you can continue reading below :)
a/n: yes i realize there's a typo on the article it should says "ledgers found at midnight" but in any case it's all 100 percent written by me
INTERVIEW WITH THE DARK KNIGHT
Mr. uhhhhh dark knight why did you agree to this interview and this very festive photo?
“I did it for Gotham, and more importantly Gotham’s children I wanted them to see that christmas and all it represents is still alive and worth celebrating. As for the photo’s it was robin’s idea”
“Do you have a message you’d like for the city of Gotham to hear?”
“Yes that i am watching, i am always watching that justice will always prevail”.
INTERVIEW WITH ROBIN
“So robin how were you able to convince the elusive dark knight to do the photo? And i have to ask what happened to that tree?”
Robin smiling warmly “well that mrs. reporter is a very interesting story we were mid bust on a group of robbers trying to rob the local banks you know the usual for Gotham and when we stepped outside to hand off the criminals to the cops the first snow began to fall. You know not that weird smoggy slush that some mistake for snow or that weird ass venom that sometimes falls from the sky due to certain criminals whom i won’t name. But real true snow and i remember i was walking with batman or more so grappling with him through the air and when i looked up the snow falling from the sky and the city lights reflecting off every surface including a little bit from batmans face it almost looked like he had a beard and when i looked at the sky some of the clouds looked like a santa hat. So naturally i asked mr. batman if we could please all dress up for the holidays because i thought it’d be fun and honestly kinda funny because imagine a thug getting beaten up by batman wearing an awful fake beard and santa hat like thats funny.” robin snickered.
As for the christmas tree mishap, i ignored batman’s warning that the tree wasn’t stable to clime to put the star at the tippy top but in my defense it felt plenty stable to me and on top of that mr batman was moving sooooooooooooooooo slowwwww, like a snail could’ve outpaced him like tactical maneuvers amazing when diffusing a bomb not when your decorating a tree! Miss reporter have you ever had to sit there while someone was arranging every single decoration by color, weight, and size and ofcourse the tree had those annoying old fashioned bulbs where one light went out the whole thing went dead. IT WAS A NIGHTMARE AND KILLING MY CHRISTMAS SPIRIT SO NATURALLY I DID WHAT ANYONE WOULD AND PUT THE STAR ON MYSELF.
That was quite the story robin, what was batman’s reaction when the tree naturally fell over?
He looked concerned for five minutes then when he saw i was fine he just sighed and rubbed his temples and told me next time i am not to be left unsupervised near the tree’s star which is fair i told him i’d stop climbing christmas trees when he stops treating them like tactical missions.
Robin is there anything you’d like to say to the people of Gotham and the children that look up to you?
“Definitely don’t do what i do i am trained and a professional please dont go chasing bad guys or playing hero if you see something say something even if its scary especially then. Also the world isn’t always bleak and hopeless theres always something happy to look forward to even if its the imaginings of a happy life. Oh and santa is real don’t listen to any jerks that tell you otherwise Santa is definitely real you wanna know how i know? Because batman told me and batman never lies especially not about santa.”
INTERVIEW WITH KNIGHTWING
Sooo knightwing we already talked to the dark night, and robin, one has to ask why did you seem so unhappy in that photo? Is there bad blood between you and the other vigilantes of gotham?
Ofcourse there’s no bad blood, personally i was upset that batman got to wear the beard that was all and robin wouldn’t let me bring a fake santa sack for the photo there’s no bad blood between us. We’re allies i trust them all with my life just ya know wasn’t exactly feeling in a very christmassy mood. Also i looked ridiculous.” he shrugged.
What do you have to say to the people of gotham?
“Donate to your local soup kitchens, if your able donate to the local orphanages right now theres a local shortage of supplies and they need your help. If you can pitch in lets make gotham a better place. Also if your in a difficult position in any capacity reach out theres plenty of resources established all around gotham and as many criminals run the streets theres just as many kind hearted souls willing to reach out a helping hand please keep that in mind. And for the love of everything don’t go doing anything crazy or drastic please dont go robbing local stores or worse just to try to provide to your families theres numerous food pantries working hard to provide food to those in need do not put your lives at risk for a few bucks or god forbid a video game for your kid. I know you want to provide but that isn’t the way if your struggling go down to the gcpd they will help they have access to resources i do not want to find your bodies.”
