“Just friends” this “more than friends” that. “Your husband/wife is your number one person.” “When you get married/have kids.” “The nuclear family is the building block of society.” “Someday you’ll find someone.” “You’ll understand when you get older.” “You just haven’t found the right person yet.” The pressure to leave your friends and move in with your spouse. “Romance is the highest form of love.” Economic emphasis on two income households. “Alone forever” as a bad thing. “I love you” is romantic by default. “Virgin.” “Neckbeard.” “Childless cat lady.” “Spinster.” “Friends are temporary but family is forever.”
Arophobia is when the creator of a certain show that shall not be mentioned, had "confirmed" a character of hers as aroace by second hand testimony from others. And she repeatedly avoided any fans asking about that character's sexuality, remarking that "I can't say/you'll see", and that she "doesn't want to ruin anyone's fun" in the massive shipping community, that she also indulges in. And also did the "I only love myself" aroace stereotype for that supposedly aroace character way back. As well as others have said how she "sees x as an aroace character" and yet she's unable to set her foot down and confirm a canonical aromantic in her prominently queer show.
Not to mention how her lack of decision has made her fandom aphobic as fuck. Literal people commented that they'll leave the fandom if that character does turn out to be aroace, and not just asexual. (They're also really acephobic but that's another topic) And how hard the show does ship service for that aroace character. It's literally one step away from erasure and queerbaiting. And almost no one cares.
This has been going on for years btw. The literal VA of that character has had to step down from saying this character is aroace and instead say that it "depends on what's seen as canon". I repeat, this character is aroace, with gatekept aromanticism. Just the aromanticism. It gets ace pride merch and all but the aromantic part is the one that needs to be hidden to not "upset the fandom".
Why can't we ever get clear and direct aro representation without having to dig through years of creator info, socials, and being on the edge of erasure ;-;
long post
additional anon:
(in relation to the last ask about erased aromanticism in a fictional character, didn't want to make the last one too long lol)Arophobia is when you're talking about aro erasure in a character with a classmate, that coincidentally has the show the character is in as their fav show. Only to get all your concerns and frustration ignored and dismissed by them going "oh, well I don't think they'll pair x up with anyone, I don't see it" and "I personally see x as aroace", which just misses the whole point. It's not what YOU think, it's how hard this queer representation is being hidden due to fandom and meta amatonormativity. It's how the creator REFUSES to confirm or deny aromantic representation in her queer show, as a queer person as well.Not to mention how this classmate interrupted me while I tried to explain the latter by saying "well have an ace friend who has a partner so"—DONT. CARE. Because 1) aromanticism and asexuality overlap but they're COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AND INDEPENDENT FROM ONE ANOTHER, and 2) you're using the token queer friend as an argument and bias to not care or want to engage critically with the representation of sexualities that aren't your own, in your favorite show. I cannot stress enough how much this baffled me and how pissed I still am over it, and it literally happened one year ago.
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this is arophobia
i know exactly what ur talking about, and i understand this as a fandomer. i get her being afraid of harassment due to already experiencing so much but the fandoms aroacephobia and arophobia in general is not ok. honestly the whole 'i dont want to ruin the fun' thing she says makes no sense because anybody into shipping can tell u its not always about it making sense (for some it is but a good chunk of us ship things that make no sense just for funzies). shippers will ship regardless and those who will complain shouldnt be in fandom in the first place (clarification: i mean people who complain about a character who get confirmed aspec. although if u harass users for shipping aspec characters i would like to direct u to the filters (ao3) and the block tags and terms (tumblr)).
before i actually did research into his character i did used to think the aro was a headcanon but now i do get that it is just a thing thats refused to be stated due to the fandoms aro(ace)phobia.
oh and dear ur friend: as a partnering aro (allo). please stop using us as an example and listen to aspecs. yes we exist and deserve representation but that representation shouldnt be from other peoples erasure
Why ace and aro activism is still needed (Cw//aphobia + one mention of transphobia which is marked so that part can be skipped)
These are all things I’ve seen said recently about ace or aro people. Many of these come from Yasmin Beniots Instagram account.
