#jackassfanfic

[bamfvckingmargera]

[lariknoxville]

♡ princess of wounds ♡ Johnny knoxville × Reader!fem

A/n: If you have daddy issues like me, well this oneshot is ideal for you lol (and I'm sorry if this isn't translated well, it's just that I'm not good at English :(()

word number: 848

Plot: You decide to climb the tree in your backyard, but you don't realize that you'll hurt yourself badly in those attempts. So, sadness and little angry, you decide to go back home and that's where your father sees you covered in wounds.

omg i'm gonna fucking cry looking at this picture. it's so cute ♡

It was vacation time, and we had left the city where I lived to go to a beautiful place somewhat far from the town.

Today was a sunny day, the birds were singing, and there wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. I took this as a sign to go outside and play in the backyard. The yard was quite large, with no fences or anything, so I could walk freely, and there were big trees all around.

I decided to climb one of the trees. I loved climbing trees and spending my afternoons on the branches, reading, playing, or just being silent and enjoying the view.

I tied my shoelaces tightly, adjusted my clothes, made a loose ponytail, and began to climb that tree... or rather, to try to climb it.

It was almost impossible for me; I kept slipping down again and again. My hands started to hurt along with my legs, I had tiny splinters in my fingers, my knees were almost raw, and my eyes were obviously teary from the pain and the frustration of not being able to climb.

I kept trying, but after a few minutes, I decided to give up once and for all. I kicked the tree out of annoyance and sat on the ground, leaning my back against the trunk and crossing my arms in frustration.

"WHY CAN'T I CLIMB IT?! IT'S NOT EVEN THAT BIG... or is it? OH GOD, I DON'T KNOW, I'M SO ANGRY AND SAD"

I told myself in my mind. I was so mad at myself for not being able to climb that tree. In truth, it was big and almost impossible to climb, but in my mind at that moment, I thought it wasn't and that I could do it.

After almost an hour of sitting there and one more attempt to climb it (which obviously failed), I decided to go back home. I was no longer angry; I was sad and almost in tears. I felt so frustrated and in pain. I just wanted someone to hug me at that moment.

I entered the house and noticed my dad was in the living room, sitting on a stool near the small kitchen bar, drinking something and wearing his sunglasses. Apparently, he had come home after doing something. I stayed for a few seconds watching him and then started walking to my room.

As I passed by him, my dad noticed me and saw my injuries, quickly catching my attention.

— Hey love! What happened? Why do you look like that?

Without saying anything, I started to cry, sobbing desperately and in pain. Maybe I was exaggerating, but at that moment, my emotions were all mixed up, and all I could do was cry and cry.

I could see my dad getting worried, and he quickly got up from the stool, knelt down to be almost at my height, and hugged me very lovingly and protectively. I rested my head on his shoulder and felt his hand gently on the back of my neck.

— Love, what happened? Please tell me, I'm worried.— Knoxville said with concern.

Through my tears, I told him:

— I was trying to climb a tree, I hurt myself a lot, and I couldn't climb it. I feel so bad.

My dad kept hugging me and telling me not to feel bad about it, that maybe I couldn't because the tree was big and things like that.

After a long time comforting me, he carefully lifted me in his arms and sat me on the kitchen bar. He went for a small first-aid kit from the bathroom and sat back down to start treating my wounds.

He gently rubbed a cotton ball with some alcohol on my scraped knees and hands. I let out a slight whimper of pain, and I heard my dad let out a small laugh. But I gave him a bad look, and he said, "Sorry."

He removed some splinters I had in my fingers and legs, and after a long while, he had finished treating all my wounds. He put some band-aids on my legs and hands to prevent the injuries from getting infected or anything.

— You're just as mischievous as I was when I was a kid; I always came home hurt or with a new serious injury.— Johnny said with a small smile while gently stroking his little daughter's hand.

— So, from those days, you already knew what you were going to do? A professional at doing silly things.— I exclaimed while looking at my dad.

I noticed him chuckle lightly, took off his glasses for a moment, and said:

— More than a professional, I'm a king of foolishness, and you are the princess of injuries.

I laughed a little upon hearing that and felt my dad place his hands on my cheeks and kiss my forehead.

— I love you, princess.

— I love you more, daddy!

[razorblade-kiss55]

These are really giving me like rockstar/jackass member girly and she’s so cool and the guys go to her shows to support her and yea I’m feeling like I wanna write this 🤔

[theangelmaker]

Helping Hand (Steve-O x Reader Fanfic)

i truly don’t know what i’m doing trying to write a good fanfic but believe when i say that i AM trying.

I sat stationary in the booth of the bustling night club watching some of my greatest friends hash out their finest memories of filming their first Jackass movie. Their excitement was all I needed to make me feel at home again after being away from them for what seemed like decades. I had been sipping on the same room temperature Miller Lite I’ve had since we all first arrived here, about 2 hours ago now. I can honestly say I don’t know how these guy are consistently drunk most of the time on set, it’s wild what they do to their bodies. Most of the time it would be luckily if they were only drunk on set; I blame Steve-O for being the first guy to show up stoned out of his mind to set on the first night.

I butted into as many conversations as I could but of course I was behind the camera not in front of it so my stories and add-ons could never be as entertaining as Johnny talking about his first person view of being in his rented car while it’s being completely demolished with him still inside. Crazy to think these men made it through the movie alive, but honestly I couldn’t be more grateful.

