NEW D.A.F. PORTRAIT DISCOVERED!
On this day of 14 Prairial CCXXXIII (June 2, 2025), coincidentally the birthday of the infamous shitstain philosopher known as the Marquis de Sade, Republican historians found a previously unknown portrait of the Marquis alongside a diary belonging to him. The artifacts were discovered while analyzing an office used by his eldest son Louis Marie de Sade. All papers are currently available digitally.
Haters, unfortunate souls struck with hyperfixation and academics alike have always complained about the lack of visual references of the Marquis (due to his progeny burning his belongings according to his wishes), especially since his only surviving image dates from his youth of 19 years, before his scandals and penning of his works.
A few thoughts shared by anonymous citizens include:
"Like, why does he have a baby face?" one academic questioned.
"I wish we could see at least one picture of him after the Bastille" another commented.
"I don't care, he already looks punchable enough" a hater argued.
Unfortunately, the newly retrieved portrait in question is even worse. It dates to 1760, the same year of the portrait everyone knows about; and depicts him not only with his already-known infant-like face, but wearing infantile clothes and playing with dolls. The dolls in question are rumored by specialists to be inspirations for the sisters Justine and Juliette, protagonists of the two anonymously published books named after each heroine, attributed to Sade.
Sorry, I'm not paying for anyone's therapy 😭
On the plus side, all remaining Sade apologists quit defending the nobleman.
"It wasn't the portrait that broke the camel's back for me" one ex-apologist explained; "I found it inoffensive. But the stuff in his diary? I was left speechless. I'm done glazing dead dick." (Took you long enough bruh)
The content of the diary alluded by the anonymous citizen above is a specific passage where Donatien-Alphonse reveals that, for all his life up to the time of writing and despite being able-bodied, he was still wiped by his mother, and would need at least five years to learn how to perform that action by himself (just like he would say several years later about sweeping the floor, on a letter that's already been publicly available for decades).
