#disabled anger

[cpunkwitch]

I had to leave the hospital without answers from my blood test

They were so backed up they kept moving people around on the list that the flow clinic they were supposed to send me to was about to close when I left so I gave up

I'll have to schedule time in a clinic elsewhere but holy fuck I hate hospitals and the er.

They were in such a mess they had a man with a stroke waiting 9 hours before he gave up and went home with his family, a diabetic who's doctor sent him there for a heart issue with his medication too. And a girl with her arm in a cast who got there after the 3 of us waited only an hour, went through the flow clinic and left. A check up on a broken arm in a cast is not more important than a man who had a stroke or a diabetic who's insulin may be killing his heart or an autoimmune blood disorder.

I had to leave cuz no way in hell was I staying overnight till the clinic opened up again in the morning when I needed rest and have work the day after (today)

Thanks to my sister continuously waking me up 12-1 or after, I didnt get much sleep or at least not any quality sleep like I needed so now I'm going to work irritated and tired and my back is still shitty so standing for 6 hours is gonna be an even worse pain in the ass

I should have just told the paramedics to take me home from school instead of to the hospital

Missed a full day of class and didnt get shit done about my anemia I hate my body and I'm pissed off about all of it

Even the nurse who took the iv our of my arm admitted things in the er were a chaotic mess and apologized to everyone who left

I feel bad for her to have been so scrambled like that and she was nice and gentle when taking out the iv

I think even several parents there to get their very young children seen had to leave.

[imgae-insertshockedgasps-16]

i am angry.

i see a lot of things abt how it's okay to be sad or to grieve or to mourn what you lose bc of your disability, and that's so true, it's okay to mourn, it's good to process your emotions, however.

i am past sad. yes sometimes i get hit by the grief, but mostly i am angry. i am frustrated.

i can't do my favorite activities anymore, and for a while i was sad and devastated, but now i'm pissed. i'm angry and upset and so frustrated that sometimes i cry. and that's okay too.

i can't go bowling, or climb a tree, or crochet, or play my instrument for very long, or draw or paint for any length of time, or go for a long walk in the woods, etc etc.

and that makes me sad and it worsens my depression and sometimes i'm so devastated that i can't breathe

but mostly?

i'm angry.

well why the fuck can't i? why the hell are assistive tools so expensive? why aren't there more accommodating spaces? why are the existing accommodations so shitty? etc etc etc

it's okay to be sad, and it's good to feel it. but it's also okay to be angry or frustrated or annoyed or generally upset or a million other emotions.

and it's okay to have conflicting feelings too, each and every person is complex and different and no two people will feel exactly the same about anything

and remember, beyond all of that, it's okay to be happy. you aren't required to feel any one way.

[crippledwithrage]

SO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME

WHEN I'M 💨🌿 AND NOT IN PAIN AND MY JOINTS FEEL FINE

THAT'S HOW ABLE BODIED PEOPLE FEEL ALL DAY???!!

FOR FREE???

[hanslwrites]

A Fruitless Wish

Would you scream with me Drive through the night The flickering fear of my wish growing with the shadow of every streetlight we pass along the way Where are we going...is it any better than where we've been?

Would you scream first When the sound sticks in my throat So desperate to open up that I shutdown at the magnitude of everything so long held in I can't, I can't, I can't - my usual refrain echoing endlessly inside my head A habit hard to break (don't let go, play nice, stay quiet) I can't. My voice breaks instead (I break a touch more with each second I deny myself)

Would you scream louder and longer Holding steady, an unwavering faith that I will join you (holding me steady without a touch) Your voice a rampage of emotion...what does it say? Is it my rage reflected and given over so much more easily by you? Is it a rallying cry? Telling me over and over: let go, just let go Or is it another thing entirely? A love song too raw for words

Would you scream with me, just because I asked No persuasion required, no second guessing My request a call to action taken up immediately Your pleasure evident at any way to help, however strange or brief

We can't scream forever, if I can scream at all But that journey would be taken together A string of moments that might make a little more sense of the world If only to us, if only for my heart feeling a little less broken, despite the rest of myself

[cpunkwitch]

dear doctors and others who want to 'cure' or 'fix' our disability. to people who think the goal is to get us off our mobility aids.

do you actually care about us or are you just trying to make us normal like you? do you find us unsightly to be around, or do you genuinely want us to live happy with our bodies?

there is a damn big difference between thinking its your responsibility to make a disabled person abled and making a future completely free of disabled folk, and actually giving a damn about the health, lives and comfort of disabled people.

if you dont actually give a fuck about us and just want us to be abled and normal like you without asstance of any kind, stop lying to yourself trying to play hero. get your head out of your ass and treat us like living beings.

sincerly a rightfully angry cripple.

[cpunkwitch]

if someone is angry posting, swearing, yelling and just generally seeming aggressive to you on their own blog then just leave them to be angry

its better to let people let off steam than telling them off, calling them names and telling them to chill especially on their own blog.

people are allowed to be angry and post about it, and especially in the case of a cripplepunk blog-which has a lot to do with the anger we phys disabled people have towards ableism-we're going to be angry and post about it. dont tell people to "relax, this anger doesnt solve anything, youre just being toxic" youre just telling us to bottle up how we feel because you dont want to hear us vent out our frustrations and bring awareness to the root of our anger.

if someone is angry on their own blog, even if theyre cursing people out in response to their reblog replies, comments and asks, let them blow off steam. leave them be.

its one issue if someone goes to another person's blog and angry vents and cusses and shit like that yeah but going to the blog of someone whos angry to try and shut them up is different matter.

if you dont want to see it, its not that hard to make the smallest effort to avoid it with a scroll or a click.

telling someone whos angry to stop being angry only makes them more upset, it only makes you part of the problem thats causing their anger.

when someone tells us to stop being angry when people are trying to silence our voice on topics of ableism, they become part of the reason we're angry in the first place.

emotions are a reaction a person can manage not fully control like a light switch.

stop telling people to calm down. stop telling disabled folk to relax, stop telling us to be quiet.

[ID: banner reading "This blog is protected by the De Rolo family and co." in all caps. It has an orange cloud background. On the left is the De Rolo coat of arms and on the right is the symbol of Vox Machina]

[hanslwrites]

framework

i am the very definition of self-destructive i say, with no shame it's automatic, symptomatic simply, a fact of life unfair and terrible and mine to claim

who was i meant to be if not this i don't regret anything i wouldn't change a thing wouldn't risk all i have for a different person in the making because this made me me

i am the very definition of broken but i am not wrong i view the world from another angle unexpected but sorely needed my time is limited but i'm not ready to be dismissed

i am not brave when i suffer when i merely persist as if it's even a question i am brave when i tell people where to go when i tell people no

[literallyafrog]

Happy Disability Wrath month to my fellow chronically ill, molecularly exhausted, neurodiverse, medically gaslit, and just all around fucking PISSED Cripples.

Don't be nice to ignorance. Don't explain yourself when inevitably questioned. Don't minimize your needs. And for the love of yourself, FUCKING REST

I love y'all