I’ve mainly been keeping an eye on the rowdy bunch of guys because you never know when something bad could happen. But it’s going on 3 hours we’ve been here and no one’s destroyed a table or barely even made a mess of the bar.

And wouldn’t you know it. I might’ve spoken too soon. 

“You dumb fuck there’s no way in Hell you’d actually do it.” Bam jokingly spat to Steve-O, knowing full well whatever he’s been talking about doing, he most certainly will.

“Oh yeah, dude? Is that a bet?” Steve-O quickly retorted wanting so badly to be told to do it.

I quickly turn my head to watch the two guys so I can stop or help whatever it is they’re wanting to do.

“I double- no, triple dog dare you to do it right now.” Ehren said so the rest of the crew could hear. Dave and Johnny whipped their attention over the Steve-O and pushed each other to get a better view of whatever stupid things Steve’s about to do.

“You idiots paying attention??” Steve-O said as he hold two empty beer bottles by the necks right over his temples.

I get up and get my knees onto the booth so I can get the higher ground as I ready myself to help if need be.

Steve-O breathes out sharply before swinging and nailing his forehead, with both bottles, straight on. I put my hand over my mouth and my eyes instinctively opened as wide as they could.

Naturally, he instantly went down and hit the floor fast and hard as his gravely yelps and cried rang out through the already blaring bar. Not many of the other patrons even turned or reacted to the site but I felt my heart stop, ‘Please be okay.’ I repeated over and over in my head

He was writhing on the cold tile floor as he released the bottles and held his hands up to his eyes.

I could barely see, hear, or even think straight as the rest of the crew shouted and praised Steve-O loudly for actually going through with a seemingly low end dare. I figured he was alright since he’s done much worse and everyone seemed like he was doing fine since they were just fist bumping and laughing hysterically together. But looking through a gap in the crowd you could still see Steve thrashing on the floor. You swallowed at you stared at him waiting for him to just blink it away and stand up and jump for joy with everyone else. But he never did. He just kept holding onto his eyes, pretty hard from what I could tell. I stood and started walking over to him, quietly pushing through people as they just chatting like everything went smoothly.

It took a second to get to him as quite a few people had gathered to see him break shit over his head. They slowly disappeared into the other crowds in the bar as you made your way to the now sweating Steve-O. You furrow your brows, confused as to why he seems to be so injured from this. You bent down on your knees as you place a hand on his damp back.

“Hey, Steve-O, look at me. You doing okay?” I calmly said to him, loud enough so he could hear but soft enough for him to know that it’s just me and he doesn’t need to act tough.

You figured he would give you a thumbs up, like all the guys do after it looked like a stunt went terrible but they ended up okay. But he did he just swiftly shook his head and cried out in pain.

“Speak to me, okay? What hurts? Your head?”

“My eyes.” He cried out with such strain

Your brows went back to normal as your eyes widened not knowing what to say to him.

“Oh. Okay okay I understand. Let’s get you to a mirror so I can check your eyes out. Do you think we can do that, Steve-O?” I uttered sympathetically as his cries shattered my heart. This was the last thing that should’ve happened tonight after such an amazing accomplishment like the movie.

He nodded softly as he moves to the fetal position. You can see his cheeks are streaked with tears and blotted with blood. Not overly, which was good but definitely enough to be concerned over. You wrapped your arm around his wife back and placed your other hand onto the side of his head as gentle but as firm as you could.

“Alright, ready? Three, Two, One, let’s go.” You say as he gets up to his feet. He doesn’t stand completely straight up so you can reach his head still. He keeps his hands over his eyes, like you expected.

“I’ll guide you to the restroom, Steve-O, don’t you worry about it.”

Luckily we were as close as we could be to the bathrooms. Just a couple steps to the right and I released his head for a moment as i pushed opened the swinging men’s bathroom door. Your secret prayers had been answered when you noticed that the room was empty. You breathed out a breathe you hadn’t realized you’d been holding in for quite some time. Slowly we inched our way to the sink.

“Alright, we finally made it to the mirror. Is it okay if I try to move your hands? I really need to see if your eyes are bleeding.” You try to sound calm again but your jitteriness is getting the better of you. You’re beyond worried you’re just going to see a big gust of blood as he removes his hands.

Someone has to be smiling down on us today because when I placed my hands over his, gently grabbing onto them, and slowly moving them down. I didn’t see much blood, besides the already bruising temples on both sides of his head.

“I’m sorry to ask this but can you open your eyes for me?”

You notice his bottom lip is quivering as he barely nods his head. Letting out a baited breath, he slowly opened eyes, turning his head from the beaming over head light. You get up close to him, as close as you’ve ever been to him, and looking around his eyes one at a time. You spot a few shards of glass on and around his eyes. You quickly get into your small hang bag and luckily found the tweezers you stuck in there haphazardly one evening. You gently place your left hand on his cheek as you place your thumb under his right eye.

“I’ll be as gentle as I can but this could hurt a bit.” You say softly to him. He just stares back at you but you know that ge understands that you could never do any true harm.

You tenderly pull down the skin under his eye to get a better angle of the glass shards in his water line. You tentatively pick out each tiny shard. There were close  to two dozen shards just in around the one eye. But you made sure to get it all out before moving onto the other one.

Steve-O’s eyes were insanely blood shot and the left one had bled a bit but luckily it stops quite quickly after removable of the glass. After you released his skin from under his eye he slowly blinked his awfully dried out eyes as a few tears seeped to the corner of his eye and down his reddened cheeks.

