#briar thoughts

[briarpiranian]

Sex Ed PSA

Intersex as a sex category is usually not talked about in sex ed, but it should be. Despite what your high school biology class likely led you to believe, not everyone is easily categorized as male or female. It is scientific fact that there are more than two sexes.

Some people (such as myself) exhibit sex characteristics that are not easily categorized as male or female and fall under the intersex umbrella.

Let me reiterate that Intersex people do not choose to be intersex. We are born with sex characteristics (including chromosomes, hormones, and, physical features such as ambiguous genitalia) that do not fit the male/female binary. It is not our choice. Being intersex is also different from being transgender or nonbinary, though some intersex people also identify as trans/nb.

The fact that intersex people are never brought up in sex ed creates a lot of problems, with just a few being:

Intersex kids don't get guidance on issues unique to them.

Kids get bullied viciously when they develop intersex characteristics during puberty.

People in general aren't aware of the existence and needs of intersex people, meaning that those needs continue to go unmet.

[briarpiranianart]

Woke up this morning with my hair curled almost exactly like astarion's how tf did that happen without any effort whatsoever

Definitely puts a wrench in my disbelief at astarion's hair remaining perfectly styled constantly despite the fact he can't see his reflection

My partner says it's giving eccentric artist, which incidentally, is exactly what I am

[briarpiranian]

Period PSA

I don't know how else to say this clearly, but some people who have periods don't 'fit' comfortably in regular period underwear. Some people who have periods also have phalluses and/or external testes that need extra room, but there are no period underwear on the market (that I've seen) that accommodate this issue. The majority of options are made exclusively to fit perisex female bodies and are extremely uncomfortable to wear for a lot of intersex people as well as nobinary/trans folks who have medically transitioned. Some of us actually have to hand-make our own underwear for this reason.

But hey, intersexism and transandrophobia apparently don't exist [sarcasm].

Some intersex people also cannot physically use tampons and other insertable products, because of a variety of reasons, including both chronic pain from IGM and simply not having the physical room to insert something.

While I'm at it, I'll add the obvious underlying premise to my point: that pericis women are not the only people who experience menstration and its problems, including (heavy flows, major discomfort, and menstration-related illnesses such as endometriosis and adenomyosis).

If you think your period is rough, imagine doing it in significantly more pain and discomfort and you're halfway there.

[briarpiranian]

As an intersex non-binary person, I absolutely hate that spaces, events, and social groups are segregated according to dyadic sex and binary gender. I don't fit in in either space. I'm not safe in either space. And I know that trans people feel the same way.

If gender/sex segregation were actually about safety, there would at least be a third space for those of us who don't fit in the other two.

[briarpiranian]

Just heard an abled person tell a story about how they started having nausea, went to the doctor, immediately got diagnosed with gallstones, got surgery and were cured. Just. Like. That.

It reminded me why so many abled people can't understand just how insanely difficult it is to get diagnosed and treated for an uncommon illness, and why they struggle to understand the "chronic" part of chronic illness/disability / the "incurable" part of "incurable illness/disability.

You are privileged if you have never had to:

Spend more time on the phone fighting for healthcare than at work.

Educate a doctor about your diagnosis.

Bring medical research to a doctor appointment because you know your doctor is not up-to-date on the latest.

Fight a doctor to test you for a condition (and then turn out to be correct).

Travel to another state or country to obtain care.

Take out a loan or incur debt to obtain care.

Crowdfund your care.

Be literally unable to find a doctor who specializes in your rare disorder.

Help a doctor calm down because they are freaking out about your condition and you know how to deal with it better than they do.

Constantly explain to friends and family that there is no cure for your condition and/or that you still aren't able to do x/y/z.

Politely pretend you haven't tried or looked into the suggestions that uneducated but well-meaning people give you on repeat to "cure" your problem.

Regularly listen to people say that it's your fault you're not better. That you're just lazy, that if you just exercised, you'd be better, or that you're disabled because you aren't righteous enough (if you're part of a religious community).

Get sicker or more disabled because you can't afford your treatment or mobility aids.

Get sicker/more disabled or nearly die on the floor of an ER because multiple doctors fail to take you seriously.

Et cetera. The list. Goes. On. and On. and On. Because it is. Our. Life. It is our. life. Being disabled isn't temporary.

And if you think this sounds too outrageous to be true, it's because your privilege has sheltered you from even noticing disability beyond the sick inspiration porn it provides you. You haven't had to think about what it might be like to be systemically oppressed, but when you get old, you will. Most likely, you'll struggle with your health, and you'll have no idea how to cope with it, because you never paid any attention to us before. I've seen it happen over and over again.

[briarpiranian]

I understand you're trying to be inclusive when you say to childless people, "happy father's day to you, future father," or "happy mother's day to you, future mother," but when you do that, you're ostracizing people, and I don't just mean those who can't have or don't want children. For all you know, that person could be silently struggling with infertility. They might have lost an unborn child that they didn't tell you about. They might be an intersex person who was sterilized at birth without their consent or simply have been born without the necessary equipment for making a child. They might have trauma around parenting because they were parentified that you are triggering every time you bring it up. They might want children but feel uncomfortable with certain parenting labels because of their gender identity. Hells, even if they just don't want children, that is not your choice and you should not use father's/mother's day to push your chosen lifestyle onto them. There are a whole host of good reasons I could name for why you shouldn't do this.

