-crawls in and slips over to a couch. She climbs into it and pulls a throw blanket over herself while yawning- I’m still tired. Why? Last night, I wanted some Mexican food since it has been a long time since eating there. So we went there. Idiot had given me 6 drops of cbd in the car before we left the house. I fell back to sleep and slept during the most of the car ride.
So when we parked, could tell from the windows that there’s a lot of people but we went in. I always have my anti-anxiety meds on hand and my phone with ear buds. We were given a booth to set at and not far like few tables in towards the center was a long table with bunch of teenagers. They were loud like very loudly.
I had ended up slipping into close being a nonverbal, idiot made a sign to me that I take my med which I did. He also made a minor sign, (he really doesn’t know the actual ASL, he only knows: torlite, food, time, pretty/beautiful. I can read those too along with: ugly, book, deaf, hard of hearing, funny, forgot. He refuse to learn more) but yea he signed to me to get music on and put my ear buds on to drown out the noise. We ordered our meals then when it came, those teens got worse. They were so loud and shouting and yelling... Just going crazy. Idiot was rubbing his head cause he was getting a headache from them. Me? I was on the verge of a severe meltdown. Had my music on the maximum volume and yet those teen's voices got through it. I covered my ears with both of my hands, my left leg was bouncing quickly as I was stimming to calm down. A few yells later I ended up trying to curled inward in myself and I ended up crying badly. I was rocking back and forth too. I had bit my hand few times over in the beginning... But yea it was bad. I felt sick, food tasted weird and awkward when it usually taste good. -she looks down sadly as she slip off the couch- it was so painful, couple of shouting later, I was beyond ready to bolt out of the restaurant and scream and cry once I get outside. That's how bad it was. I couldn't eat my meal while those teens were there. -she sighs weakly- near 10:30 is when finally they started to leave and then they were gone. Idiot had a bad headache but manage to keep eating through it. Me? I barely ate my meal before I covered my ears and struggling not to scream bloody murder and hit myself cause of the loud noise. -she sighs once more before pacing around- after they were completely gone, I barely started to eat and gain movement faster in eating. Food started to taste better again. Idiot txted me that they were gone, that he has a headache. I replied back in txt that if next time they shouted, that I was going to bolt out of the place to outside.... He mentioned and showed me on his phone a new pair of ear buds, these are actually noise cancelation type! Amazing and it's 50 bucks to buy. I be ordering them this coming weekend for sure. I txted him that I'm way overly stressed out like beyond my limits along with saying that's bad for an autistic person like me. I was so overwhelmed, was halfway of going into a severe meltdown... But yea we didn't leave ultimate a couple of minutes after they closed. He asked if food was good, I told him that it was okay. That it didn't rltaste right but it okay. He gave me an odd look but went to start the car. We went over to Walmart and I nearly had few outbursts from the stress I was still in.
It was a mess... I couldn't focus on anything at all, I also felt like I was dissociating while shopping. Same thing over in Hyvee and then on the way back home, we took the Interstate way, I ended up napping on the way back. I was like I said overly severely stressed thus completely drained and I had a seizure too. So I had ZERO Spoons anymore.
Got back to the house, I barely made it back inside the house. I tried to help with putting the food away but I was so off balance and out of it. I was told to go to bed. So I did, I nearly fell on the stairs I was helped up and into the bdrm. Idiot cleared a spot for me and got me on the bed. Told me to go to sleep.
That's all I remember and now I'm up. Was told that I had slept like 6 hours straight.... Keh it fugues too. I was in a place where it can make an autistic person to break down into a meltdown. It was weird... Idiot said that it was some teen's bday that's why. So all in all, my day out was completely ruined that's to those noisy teens at the Mexican Restaurant.
Now, I'm going to try have dinner then either draw or game on WoW again. -she starts pacing and looks down- during the entire thing, idiot didn't try to comfort me at all. He focused on himself and nearly ignored me the entire time I was having few moments before going into a full-blown meltdown across the table from him.
Then at Walmart he tried to kiss me and tried to give me pressure hugs but I refuse most of them, I was just upset at him for not really caring about me. Then he had the gull to say that "I loves you!" that's just total bullshit and fuckin stuff and completely wrong thing to stay. Then minutes later I went into a seizure... I had trouble walking afterwards. Didn't shop much though. He looked up stress and seizures and show me a link that says that some stresses can cause a seizure to go off. Nice... Meaning I need to be in a stress-free environment, living place, and with someone who doesn't stress me out all the time. Idiot is non of those even though he thinks he is. He can think that all he wants cause I won't be around him next summer.
Anyways... That's what had happened to me that night.
....... Oh before I forget, once we got back to the house, my clothes started to choke me. I had trouble breathing and feeling so restricted in them so once I got on bed I just threw most of them off and felt a lot better. Then I buried under my stash of blankets and fell asleep. Me and clothes do the mix well when something severely happens to me. So yea. I'm sure there are others who can't handle the tightness of the clothes when stressed out/overwhelmed so to feel better, they strip off to nothing or bare minimum. -she looks down- I never understood why I strip off my clothes alot as a kid before bedtime or sometimes naps too. But now I do, it's part of who I am, an autistic person. I see and feel the world completely different from what all the NueroTypicals see and feel. I am still learning about myself as an adult autistic... Even though my mind is stuck as a 16 year old teen stage.
