#dysphoria vent

[salamanding]

dysphoric tonight :(

[fieryfoxboy]

Gonna be vulnerable on main here.

It really seems like all of the other trans people I know who are at least a few years into their transition experience some level of gender euphoria on a semi regular basis, even if they regularly struggle with dysphoria as well. They talk about how happy they are to be socially and/or medically transitioning, what a joy it is to be and present as the gender that they are in whatever ways that means to them. They talk about how happy it makes them to get gendered correctly by people they know.

This just isn’t something I’ve really experienced much, if even at all. I’m almost 4 years on T and I’ve been out of the closet longer than that, and I just… don’t feel that way?

I feel utterly miserable to the point of wanting to stop existing when people misgender me, or when I look in the mirror and feel like I look more feminine than I feel I should. But when I look in the mirror and see myself looking relatively close to the way I want to, or when people gender me correctly, I never feel joy in this, even if I try really hard to make myself feel it. I feel a mild sense of relief, at best, and oftentimes just apathy- I find myself thinking “this makes other trans people feel sincerely happy? But, this is just what I feel like should have been happening with me this entire time.”

I don’t know how to articulate it, but even in situations where I’m able to experience relief from my dysphoria, there’s always this lingering air of palpable, bitter grief that follows me and infiltrates my senses, no matter what. There’s a slight alleviation of dysphoria that comes with certain acts, sure, but this cannot be mistaken for joy. The absence of unnecessary suffering is not the same as the presence of happiness or fulfillment.

I truly wish I wasn’t like this. It makes me feel so alienated from most other trans people I meet. I wish being trans were ever a source of joy for me and not just something I associate entirely with the experience of dysphoria and life shattering misery. I wish I were capable of experiencing the types of Trans Joy I see expressed by so many other trans people.

At this point I’m just trying to make myself accept that no matter how hard I try to force myself to shift my perspective, I’ll always feel like I’m stuck in the wrong body, and I’ll keep trying very hard to make it my home anyway, no matter how wrong everything feels.

[tainted-mouseboy]

I can't be the only person who hates small penis humiliation porn right? Like first of all, all penis are good penis! Give them all to me! 🤤

Secondly, it's a massive trigger for my gender dysphoria. Don't bully me over my body, something completely out of my control. I don't find it arousing, it just makes me feel like shit.

[f4ggydog]

me walking throughout the day: is my walk stiff enough? was that too feminine? did i accidentally pop my hip? did my ass sway too much

[catboykatebush]

I feel like almost everyone in my life liked me better (or at least acted like it) (including a lot of the other queer people I know) when I was still going along with pretending to be a cis girl and before I took HRT. and I try not to allow the feeling to get to me but it does and I hate it

[watchinginfomercials]

Dysphoria vent with the concept Addison that is totally Spamton pretransition

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

I love that being true to myself also feels like betraying myself haha just kidding I fucking hate it so much

[faggotette]

i am trapped in my own skin. except its not really mine, none of this is mine. no one can see me. let me out. please let me out.

i am not my body i am not my body i am not my body i am not my body i am not my body i am not my body i am not my body i am not my body i am