Something Cool

[rnismatch]

my camel straight up told me "man i am not carrying another fucking straw" like wtf asshole its just one straw whats your fucking issue

[romanceyourdemons]

british fantasy name: wicklebort smee

american fantasy name: aethiraimia “mia” windfeeler

chinese fantasy name: zhang youming (minimum two pages of in-text etymology about why they’re called this)

[romanceyourdemons]

all three are orphans, but zhang youming was taken in by a mysterious sect, mia windfeeler grew up fending for herself on the streets, and wicklebort smee lives with his rather nice aunt over in derbyshire

[iolesbookshelf]

The crows throughout Shadow&Bone

[iolesbookshelf]

The crows throughout Shadow&Bone

[arqueete]

saw the guy who is repairing our apartment elevator cross himself while reading something on his ipad which we can only hope relates to his feelings about the pope's death and not his feelings about the state of our elevator

[dubiousculturalartifact]

do you ever think about how darcy's perspective of the visit to rosings is just... a completely wild time. so like. he and his favourite cousin goes to visit with his weird aunt, and ends up running into this hot girl, that he's really kinda increasingly into? she's staying in the area for a while with her bestie. so like. he was expecting a boring social obligation visit & getting pressure into marrying his other, less favourite cousin. instead, he watches the hot girl hold her own with his aunt in conversation. she banters with him over the pianoforte and they have a Moment™. he keeps going over to the house she's staying at, just to awkwardly chill there, even though he doesn't like the other people there. has a whole conversation with her about how she wouldn't mind living far away from family, as long as she could afford the travel. he extends his visit so he can keep seeing her. when he runs into her on a walk, she makes a point of detailing the exact route she prefers to take while out walking, clearly encouraging him to join her, so he does. he has a really nice time on these walks, they spend a lot of time in companionable silence, but he manages to flirt a little by implying some stuff about the future & what their married life could be like, and they have some conversations about that. and sure, she has some family baggage, but none of them are around so it's a lot easier to ignore, y'know? so eventually he just can't take it anymore, and he shoots his shot. she clearly values honesty so he explains his scruples as well, but he thinks she's been dropping some favourable signals, so he's got a good chance, right?

and then not only she turns him down she ROASTS THE FUCK OUT OF HIM. she insults him. she insults his honour as a gentleman. she flips the fuck out about... oh yeah crap the sister thing, turns out his cousin blabbed, and then I'M SORRY YOU SAID WHAT? ABOUT WICKHAM? THIS IS ABOUT FUCKING WICKHAM, MY FUCKING NEMESIS? HE FUCKING SAID WHAT ABOUT.... OH MY GOD. oh fuck. I've fucked up so badly I need to reevaluate my entire life & risk sending a letter to an unmarried woman who hates my guts, just so i can explain shit. fuck.

[byjove]

Me, fighting a yoga mom in the organic food market circa 2023: take your hand off that peach or I’ll vaccinate your children against polio

[byjove]

fascinating post I made in 2018

[usergif]

OVER THE GARDEN WALL (2014) How the gentle wind, Beckons through the leaves, As autumn colors fall. Somewhere lost in the clouded annals of history, Lies a place that few have seen. A mysterious place, called The Unknown.

[mechanicalriddle]

pictures of masc girls wearing jacket+no shirt & you like cant quite see the whole titty but you see enough to know theyre swangin under there. wjhoa nelly

[gaybichon]

overheard from the girl in front of me at the smoke shop: "i've never met a mango i didn't like or a strawberry i wasn't cool with"

[sightofsea]

there's been a couple times that i've gone to the local sex club and every time i was at an event there was one man just fully naked walking around. same guy every time. hog like a hoagie roll when flaccid and he was always flaccid. anyway at one of the less populated events i got to sit and talk with him and he told me that he told me he was always naked because, despite it being a sex club, people still don't know when it's 'okay' to start getting into it and he decided he'd be the one thing to break the ice and make everybody comfortable, because you know you can start doing whatever you wanna do when there's just a naked guy walking around. he then asked if i wanted a silicone copy of his dick for my strap. never in my life have i felt such an instant respect for a person.

[official-penis-posts]

Official Hog Like A Hoagie Roll Post

[c-53]

Another fun thing I do with customers - specifically parents of very small children who don’t know they’re alive yet - is directly imply I think the coffee is for the baby, not the parent. and lemme tell you, like 70% of parents eat that shit up. They immediately go along with the bit and start discussing it with their newborn child, while the baby just stares at us like 😮

[yournewfriendshouse]

[caoten]

wanna hear a wild story? my brother’s history professor is closing in on 80 and basically lives at the university. one night my brother visited him for a meeting, and it came up that my brother was gonna be performing as a court jester at the castle the following day. and his professor busts out: “ah, that reminds me of my youth!”

he then proceeded to tell the tale of when he and his friends went backpacking to greece back in their early 20s. then one day they found themselves completely penniless. so they decided that the only reasonable thing to do was to set up acrobatic shows in skimpy outfits on the beach at day, and then drink up the money at night.

after a week or so they gained some traction, and a gang of young greek men walked up to them like “hey y’all are cool as hell, can we join y’all for drinks tonight?” and my brother’s professor was like “of course! y’all have to wear these revealing outfits and do somersaults with us tho” and the greek gang said “sounds dope. y’all are invited to live with us for however long y’all want.”

anyhow, they proceeded to live like this for the better part of 3 months, doing shows, drinking, and sleeping at the greek gang’s apartment. but after a while they decided enough was enough, and said thank you for everything, but we’re going back to sweden now. and the greeks said “sure! love y’all have a safe trip xx”

half a year later my brother’s professor gets contacted by the greek police. they ask him about the months they spent in greece, and then informs him that their greek friends have been convicted of serial homicide and robbery. that the group of young greek men had joined up with several tourist groups for several years “for drinks”, and then killed and robbed them all, terrorising the beach city for several years. with one exception, of course, because “this one group of swedish acrobats in slutty strongman suits were just ‘so damn nice’”.

and that’s the story of how one swedish history university professor survived sharing a flat with a group of serial killers for several months by performing acrobatics in slutty outfits on the beach. moral of the story? be kind of heart, thicc of ass.

[azem-ghale]

[neenarchive]

people on here talk about ao3 like it's the library of alexandria and not the website where people go to read about dean winchester being impregnated

[neenarchive]

[lordascapelion]

We should piss on the poor

[barryogg]

How dare you say that reading comprehension on this site is piss poor

[luulapants]

In 4th grade, my bff was in a death feud over chess with a boy in our class but instead of competing like normal people they decided that the best way to determine who was chess master was for each of them to select one of the two biggest idiots in class and teach them to play chess, My Fair Lady style, and see whose idiot won. We are just now, 22 years later, grappling with the moral implications of this exercise.

[pikeisaman]

This was top tier comedy in middle school let me tell you