You let out another held in breath as you could finally calm down a bit from it all. You place a now sweaty hand onto his chilled shoulder. Sometime along the night he, as well as many of the other guys, took off his shirt to cool off. But now he’s absolutely freezing to the touch from his sweat cooling. You were honestly unsure of how to help him warm up so you just acted on instinct and wrapped your arms around his neck and gave some of the warmth you have to him.

He was a little taken aback by the sudden touch but he didn’t seem too mind much at all as he softly wrapped his arms around your waist. And squeezed a bit. He took a deep breath and seemed to calm down a pretty good amount.

“I’m surprised how badly hurt you got from the stunt. You scared me when you didn’t get up, Steve. I- I didn’t know what to think.”

He didn’t say anything. All you could feel was his calm breaths and you held each other in the crackling lighting of the dingy bathroom.

“You mean way too much to me to see you injured like that. I know it all could’ve been much worse. And I know you have had much worse in the past but I need you to be okay. Do you know what I mean?”

“I’m sorry I scared you.” Is all he could say. The last thing he wanted to do was scare you.

“Please don’t be sorry to me. I just care about you so much. What if I wasn’t there to get you up? Everyone else just stopped caring after you fell to the ground. Would you have even gotten help if I want around?”

“No, i would’ve toughed it out, probably.”

“I figured.” You sometimes hate how tough he needs to act around these guys. They’re his friends. He needs to be able to ask for help when he needs it. No matter how small the stunt is. Of course they help on the nasty falls but for something as little as this they seemed to just block him out.

“I love you too much for-.” You stopped talking, you didn’t mean to say love. But you do love him, just not in that way. You honestly don’t know anymore, you’ve known Steve for so long you can’t tell your feelings apart when it deals with him

“I love you too.” He whispered as he put his head in the crook of your neck and smiled.

——————————————————————————

Please let me know what y’all think. I never write so i was just experimenting. I hope y’all don’t hate it hahaha. Feedback is super appreciated!! I love y’all so so much ☠️🤍

[bamfvckingmargera]

im literally begging for a fluffy knoxville x reader fic...

Of fvcking course!

AN: Hey all! Jumping back into writing after a very long hiatus! Sorry if it’s too long/short/wordy or just shit in general. But please stick with me and keep requesting fics, I do love writing them!

Req: flirty nurse, on-set johnnyxreader

(Req above says fluff, but don’t worry there’s plenty more fics coming.) this started out super fluffy but I couldn’t help myself I’m sorry.

Warnings: descriptions of injury/abrasions and blood, broken glass, descriptions of medical treatment. Sexual themes (ish? Idk), flirting.

Summary: Johnny pays a visit to the medical tent after essentially dumpster diving in a pair of belt sander skates. He’s sliced up but that doesn’t stop him pushing your buttons.

Pressure

“You know one of us better get a new job?” He stood, leg cocked in the door of the first aid tent. His yellow, blood stained shirt sitting awkwardly half-covering his toned torso.

“Knox. Why did I not bet money on the fact that you’d be the first person I’d see today.” You said, adjusting the seat by your examination table. He smiled, laughing at his converse. A small flutter in your stomach when his dimples were highlighted on his cheeks. “Take a seat hon.” You finished.

“Yes, Ma’am.” He said, folding his long and lean body down into the rather, comically and unpractically small chair.

You stifled a chuckle, before scalding him “Hey. What did I tell you about the ma’am stuff, huh? Makes me feel old.” You said,

“Sorry, sorry.” He retorted with a smirk, hands up in mock-surrender. He adjusted uncomfortably in the chair. The shirt that sat awkwardly, scrunched up at his ribs was covered in blood, some already beginning to oxidise.

There was damage to the entire surface of his back and the posterior surface of his elbows. His loose-fitting, lopsided dickies reveal a gash, slick with plasma on his left hip, that extended up his entire left side to his axilla.

Your mind drifted in thought of his lean and toned figure, the way he groaned while placing his hands over his hand. He pulled his eyes shut in pain, wincing around the chair until he found a semi-comfortable position. Which was difficult considering the damage he’d done.

He felt you eying him, and he felt watched under your gaze. Not in a judgemental sense, more pitied he would say. He watched you too, mostly in awe. You were scribbling away in your binder, pausing the check the time on your watch and continued scrawling your notes. He found you as a whole quite adorable. The only way his dumbass could think to flirt with you, outside you sewing him back together was using your head as an armrest or something else so pathetically school-yard and juvenile.

You guys were at that stage between acquaintances and friends. That semi-awkward phase in which the first few minutes of conversation is a little doughy before your both settle into each other’s company again.

But Knoxville always made conversation easy, his light-hearted, usually self-deprecating humour was one of the things you found more than charming about him. That and his southern drawl and the way he was so polite and charming even when he was bleeding all over you and your tent.

He would have to admit, some days when he was sent to the nurses tent and you weren’t there his stomach would drop with disappointment. He’d have to endure the man-handling of a questionable nurse who would frequently be low of painkillers he was meant to distribute to the cast.

You paused in thought before turning your eyes to meet his. He nearly jumped in his chair, having just been caught dreamily staring at you.

“What’s your birthday again Knox. March.. 11? 1970..?” Had he really been in your tent that much?

“One, doll.” He nodded. His stomach twisted in knots watching the very corner of of your mouth lift upward into a nervous smile, you shifted your stance and continued writing.

You forced your mindset back to the task-at-hand. “Okay. So, let me guess? You rode something strange and awful down the steepest and longest hill in LA?” You said, turning to collect your wound irrigation and dressing supplies.

