an: omg we're done with loaded. thank you so much to everyone who read and enjoyed it. I've never had such a big taglist for any ff or smau I've written before so this feels insane. I'm working on a new Sion fic. so tag along for more
In which Jung Jaehyun hurts you in ways you thought he would never be capable of.
Warnings: pure angst, with the added fluff
Disclaimer: This was supposed to be a make up sex smut but i wasn't too sure how to shift the mood, so if you guys want a part 2 please let me know, im a sucker for make up sex. Do forgive me if my wording is off, i haven't written in quite some time. Not to worry, I'll eventually fall back into my old ways.
Your boyfriend, Jaehyun, had always been the most kind and caring person you knew. Ever since you met him, and even after months of dating, he still acted like the elegant Disney prince you took him for. Only treating you with nothing but respect and admiration; you often wondered if this boy was even capable of making an insult. For he acts way too nice and sweet for his own good. Originally, you thought the kind gestures and lovely sweet talking was his way of subtly flirting, but after weeks of dating him, you came to the realization that it was just him. Jaehyun didn't need to pretend to be kind and sweet like other guys; given that it was like second nature for him. You loved the boy to death. He showered you with so much love, spoiled you with affection. Treated you like his queen; His shining jewel. Out of the 3 years that you'd been together, he has never once wronged you.
That is, up until this exact moment...
You stand there in the middle of the kitchen, tears streaming down your cheeks. At this point you had stopped listening to what he was saying. In fear that if you continued to listen to his harsh words, more of your love would begin to fade away, and you couldn't afford to lose any more. Despite of all your excessive yelling, you loved Jaehyun. And he meant so much to you. But seeing him in this state, angry and hostile, attacking you viciously with his words, you began to question your future with him.
You couldn't quite fathom what brought on this newfound aggression in your relationship. Though, you had a slight seeking suspicion that it was from all the post-exam stress you both had to endure. Weeks upon weeks of studying and sleepless nights finally took its toll on the both of you. Thus bringing you to this exact moment in time. The once loving home corrupted by the harsh spoken words that fell from both of your lips. Anger and aggression filling the room, space welcoming the negativity with open arms.
The mere thought of breaking up with the man hurts you so dearly. You just wanted your loving boyfriend back from what ever abyss he dissapeared off to. Typically your fights never lasted this long, but this one proved to be quite challenging. You just wanted him to stop yelling. But in fear of the unthinkable outcome of your protest, you kept shut and held onto the remaining pieces of your heart. However, his following statements made the task very difficult. It was as if he was challenging your composure. Like he wanted the flood gates broken.
His words might've just been from all the stress, ..or pent up insults and remarks that he'd been silently keeping in. You had no way of telling. You prayed and hoped that it was the first one rather than the assuming latter. Because maybe then, you would consider forgiving him. Even though the words punctured you like bullets, penetrating your inner layers and hurting you in more ways than one. You questioned the morals behind his words, were they intended to hurt you, or was it just in the heat of the moment. Regardless, you knew that his words would be something that lingered on forever in your head.
"I don't even know why i stayed this long with you, honestly! What do i even see in you! You're easily replaceable, so i don't see why you're acting so high and mighty. News flash y/n, i could do a lot better!"
You always knew that Jaehyun could do better, but hearing this from himself was a lot different than you saying it to yourself. Before you had started dating you knew he had a chance with rosé. She was a very pretty girl that went to your university, she was also Jaehyun's dance partner. Rosé was nice, sweet, popular, talented. You were aware of the little 'thing' they had going on. So to your surprise, when you heard rumors of a certain jung jaehyun, looking to ask you out, you almost didn't believe. Hell, you laughed straight into Suh's face and told him he was delusional. If only jaehyun wasn't stood right behind you to prove you wrong.
Ever since that day, you questioned Jaehyun's choice. Why did he choose you, when he could've had a chance with rosé? You figured that he saw something special in you that nobody else did. Though, his previous statement proves you wrong and tells you that he doesn't even know why he gave you a chance. You're at a drift, not knowing where this relationship is headed, or where to stand. Knowing that you were replaceable to Jaehyun weakens you. Were you really that insignificant to him? Were you a chore to be around? If so then why did he stay for 3 years? All these questions ran through your mind as you're frozen in a state of shock. How do you follow such a thing?
