#invalidating

[heulwenflower]

Questions

Tw sa and victim blaming

Note:This poem is about sa and victim blaming culture.it talks about victim stereotyping and how it impacts all victims as really this stereotype doesn't fit anyone and just makes everyone feel worse.even if pepole do fit the stereotype they will still struggle to be believed as for some fucking reason someone will find away to invalidate it.belive surviours and if sadly you are one your smashing it<3

"I wasn't a good victim"

I don't really think they understood what it meant

But I do

Picture a victim

What do you see

An innocent woman right?

Someone who encountered a monster

Who robbed her of that pure glow

One who testified

One who had proof

One who was believed

Someone who was just going about her day when fate pulled a horrible trick

Infact she never sexualised herself at all

She's quite modest

Infact the truama makes her teary

Who could blame her?

But what if she wasn't a she?

What if there innocence had been stolen before?

What if that glow was stolen long ago or there glow was stolen bit by bit before being stolen again?

What if they didn't testify

Hell they never speak a word

What if they don't have proof

Monsters don't always use there hands sometimes they use there phones

What if they put themselves into that mess?

Did fate not pull a cruel trick on them too?

Is it a crime for someone to want to be desired but be decived instead

What if they did sexualise themself?

When was expressing your own sexuality sinful?

"What were you wearing"

It wouldn't have mattered if they were in a hazmat suit the monster wouldn't have cared

What if they lash out,scratch and bite due to it?

Monster or not

Why blame them?

You see all it does is tears victims apart

Myths created by those protecting the monsters

Creating yet another unrealistic standard for humanity

For the perfect victim doesn't exist

It's an illusion to stop those speaking out

I should know

For the sin of sexualising myself

For the sin of messing around

For the sin of wanting to be desired

My skin has never been my own

For its like they can sense I've not been violated in a long time

The worst part

If its at all possible to find the worst of the worst

Because I'm a slut

With a chest that makes em go wild

I deserve it

No one said that

God no

After me too no one dare would

Especially not in progressive gen z

But they didn't need too

They said it when they brushed off my hurt

They said it when they laughed watching it happen

They said it when they took photos of it happening

They said it when they protected them

They said it when they said nothing after watching me loose my mind

They said it when they framed me as crazy

Sometimes I think its more to do with who does it rather than the victim

Isn't it fucked?

We get all the questions

When we have to question everything eternally

[asasbarbieworld]

Dear Tumblr writers,

Respectfully, you all need to stop writing fanfics where the gender of the reader is specified. Let's instead make everything gender neutral. Just specify the gender in fanfics where it is truly necessary to specify (like nsfw fanfics).

Not everyone in sfw stuff have to be a woman. Nsfw stuff either but just try to make everything gn as much as possible.

There are plenty of people me included who just want to feel valid and peacefully imagining the love life of their dreams with their comfort characters without worrying about their biological sex and feeling uneasy.

Thank you very much.

Artie.

[conscious-love]

Hi, idk if you can help me with this but my mum is suffering from anxiety and it's causing some rifts in our relationship because I am also suffering from anxiety and low self esteem (maybe depression but still waiting on results) it just feels like my feelìngs don't matter when I bring up my issues, it always seems to rotate back to how she feels and how it's "so much worse".

For example, she left her job due to how bad her mental health is but when I was stuck in a really bad work space and was causing me to have mental health issues, I had to stick at it and not be so "dramatic". (This was like my very first job btw)

I've had anxiety for years and she's only had it the last few years but it just somehow feels like a competition between us both and I don't want that. I want my mother, I just want to be understood but I'll feel like an asshole if I tell her this, I don't want to disregard her feelings but I'm tired of feeling like she's disregarding mine.

How should I approach this?

Hello 👋🏻

My first advice is:

Talk to a therapist

Kindly suggest to your mom that she talk to a therapist

It sounds like she’s relying on you to validate and regulate her emotions, and is so preoccupied with her own suffering that she sees yours as a threat, like it somehow diminishes her own. She would benefit from talking to someone whose job it is to listen, affirm her feelings, and help her sort out her problems; feeling seen and understood by them would likely take the burden off of you.

You should not have to regulate anyone’s emotions. Certainly not your mother’s. If she has a history of parentifying you, this would be another thing to bring up with your therapist, as this codependent mother-child dynamic has likely caused issues that you carried into adolescence/adulthood.

You said you want your mother, that is a perfectly valid and natural thing to want. She is supposed to nurture you and be there for you. Parental relationships are not like other relationships. When we become adults, the relationship becomes a bit more reciprocal, but even then, they are still our parents. They don’t need to take care of us, but they should be supportive, and they shouldn’t put their emotional burdens on us. They can share it with us, but they should not make us responsible.

If you’re an adult, you do not have to put up with her venting her frustrations on you. If you’re not an adult, my advice would be different, so reach out again if this is the case, or talk to a therapist (who could help you more).

“I don't want to disregard her feelings but I'm tired of feeling like she's disregarding mine”

You don’t have to disregard her feelings to let her know she’s been disregarding yours. You can tell her this while still being sensitive to her problems and suffering. You do not have to invalidate her, but you will have to upset her. It sounds like she’s used to being the “important one” in your dynamic, so you breaking that pattern will disrupt her, and she may feel hurt or angry, at least at first. That’s her problem, not yours, although you should still be kind and receptive as she processes it. It is NOT your job to make her feel better or cheer her up after you express your hurt feelings and your needs. If you want the conversation to go as well as what is in your power, and you want the chance to remain close to her, you will need to be loving, but you should NOT take responsibility for her. The whole point of this discussion is to pass back the responsibility of managing her emotions — because that’s her job, not yours.