“I rode roller skates made from belt sanders down a sidewalk and into a dumpster. But I ended up skating down it on my ass and falling into the dumpster like a sack of shit.” He said, his tone self-deprecating.

“Well, I can see that by the way your squirmin’ in my chair.” His chuckle was faint, because he really didn’t like the way he was looking at your ass in those scrubs, it made him feel dirty. But he really wanted to walk up behind you, whisper in your ear while pressing himself up against your perfect ass. He watched you on your tip toes, hand on the bench trying to reach your supplies from the top cupboard. He had to shake his head to clear those thoughts from his mind, he adjusted himself in his pants.

You continued, still trying to get that damn bottle of iodine that your finger tips were pushing back into the cubboard. Looking around briefly for your stool that people kept stealing, with no luck. You climbed onto the bench on your knees. Looking up you seen Johnny next to you, stifling a startled squeal, you placed a hand over your chest.

“God, you’re quiet on your feet.” You sighed.

Your eyes just now level with his, he pointed to the amber glass jar in the cupboard. “This what you were after?”

“Mhm.” You hummed, with a smile. He reached into the cupboard and placed it on the bench you were still kneeling on. He closed the cupboard and went offer you a hand down, realising after he had done so, that it was covered in slimy looking abrasions. He withdrew his hand with a chuckle.

Now able to finalise your sterile tray of gauzes, saline solution, antibiotic ointment and iodine. He flipped the chair around at sat on it backwards, allowing open access to his back.

“Okay, I’m gonna help you take your shirt off so I can get a better look at the damage you’ve done to yourself and get started alright?” You asked setting the tray down in the table. You moved to stand behind him and help him remove his shirt, limiting its contact with his broken and tender skin. He hissed in pain as the hem of the shirt nicked a protruding piece of broken glass. “Sorry.” You said, placing the shirt down.

“Damn.” He breathed, “That sucked.” He finished with a laugh.

“I hate to break it to you, hon. But it ain’t about to get any better. There’s still lots of debris in these abrasions, but good news. No stitches, this time.” You said, as you moved to the basin to wash your hands again, you gloved up to begin irrigation.

You tucked a towel into the waistband of Johnny’s dickies and he squirmed and laughed. “Hey hey. By me dinner first, before you go snooping around back there.” You chuckled to yourself, rolling your eyes.

“Sorry.” You offered, pulling up your own chair behind him, you snapped the seal of the saline bottles and picked up your tweezers with your still sterile hand. You paused, hovering over his bloodied back. “Ready Knox?” You said, your tone soft.

“Mhm.” He mumbled, resting his head on is balled up fists. His feet shifted uncomfortably underneath him in anticipation.

You squeezed the tubes and the clear liquid ran down his back, he hissed and leant forward. Moaning a distressed “Fuck.” Into his fists. The towel in his waistband caught the yellow liquid at the bottom. He writhed tensely in the chair, highlighting every muscle on his exposed body.

You scooted your chair toward him, so close you could feel the heat from his back. You leant in with the tweezers and began to remove the gravel and glass from his back, dropping them into the silver tray next to you. You left the most lodged fragment of glass till last. You had to scoot right around, ditching your rolling chair you knelt down beside him. He rested his head in the crook of his elbow and his face now inches from yours.

“Okay. This one is the last one. But it’s right in there.” Your sweet eyes looked up into his, a crease of worry between your brows. You sighed looking at the brown glass in his skin once more.

He watched you bite your bottom lip, bringing your tweezers closer, he pulled his eyes shut and buried his head in his elbow. Gritting his teeth he felt the relief of the glass being removed and heard the ‘tink’ of you dropping in the tray. He breathed a sigh of relief and wiggled out his tense muscles.

“Okay.” You sighed, placing your un-gloved hand on your hip. “We’re, gettin’ there. Won’t be long until we have you cleaned up and on your way.” You said with a nod, moving to change your gloves.

“Gettin’ rid of me so soon?”

“Never.” You offered back.

“No I get it, ol’ Knoxville is too much for Y/N to handle.” He craned back, with that shit-eating smirk plastered on his face.

“Please.” You scoffed, “I’m not the one scared of a little pair of tweezers.” You felt a weird buzz from the low pit of your stomach, you weren’t much of a flirt considering in your usual line of work it was never okay to flirt with patients. But on the set of jackass, anything goes.

“Turns out you’re into masochism as much as I thought?” You said with everything last ounce of confidence you had managed to boil within you.

“You’d be surprised what I’m into, babydoll.” His tone was low and steady. Very different from his usual. He kept his gaze forward and jaw set.

You inhaled sharply, though it was not on purpose merely out of nerves and shock. But he had heard you, which is why you could see the smile lines of the satisfied smirk creep up his cheek.

“So what have y’all got in store for me next week? Can I assume we’re all done with the ridiculous raccoon skit.” Now wishing you had kept your mouth shut, you felt slightly in over your head. The air in the room felt sticky on your skin.

“I mean I’ve seen nearly everyone of the cast come in here with broken noses, fractured zygomatic arches. Have you at least been able to scrape together some decent takes?” You continued, now dabbing iodine over his back.

“I’m up next, on Friday.” He said it almost proudly.

“Well. There goes my early mark for the weekend.” You joked, capping the bottle.

“Oh, sorry Doll. Will I be keeping you from your knitting?” He said, as you slinked down in front of him to tend to his hip.

