#kaz thoughts

[gobald]

Fell in...? Fell in what??? IN LOVE??

[sowerpatch]

love all the messages, i read them all. and to not spam your feed, i'll just answer all the questions if i'm okay and where i've been in this post. i've been having headaches this past week and i think it's related to my eyes. it hurts when i stay long in front of my screen. trying to finish my adult/big girl work was a challenge, so finishing some incomplete drafts of my fics will probably be a little stretch for now. i don't want to post a half-ass chapter for wcb just because i rushed it last time. i'll try to redo it this weekend but could not promise anything. sorry. but i'm a little better now. i'm deeply grateful for all the messages and constant check-ins you guys are sending me. i do love you all. sorry for making some of you worry.

[neptune-scythe]

quick thing about the nuances of desire that is often over looked, specifically in regards to touch aversion

the argument I get the most when discussing Kanej having a relationship without any physical intimacy or touch is that they both want that

but here's the thing

yes they both express desires for touch or physical intimacy, but it's not as black and white as that.

there's three points I wanna make here

the first is there's a difference between wanting something and fantasizing about it. and by that I mean you can like the idea of something, you can have a desire for that idea, but it isn't the actual thing. so for the topic of touch, you can like the idea of a hug or a kiss, you can desire to experience the same feeling from it that other people do or that you think you should, but in reality it isn't actually enjoyable to you, it doesn't give you the feeling you want it to. you want it, maybe even enough to try it again and again, but it may never give you what you want out of it.

the second point ties into the first one nicely of being that you can want the feeling that touch is supposed to give, so you think you want the touch as well. but in reality you just haven't separated the two. you want the comfort, the safety, the closeness, the protection, or whatever else that you're supposed to feel when you touch someone, you might not actually want or enjoy the touch itself or get those feelings from it. but once you separate the two you can find those feelings you're searching for in other ways that are actually comfortable and beneficial.

and the third point is that sometimes you just want to want something. you want to have the desire to touch someone, to be able to feel comfortable with it, but you don't. you might try and convince yourself that you do want it because you think you're supposed to, but the actual desire just isn't there. you want to have the desire rather than actually having the desire.

so for Kaz and Inej, yes they both expressed desires for physical intimacy, but it's not as black and white as "they said they want it so that's what they need to be happy"

desire is much deeper than that, and humans are much more nuanced and layered and unpredictable.

and yes there are also times when people just have desires without any of the extra stuff, but given their history I personally don't think Kaz or Inej are that type. There are too many conflicting feelings and experiences for it to be that simple in my opinion.

and if there's one thing Leigh Bardugo is good at it's making deep, multifaceted, and complex characters, and that's what I enjoy so much about them. they have the capacity to portray all those nuances of desire that other characters just can't, and that's a very beautiful and important thing ... especially for y/a books. to capture the human experience, to explain the aspects of humanity that are hard to discover in one's self or notice in other people. it's a bridge to deeper understanding, it's putting that ability to understand in a language that is more accessible and universal than an intellectual self help book or an essay.

so to circle back to my overarching point, desire isn't a simple thing. thinking "I want __" doesn't necessarily translate perfectly the way it presents, and there are many complexities to the human mind that are unpredictable and surprising.

[taciturnpoet]

i’m curious about what y’all picture when you talk with moots on here

do you think of their pfps or like something else??? i dunno what any of you look like so i just think of your pfps mostly lol

[callmekaza]

Like I know Grogu would love Boba (who doesn't) but like do you think Grogu remembers the clones? Being protectors and trustworthy then all of a sudden turning on them?

[sowerpatch]

one shot and wcb update this week hope y'all have a wonderful monday!

[sowerpatch]

i just saw the recap of the game and i have no words to describe that loss, so i'll drop two fics for y'all

[sowerpatch]

basically me the entire game