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Hah! I took the free 16 personalities test again for fun; it’s been a couple of years. Yes, there were a few questions I truly didn’t know how to answer, and I just left them in the middle—they could go either way for me. The result I got yet again was: “Mediator (INFP-T).” Honestly, most of the results in that test just explain everything I have understood about being AuDHD. Being sensitive, struggling with tasks, having a rich inner world, and being a daydreamer… all true.

What I noticed the most about myself through this test, is the level of autonomy needed and the need to be alone. Which proves I’ve been more of a loner. Sure, I can be a people person. I can be very business-like when I have to be. I learned that from my mom, of course, but yet, my mom can walk up and introduce herself to almost anyone… it takes me a hot minute to prepare myself. Even then, no guarantees I won’t stutter or say something backwards. 😝 I’m just so socially awkward at times—unless it’s a subject and topic I’m fluent in, then I am on point. Yet I can talk fast, especially when I’m nervous. (i’ve never been one to take part in a friend group. I’ve always walked to my own beat.) i’m most comfortable with people when I’m joking and making them laugh.

My hands naturally shake, even when I’m not nervous and have since I was a little girl. I do not have a steady hand, but I have a steady mindset when it comes to the world. I’m often a voice of reason and harmony, but I definitely overthink at times and I easily dream A LOT. Since I’ve been healing, I’ve been feeling safe to dream again. I was not truly molded to fit into a normal society or reality. I am clearly from another planet, and I see the world differently than how most see it. They see a random forest, but I see the reason for the forest and what makes up the forest.

I’m detail-oriented; I have top-notch pattern recognition, but I easily get hung up on small details, to where I then have to clear my head and re-center my focus. I have bottom-up processing AND I take time to process life overall because I am so detailed and intentional. While my head might get caught up in the clouds most days, you can trust that I carefully and intentionally thought of every possible idea, perspective, and reasoning in every situation I face. I rarely leave an "i" undotted. (overthinking.) When I sign my name on something, I don’t normally go back on it, which is why I don’t like making random promises because then I feel trapped, as I can never break that promise because of my moral upbringing and my fears of imposter syndrome and the absolute need to prove I’m genuine. Even when I do act out impulsively, I have usually weighed out all of my options prior to the act.

I have constantly struggled most of my life with the belief and fear that people don’t find me real—that I’m fake—and it has caused me to over-perform in the past for most people that I loved and wanted to impress. Whew. I can be brutally honest, but I will also withhold the truth when I believe it’s going to cause damage or disrupt the peace. I’m aware that I’ve never been great with conflict or resolving issues. I have often accepted failure and walked away from situations, shaming myself, too fearful to face conflict and/or criticism. Could be a trauma response? Also, I grew up with a fear of failure that I was unaware of and have often played life very safe.

I’ve absolutely been a loner too and emotionally distant with most people. While I was great at taking care of people and making them feel important, I never put myself first. I never saw my own importance, to which I’m sorry to me, truly. This isn’t a "beat up" post; this is honest, vulnerable, and reality. I need to learn to open up more and stop performing for others in my waking life. I just need to relax more. It’s just really hard when you fear people won’t understand or accept you. That’s why finding like-minded people who do understand the way your mind works is so healing and wonderful. Finding someone who truly gets you is just so rare. ✨

The results said I’m prone to self-criticism, and that makes sense because it felt like once I got my results, the website was shining a light on all of my flaws that I need to work on still… I instantly began to break myself down, even though this test was just for fun. You gotta wonder how much of your personality is truly “you”, how much was just projected onto you throughout your life, and how much is a trauma response? No matter what, we have to remember that we are always worthy of love and more than enough for the right people and not all of your flaws are negative. Sometimes your greatest weaknesses can end up being your greatest strengths, right? Take your life one day at a time. 💫

7-08-26 at 10:38 a.m. (0808) - 32 33 49 -

#neurodivergent #AuDHD #infp t #my story #healing journal #this is me #self discovery #self awareness #be kind to yourself #worthy of love #you are enough #you are loved #safe space #something meaningful #keep going forward #one day at a time #SoundCloud

INFP 2W1 SX/SP

Introduction... (About Me)

Hey!

I'm Xylofown, but you may call me Xylo or Xyl.

Though I've made this account a while back, I've never really been active here. So, I'm kinda new!

I'll be using this space to sort of scream in the pillow, so to speak. I'll be talking about anything, whether it's light or heavy-- I'll be sure to have a warning if I feel that the subject at hand may be too personal/negative and stuff. ALSO, fair warning: When I use this space to vent, my thoughts might be chaotic, heavy, or maybe a little irrational. Please don't take any of it as me being intentionally off-putting, just trying to express my authentic self <3

But that's pretty much it, I'll talk about myself a little bit. I'm a 16 year old furry, I live on the East Coast in the US. I'm a guy, he/him/his and whatnot- though I'd comfortably identify as androgynous or GNC. My personality label thingy is INFP-T, based off some personality test I took at some point-- if that matters to you.

I love art, whether it's something I can, admire, take inspiration, grow from, etc. I'm into gaming, I mainly play on PC.

I love music. I've recently been listening to a lot of shoegaze and other band-esque genres, including but not limited to, midwest emo, screamo, etc. But I also enjoy breakcore, cloud rap, japanese rock, etc!

I love Dark Souls 3, Modern Color, Borzois, and Cheesecake :3

Oh... Also! I'm looking to make new friends, so if you relate to things I talk about, or if there's something you need or want to talk about with someone, or you're also looking to meet someone new, etc? There's no need to be shy (I'm awfully shy myself </3)!

I don't mind if you think you're dry or weird-- Hit me up anyway!

Additionally.. I'd strongly prefer it if you are within my age range! 15-18 please <3 Feel free to hmu anythime! I'm usually active on Discord and Instagram!

sum images js cuz :p