You stand silently, wails threatening to break free from your lips, as you shake. Instantly covering your mouth with your palm. You watch as he screamed at you more, words blocked out by the ringing in your ears. Truthfully, you were glad you couldn't hear his words, not knowing how to reciprocate to any more of his personal attacks.
The familiar feeling of despair began to conjure in the pit of your stomach. The tightness in your chest began to focus on your beating heart, constricting you like a boa preying on its meal. Everything around you became a hazy blur as the non stop ringing became more prominent. The cause being your angry boyfriend and his heart-wrenching words. Jolts of anxiety began to climb up from your figure tips, like a thousand spiders crawling on your skin. A feeling you know all too well crept up from behind you. You were beginning to feel frantic and scared, as your breathing became unstable.
"What!? Huh, not gonna clap back with some snarky remark. Admit it, you know im right."
Jaehyun's face was a striking shade of scarlet while he paced back and forth, hands finding themselves tangled in his hair as he mumbled inaudible words. His hair, you remember running your hands threw his smooth, silky locks this morning when you woke up. Oh, how happy and blissful you both were 12 hours prior to this moment. You both were so content and hopeful with the prospect of your relationship. Being able to finally spend time with each other after a stressful week. Originally, you had planned a date night with jaehyun. But things began to make a turn for the worse when he began to insult every little thing you did. Now here you were, an hour and forty-five minutes late for your reservations.
A taste of bitterness began to fill your mouth, as your insides churned. Waves of sadness and despair hit you like a tsunami. You suddenly couldn't stand the thought of staying in the same room as Jaehyun. Let alone sleeping in one. For his words had impacted you like an arrow through the heart. You felt sick, disgusted, vulnerable, and above all else, hurt.
"God, you're such a fucking bitch, you know!?" Jaehyun spat, but soon after stopped, noticing your sudden change in demeanor. Your once, fuming and aggressive facade was replaced with a much more subdued, fragile, hurt exterior, mirroring how you felt inside. You had given up. The bandage that held your heart together snapped.
You looked up at him, hurt written all over your face. Instantly, Jaehyun rushed your way. He wanted to wrap his arms around you, apologize for calling you a bitch. But stopped when you held your hand out and shook your head, a sob erupting from your mouth. Suddenly, all the hurtful things Jaehyun said rang threw his own head.
Oh...
"Baby, I-" He started, not knowing how to follow. His mouth suddenly became dry, letting out a sigh of regret. His chest tightening at the sight of what he has done to you. Jaehyun knew you weren't the type to forgive and forget. Even if you both manage to recover from this, he knew that his words would always be in your head. You would constantly doubt yourself and his transparency, thinking if it was all an act.
Regret began to eat away at him once again when he noticed your uneven breathing. Another punch in his gut when he took note of your shaking. Jaehyun's eyes quickly darted to yours, his heart breaking when he saw the amount of fear in them. He was uncertain if you were scared of him or your emotions. He wanted it to be the second one. Jaehyun never wanted you to see him in that light. Yet here you were, having an anxiety attack because of him...
"Don't call me that...." You spat coldy, backing away slowly into your shared bedroom. Making sure he didn't follow and locking the door. Once in the cozy room, you sob. You couldn't bear to see all the happy pictures of you two, when he said so himself, you're nothing special to him. Without thinking, you began to rip off every Polaroid, framed pictures, and drawings from the walls. Not caring of ripping them. You threw them all on the floor. Your vision becoming clouded by tears as you sob. Ruining the white fabric of your oversized sweater with your makeup contaminated tears.
Your body halts, the last remaining picture was of the both of you on your first date. You always considered that day as the happiest moment of your life. But now knowing that you're just a pit stop in Jaehyun's life, the memory manifests into something much darker than obsidian.