- people still believe that being aro or ace is equivalent to being a sociopath
-Still considered a medical disorder in many places
-In many places it is not legally recognized as a romantic or sexual orientation, meaning it can be harder to charge aphobia fueled hate crimes as hate crimes and conversion therapy for asexuals isn’t recognized as a form of conversion therapy
-the idea that an ace or aro person can be “fixed” by someone is still very prevalent
-ace and aro people are still called groomers (just look at some of the responses to Jaden animations coming out)
-people still believe it just straight up doesn’t exist
-religion is used to look down upon us as “our purpose in life is to get married and reproduce”
-people believe that we’re making it up because we “have no game/cant pull”
-the idea that aroallo people are predators or other things along those lines (especially towards aroallo men)
-people still believe that heteroromantic asexuals and aromantic heterosexuals are “just straight”
-people still believe that asexuality and aromantism are the same thing and erase the identities of aroallos and alloaces
-(Cw// transphobia) and one of the wildest theories I’ve seen popping up lately, which I literally can’t even put into words so I’ll just put a comment from Yasmin Benoit that an aphobe left: “After 9 years of pushing ‘affirmative care’ Stonewall needs a way of explaining young people who have no libido and cannot function sexually” or another comment which says “Frankenstein gender medicine damages or destroys sexual function. That’s why asexuality needs to be normalized 🚩”. Essentially they’re saying that transitioning ruins one’s ability to be sexual and that asexuality was an excuse made up to hide that.
People who deny the existence of aphobia are ignorant. I have had people message my mom saying she’s going to hell for supporting me. I’ve had queerphobes with speakers and microphones follow me and my friends around at pride screaming at us that we’re going to hell. I’ve had people time and time again try to erase my identity, telling me I haven’t found the right one, and other things like that. Just because the discrimination we face isn’t the same as, for example, what a lesbian may face doesn’t mean our discrimination doesn’t exist.
Still a bit hung up on that last post because I feel I worded it kinda meh and feel I need to elaborate with the whole "people keep treating non binary people as some binarism-lite" cause it also reminded it's a similar kind of behaviour with aspec people. (so it's a double-whammy!)
Because those identities exists in broad spectrums, people constantly treats that as a sort of loophole to still erase the core part of the identities which is how we differentiate from other identities and in a way that feels it's still trying to bring us closer to binarism/allospec, even when supposedly trying to help us in discussions about us.
Bringing up that nonbinary people can still be (trans)masc/(trans)fem whenever we're talking about androgenous/neutral nonbinaries is still erasing a core part that is literally that we're not binary and with that, that there are non binary people who 100% don't subscribe to either edge.
Bringing up that aspec people can still have sex/partners whenever were talking about explicitly aromantic/asexual people is still erasing a core part that is that we experience sex/rom attraction at a lower rate (or don't experience at all) than allos and that we don't treat sex/romance in the same way allos do, and with that also erasing aspec people who don't have interest in sex/romance at fucking all in any freaking way.
And like, I see the idea and I see it's coming from a place of care for us (I'm literally both a non binary and an aspec that fits into "edge" areas of all those spectrums) but It is still very much feeling like you're trying to ignore a part of us that literally makes us and with that just implying that those who are the core definition of the identity simply don't matter.
questioning people: hey, I'm both arospec and acespec, is it okay if I use the term aroace for myself even though I feel some romantic and sexual attraction sometimes?
aroaces: yeah! that's totally fine, you get to define what your identity means to you :) just because we use the same term doesn't mean our experiences all need to be exactly identical, everyone's experiences are different even within the same identity! This isn't something to be afraid or ashamed of, it's normal and good :)
[yay fun welcoming community for everyone]
meanwhile, in 2024:
aroaces and non-SAM aros and aces: *use the aromantic and asexuality tags for their intended purpose*
allo aces and aros: no actually that's not allowed. You're evil and invalidating me by tagging your posts as "asexual" or "aromantic" when I wouldn't personally define your experiences that way. Just because you're aroace doesn't mean you're allowed to call yourself ace or aro. You are not allowed to use these tags or these terms. You are personally responsible for my oppression because you talk about how much you don't want to get married and tag this as "asexual" or talk about how you hate people flirting with you and tag it "aromantic". If you don't use the split attraction model or identify in a way that lines up exactly with my personal experiences and definitions of aromanticism and asexuality then you're an invader of the Queer community and the reason why allos[cubed] hate us.
"It’s okay to ship this aroace character romantically/sexually bc some aroace ppl still enter romantic and sexual relationships!" Okay, but are you normal about aroace ppl who aren't interested in sex/romance? Who don't experience love? Who are non-partnering? Are you actually interested in portraying an aroace character, or do you just want to ship a character regardless of their identity? Answer honestly
