#cptsdsupport

[dantesjourney]

Feeling a lot of "you shouldn't feel that way" sort of feelings lately. A lot of "you can't give up" sort of feelings. A lot of things that usually, when shared outloud, people try to shut down. Sure they mean well, they don't want to see you hurting or struggling or anything like that. Intense, heavy, difficult emotions are hard for a lot of people to witness though. People don't want to sit in their own discomfort, so they try to change how you feel.

If you ask me, all that really does is lead people to stop saying things outloud, to stop sharing when they're feeling some kind of way. Because what that behavior tells them is "you're not safe to share that with me". So they don't share it.

[yourhealingjournal]

if all you did was survive today, pat yourself on the back. it may be small or inconsequential to you, but surviving is a success too.

[thewindowsystem]

Do any other trauma survivors experience this???

TW: mentions of z0∅ph*lia, p3d0ph1ila and children being forcefully exposed to animal ab*se content

So for context as a younger kid (mostly when I was around the ages of 11-13) I was being groomed and abused by multiple p3d0file zoøs and was forced to watch videos of animals being abused in that kind of way along with other things I don't feel comfortable going into, most of them would do these disgusting things to dogs. As much as I love dogs with all my heart every time I look at one (especially a male dog) I get flashbacks to those videos that makes me want to genuinely violently throw up, I feel so disgusting and I'm terrified that because I saw those kind of things that I'm just as bad as the people who exposed me to them. My worst fear is becoming like the disgusting people who victimised me and so many poor animals that I even struggle to look at my service dog in training some days because I feel so violently disgusted I just can't handle it. I've never told anyone this ever and I just need to find someone who fucking understands or can atleast empathise with me because I'm terrified if I ever speak up about what happened to me as a child then people will see me as being just as disgusting as my abusers and I don't even have a word I can put to label or even understand my experience

[burgerkingussy]

i want to heal but i’m also afraid of getting better because i have no idea who i will become

[extraspicytigerroll]

[rootsandflame]

I wish to harden.

I am head to toe,

in lines and fractures,

filled with flesh that never fit back together

rushed and unresolved,

I am too roughed up to be gentle.

I have too many callouses,

to be this incapable of acting cold.

I have been violated in too many ways,

to be righteous,

to be honorable.

I am not proud, or pompous this way,

I so desperately wish to be the bad guy.

it would be so much easier.

I do not know who I would be,

if the violence I went through,

did not make me gentle,

but I want to.

Maybe, if I was kind to myself, I wouldn’t struggle to be firm towards others. Maybe I don’t need to be the bad guy after all. Maybe I just need to learn to let myself take up space.

In my fear of becoming him, I treat myself like I am. I am not.

[lunaesolis]

Rights do not belong to me.

[thewindowsystem]

is it just me orrrr...??

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does anyone else ever get the urge to go screaming and crying back to their abuser telling them how sorry you are for leaving them and beg for their forgiveness??

~ TW: p3d0ph1ila, CSEM, CSA, grooming, rape, threats

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Cuz like this fucking 40+ year old man literally owns CSEM of me from when he groomed me and tried to find where I lived so he could rape me but I still miss the praise and attention he gave me sometimes- like what?? I feel so dirty but it sometimes it feels like the only thing I am made to do is to be sexually exploited and that I don't deserve anything more than that.

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Like I feel like an abuser for leaving him