You inhale as you looked at the picture one more time. It was you kissing jaehyun on the cheek. He donned a beautiful cheshire smile, his dimples displaying proudly. He wore a pink snap back hat backwards with golden rimmed glasses. You always love it when he wore hats, especially that one. You remembered every emotion you felt as the picture was being taken. Even if you didn't, your expression held it all. You radiated happiness as the butterflies in your stomach became restless. You were so happy. What happened...
You sob lightly, your thumb caressing his face as you looked fondly at the picture. Suddenly, words that fell from his mouth earlier replayed in your head. He had purposely attacked your deepest insecurities. Jabbed and taunted you. The Jaehyun you knew would never result to something so cruel and petty. Without putting much thought into it, you began to take the picture out of its frame.
Your ears perking up when you hear the familiar sound of the lock being picked. The jiggling of the doorknob was something you grew accustomed to. Having locked yourselves out of the bedroom on more than one occasion. Naturally, you grew familiar of the sound.
Taking one final breath, you rip the picture in two and retreated into the master bathroom. Once the door was slammed shut and locked, all hell broke loose. Your wails grew louder and more repetitive that you were being to sound like a banshee. Eventually, you found yourself curled up in the bathtub, suppressing your cries into your knees as you lowered your head.
Jaehyun finally succeeds in picking the lock, after what seemed like hours, and once he creaked opened the door of your shared bedroom, his heart broke in two. Parts of him began to deteriorate, he wished he had never said those hurtful things. Jaehyun knew that one of your biggest insecurities was never being special to somebody. And that weren't fond of feeling worthless. He knew your background and upbringing well enough to know just how much you disliked being treated such as.
All he wanted to do was hold you in his arms and kiss your tears away. A pool of sadness brimmed his eyes as he evaluates the damage. From one corner of the room to the other, pictures were left scattered and discarded. The framed drawings of him that you illustrated, sat on the floor of your bedroom, frame cracked and shattered. The Polaroids he held ever so dearly to his heart, littered the bed and floor. He broke down in tears when he sees the torn picture of you both.
How could you vandalize such a treasured memory. But then again, how could he hurt the most precious thing in his life. Seeing the picture ripped apart like this, he knew that somehow he affected your perspective on this whole relationship. His previous words had tainted such beloved memories, and twisted them to seem like nothing more than a one-sided love. He made you question whether he truly loved you or not. Suddenly the realization kicked in, and it kicked in hard. A tsunami of guilt and regret pierced threw is heart. His insides churned and it suddenly became very hard to breathe. He suddenly became really aware of how dire this situation was. His following actions may break your relationship if he didn't act wisely.
Jaehyun bends down to hold your piece of the puzzle, a river flow of heart ache cascading down his cheeks, wetting the captured image of you. Your sobs, which had begun to sound like cries of help, due to lack of air, rang threw Jaehyun's ears. Suddenly he grew concerned and rushed to the door, dropping your image.
Immediately, you stop when you heard soft knocks coming from the other end of the door, which was soon followed by cries and sniffling sounds.
"Baby, open the door!" You don't comply with his words and stayed seated in your place, hugging your knees tighter.
"W-what are you gonna do if i don't? Pick the lock and violate my privacy! Just go away J-jaehyun! W-why don't you go find another girl to replace me, because apparently, i-i mean nothing to you!" Screaming at the inanimate door, or more so the person behind it, as you let out a cut short wail. You hated yourself for how weak and broken you sounded. Wishing, you could drown out his stupid words that had already engraved itself deep in your brain.
"Y-you said s-so yourself! I'm easily replaceable! I-if i had known that this relationship was just gonna be one sided then i would've never wasted my time!" Apparent in your tone and words how truly distraught you were, jaehyun cried harder. He winced at the thought of how broken you were. It only lead him to wonder, what exactly happened and what brought on this fight. Sounding more so a statement rather than a question in his head.
He parted his lips softly, a small whimpering sigh rolling off his tongue.
"Please y/n, just open the door. I-i just want to see you. Please..." his words laced with mixed emotions, such as sorrow and regret. Despite his current emotional state, Jaehyun's stature looked rather composed, not mirroring the feelings settling in his stomach.
Incoherently mumbling a soft 'please' as he laid his forehead onto the wood door.
