ten hyperfixations in a trenchcoat

just a person who does shit on the internet sometimes

[butimaficwriter]

before dick and kisses

after dick and kisses

from 😾 to 🙂: an ilya rozanov guide to keeping your shane happy

[kaijuerotica]

after dick no kisses

[queerofthedagger]

okay let's actually do this properly

Where do you write your fics/stories

Word

Google Docs

Scrivener

LibreOffice

Obsidian/Notion

ProtonDocs

Notes App

Directly into AO3

Ellipsus

Handwriting

Other (explain in tags?)

Remaining time: 13 hours 19 minutes

[shinraalpha]

i do think lobbying for data centres over climate goals should be considered a crime against humanity btw

[sweetmesquite]

i'm willing to expend the energy it takes to launch a few hundred tech bros into the sun. i think we can excuse those emissions as a net positive.

[darlingofdots]

let's think of some Bits in the Hollander-Rozanov household because every good relationship needs incomprehensible and insufferable Bits:

the random Russian nouns as pet names, obviously

turning to Anya to arbitrate who won the race/loads the dishwasher correctly/scored a sexier goal etc

Ilya. Ilyusha. Ilyushenka. Ilyushenkechka.

and who won Rookie of the Year????

"I have never said this in my life"

threatening to tell Yuna

"pass me the remote?" — "come and get it" — [wrestling]

butt slapping. at every opportunity.

"we will have to shoot you like lame horse" when one of them gets so much as a papercut

idioms translated literally into the wrong language

"this is not hall of fame behaviour"

"who should I bring as my plus one" and listing random people while the other pouts

[hollanoveau]

top mic’d up moments compilation: cliff marleau edition

“slow down slow down SLOW DOWN JESUS”

“don’t you ever talk about my mother again i’m so fuckin’ serious dog keep that shit OUT of your mouth”

*laughing so hard he snorts*

“hey have you guys seen my mouthguard. oh haha it’s in my mouth my bad”

*quietly singing fergalicious to himself on the bench while staring at the jumbotron*

“hey roz! roz! dude, look, look at this trick - bro you are NOT even looking. okay, no, it’s cool, you want me dead, it’s fine”

“huh? fight? nah dude, i don’t - fuck man come on i have a date tomorrow don’t fuckin’ -“ *loud scuffling noises*

*laughing so hard he snorts*

*falls on his ass* “whoops”

*falls on his ass again* “whoops fuck”

“how do you think they get the little prizes inside the kinder eggs. carmichael. hey carmichael. CARMICHAEL. HOW DO YOU THINK -“

*quietly singing glamorous by fergie to himself (he misspells “glamorous”*

[flyora]

Happy Anniversary

[rhube]

Is Tumblr aware of Count Binface, current hope for our nation?

Let me explain:

Grotesque fascist grifter, Nigel Farage, is the leader of Reform, the racist far right party he created because UKIP got what it wanted (Brexit) and it sucked.

Having tried and failed to be an MP many times (but somehow getting more screentime than any Liberal Democrat or Green politician), he finally succeeded in the last election because people were so overwhelmingly pissed off with the Conservatives, and many right-wing people saw Reform as the new Conservative Party; partly because it's full of rejects from the Conservative Party.

Speculation: he doesn't really want to be an MP, he wants to be a fascist grifter. He's annoyed by suggestions he do things like Be In His Constituency and Serve His Constituents.

He's recently been caught having accepted a VERY large amount of money from some unsavory people that he insists was a totally legitimate 'donation' and not breaking any rules.

Only it did break the rules and it's very clear that it did and things are in motion to hold him to account.

To avoid this, he has resigned as an MP, saying this is a protest at his treatment by the 'establisment' (he is a rich fascist grifter, but he likes to cosplay as a Man of the People). This has triggered a by-election, in which he is standing, with the hope that the people of his constituency will either elect him in a resounding win, indicating they don't care that he's corrupt (having not heard everything the investigation is uncovering), or someone from Labour or the Conservatives will win and he can swan off to America, free to grift again because of what the 'establishment' did to him.

Only, all the major political parties have agreed not to stand, stating openly that this is an obvious stunt and they won't legitimise it. So if he doesn't win, he can't say it was because he was too much of a rebel and the Establishment went against him, he'll just be a loser, which doesn't play too well with the right-wingers he wants to grift. And if he does get back in the investigation will go forward without any kind of 'mandate' from his constituency buoying him up.

But. There is another option.

COUNT BINFACE IS RUNNING.

Count Binface is part of the grand British tradition of joke candidates who stand as a protest option. They usually don't get enough votes to get their deposit back (which is supposed to deter unserious people) but they don't care, because DEMOCRACY.

Of course, Count Binface has never won, but it is hilarious to see a completely serious pathetic fascist concede defeat while standing next to a man with a bin on his head to whom they are democratically equal.

But if nobody else is standing. And if enough people in Clacton-on-Sea are finally cheesed off enough with Farage not doing anything for them, there is just a chance that one of the funniest things to ever happen in politics will happen.

Imagine. Imagine for just a moment that the Grotesque Fascist not only loses, but loses to Count Binface.

[sweetmesquite]

it is critical that i add: the bbc morning show interviewed count binface, and it is :chefkiss: .

