about the service every single time and keeps coming back anyway is unhappy. The guy who leaves trash everywhere is probably unhappy. If they were happy, maybe they’d do better, but they’re not, and that’s kinda sad. You don’t have to let them get away with their shit, but they probably aren’t actually a worthless human being either.
It doesn’t matter if 12 is true or not. You need to believe it or you will become a harsh and bitter person. Look for evidence that people are not terrible and invent it if you have to
Don’t let yourself become a bastard
Y'know, I've largely moved on beyond pointing out and lamenting at how openly corrupt the Trump administration is, but holy shit the Trump administration is so unbelievably corrupt.
Article.
A Lonely Place of Dying should be renamed "how many ways can we trigger Bruce Wayne to the point of insanity"
The entire comic Bruce is badly failing to cope with the loss of Jason, and unthinkingly torturing himself by treating himself as a human shield
A child is strapped to a bomb and Bruce (while trying to save him) calls him Jason
Bruce fails to anticipate the actions of an arch nemesis who has previously posed a fatal threat to his kids (Two Face in this case)
Two Face actually does blow up a building with Bruce and Dick (who was estranged from Bruce up to this point) inside
I want to reiterate point 4 because Bruce basically has to live what happens to Jason, while Nightwing's out cold next to him and doesn't wake to Bruce saying "I need you" (death is certain and a surefire source of help fails to rescue Bruce)
Some unnamed child calling himself Robin comes to save Bruce and insists that he must be put in danger because Batman NEEDS Robin (all this after Bruce spends so much of Jason's run fearing Jason's death and regretting involving him)
Tim thinks being Robin is the best thing ever and must be crazy deja-vuing Bruce for Jason's joy
Like what the fuck LMAO
I think regularly about the sheer audacity of Tim showing up and telling Bruce "just call me robin :)" first thing we have to teach this child is self preservation instincts what do you meannnn
Wasn't Alfred the one to put him in the suit before shoving him out the door? He didn't need to do that. Even if "Yes, have the teenager go and rescue my BosSon instead of me, the ex-superspy." was the game plan, he could've just slapped a domino mask on the kid, gave him a utility belt, and shoved him out the door. He didn't need to give the kid the whole costume.
But this is also the Alfred who's reaction to his BosSon getting amnesia and forgetting he needed to be Batmanning was to just start mass recruiting a wholeass army of Robins via a slew of S-Tier costume changes so it could never be traced back to him.
So I think we can put about 70% of the 'Why do we still have Robins after Jason?" blame squarely on him.
(some guy on the internet voice) it's so unrealistic and forced when women win fights against men in stories. of course, when a young boy defeats a huge man I'm cheering and screaming because it is so badass, and when a frail old man defeats a cocky young warrior I feel nothing but satisfaction. I love these power fantasies about easily dispatching people who underestimate you, a thing I desire despite the fact that I will likely never have the skill to achieve it in real life, but I'm pretty sure women don't have that same desire, and even if they do, they shouldn't get to see it in media. because it's so unrealistic, you see. I mean I'm smart enough to know I can't take down a big man in a fight but the women, you know, they'll get ideas. I could probably do it if I trained hard enough, but the women??? for some reason I can't see it happening, and who can say why that is.
it's extremely funny reading historical accounts of Spontaneous Human Combustion because it follows the normal historical trend of other 1800s paranormal phenomena where it stopped happening as much right around the time cameras were invented and stopped happening entirely when everyone started carrying mini cameras in their pockets, but unlike most others of its ilk, it was effectively replaced by this mysterious phenomena where alocoholics would spill liqour on themselves and then fall asleep smoking a cigarette and turn into a fireball. nobody knows if these two things are related
There are several other reasons why all the supernatural happenings of the 1800s (spontaneous human combustion in particular) tapered off.
People stopped wallpapering their homes with stuff that exuded mild hallucinogenics.
People got a lot better about realizing black mold existed, black mold probably shouldn't exist in their house, and preventing black mold from existing in their house.
People stopped lighting their homes with gas flames, which meant they no longer had sprawling conduits of leaky gas tubing throughout every room of their house that tended to outgas even when not lit.
People stopped (and I am being very serious, this is just what (some?) people did) filling washing tubs full of gasoline and using the gasoline to scrub out persistent stains from their clothes they'd then put on and wear while smoking cigarettes by the giant open hearth that provided most of the heat of their parlor room.
(Honestly, between ghost photography, "Sherlock Holmes and The Case of the Dancing Faeries", and inadvertent double-exposures, it took a few years before cameras started reducing the amount of strange happenings instead of increasing them.)
I sometimes get pushback when I describe Warhammer 40K Space Marines as eroticised figures, usually on the grounds that canonically, Space Marines can't fuck – then you look at the source material and it's like:
The text frequently dwells on long, luridly detailed lists of the various ways in which Space Marines' bodies have been modified. A disproportionate number of these modifications involve bodily fluids and/or the mouth.