After much hesitance, you stood up and made your way to the door. Jaehyun hears the small shuffle and quickly straightens himself out. After seconds of hovering your hand over the knob, you twist it open, instantly unlocking itself and setting free all the pent up emotions. You crack open the door, almost immediately, Jaehyun rushes in and hugs you.
You don't return the hug, silently stiffening in his arms. At that moment, the last few bits 0of composure you had left snaps loose. You become a crying mess in Jaehyun's arms. Feelings of unmeasurable sadness cascade down your cheeks, onto his black long sleeve shirt. You try and push him away, but fail due to his strength. His muscular arms constricting you as if you would fade away.
"Listen to me please." He says softly, tears lightly streaming down his cheeks, though, not to the caliber of yours.
Yiu sniffle lightly, thrashing in his arms. Though, it was no use, his hold was so secure that no amount of resist would break you free. So, you could do nothing else but endure what he has to say.
"I'm sorry-
Sorry doesn't fix anything Jaehyun, it's just a word." The teary-eyed male hissed at your words. The amount of hurt and venom your tone held was enough to make his jaw clench and his hold to tighten.
"I know it doesn't, but it's a start. Look, i didn't mean to say that. I don't know what came over me, or what caused me to say those things. But what i do know is that they were a hundred percent untrue. And i want you to know that..." He pauses briefly to wipe away your tears with his thumb. Dipping his head into the crook of your neck. He took in your floral scent, hoping it would help him regain composure.
"I love you with all my heart, and that you are the most unique girl I've ever met... If anything i don't know how i even managed to get a girlfriend as beautiful and amazing as you. Wanna know why i stay with you?" You nod lightly into his chest. His hold re-adjust itself as he lays his head above yours. Almost content with your slight gesture, but he needed to be sure you were happy.
-it's because you accept me for who i am. You don't pressure me to be perfect all the time, you welcome my flaws with open arms; you don't expect anything from me and shower me with so much love. I want you to know that i could never replace you, not that i ever want to. How did i ever get so lucky... Please y/n, you are one of the most important people in my life. I-i can't loose you..." Jaehyun couldn't fathom a future with out you in it. He grew frantic, thinking that this morning could've been the your breakfast together. And that there would be a slight chance that you didn't want to forgive him again.
"Please say something...." He sighed, taking your tightening hold on his shirt to keep moving forwards.
"Do you remember when we first started dating, that night i texted you that i was angry and frustrated. And you came over in a heart beat, even though you lived fifteen minutes away... Y-you told me to let it all out, and i cried in your arms for an hour, complaining about everything. I felt so ashamed crying in front of you, but you told me that i was so brave for accepting my feelings... I know what i said must've hurt you, but I'll do better. I'm sorry for triggering you like that." Jaehyun's tone was barely above whisper, and if he hadn't have said it directly above your ear, you would've missed it.
You thought back to the said memory and smiled fondly, that was the night you both realized that you wanted a more serious title on your relationship. Finally labeling each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. You thought back to all the happy memories you both shared and confirmed that a silly little fight wouldn't get the best of you. Yes, his words might've hurt, but his actions now out ways all of his petty insults. You give into your flourishing heart and forgive him.
Backing away from his chest lightly, you look up at him, gasping slightly at his blood shot eyes. You hesitatly reach up to cup both of his cheeks. Wiping away the remaining tears that streamed down his cheeks. He smiled lightly and leaned into your touch, taking one of your hands in his and place a soft, delicate kiss on it.
"We'll be alright...." You smiled at his comforting words before planting a passionate, loving kiss on his lips. Jaehyun smiled lightly before taking your wrist on his hold and guiding them to wrap around his neck. He deepens the kiss and pulls you closer by your waist
It was then that he realized that he wanted you to be the only women in his life. And that he wanted nobody else. Suddenly feeling an overly compelling urge in his heart to marry you then and there and to claim you as his.
'Indeed, we'll be alright'
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E/n: please let me know how you guys felt, i appreciate all feedbacks. Let me know if you want a part 2 with smut or not. I know it's bit underwhelming, but i promise I'll do better in the future. The full version of BBC is in the works and I've picked back up writing it!!
