okay but jesper fahey who had raging crushes on people that either just wanted to sleep woth him, or just didn't like him back at all. and he gave 110% of himself into them because if he put enough effort in, then maybe, just maybe, they would love him back in the way that he loved them. jesper fahey, who has so much love to give and wants to give it, craves to give it, but never seems to be able to get it back, to find someone who reciprocates the amount of love that he has to give. but he'll give it anyone, because maybe this time is going to be different, and maybe this time, someone wants him. someone might want him, and not just his silly jokes, or his advice, or his ability to cheer people up, not just sex or a little fling. maybe, he'll find someone who loves him the way he loves them. jesper, who reads into every little detail, every interaction, every change, with the hope that this is it, someone loves him properly, wants to give him the world
give me a jesper fahey who's given up a little bit. jesper, who will keep giving out that love, with only the tiniest speck of hope that it will ever fully be returned, but even that's dying too. jesper, who reads into things because it's second nature, but tells himself to stop being stupid, still getting your hopes up
now give me a wylan van eck who loves jesper fahey like it's breathing. wylan, a little scared that he might be another one of jesper flings, but loves him anyway, because he too has a lot of love to give and no one who wants it. wylan, who buy jesper cute gifts at the markets, little trinkets that make him think of jesper. wylan, who links his finger with jesper's at every moment, who plays with his hair, who constantly wants to be in physical contact with him all of the time. wylan, who can't help but let his adoration pour out of him every time he's with jesper, who's eyes involuntarily light uo every time he sees him because he's so desperately enamoured
and give me a jesper who at first can't believe it, who won't let himself believe that this is it, someone genuinely loves him the way he loves them. he throws everything at wylan, desperate for him to stay, lapping everything up, because he knows it'll be gone soon and then he'll be left with nothing but his false hope yet again
give me a jesper who, one night, sits in the kitchen sobbing; he didn't mean to, it just kind of happened. and wylan finds him (the bed was cold without him) and doesn't ask what's wrong at first. he just holds jesper close to his chest (jes is sitting, wy is standing) and kisses his head and lets jesper just cry. and jesper hates himself for it, because he's going to have to explain himself and it's probably going to scare wylan off, and now this is the end, the end of the best thing he's ever had, and he's already planning the bender he's going to go on to get over this, the people he'll sleep with
and then he talks. he tells wylan that he's scared, scared that no one could ever love him the way that he loves, that he's so used to giving everything of himself and never getting it in return, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt any less. and he's so scared that wylan will come to his senses and just leave, that this is the first time that he's ever felt that someone actually loves him, adores him even.
wylan just keeps holds him silently, carding a hand over his hair. and jesper's so scared because this is it, he shouldn't have gotten so comfortable
and then wylan just says 'i know how you feel. ive never been loved like that either'
and he does. he's always given everything and he's scared to lose everyone, and now they're both crying in the dark kitchen at three in the morning. somehow they end up on the cold floor, warm in each others arms. but that doesn't matter
because they've both always given everything they got to people who only ever give them a sliver in return. and now they've got each other, love so easy it's like breathing
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