These last years I have had a big focus on weightloss and being healthier, becoming fit etc. which is great, I am so glad I did and I am glad I am not the same unhealthy, at my highest weight - if I stuck with those ways probably even bigger and unhealthier - miserable girl as I was when I started. However, I have never focussed on my mental health. It doesn’t matter how much exercise I do, and the benefits of it - I still really struggle. I struggle with life, hard. I struggle with my sense of self, my image, how i’m perceived. I have traumas from my life that I have never dealt with or seen a professional about, I have suffered with social and general anxiety for years but in the last year I started having panic attacks and the symptoms have amplified. I am an irritable, snappy mess and my mood changes so easily and I damage relationships with everyone closest to me which is really sad because after I do that I worry irrationally, that they hate me, that I need to stop and I need to make everything better in case they die, and I need to make the most of it, so I make good and then the same thing happens again.
I decided to see a doctor, told him everything I could. I am now in the process of being put on a mental health plan and have an appt with a psych in a few weeks. And I am soooo proud of myself after all this time that I finally did it. Admitting I need this kind of help. I know it’s a long way from here but I hope in a way like my fitness journey, it will get me further and I will look back and feel so glad.