“I’ll feel like an asshole if I tell her this”

First of all, there is nothing inherently mean about what you want to say to her. The only thing that could make it mean is how you say it and how you respond to her afterward. If you speak lovingly (but firmly), then you will be kind enough, and if she responds negatively that’s her fault.

Also, consider your own feelings — they are what’s most important here, because they are yours to protect and advocate for. You have no control over her emotions, nor should you. The only one who should take on the responsibility of managing her emotions is her.

You’re taking too much of the responsibility, harbouring guilt that should not rightly belong to you, and caring about her needs more than your own (likely because she trained you to do so). She has been dismissing your feelings and invalidating your problems. You’ve been sitting with this burden for quite some time, and it’s time that she shares this burden. She is the main or sole cause, so she should share responsibility. She’s causing harm and she should know about it; her conscience will punish her appropriately, and then she has the chance to rectify what she’s done. Guilt is a useful emotion; if you try to shelter her from that, you’re hindering her growth and hurting your relationship with her. Letting her feel that guilt could bring the two of you closer, and for that she would be grateful.

To recap,

Tell her how all of this has made you feel

Ask for what you need (set boundaries)

Be compassionate and gentle but do NOT try to regulate her emotions

If she doesn’t respond well at all, take care of yourself (not her)

And regardless of how the discussion goes:

Talk to a therapist if you can

Suggest that she talk to a therapist (or at least to other people)

If you live with her and cannot move out, I’m sorry you’re stuck in this type of environment. I’m sure this has been weighing you down, and probably impacting other parts of your life. I hope she responds well enough to the discussion, and that she sees the error of her ways. You deserve to feel heard and to have your feelings witnessed and affirmed.

If you don’t live with her, or you’re able to move, this is an advantage for you. If the discussion doesn’t go well, you can take a break from her and maybe try again later. And there are other people you can spend time with instead of her. You deserve to be surrounded by people who are good for you. If she can’t offer you that (at least right now), I recommend that you A) spend less time with her, and/or B) open up to her less about your problems and C) stop/limit responding to her when she tries to vent to you. If she can’t be supportive to you, you should not put in much (or any) effort to support her. Relationships should be reciprocal.

Remember that your needs are important, and the only person whose emotions you are responsible for are your own. Best of luck to you, and take care of yourself.

~ Bella ✨

[galaxy-spiral]

invalidating shit

“you’re still better than other people, even if you aren’t the best, you shouldn’t care about being that good, at least you’re better than a good amount of people, stop worrying about being so good, at least you’re decent, you have it so much better than some others”

true?

maybe, yes

invalidating as fuck?

also yes

[spac3boi175]

"No boy is gonna want to be with a 'girl' that runs around looking like a boy" - Dad

[guava-jarritos]

one of my biggest anxieties as an nb person is knowing that even if a straight girl/gay guy says “oh yeah i’d definitely date an nb person” you know they’re specifically talking about “nb person who i see as a guy”? which i have no hope of being, i’m very aware that people perceive me as a girl. and then even though technically i’d have more of a shot with a straight guy/lesbian who says the same, you know it’s the exact same thing again - i’d end up being that nb person they see as a girl, and do i really want to conform myself to that in order to be with them? and so i end up always feeling more comfortable around bi/pan/adjacent people because i know in the back of my head that they are infinitely more likely to see me as me, and that sucks 

[theawkdork]

The struggle of being twice exceptional

As an intellectually gifted individual with ADHD (along with major depression, generalized anxiety disorder, complex PTSD, and an eating disorder), it is often deeply painful and frustrating to navigate academic / work environments.  As a whole, our world fails to understand neurodivergence, and this only worsens when you add a seemingly conflicting combination of traits into the mix.  The thing is, giftedness and disability don’t cancel out. In fact, this combination brings about a unique set of obstacles that the average person - for whatever reason - cannot fathom. You’re one or the other; you’re “lucky” or “unlucky” in the neurological world.  People are so quick to judge. Most days, you struggle to get anything done, but knowing your potential to accomplish several days’, even weeks’ worth of work in a day, people easily project upon you this idea that you’re weak-willed, ungrateful / privileged, directionless, even immature. Your initiative goes unnoticed, because the efforts and difficulty of trying (but often failing) to simply start work is seen as less valid than conventional efforts, such as actively working for hours but nonetheless accomplishing little. That, or your initiative is noticed but you’re scorned for struggling to follow through. So basically, whether you fail or succeed, neither is given the same sympathy or respect that a neurotypical person would receive.  When you fail, people will often either over-emphasize and harshly criticize the weaknesses of the disability (dismissing giftedness) or, on the other hand, forget it altogether and attribute it to character defects given the gifted traits (dismissing disability). When you succeed, people will often hate you for being able to accomplish great things with seemingly little effort (dismissing disability) or, more rarely, actually see your attempts to at least start working and then attribute it to mere attentiveness rather than genuine talent (dismissing intelligence). It’s annoying as hell. Wake the fuck up, people. How many times do we have to beat to death the idea that we don’t live in a purely black-and-white world?

[audhdummy]

when i just want to be left alone my mom somehow always makes me feel bad for it and she just tries to make a point by coming closer and touching my arm or patting my shoulder or whatever before leaving the room eventually, even though said no (nicely, at first) several times

and maybe it sounds like i'm being petty or that it's no big deal but to me it is, she just always thinks she knows better