Using slightly more pressure than required you wiped the abrasion. You took the antibiotic ointment from the back of your gloved hand and with your thumb wiped it over his hip, this time with entirely too much pressure.

“Found someone to throw the punch?” You said, rising to your full height in front of him. Craning your neck slightly to make eye contact with Johnny. You removed your gloves and tossed them on the tray behind you.

“Hope Daddy taught you good.” He looked down from your eyes to your lips, the thoughts of all the things the two of you would do to each other floated in the forefront of his mind.

“I didn’t need Daddy to teach me to throw a punch.” Your eyes fell to his lips. The distance between you closing.

“Oh really?” Johnny said, softly.

“Yeah. You’d be surprised, doll.”

[razorblade-kiss55]

Hollywood Misfits

Hey guys I have a lot to say so bare with me !

> I really wanna do this one a little differently. I haven’t really decided on a love interest, I think it’d be fun if some of the guys have a crush on their new costar. So I’m just gonna write with no set intentions and just see where it goes. Please let me know if you have any thoughts or opinions!!! I do wanna say also Im going to base a lot of aspects off the movie but of course some things will be different. This will definitely be a multiple chapter fic as well :)) I’m super excited about this one I have a lot of ideas for it !!

> Synopsis- you’re a famous rockstar, the guys love your music and want you in their first movie.

Warnings- language, smoking, possibly bad grammar (I double checked but I’m sure I missed something haha)

> word count: 2.9k

___________________________________

“Hello?” You say answering your phone

“Y/n!” You heard the familiar voice of your manager Andrea say through the other line.

“No.” You respond attempting to hang up.

“Wait at least listen to what I have to say!” She yells out through the line causing you to roll your eyes.

“I told you before I’m a musician. Not a movie star.” You say growing more annoyed by the moment.

A week prior to this call you had talked to your manager about the same thing. It was shocking news when you first heard the jackass crew wanted you on their movie. She had said the guys heard your album that came out at the beginning of the year and they loved it. Apparently they would always like having guests on the show so they wanted to keep the same theme for the movie. That’s where you came into the picture.

“You don’t have to be the star! It’ll be a win for everyone. You’ll get more publicity, and plus everyone loves a tomboy right now.”

You choose to ignore the irritating description of you being a so called “tomboy”. You thought the whole term was ridiculous.

The two of you sit in silence for a moment before you hear her let out a long sigh. “This is a great opportunity for the both of us. Plus you would get to play pranks and just have a good time. You love to be a menace! God knows you terrorize me every chance you get.” She trails off

You thought it over the more she continued to list off good things that could come of this. You were nervous for a multitude of reasons. Did anyone really want a girl on jackass? But you also couldn’t help but wonder what your friends back home would think. So many other thoughts crossed your mind but you couldn’t listen to your manager rant anymore. You loved she really treated you like you were her daughter but god could she get on your nerves.

“And think about all the new experiences -“

“Ok alright! Christ, I’ll do it.” You say finally conceding. You had quickly come to the realization she really wasn’t going to let this go. So might as well just accept your inevitable fate right?

“Great! This is going to be perfect for you and your career you’ll see. We’ll be in touch, get some rest.”

———

After about a week or two, Andrea had called to let you know that you would start on set, Monday.

Today.

She had informed you that they had already started filming for the movie. But it was only about a week before, so you hadn’t missed much.

You were in your usual baggy attire, shades covering your bloodshot eyes from the lack of sleep the night before. You rested your elbow on the window of the car you were currently in. Sat in silence watching the everyday chaos of LA. Noticing a buzzing under your leg, you quickly realize you were getting a call. You grab it and instantly groan as Andrea’a name appeared on the tiny screen. You weren’t shocked though, if she wasn’t with you, you better believe she’s blowing up your phone.

“Yes Andrea?” You question with your fakest nice voice.

“How’s my little starlet doing?” She returns your question with one of her own. She was always so chipper.

“Tired.” It was already noon but you were still exhausted.

“Well perk up you’ve got a big day ahead of you. You’re on your way to the hotel the whole crew’s staying in. Today is going to consist mostly of meeting everyone and getting acquainted.” She had let you know the crew planned on traveling a lot for the film. You were excited about that aspect, so you were trying to embrace it. “Just go get checked into your hotel and we can talk more tomorrow.” She says surprisingly keeping the conversation brief.

“Oh and y/n?” She spoke up once more.

“Yeah?“ you respond curiously

“Please be nice.”

You almost get annoyed but decide now was not the time for arguing. “Goodbye Andrea.” You hang up the phone and ignore the prior question.

The drive wasn’t too far, about two hours from your apartment downtown. But with the traffic that was bound to happen, you were prepared for a much longer trip.

After zoning out to the blaring music in your ears you realized you were starving. Almost instantaneously you look out the window and notice a kind of run down gas station. There’s no where else for miles at this point, as you finally had made it out of the city. “Excuse me.”

You say leaning forward to the driver.

“Could we make a stop?” You question pointing to the gas station as your make eye contact in the rear view mirror. He simple nods his head and turns into the parking lot.

“I’ll be quick” you inform him running inside. You mentally kick yourself for choosing to rush, because you immediately crash into someone as you push the door open. “Woah dude.”

You scramble to pick up the things you just caused them to drop trying to be as discreet as possible. You realize they were much taller than you, now bending your next you are met with a dark headed guy staring back down at you. “I Uh sorry bout that.” You stutter scratching your head trying walk away quickly from this equation and just retrieve your snacks. “Wait aren’t you y/n?“ you feel the stranger tap you on the shoulder. You sigh not loud enough for him to hear, spinning around of the ball of your foot. “Yep” was all you respond with.