Well uh that was informative; is there anything you’d like to say to the kids of gotham?
“Yeah dont go stealing from local criminals or any vehicles left unlocked it wont end well if your struggling again go down to the gcpd they will help you and if your a homeless kid in crime alley somewhere you see that bat signal in the sky and its freezing and whatever place your staying at is cold go to that light its really warm and often provides heat if theres no where else for you to go and most 24 hour restaurants and stores around gotham will let you in to just sit. Also dont attempt the stunts we do as vigilantes you will break a bone or severely injure yourself you are not going to nail a flip on the first try no you cannot fly and no do not try to climb buildings or put yourselves at unnecessary risk. And … yes santa is real.
INTERVIEW WITH BATGIRL
So batgirl what does it feel like to be the only female in a world full of male vigilantes? What sort of challenges come with that?
Honestly i haven’t noticed when there are villains yes im using air quotes here because some of them have helped me out of a jam ofcourse when they felt like it but still. But when there are villains like catwomen, harley, livewire, and poison ivy, Its typically harder for mysoginy to worm its way into this world, i mean sure it still exists. But its less my coworkers and more sleazy reporters and photographers trying to capture photos of my ass, i once caught one trying to shoot a pic up harley’s skirt like yeah shes a villain and have done horrible things but still everyone deserves consent. Oh and your wondering harley knocked the dude clean out he actually went flying straight across the whole street and hell no i didn’t stop her at that point it was self defense also who’s dumb enough to look up her skirt?!
As for challenges i’d say alot of people tend to underestimate me and my strength just because of my size but as occasionally frustrating it is it tends to work in my favor i mean no guy expects for a small 5 foot something girl dressed like a bat to twist them up into a pretzel or leave them hanging upside down from a grappling hook. And oftentimes they think im stupid or they try to flirt with me as if that’ll work so i tend to be able to use there prejudices and assumptions against them.
Whats a message you’d like to send out to young girls that look up to you?
If your watching me there’s one thing i want you to know don’t wait for some prince charming to come save you, oftentimes you have to save yourself and fight for yourself. If you don’t believe in you how will others? You don’t need to look like me or don a mask or cape to be a hero there are everyday heroes all around you, your mom or dad patching up a scrape? Hero work. That nurse that helped you when you got the flu or strep throat when you were in the doctors office? Hero work. That doctor that actually listened to you and asked you difficult painful questions ones you were maybe too scared to answer but answered them truthfully anyways? Guess what your both heroes because you both did the brave thing. That teacher that stayed after school with you to help you study? That counts too. Heroes aren’t just about catching the bad guy but the little things and you can be your own hero or a hero to someone else just by asking hey how are you? Hows your day? Just by checking in on your less fortunate neighbors donating to soup kitchens even putting 10 cents in a tip jar because thats all you can do that all counts. You can be your own hero simply by existing it is enough do what you think deep in your bones is right and never let anyone make you feel less than or like you dont deserve good things because you do. And if your going through a hard time with difficult family circumstances or are less fortunate then other girls your age be your own hero seek help if you think it safe enough. Girls if you see something say something tell a trusted adult if anything feels weird or bad or if anyone feels creepy to you. Dont just stay silent be your own hero and speak up.
Well there you have it we got statements from each of gothams own heroes and the message is clear uphold your local communities and being a hero isn’t just about violence and danger but the smaller things too. It seems these four individuals hold up the very ideals of justice and honor and we here at the gotham gazette are blessed to have had this opportunity to speak with each of them.
AN IMPORTANT STATEMENT THAT OUR EDITOR ASKED US TO MAKE WE DO NOT KNOW OR HAVE ACCESS TO THE IDENTITIES OF THESE HEROES NOR DO WE HERE AT THE GAZETTE CONDONE VIGILANTE-ISM OR VIOLENCE WE UNDERSTAND THAT TO ACT IN SUCH A WAY IS A SERIOUS CRIMINAL OFFENSE
authors note: we were going to publish this closer to christmas but our editor requested otherwise and what chief says goes :)
