Shana Tova, Good Yontif and Happy Monday to all the Goyim in the audience - It’s time to talk about the week that was, the week that is and the way I’m feeling heading into the (Jewish) New Year!
Let’s start with last week. Last week, as I wrote previously, I did have a sick day, which set me back a good chunk of hours with my students. However, I feel like on the whole the week went well. I handled my new student additions relatively well, and I think I’m going to enjoy going back through Unit 0 with them.
Speaking of new students, welcome The Nutritious Napper and the Bodacious Bookwork to the fold! These two adventurers took up their mantles on Thursday and began their first Adventure today, without me, due to Rosh Hashanah Shanah-negans.
As for the week that is, well, it’s already in progress. I was not in school today because I performed in my synagogue’s choir during Rosh Hashanah services. The High Holy Days have always been an interesting time for me. For many Jews, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur can be sobering reminders of a year’s trials and tribulations, the priorities that have drifted and the ways in which we have not measured up. The past few years, for me, the September-October season has generally brought some form of realignment; Last year I had quit my first big-boy teacher job to preserve my own integrity and to find a better path; three years before that, I discovered SuperBetter, sending me off on a journey toward growth and self-discovery.
The point is, this time of year isn’t always uplifting, but it generally presents an opportunity for change -- and that’s exactly what I’ve been needing. As the general tone of my past few posts might have indicated, I’ve been feeling less than exemplary lately, and the winds in the sails of my year of teaching adventurously have entered a waning period. However, as I learned over the summer, the main stressors I have when it comes to teaching are not found in the teaching itself, but in the preparation. When I’m not prepared, and more importantly, when I’m intimidated by the process of preparation, my anxiety flares up. In those moments, it doesn’t really matter how much mindfulness meditation I practice, or how much regular reading I do (though I did finish What If It’s Us this weekend, which felt good). The issue I need to address first is just doing the dang thing.
Today, that’s what I resolved to do, and it came after a very close call. As I mentioned, I did not teach today, but I did write my sub plans and the quizzes some of my students had to complete. However, the trouble was, I wrote all of those sub plans and each of those quizzes... today. This morning, in fact.
I could make excuses, I could go into detail about my emotional state on Sunday, or the social time I had on Saturday, but really, what happened was due to an accumulation of factors, weeks in the making. The simple fact is, my Fridays have not been as productive as they’ve needed to be, and it has put a lot of pressure on my Sundays. It’s okay to enjoy a day off, but eventually, something’s gotta give, and as I’ve learned, when I leave everything to Sunday, it sometimes just doesn’t happen. I roll in early on a Monday, frazzled and scrambling to get something ready for the day--and that is my least favorite way to start a Monday. I’ve told myself I want to make my Friday’s useful and productive, but try as I have, my best laid Friday morning plans have so far gone awry.
I need to change this particular part of my habits, so I can enjoy my Friday evenings and Saturdays in good conscience. I need to do this so I can avoid feeling the way that I felt this morning. At 7:30am, I was awake in bed, paralyzed with fear-based lethargy. It took a serious effort to get out of bed, and once I did, the reality of how much I had to do set in. “I don’t have enough time. I can’t do this. Oh god, what if I can’t do this?” I alternately catastrophised aloud and typed out my plans. I was getting picked up at 8:15 for choir. The plans needed to be in by 9, and if I left at 8:15 there was no way I’d finish by then, even if I brought my laptop. I told my dad that I’d drive separately, almost sputtering with panic, and hustled back into my house to finish the job. And I did finish the job, more than an hour later, just in time to head to choir and make it to my seat five minutes before the service began.
When I saw my dad, he was in good spirits, happy that I had made it. As for me, I was in tears, reeling from the fact that I almost didn’t. Upset with myself for putting my job at risk, frustrated that I hadn’t put forth enough effort on the front end to prevent this kind of thing from happening. My dad did what he could to get me in better spirits and to smile through the tears. My choir neighbor grabbed me some napkins to use as tissues. We sang our songs, chanted our prayers and ushered in the new year.
The day ended up being a good one. I knocked out my outstanding Notes Home in one fell swoop before my single Monday tutoring client, and I did a fair amount of the legwork to make grading for the past few weeks a breeze. Now that I’m getting to process my experiences in words, I’m feeling a lot better about how things are going and how they should continue to go this week, if I stay vigilant, and stop shirking my responsibilities. My days may be longer, but they won’t feel long if I’m more prepared and can get the drop on them.
Now it’s time to talk goals.
This week I will continue to do 10-20 minutes of meditation a day (today I watched two videos on Headspace in lieu of a formal meditation, but I will meditate tomorrow morning.), I will begin another book (I’m between Turtles All The Way Down by John Green or All The Birds In The Sky by Charlie Jane Anders currently) and I will do my planning, grading and notes home on a nightly basis.
Tomorrow might be a long day, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. It’s the first new day of a sweet new year.
Life will pass through, keep being you.