“No shit” he chuckles

“I’m steve-o I’m from jackass- we are I mean.” He says gesturing to his friends paying at the counter before sticking out his hand to shake yours. “I heard the guys were trying to get you on the movie. Is that where your heading?” He says keeping his voice low at the end of the question. “Uh yeah I am actually. Just grabbing some snacks, got a driver out front.” You say pointing your thumb behind you toward the parking lot.

“Who’s your new friend?” You hear one of his friends sing out as the come into view from behind him. “Yo, guys this is y/n!” He informs his friends way more excited than you expected.

“Oh. Oh!” One guy yells. The other doesn’t respond, his eyes just widen as he darts his eyes between you and his friends.

“This is Chris.” Steve-o says pointing to the first guy to speak. “Hey there.” He says in a flirty tone but you couldn’t tell if he was goofing around or serious.

“And this is Dave.” He says pointing to the blonde haired guys next to chris. “Hi.” He nods and waves awkwardly.

“He’s shy” chris says placing his hand on the wide eyes boys shoulder. “Fuck off dude.” He almost whines out flicking his hand off. You hold back a chuckle as you slowly step back trying to make your way to the candy isle.

You make small talk with the three while they follow behind as you continue picking out all your items. After paying and finally making it out of the store, You were now all stood outside the front of the gas station. “Hey you wanna ride with us? We have one extra seat.”

You knew everyone in the world, even a stranger would look at this situation and immediately say don’t get in the car with three boys you don’t know. You knew this but you couldn’t help but feel like they were good. And you felt like you kind of recognized chris from watching the show here and there. So that also made you feel a bit better too.

“Alright.” You shrug

You head over to let your driver know he no longer needs to take you to the destination. As well as grabbing your bags from the back. He didn’t seem to think much of it as he was gone rather quickly. The guys help you toss the two small suitcases into the bed of the truck. You follow them climbing into the large vehicle, as you were all back on the move.

“You better not murder me.” You laugh out as your get started down the road.

“Heh heh no promises.” Chris chuckled out from the driver seat.

“She’s totally gonna think we’re creeps dude stop.” Dave swats at him from the seat in the back next to you. “You like will not kill you. We don’t. Do… that.” He stuttered turning towards you.

“Very convincing job.” Steve-o croaks from the passenger side as the three of you laugh while Dave just sits there with a pout.

It was a weird situation sure but you had to admit this was the most fun you had in a while. You didn’t like to hang out with too many people in the city. All your friends were back home and the people in LA just didn’t know how to have a good time like them. Maybe that was a bad outlook but you never felt the need to change that.

Cigarette smoke filled the air as you and steve-o kept bumming them off each once you realized you both smoked. Not without gaining a few complaints and dramatic coughs from Dave. The music blared as you all continued just getting to know each other.

“Rapid round.” You yell over the loud bass of the stereo.

“Favorite color.”

“Blue.” “-Blue!” “Green” Dave, then chris and finally steve-o yell.

“Favorite foods?” You yell out another question

“Cheeseburgers!” Chris says smiling, you could tell he wanted a cheeseburger now.

“Mm beer” steve-o says gruffly

“Ehhh” You laugh making a loud buzzer noise before rolling your eyes. “Beer is not a food.”

“I would say a nice filet mignon, with buttery, garlic mashed potatoes on the side. Topped with sautéed mushrooms and a glass of red wine on the side.” Dave says detailing every aspect of his favorite meal

Everyone froze and stared at him for a moment for bursting out into laughter. “What?” He questions looking genuinely confused.

“Its just-“ you laugh unable to get the words out over your wheezing. “That just wasn’t what I was expecting.” You finally get out causing another uproar with the two in the front of the vehicle.

It had been about an hour ish since you had all left the gas station. The ride had been going a lot better than expected. It had been a long stretch of nothing, just dirt and mountains. By now you reaching a more populated area so you assumed you weren’t too far.

“Looks like we made it.” Chris says turning into the parking lot of a hotel. You all let out little cheers. Thankful to be getting on solid ground soon. While all the guys jump out excitedly, you stayed back for a moment taking a deep breath trying to gather yourself for whatever you were about to walk into.

You jump at sudden rapid loud tapping right by your ear. Looking up you realize it’s chris as he’s wondering why you haven’t got out. He opens the door for you as you grab all your belongings before sliding out. “What? You nervous?” He inquiries giggling as you notice Steve and Dave jump up in the bed of the truck to unload the luggage.

“Not at all.” You say shaking your head, smiling at him in response. He didn’t say anything back, he seemed a bit confused like he expected some kind of sassy response. The other two just laugh at his silence.

The four of you head inside the fancy hotel. You were kind of shocked how nice it was you, weren’t it expecting it at all. You all get your room keys and make your way upstairs. They must’ve requested the same floor for the crew, you had noticed all of your rooms were near each other.

While in the elevator, you all had planned to set your things down after finding your rooms then you would all go chill out in Knox’s room. That supposedly had been where everyone was for the time being. They informed you his room number before going to their rooms.

Down the long hall way you finally find your own hotel room. You unlock it quickly stumbling in, you immediate dropped your bags and melt into the bed. Laying there like a stone for a little while you reluctantly peel yourself from the soft mattress. You just now start actually taking in your surroundings and it’s so nice. You were pleasantly surprised and you also couldn’t wait to divulge the mini bar later.

