I bring a wide eyed autistic vibe to the table that most find unsettling.
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I bring a wide eyed autistic vibe to the table that most find unsettling.
I have spent 196488 hours of my life clenching my jaw
having c-ptsd is so fucking exhausting.
i can’t relax. i can never relax. i must be on alert at all times.
me when someone says me not being able to ever calm down isnt spidey senses but rather severe hypervigilance due to trauma 🥹🥹
Hypervigilance isn’t just being anxious—it’s your nervous system staying ‘on alert’ even when there’s no immediate danger.
From replaying conversations to feeling tense in public, it shows up in daily life in ways you might not notice. Understanding it is the first step toward self-compassion and creating safety for yourself.
In 2025, I thought I would be out of my little hibernation that I created last year where I spend as much time by myself as I can but guess not. I’ll get back to normal life again when it’s time. You can’t rush yourself. Our brains run on the clock but our bodies don’t.
You have to learn to love yourself (something you never did before by spending alone time with yourself.) You move slower, eat slower and rest more. You’re calming your nervous system and creating trust within yourself again. You’ll still have moments of being triggered and you’ll have moments of hyper-vigilance. This is all part of it. Healing is hard and there’s no deadline becuase it’s not a race or a project. It’s the chapter of your life that you’re in.
This is not about isolation or becoming selfish. You’re not trying to push people away and hurt them but you are finally taking care of your needs. You need to test your trust by getting back out there with people. You can’t hide forever and live in fear but process the lessons of the past. Use your lessons for future relationships. Your body will know when it’s time to push yourself harder. Right now, just take it easy. ❤️🩹 4/15/25
I often feel responsible for everything and everyone. Especially in social situations I feel like it's my responsibility that everyone feels comfortable and is enjoying themselves.
This is new. I wasn't like this before I got PTSD.
I wonder if that's an aspect of hypervigilence - constantly being on high alert and trying to "appease" everyone to prevent something bad from happening again.
miscommunication sucks.
Personal ramblings beneath the cut