[briarpiranian]

Some Facts & Personal Knowledge from A Human Trafficking Survivor

I had a post like this that disappeared from tumblr (probably moderated out of existence) so I'm rewriting it with more careful language. Hopefully I can recapture the gist of what it said. Please mind the CWs.

I am speaking out as a survivor. I've experienced much of (though not all of) the experiences I describe here, and I'm not going to answer personal questions about what happened to me. Please be respectful of that.

First, involuntary human trafficking isn't exclusive to countries with less wealth. It happened to me in the United States.

Most people have a stereotype view of what human trafficking is, and who it can impact. Needless to say, women and girls are not the only victims of this crime. It can and does happen to men and boys as well as trans, nonbinary, and intersex people like me.

A few other things you may not know:

Some people traffic their own children or grandchildren (yes, for real).

Some trafficked children are literally born to other trafficked children as a result of SA or non-consensual artificial insemination.

Trafficking often looks normal from the outside. Traffickers go to great lengths to make it so, enrolling their victims in school and other normal activities, presenting as a "parent" at doctor's appointments etc. You may even know someone who's being trafficked right now.

Trafficking can involve many different forms of slavery, not just the one that likely came to mind first (I'm being coy here to avoid getting this post taken down).

People who are being trafficked usually will not tell you what is happening to them for good reason. Their handlers have likely threatened them very effectively (for example, I knew my handlers would try to end my life when I escaped, and I was right). Handlers usually have significant power (often financial and legal) that keeps them silent as well. Some individuals are even forced or tricked into signing non-disclosure agreements.

Many trafficked children are not aware of human trafficking as a concept and don't understand what is happening to them. All they know is that it's different than the childhoods they see other children having.

Traffickers use any means of control at their fingertips, often preventing individuals from even building their own savings or accessing the Internet to make plans for eventual escape. They also deliberately sabotage their victims relationships to prevent rescue. Trafficked people are also often forcibly exposed to substances as an additional means of control.

Survivors who escape are often left with not only Complex-PTSD, other trauma disorders, or substance-use disorders.

Survivors also have a complex set of issues with entering normal life due to the restrictions placed on them previously. Some have no legal documents or medical records and/or no job history to reference. Those who were financially abused may also have debt and bad credit deliberately created by their handlers to decrease their capacity to escape.

Survivors are often disabled. They may have been born disabled and were targeted by traffickers because they would be easier to control (hi, me, here). Or they may develop disabilities as a result of physical abuse and living conditions enforced by their handlers.

Many survivors are targeted even after escaping, and some don't make it through that. My handlers stalked, harassed, and attempted to off me, which is why I'm being very careful how much I say about my own experience here.

[briarpiranian]

FYI

Claiming an alter/headmate (in an otherwise perisex system) as intersex is appropriation. It harms our community.

[please regard the tags]

*sigh* here I go saying the same old things...

Brain intersex / psychologically intersex is not a thing. If your body is not physically intersex from birth, you are not intersex. End of story.

Non-binary ≠ intersex. These concepts are not interchangeable. Perisex transgender people are not brain intersex. They are perisex individuals with gender identities that don't align with their sex assigned at birth.

Perisex systems can have alters that think they are intersex, but I won't enable this belief because I find it offensive. It supports harmful intersexist assumptions about our community, and I'm not okay with that.

The [incorrect] assumptions:

You don't need intersex traits to be intersex. You just need to feel intersex in your brain.

Bodily trauma isn't an important part of the intersex experience.

How perisex people feel is more valid and important than how intersex people feel.

Claiming an alter or headmate in an otherwise perisex system as intersex is a form of appropriation. It disregards the immense trauma that real intersex people experience as a result of having intersex bodies. Many of us experience non-consensual genital mutilation, violence, forced transition, and abuse because we are physically intersex (not because of our psychological profiles). When you argue that you don't need an intersex body to be intersex, you are engaging in an act of erasure towards that trauma. You are actively invalidating our experiences in service of your perisex experiences. You are participating in intersexism and (if you don't have lived real-world trauma) ableism.

I sympathize with DID systems who have gone through trauma. I really do (I have C-PTSD myself. I've done IFS therapy and worked with my own internal parts). But I can't support appropriation that promotes misinformation about intersex people.

It's not okay to appropriate other people's trauma as a way to manage/process/avoid/emphasize/whatever your own trauma.

I understand that you don't choose your alters, but you do choose how you talk about them. Out of respect for other people's trauma, if you are perisex, please use non-binary to refer to your alters, not intersex. Again, if your body isn't intersex, you are appropriating someone else's experience and harming us by doing so.

Since people seem to have forgotten this, I'll repeat it. Sex and gender are two separate categories. The former refers to your physical, genetic, and hormonal characteristics. Sex includes perisex male, perisex female, and intersex.

Gender is about identity, how you feel about your body and your social role. Gender has lots more categories including male, female, and non-binary identities. You can be both non-binary and intersex, but you can also be intersex and female or male identifying.

P.S. Intersex people who support this behavior are also part of the problem. Y'all need to work on your internalized intersexism. For my own mental health, I am blocking folks who actively participate in this bullshit on my feed.