You’re now making your way over to room 505 to officially meet everyone. You had to admit, even though you had said your weren’t nervous you couldn’t ignore the butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

Making your way back up the long hallway you hear laughter and yelling and can only presume it was the guys. The room numbers weren’t even necessary at this point, you could probably find them from a mile away. Approaching the door you hear steve-o’s voice loud and clear through the door. You assumed the three guys were already here and they were all just waiting for you. That didn’t help the nerves.

Right after taking a deep breath you knock loudly on the large wood door. “Guys we made a new friend today.” You heard chris’s now muffled voice say through the door.

“Aw man not this shit again.” You hear another muffled more southern sounding voice whine. Just as you hear that you knock three hard knocks, the room goes silent.

Suddenly the door flies open, slightly blowing your hair over your shoulder. You stand still as the room goes quiet. “Meet y/n!” Chris yells grabbing your hand and softly yanking you in. You weren’t sure how he knew it was you so fast but you forget about it quickly

The guys start cheering which definitely caught you off guard. You had assumed they knew you were coming but it seemed like they had no clue. Or maybe they just thought you wouldn’t show. “We’re all huge fans!” The first tall guys says as he approaches, shaking your hand quickly. You recognize him to be Johnny Knoxville. You smile and huff out a soft thank you. Even though you had been performing for 2 and a half years professionally you still often felt so awkward with direct compliments.

“Come in, we’re just chillin” steve-o says from the couch arms spread out across the back. He pat the couch cushion gesturing for you to sit. You plop onto the couch next to him after finally getting through the sea of random dudes.

“Hey y/n” Dave said as he sat on the corner of the other smaller couch.

“Hey.” You breath out smiling , raising your hand in a quick wave.

Him and the boy next to him snicker quietly, you weren’t sure why. It kind of felt weird like you were the cliche shiny new toy.

“Ok I’ll introduce everyone.” Steve-o says sitting up slapping his hands to his legs.

“That’s Johnny obviously.” He gestures to the taller guy stood just drinking a beer. He holds it up nodding his head in your direction.

“Wee-man, Preston, Ehren, Dave you met of course.” He says pointing to them with his own beer bottle in hand.

You just nod as he continues naming the multiple people in the large room. “And over there is Bam and Ryan.”

“Hey and me!” Chris yells coming into view falling onto the spot right next to you with two beers in hand.

“For you.” He says handing it to you with the cap already popped off. You take it thanking him.

“It’s nice to meet y’all” you respond to the previous introductions as you take a swig of your beverage.

The rest of the evening was pretty fun you all decided to just drink and hang out at the hotel. You were having a good time getting to know everyone.

“I have a great idea! Everybody tell me your favorite stunt you’ve done.” You drunkenly yelled at one point. Bam started and after that, they kept getting funnier and funnier. Or maybe you were getting drunker and drunker, but you didn’t care either way.

Now it was late and everyone was starting to head to bed. You stood up wobbly and out of it but we’re caught quickly before falling over. You realize it’s Johnny who seemed to be the least intoxicated for the night.

“Let me help you to your room.” He said in a low voice. You didn’t respond only nodded as you let him lead you out of the room by your arm. Every time you walked down the hall it seemed longer and this time was no different. You reached the door and started to fish for the key in your pocket. You find it and immediately drop it on the ground. “Dammit” you whined

Johnny just chuckled bending over to pick it up and unlocking the door for you. You look up to him through glossy eyes. “Such a gentleman.” was all you said patting the side of his face. He breathed out a quick laugh like he didn’t know what to make of that. “Goodnight.” He said as you slowly made your way inside. As soon as the door shut you instantly mentally kicking yourself. Why’d I do that? The thought didn’t linger long though as you were now knocked out on the bed.

I hope you liked! This is just the set up of course well hey into the actual movie bits soon. I live chris and steve-o with my actual whole heart. & Can we talk about Dave being starstruck rn?? That boy was sweatin. Hehe anyways until next time ! <33

[razorblade-kiss55]

My kind of woman

Okayyyy hello :) I was listening to this song and I thought about writing to it and this little blurb was born. I hope you enjoy !!! I know some people have done this before i’m not sure how anyone else does it but this is my version!!

Synopsis: you’re definitely Johnny Knoxville’s kind of woman (that’s all I’ll say hehe)

No warnings

Word count: 586

“Baby, you’re making me crazy” Johnny almost whined into your ear burying his face in the crook of your neck, sliding his arms around your waist from behind.

You giggle in response now swaying along to the music with him. “I’m just dancing!” You yell out over the loud music in the club your currently settled in for the night.

You had convinced Johnny to go out tonight to see a new band you heard were playing the local club.

You’re friends Ehren, and Bam had come out with you two as well but they were now both off doing god knows what.

“Exactly” he responds dragging the word out as long as possible.

You plop your head backwards onto his shoulder now able to see his face. His eyelids were drooping probably partly due to the couple of beers and lack of sleep you all often endured. But you couldn’t help but get butterflies, the way the stage lights bounced around in his irises. The slight glow of sweat he had just right on the tops on his cheek bones. You could stare at his face forever.

“It’s alright with me, as long as your next to me.” He said pulling you from daydream, and closer to him.

“Hm?”

“I want to be the only one you dance next to like that.” He responded his voice drenched in utter lust.

