#arophobia tw

[polybius3d]

allos when acespecs imply they dont like sex or when arospecs imply they dont like romance

[aro-ace-chaos]

Amatonormativity, Allonormativity, Compulsory Sexuality, Aphobia, and Patriarchy.

It's hard to explain what an interconnected mess these topics are, so for the sake of this post, I will be grouping amatonormativity, allonormativity, and compulsory sexuality all under the term of allonormativity, just to make things easier.

Patriarchy and traditional gender roles treat AFAB people like their only purpose is to be wives and mothers, while AMAB people are to be fathers and providers. Obviously, this is extremely limiting and damaging, even without examining the issue through a queer lens.

It's transphobic, of course, to imply that all women want to and should get pregnant and bear children. But beyond that, it's misogynistic. What about women who are infertile? What about women who just don't want children? What about trans women, like I said before? What about women who are ace? Well, in the eyes of the traditional patriarchy, none of those groups even exist. If a group of people is small enough, people who follow a patriarchal worldview just ignore their existence completely so as not to have to challenge their own beliefs. If they do acknowledge our existence, they brush it off as a 'defect', more or less. The same way transphobes do.

Infertile cis women who can't bear children? They're such a small group of the population, and that's a defect, anyway. Women (or men) who are asexual, or even allosexual but uninterested in sex? They're such a small group of the population, and that's a defect, anyway. Women who don't want children for whatever reason (don't like kids, would rather have a career, etc)? They're such a small group of the population, and that's a defect anyway. Women like that have probably been brainwashed by the woke mob.

That's what people who follow this kind of worldview believe. They're so boxed in in their ideas of how a family should exist, how an individual person's life should look, that they end up hurting everyone.

Sex is a thing that a lot of people enjoy and find good for their well-being, but no one is wrong for not liking or wanting it.

Romance is a thing that a lot of people enjoy and find good for their well-being, but no one is wrong for not liking or wanting it.

Children are something a lot of people want. A lot of people enjoy or find purpose in raising children, but no one is wrong for not wanting children, or not finding parenting an appealing concept.

I think, in the end, the patriarchy inherently assumes that there are two types of people: men and women. The men must all be the same, they all must have similar hobbies, interests, goals, motivations, and personalities (sports, guns, beer, physical labor, work, no emotions other than anger) to the other men, otherwise they fail. They all must be cisallohet. The women must all be the same, they must all have similar hobbies, interests, goals, motivations, and personalities (cooking, baking, cleaning, sewing, patient, taking care of the children, staying at home) to the other women, otherwise they fail. They must all be cisallohet.

Nothing outside the norm is accepted.

Women aren't supposed to want sex, but they aren't supposed to reject it when their husbands want it. But if they say no they're a prude. But if they're sexually liberated they're a slut. If they don't want to get married, they're a slut. That's acephobia. That's arophobia. It's misogyny.

It's not really that much better on the other side, either. Men who don't want sex are treated like there's something wrong with them. Men who don't want romance are called players and treated with a modicum of respect sometimes, but if they treat women like, y'know, people, then the same people who were just giving them respect call them simps and pussies. That's acephobia. That's arophobia. And, really, it circles back to misogyny again.

In the end, patriarchy demands allonormativity. It demands aphobia. So fuck all that shit. EVERYONE is better off without patriarchy.

(And yes, I know trans and enby and intersex etc people exist, but people who follow patriarchal worldviews act like they don't! That's the point I'm making here!)

[underwhelmingalchemist]

Queer infighting discourse feels like you're on the beach and watching a not insignificant number of people draw and argue over made-up lines in the sand, and when you're like, "Hey do you guys want to come help with this really cool sand castle we're collaborating on" they're like "but one of the people building it is a cishet alloaro :/" and when you try to tell them that that really shouldn't matter and the cishet alloaro is actually contributing some really cool seashell windows, they ignore you in favor of picking up a rock to throw at someone that drew a line a little further away from theirs

[myblocklists]

More aphobes.

Remember, blocklists are for blocking. No harassment. Block and move on.

@/queenofnots Actually, amatonormativity is closely correlated with heteronormativity and hurts everyone. Also, most aspecs I've spoken with are either women, nonbinary, or trans. Not too terribly many cis men in the community (in large part thanks to toxic masculinity and the like)

@/thecaskofamontillado Actually, most aspecs are less irritated by other queer folks than we are cisallohets.

@/weedvapeuser Way to erase trans and intersex people, asshole. The acronym is LGBTQIA+ (Lesbia, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex, aspec). There's more to queerness than just gay sex and romance.

As always, do not harass anyone. Block them and move on with your life.

[fymo-blogs]

Man, I love it when I bring up aroace characters' identities being ignored and a cishet tries to say 'Well the same thing happens to straight characters' /sar

Like, just because a character is in a straight relationship doesn't make them 'canonically straight' Mspec identies exist, y'know

So kindly stfu 🤗

[thereallyreallylatebird]

Hey guys, this person is posting aphobia in the aspec tags. For anyone who doesn't want to see this shit, I'd suggest blocking them.

[aholotte]

someone had the bright idea of posting a poll asking whether cishet aro men belong in the queer community, on the site infamous for hating on aspecs. first of all, why would you do that, second of all..

oh so we're calling men "things" now? i didn't even need to check this person's blog because they're clearly a radfem

*need aphobes to perish posthaste. fixed that for you

blocking aphobes isn't enough, i need them to get eaten by Mimic from Frieren

[peevesiehasasideblog]

Gotta love how everything aspecs do is misinterpreted as ill-intentioned. How romance repulsion is seen as repulsion to specifically gay romance i.e. homophobia. How aros talking about the overemphasis on romance over friendship in fandom is seen as an attack on gay ships, how aros saying "it doesn't have to be romantic" is conflated with homophobes saying "it doesn't have to be gay". How aces complaining about unnecessary sex scenes in media is equated to censorship. How aspecs talking about allos or even using the word "allo" is treated as an evil conspiracy to "lump gay people with their oppressors" or whatever. Gotta love how no matter what we say no one will listen and people will find a way to vilify it.