Reminding everyone that sex favorable asexuals are not truly accepted or seen as palatable by allosexuals.
We are accused of "using our partners for sex" because, by some leap of logic, people view sexual attraction is the only morally pure reason to want to have sex with somebody, and having other motivations is some sort of perverted ulterior motive. And obviously (/sar) there's no way to genuinely care about somebody and their pleasure and not just be using them for sex if you're not attracted to them. (And even if it is just a hookup and you genuinely don't care about them that much, aphobes will conveniently forget that sex is usually mutually pleasurable and you're both doing this for yourselves first and foremost, and that's literally fine, that's what you've agreed to.)
If you don't disclose your asexuality or adequately explain you're "basically lying to your partner" and leading them on with the idea that you're attracted to them. But if you do? It's somehow mean. Cause how could you tell your partner that you're not attracted to them? If you won't lie to them and pretend you're attracted to them, they're going to feel ugly. No, for some reason they cannot just understand a very basic concept that "the person who doesn't experience sexual attraction to anyone ever isn't sexually attracted to me and that doesn't say anything at all about how sexually attractive I am" they're going to feel unwanted and ugly and that's your fault!!
Expressing to anyone - partner, parent, friend, you name it - that you actually don't experience sexual attraction is viewed as weird and wrong. I love my mom but it did really hurt me when she said I can't be right about never having those feelings because "you're a human." Like okay but I don't so. Thanks for dehumanizing me mom. I'm sure many of us have experienced the classic "you'll find the right person" or even worse faced conversion therapy. Or maybe you'll just be called a liar. It all sucks.
The mere idea to a lot of alloallo people, of being in a relationship with someone who doesn't find you attractive, is a tragedy, it's terrible, and the partner not attracted to them is wrong for letting a relationship happen. So much of their ideas of what love is revolves around finding your partner beautiful or handsome or cute or hot or whatever. That admitting you don't is like admitting a lack of love even though the other emotional aspects are still there.
Or the idea of "liking someone for their personality" and looks not mattering is seen as childish or a lie.
In fact beyond the outward hatred, there's just a lot of subtler things that prove how much sexual attraction is assumed to be the default. I don't really feel like writing out a whole lot anymore so I'll save it for another time but we're only ever palatable when allos have to choose between us, sex indifferent, and sex averse aces and they decide we're a little easier to pretend that we're not asexual but acceptance only at the cost of ignoring the asexual parts is not true acceptance. Like how being more accepting of bisexual and mspec people than of gays and lesbians because "at least they can still end up with a man/woman" is just straight up biphobia and homophobia, not acceptance.
I made my submission with the specific perspective of black stripe aces/netosexuals (alternative to black stripe or suptilia that I coined for fun) who have zero attraction because that's how I experience things but I do know and acknowledge that some acespecs in this community can feel sexual attraction and I highly encourage those who do to reblog my submission with their additions about their experience since I can't speak for them 👍