The text tells us that Space Marines' power armour actually makes them less scary to other humans, because the mere sight of a Space Marine's unclothed body causes unenhanced humans to experience primal terror – and sure, you could interpret this as a body horror thing, but it's really not framed that way.
The text tells us that the only way to make a new Space Marine is to cut out part of an existing Space Marine and put it inside you, and that each chapter has a specific guy whose duty is to pick over battlefields and harvest the "gene-seed" of dead Space Marines so that their lineages might carry on.
Frankly, at this point, the fact that they're biomechanically incapable of fucking only makes it more horny.
(My actual controversial 40K opinion is that the whole "heavily marketed brand-flagship faction of genderless-in-theory-but-exclusively-male-in-practice eroticised caricatures of butch masculinity who are as a matter of explicit canon biomechanically incapable of fucking" thing actually pops up twice, because this description applies equally to 40K's interpretation of Orks, and that the distinction between the two hinges entirely on whether you prefer your blue balls upper class or working class.)
I think that's an oversimplification of the Orks. If the Space Marines are unexpressed masculine homosexuality, then the Orks are expressed masculine homosociality.
Orks are derived from English football hooligans, and they intentionally inherit the particular masculine competitiveness of factionalized sports. Orks are an eroticization of that combative/competitive masculinity, to the exclusion of sex as a practice.
Orks collapse the masculine connection between fighting and fucking into a single point. War is their orgiastic release, in contrast to the repression surrounding Space Marines. Orks want to fight because fighting makes them feel amazing! Ork societies revolve around fighting to such a degree that I would say Orks resemble a globalized fetish fiction; it's just not a fetish based in sexual pleasure.
I don't think the Space Marine's homosexuality is unexpressed. Space Marines also collapse that masculine connection into a single point, it's just more formalized and ritualized. War is the Space Marine's sexual release as much as it is the Ork's; you can't really call it orgiastic for the Space Marine, but that's just a different flavour. Space Marines societies also revolve around fighting to such a degree that you could say they resemble a globalized fetish fiction for a fetish not based in sexual pleasure; it's just that they have layers of ritual and formalized structures that spread the eroticism from combat itself to combat-adjacent things: both things that are already erotic like maintaining weapons, male camaraderie between squadmates, and military/monastic hierachy; and to things that weren't already erotic like logistics and tradition.
I think the key point is that neither Space Marines nor Orks are erotic at all in-universe, they're only erotic to the audience. A Space Marine is not sexually repressed, they canonically don't fuck and don't want to fuck, just like an Ork. And from an out-of-universe viewpoint, they're both hunky beefcakes who love Gun like it's dick and spend all their time in close, sweaty proximity with a bunch of other hunky beefcakes who love Gun like it's dick. The only real difference is the "football hooligan" vs. military/monastic source materials for the male homosociality, and the resulting flavour thereof; they even both reproduce by fighting, it's just that the Space Marine's reproduction is, again, more formalized and ritualized. So I think that the "upper class or working class" thing definitely holds.
Historically, one of the most reliable sources of widespread banditry was rulers ramping up military recruitment for major wars, then cutting their soldiers loose afterwards without pay, leaving a bunch of heavily armed men with military experience floating around broke and homeless.
Knowing this, whenever someone jokingly refers to raccoons as "trash bandits", I get a vivid mental image of, like, a raccoon succession crisis leading to a raccoon civil war, the aftermath of which forced the former soldiers of the losing side (who are all raccoons) to take up the life of the raccoon outlaw.
#I've seen the soldier thing in historical Cdramas! #what a bad idea #but also lol (via @fake-married-my-dead-fiance)
The interesting thing about this particular phenomenon in Chinese history is we've got multiple recorded cases of the winner of a civil war going out of their way to make sure the losing side's soldiers got paid; having them all rounded up and executed was politically untenable – in a civil war, the losing side's soldiers are your loyal subjects' friends and neighbours! – so the only real options were either to pay them or to have to deal with an explosion of bandit activity a few years down the road.
I've never understood why folks are so weird about the Chocolate Guy making fruit out of fruit. Like, ideally fruit-flavoured confectionery ought to be flavoured with real fruit. You want us to go back to making artificial raspberry flavour out of beaver ass?
Sure but he takes a mess of strawberries... macerates them, jellies them, puts them in molds, turns them into confections the size and shape of real strawberries, colors them like strawberries... and puts them in place looking like life-sized real strawberries. My man could've just. Put the strawberries on.
then he would be selling strawberries instead of being a master patissier
just making sure that the public knows that the beaver ass being used for raspberry flavor thing is literal and not a hyperbole. that did happen.
Whenever @prokopetz says something like "Go back to making artificial raspberry flavour out of beaver ass", I just automatically assume it's a reference to something which 100% existed/happened. It's just how they roll.