I'm 23 years old without a driver's permit; I'm extremely embarrassed to admit it. The reason for this is due to anxiety.. Being in any vehicle stresses me out. Everyone around me believes I'll be a good driver but I can't overcome my anxieties towards driving.. Lately its become a huge problem and I feel like its putting strain on my relationships to the people closest to me. I know that I need to get my permit and license but I'm terrified. I don't want to be a burden on my loved ones anymore.
Hello! Thank you for sending this in, and I’m so sorry you’re feeling conflicted and anxious. I completely understand how you are feeling and the situation you are in.
The first thing which you could look into is different techniques to use. Whether you are trying to keep the feeling of anxiety away for a while or struggling with panic attacks, looking into techniques to use and practise can really help and give us a way of fighting back. Something which I use is calming audio or music I enjoy when I feel anxious. This helps me relax and take my mind off the situation and gives me a positive feeling. Do you feel you could look into some techniques?
On our tumblr we have a page dedicated to calming techniques, which I encourage you to have a look at. Perhaps pick a few, try them out and see which one fits. It is okay if you feel some are not working, as we are all different and finding the right technique can take a little time but is definitely worth it. I will link you below!
Calming Anxiety and Panic
I believe that taking your time with these techniques is crucial, as well as anything which you feel you are struggling with. Blocking everyone else out for a few moments, do you feel ready to learn to drive? Do you feel you would have the time, motivation and money for it? Are you ready to take that small step? It is okay if the answer is yes, and it is also okay if the answer is no. This is a good place to start and really understand how you feel about it.
If the answer is no, do you feel you could speak to your loved ones about how you are feeling? If they understand your situation then they may be able to help out by offering you lifts or car shares (which is good for the environment and offers a social activity!). I understand you may feel negative about having to rely on others driving or ask for lifts, but it is okay to not want to drive. It is becoming more and more common for people to choose not to drive, or feel they cannot. Public transport is only improving and is definitely something in which you could look into. You can find timetables online, or at local information centres.
I really believe speaking to your loved ones will help the feeling of negativity reduce for you. Not wanting to drive is okay, and society must realise that it is okay too. You are not a burden for not driving.
If the answer is yes, then there are a few options for you to look into. There are driving instructors who have experience with nervous and anxious drivers. They are understanding and may have a different teaching approach to make it comfortable for you. You can look into instructors in your area via Google, or even Facebook and compare those which you find. When I was looking, I wrote down the options and compared prices, availability and the feedback from previous customers. Do you feel you could have a look at a few driving instructors?
When you get to your lessons or test, it is important to take your own time and not to rush anything. Using calming techniques during your lessons and test could perhaps benefit, and if your instructor knows your situation they may build these into the lessons. Taking your time is crucial, and it really helps me with driving and everyday experiences. It is okay to take time, and it is okay to need to pull over and stop for a moment to regroup your thoughts.
Doing the lessons and test in your own time is also important. If you feel you can only drive for an hour, that is okay. If you feel you could do 2 hours at a time, that is also okay. Speaking to your instructor can open up doors and ideas on how to learn in the best way for yourself. They could also recommend schedules for lessons or how they feel you will perform best. When it comes to knowing if you are ready to take the test, you must believe in yourself and ask yourself if you feel you can do it. Your driving instructor will know if you are technically, but it is up to you to take a deep breath and know if you are ready. It is okay if you need a little more time or just need a quick recap lesson.
I really do understand how you feel, as I have been through it too. I am around a year younger than you are and have only just passed my test. I was in a situation when I was 17 where driving made me feel anxious and it reminded me of things I didn’t want to associate with driving. I struggled to get lifts without getting comments about ‘you could have driven if you had learnt’ which made me feel awful. Unfortunately, not everyone understands that such a ‘normal’ thing in society is sometimes difficult for others to do.
I stopped my lessons altogether and focused on my education, although it was difficult throughout with catching public transport (I live in a small town with terrible bus links to the station) and getting to work. But, I do not regret this. I wasn’t prepared in my mind to drive and I wasn’t in the best of places. I eventually built up the courage to book some lessons again a few months ago and I felt so nervous to take that little leap into driving again. The second time around, I was much more focused and motivated. I still had my doubts and lessons which I couldn’t focus, but my instructor knew that and we really worked well to work on the parts I needed to work on instead of ticking boxes.
I passed my test third time, and that is okay. The whole process can be complicated with our emotions, but I learnt that it is okay to feel. Our emotions are valid, and we can overcome them with time.
I really hope this has opened up some thoughts for you, and you are able to choose a path which is right for you at this moment. I believe in you, whatever your decision may be.
Rosie
