#conforming

[destroy-the-binary]

coming clean:

I don’t know wtf I’m doing.

I’m a scared kid. I give advice on some stupid tumblr blog, but irl, I’m not really out. Most of my friends are cishet and think I am too. I present super hyper feminine because I want to conform. I shrink myself down 24/7. And yet for some reason I feel qualified enough to give you advice on this blog.

the thing is, I really do think my advice is good. I just don’t know how to follow it.

[conformant-archive]

Heteroamorous Monogamy Pride Flag

Monogamous/Monoamorous (monogamy/monoamory): being or aspiring to be in a gamous/amorous (marital/enamoured) relationship; performing monofidelity or a singular interpersonal partnering (couple); someone who enforces amatonormative assimilation, reinforces romantic-love structure supremacy, or dynamicize natalist formation (compulsory monogamism nationalism).

Heteroamorous (heteroamory): dating or mating a person of the opposite gender (enanteic) or another sex; aspiring to be or being enamoured or married with someone of a different gender or dissimilar sex; amorous (amatory/amiable/amatous) cross-sex or gamous (marital/spousal/nuptial) other-gender attraction; being relationally attracted or involved with someone of a gender that is not your own one(selves) or a sex unlike your oneself; ultric duaric folket or otherwise heterose (heteroromantic heterosexual) perioriented monorose ectorose allorose suptilic dyadic/aptobinary folk.

[howifeltabouthim]

She was not surrendering to being like everyone else.

Susan Minot, from Don't Be a Stranger

[rain-rainynights-side]

we're all just well-oiled cogs whirring in the machine

[kindnessisstillhere]

Conforming

People say it's easy to fit in;

It isn't. 

It's meant to make life easier;

It doesn't. 

It causes stress and worries, 

Overthinking every action;

That's what it does. 

Conforming can be needed;

Say the thing to get the job, 

Work this way to resolve that, 

Put on this tone to calm them, 

All worries, 

Scripts to follow;

Play pretend to fit in

Just as everyone does. 

The shape of society. 

[vampirepuppyboyfag]

are you a black cat? a golden retriever? a goth girlfriend? overdressed girlfriend to your underdressed boyfriend? are you a top or a bottom? you're ace, do you love garlic bread? dragons? cake? why don't you fit a box? why don't you fit the stereotypes? doberman boyfriend or orange cat girlfriend? you and your partner must be opposite aesthetics - look at how you match together. are you a pastel twink femboy or a lumberjack rugged bear? if you're alternative, why aren't you skinny? you can't be androgynous looking like that. double d tits and dressing like that? having a stomach is a feminine trait. having a stomach is a masculine trait. whatever you are, its not for you. whatever you do is not enough.

[pandemic-info]

It is hard — re: "when you look out the window or when you’re out in your N95 and see 99% of the population going about things as if there’s no pandemic."

It is hard.

It helps me to remember that what we see outside is factually not 99%, just our own anecdotal sample. Some larger than others: I live in one of the most populated, traveled-to cities in the world and see a royal shit-ton of people every time I go outside — yet another reason I join the few masking.

(I get it that in other, less crowded places things look different; that's a contributor to confusion online. My city problems may not make sense to someone in the suburbs, but we're in the same discussion without any context.)

OTOH, I look at the data and know that outside, I won't see the invisible others. Those who are IC, have LC, etc. Of course they/we group online, since that's the only place to safely be and discuss.

I also know that people, even those who are informed, value social norms. E.g. Dr. Fauci going to some event and removing his mask because others were, then getting covid. And here's a good thread: https://twitter.com/Helenreflects/status/1641003804584972289

So I think a combination of a few factors contribute to those still masking; any single one may not be enough:

being closer to the nonconformist end of the spectrum to begin with (i.e. "I care about people; less so what they think.")

being informed, scientifically-literate

cultural (conforming, but to a different group)

those who've experienced chronic illness (not just the physical aspects but also how others react short and long-term...

and the resulting distrust built up from that: lack of, or lack of trust in the strength of safety nets — social and financial

likewise, those who've experienced gaslighting (this term is overused lately, but having experience with that can lead to personal high valuation of fact-checking and record-keeping, and again a lower regard for what some others are doing or saying)

privilege / circumstances (e.g. it may be harder for someone with kids; they might be more likely to be more fatalistic if it seems insurmountable. or e.g. this person's BF who probably felt high pressure due to this mandatory work event: https://www.reddit.com/r/WitchesVsPatriarchy/comments/11h3ciu/comment/jart4aj/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)