You smile sweetly at him sliding your hand to the back of his head to pull his lips to yours. He placed his Budweiser coated lips to yours, you relished the way his beer kisses made you feel. Especially on nights like tonight where you were both pretty buzzed but not completely wasted.

“Mm my kind of woman.” He mumbled after pulling away slowly.

“What’dya say?” You laugh turning around fulling facing him now.

“Nothin sweetheart” he responded sweetly petting his hand over your hair. “Wanna get outta here?” He says jerking his head towards the nearest exit. You nod placing one more quick kiss to his lips, it felt impossible to stop.

You both searched for ehren and bam for a while just to let them know you were leaving. They were both preoccupied with their own situations they hardly noticed.

You’re apartment was just a few blocks away so you decided to just walk back. It was quiet night for la, so the two of you savored it walking in a comfortable silence. Johnny’s arm draped around your shoulders as you hold his hand in yours.

“Ya know it just don’t make sense to me. “ Johnny said abruptly.

“What doesn’t?”

“Why you’d stick right next to me wherever I go.” He said keeping his voice low like he only wanted you to hear him speak so sweetly.

“Baby” you laugh almost in shock by his words. You had always felt like you were the one who should feel lucky to have him. You never thought he would feel the same way. You stop him dead in his tracks slamming your lips to his. This kiss was different from before, it was messy teeth clashing, little bites every so often. You pulled back slightly only for a second before kissing all around his lips on his face. He just laughed as you continued, running a hand across your back.

“It doesn’t have to make sense. I’m not goin anywhere.” You turn back around pulling him behind you. “Cmon let’s get home.”

Johnny sighed interlocking his fingers with yours. “Cant believe your my girl.”

[bamfvckingmargera]

jackass preferences + head cannons

Req: Preferences and head cannons for all of the main cast, as well as Ehren and Novak..

Warnings: mention of dr4gs, alcohol use, cigar3ttes and s3xual themes.

Johnny:

•doll, sweetheart, babydoll.

•his hand on your waist unconsciously while he talks to the crew.

•words of affirmation

•you having to patch him up when he arrives home broken and bruised.

•he admires the way you speak, your position at MTV was managerial, required regular meetings and was quite high-stakes. he admired your intelligence and elegance with the way you managed people.

•his favourite way to hold you: bridal style

•“atta good girl”

•“i will. i love you too babydoll.”

•“such a good girl for daddy.”

Steve-O:

•princess, babe, beautiful,

•hand holding, drink/(dr4g) sharing, cigarette kisses (him lighting yours with his.)

•him being extremely protective

•physical touch

•one of his lesser known hobbies is photography, he loves taking photos of you… in all sorts of contexts

•he admires the way you cook, he could count on his fingers and toes the proper hot dinners he had before meeting you. he sits in the kitchen and watches you move elegantly and swiftly behind the stove and counters. not to mention how god damn good it tastes. and you’re a good cook.

•him trying to cook you dinner and completely fucking it up, so you guys order pizza and watch a movie instead

•his favourite way to hold you: you on his shoulders

•“smile hot-stuff!”

•“sweetheart this is fucking awesome!”

•“take it, like a good girl.”

Bam:

•babygirl, gorgeous, babe

•he licks your face

•skates at sunset

•him getting nervous before you attempt a new trick

•tokens of affection - he collects little things throughout his day to give/show you - a pebble at the skatepark looked like a snail so he gave it to you when he got home.

•he admires you’re sense of humour, the way you’re not afraid to laugh at yourself and have a good time. you’re unapologetically yourself and he absolutely loves that about you.

•his favourite way to hold you is: over his shoulder.

•“you got this babygirl.”

•“it’s just a scratch, i’ll be fine babe.”

•“you’re my little sl*t, aren’t you?”

Ryan:

•darlin’, gorgeous, sweetheart.

•his hugs on a winters night

•quality time

•his hand on your thigh while he’s driving

•he admires your intelligence, the conversations you held with the engineers, writers and crew on set blew his mind. you were studying biochemical engineering and every day what you were learning impressed the shit out of him.

•he would talk about cars for hours, long drives were never boring, he could tell you nearly everything about a car by the sound of it and a glimpse of it speeding past on the highway.

•his favourite way to hold you: however he can grab you, which is usually thrown over his shoulder.

•“Come here gorgeous”

•“that’s great sweetheart, i knew you’d get it”

•“i know darlin, i know”

Ehren:

•hon, beautiful, babygirl

•he’s trying to find the next way to make you smile.

•making snow angels together

•resting your head on his shoulder on long drives in the jackass bus

•you always trying to fix his messed up hair in your apartment bathroom.

•words of affirmation

•he admires your social grace and confidence, the way in which you could walk up to anyone and start a conversation and within 5 minutes it would seem to anyone else that you had been friends for years.

•his favourite way to hold you: piggy back rides

•“whatcha readin’ hon?”

•“god. you’re just beautiful.”

•“yeah, just like that babygirl.”

Novak:

•sweetheart, darlin’, babe

•he makes you breakfast in bed, you both know what it’s like to go hungry so he makes sure you start your day with a full tummy.

•tokens of affection - flowers he picked on the walk home, handmade jewellery. he also shows off in adorable attempts to impress you whenever he gets the chance, usually on his skateboard.

•he admired your self-determination, having gotten your GED and just begun night-school he admired how you worked tirelessly during the day and then pushed on for night school in the evenings.

•his favourite way to hold you: you on his shoulders

•“mornin’ darlin.”

•“babe, check this shit out.”

•“better watch that filthy mouth sweetheart.”