#actullytraumatized

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I just wanna make a post about people who  hate towards people with personality disorders specifically. We are children who never got enough attention, or to much. We are young children who just want to be loved. Some of us don’t know boundaries. i  don’t think you all realize what's its like at a young age to call you a “stocker” because i wanted to talk to someone because they liked me as a person and said i was a good person. i don’t think you realize how much the negative outweighs the positives. self hatred is strong. i don’t think you realize what its like. How you can’t take any type of feedback without breaking down unless it’s good. BUT then your mask pulls up and you become avoidant and you do what is need to be done rather than how your feeling and the truth. 

My brain is a house on fire and the smoke alarms have no batteries. Yet i don’t wanna come out of my house because I'm scared of what's outside yet I'm on fire. 

please just hold me

NO PLEASE DON’T 

Just tell me I'm worthless

i just wanna take a nap and forgot i enrolled in school

[jaxistramatized]

Watch out for the new show Lilly and Astrid save the world I got supper triggered last night and it was worse than any horror movie I have ever seen… it includes psychopathic “monster” by monster these are not monsters…. The show included ( I only got half way though) torture methods,restraints, bullying, weight comment, high school, kidnapping, comments about worthlessness and not being liked, alcohol, sexual comment, gore,abuse,scary stuff… idk what else there was I couldn’t tell u how long my flashback lasted last night.

[jaxistramatized]

is anyone else sick of people being called psychotic even though it’s mostly politics and it’s them being EVIL. The first time i heard anti psychotics i was like that’s so mean! they need to change the name!  Then i realized that being evil didn't mean psychotic. I also didn't know i was psychotic because it was seen as crazy. now I’m in my kitchen wearing a bullet proof vest looking for a residential stay. My therapist can’t help me at this point. Please stop calling people psychotic if they are violent. i have never hurt anyone before besides myself. what psychotic people deal with is hell. have you ever been just sitting in your room and hearing all these sexual comments come at you so hard. or been in a psych ward and refuse to eat, drink, take meds cuz your where so paranoid something was going to happen to you. these are only some of the examples.  I'm sorry if you have! I HEAR YOU.  

[jaxistramatized]

So I just wanna say how much I know I will get into risky situations. I’m not trying to. AVPD is my wall. Once someone likes me... it’s gone...

Trauma has messed with my brain so much that. I CANNOT SENSE DANGER. Once I am close. Like ... I’m scared. If I can get myself in to stuff online... imagine what I can get myself in trouble in the outside world.... NO ONE IS BAD. That’s how I was brought up.

If someone mugged me on the street I’m not going to lie I wouldn’t think they did bad. I would think they are struggling. They are hurting. They had a bad day. I would think it would be my fault.

I will always be a danger to myself and that scares me but in the moment I won’t know. I still don’t. I can’t tell people what I’m dealing with because they would take advantage of it. I’m easy to manipulate. I can see it now but I won’t see it then.

I’m also seen as I am abusive because I can’t advocate for myself.. like people think I’m abusive because I care to much and I can’t put into words how I feel... yet I brake down for making anyone feel bad.. or sad. And I’m always afraid someone is mad. I don’t ask I just go right to the SORRY.

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Religious trauma is a thing .. and it messes with you so hard ...

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I’m not ready society is moving to fast. Album covers are moving now, Technology has advanced so much. Graphics are advanced. i don’t know why I’m not ready... maybe the simple things can make me happy. Or is it i want my childhood back... or is society really scary.. im not ready 

CHECK DNI BEFORE INTERACTING 

[jaxistramatized]

i want my abuser to fuck me i really must be manic.. im getting an evaluated  in an hour.. i only slept 6.5 hour last night.. also my dad is like its a brain and gut thing and you need to eat tis and that. that's why your manic.. plus you never listen.. wonderful... 

Check DNI before interreacting 

[jaxistramatized]

I know they say u can’t remember until the age of 5 but trauma ruins u