[nobodyspuppe]

the thing about ai witch hunt is that instead of spreading awareness about why and how ai can be harmful, people focus their energy on harassing other people instead. so instead of actually achieving something, fandom space and the internet as a whole just became twice as toxic because people have found a ✨noble way✨ to tell other people to off themselves and get praises for it. you’re not helping. you’re part of the problem

[butchyena]

this is the funniest fucking billboard possible. who the fuck paid for this

[depsidase]

[whydidisavethistomyphone]

Source

[elumish]

I honestly think Gen-Z and younger simply does not understand how recent widespread smartphone adoption is.

I am not that old, and I didn't have a smartphone until probably late high school. For most of my life, many if not most people were not walking around with a magic internet machine in their pocket that they pulled out and used constantly for everything.

[sandumilfshous]

reblog if you remember having to ration your text messages and accidentally opening the internet on your phone was the end of the world

[burgerdotcom]

reblogs were off

[thealogie]

Can you please elaborate on the Stephen Colbert RPF thing. This is a judgment free zone I’m just deathly curious

Ah yes well you see Stephen Colbert used to play a parody of a Fox News pundit on a show called The Colbert Report (American news satire program popular in the late 00s/early 10s). The character was explicitly a closeted gay man who was driven to conservatism due to his own insecurity/internalized homophobia. He had a homoerotic relationship with Jon Stewart whom he pretended to hate but had several romantic moments with.

When their shows ended they wrote a soft epilogue for their fictionalized selves where they retire to a cabin in the woods together and it’s implied they’re married now. The most beautiful self-written rpf of all time.

It was a beautiful slow burn self-written rpf that unfolded over, like, 10 years they worked together? It started as a joke but ended up being a genuine canon part of the fictionalized Stephen Colbert? I’m not joking.

[thealogie]

We’ve literally lost such a fundamental part of our culture the day someone comes into my ask to be like “what would Stephen Colbert rpf even conceivably be about?”

[cbrownjc]

For those who are curious, here is John Oliver talking about the RPF slash fanfic that was written about Stephen and Jon (and himself) during that time:

[runawaymarbles]

The midjourney stuff just reminds of when we were trying to find a new platform to host the ao3 donation form, and companies kept trying to tell me about all their "ai" features that would track donor engagement, and figure out the optimal pattern to email individual donors asking for follow up donations, and all the ways they suggest we manipulate people into staying on our websites. It was a great way to filter out who either wasn't listening to us when we described our ethics and donor base, or just didn't believe us.

Now granted ao3 is a unique case based on a) the amount of page views we get in any given time period and b) the fact that most donors absolutely do Not want to be identified as such anywhere, (the default "list of recent donors" module got nuked Immediately) but it surprised me some that the concept of "donors who value their privacy and would be furious at even the whiff of AI" is unique. Some of us really are just existing in different worlds.

[zz9pzza]

Op's tags

#I just started dropping '2.5 Billion page views a month'#into conversations as early as possible bc they would Not believe me otherwise#it was right up there with having to say 'csam attacks' to get them to take my compartmentalization of information concerns seriously#turns out those are the magic words#otw#op

[runawaymarbles]

The last part was kind of insane, honestly. When we started changing platforms for the donor database, I kept telling them that yes I was aware we already had an account for the volunteer database, and no that could not be connected to the donor database. And they said yes fine sure and then connected them anyway. And I called them back and said, excuse me, I'm confused, I can see both databases. And they said, well, yeah, but it's only you, someone has to be able to see both databases to give other users access. The other users can't see both. And I said, no, we have been asking for a completely separate database. I should not be able to see both. And they said, you are one organization, one organization can't have two databases. And I said, last year someone used our volunteer email list to commit approximately one thousand felonies. Please feel free to imagine how much worse it could have been had they had a way to use volunteers' email addresses to get their legal names. We do not want this to be something anyone can do no matter how much we trust them. Let me describe those felonies to you in more detail. And they emailed me two hours later and said, you can have two separate databases.

[kyraneko]

This post feels like watching an iceberg go by in clear water. The amount of stuff going on beneath the surface of AO3 just astonishes.

[jeffsatyr]

(ID in alt)

[elodieunderglass]

Approximately one THOUSAND felonies

[tokkibean]

i do not “delete sentences” when they start “hindering the plot” i COPY PASTE THEM into a SEPARATE DOC made just for keeping all my USELESS LINES that i will also NEVER USE so therefore i should JUST DELETE THEM but i DONT because id FEEL BAD if i did

[harpyharpyharpy]

You don't actually have to kill your darlings. You can just put them in the oubliette #myoubliette

[sweetmesquite]

good to know i'm not the only one lmao

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

some people don’t deserve fanfics, much less for free.

also even if authors didn’t tag any specific warnings but they used the “creator chose not to use archive warnings” tag, then that is your warning.

“omg you should’ve —” no one forced your entitled ass to read anything. fanfic writers write for themselves and their own enjoyment. if you don’t like what you’re reading, quietly leave. ao3 is not an airport. no one cares about your departure so no need to announce it.

[totallysilvergirl]

#fanfic#I mean#what’re y’all thinkin’ the E means out there#Expressive?#Excellent?#Energetic?#and ffs#do you return a book you buy the moment it has smut?#y’all think that just because you’re given the mode to communicate#it gives you leave to say ALL THE THINGS#don’t. just. DON’T.

@ishipanarmada these are too good to leave in the tags