Hold On
This has been sitting in my folders for ages and I finally got around to it! Been thinking about this scene a lot...
Content warnings: blood, POW whump, beating, swearing
“Quit fighting!”
“Fuck off!” Alekoran snarled at the guard shoving him back into his cell. His injuries still flared from the movement as he hit the floor, his knees skidding on the cement floor. It hurt, but there was some comfort knowing that he wouldn’t be in this cell alone. Macxè was still there, waiting for the guards to return him. He came by Alekoran’s side while the guard loomed over them.
“Can’t believe anyone would let people like you join the Pax Rebels,” the guard taunted them, “They used to be something, actual fighters that made this stupid war entertaining. But now I guess they’ll let any weaklings join.”
“Shut up!” Alekoran snapped as he glared up at him. Even after a beating, he still held a fire in his eyes. He flinched as the guard pulled his baton from his belt, but didn’t back down. He felt Macxè’s hand grip around his arm. “Alekoran—"
“You wanna try again?” the guard growled at him, “I’ll knock you into next week.”
“Go ahead! As if you can do anything else in your life beside be a major asshole!”
“You little fucking—” the guard raised his baton in the air.
“Don’t, please! He didn’t mean it!” Macxè shifted himself between them just as the baton swung. It hit him, smacking against his cheekbone and throwing him to the ground.
“No!” Alekoran scrambled to Macxè’s side as he collapsed. He glared up at the guard as he helped Macxè up to his knees. He ignored the flaring pain of his own bruises as the guard stepped back, Macxè’s blood dripping from the baton’s end.
“Maybe that will teach you to behave,” he said, leaving the cell and locking the door in place. Alekoran’s anger was still simmering beneath the surface, but it began to cool as he focused his attention on Macxè. Macxè’s hand was already bloodied from the open gash on his cheek, and he whimpered through pained breath as Alekoran helped him sit up.
“Here.” Alekoran didn’t think anything of pulling his sleeve up and holding it gently to Macxè’s cheek. All he was focused on was stopping the bleeding. Macxè flinched from the contact, both of them knowing this would form a nasty bruise later. But Alekoran was careful as he dabbed some of the blood away until it stopped bleeding.
“There,” he tried to give Macxè a smile as he pulled his hand away and folded back the bloodstain on his sleeve. “I’ll clean it off some more once they bring us water.”
Macxè didn’t say anything in response, but Alekoran could see his eyes glistening in the low light. No doubt it throbbed with pain from how hard the guard swung. He sat with his legs crossed on the floor, not saying anything or even looking at him. For a moment, Alekoran worried he might have a concussion.
“Macxè?” he rested his hand on top of Macxè’s. “Are you okay? You can tell me if it hurts too much, I’m not gonna judge.”
“Why do you always do that?” Macxè muttered in a cold tone. Alekoran’s eyes widened, surprised by the change in his voice and confused by what he meant. Macxè finally looked up at him, his eyes on the verge of flooding over with tears.
“Wh-What do you mean?”
“You’re always challenging them, you just—” Macxè sniffled, “Why do you have to do it all the time? It’s just—It doesn’t solve anything. You’re not making them stop. It-It just makes things worse! It makes it worse for both of us!”
Alekoran sat back in stunned silence. He had never heard Macxè get angry like this, and his words cut deep. Macxè finally broke and let tears run down his cheeks. He winced a little from the salty liquid running into the cut on his cheek, but remained silent. Alekoran’s chest felt hollow, and he shook his head gently.
“I… I don’t…I mean I never…” He took both of Macxè’s hands in his own. “I’m not trying to make things worse, I swear.”
Macxè pulled his hands away and glared off to the corner. Alekoran’s heart sank and his ears drooped low. “Macxè, I don’t want them to hurt me. I don’t want them to hurt you. I’m sorry, okay? I’m not trying to make things worse, I promise. I didn’t mean for that guy to hurt you!”
Macxè didn’t say anything, just kept staring off into the dark.
“You’re not even gonna talk to me now?” Alekoran was growing more frustrated now. “What do you want me to do?! I don’t know what to do to make it better!”
“You can just not pull shit like that in the first place!”
Alekoran flinched from the volume of Macxè’s yelling. Macxè had turned back to him, anger on display now as he shouted back.
“You’re always squeezing in one more ‘fuck you,’ one more smart-ass comeback just to piss them off, and I’m tired of it! Do you ever even think about how it makes me feel seeing them hurt you, what it does to me to have to watch that?! It fucking rips me apart! And it makes it worse… when I know it doesn’t have to be that if you would just stop!”
Alekoran stared at him in shock. Macxè’s voice faltered after the last word and he sat back, burying his face in his hands and letting his tears flow in tiny whimpers. Alekoran watched him for a few moments, at a loss of words seeing him like this. No, he hadn’t thought about how this affected Macxè, not just with the hit. He thought about how he felt every time he watched Macxè in pain. It tore him up inside. He never wanted to see Macxè in pain. Of course, Macxè wanted the same for him too.
Maybe Alekoran was an idiot. No, he definitely was.
“I’m… I’m sorry, Macxè,” He scooted up closer and rested his hands on his shoulders. “You’re right, I wasn’t thinking about how it affected you. I could… I would never, ever do something that would hurt you on purpose. Please, I know you’re angry, but please believe me.”
Macxè sniffed and wiped away his tears before looking back up at him. “I do, I just… I’m tired, and I don’t want to get hurt anymore.”
“I… I know, I’m sorry. You… you have every right to be upset. I just… I feels like when I back down, they win. Like, they get to enjoy me being under their control. And, I just hate that. I hate the power that they have, and I hate that they feel like they can just get away with it. I just don’t—”
“You don’t want to give them the satisfaction.” Macxè finished the sentence for him. Alekoran bit down on his lip and nodded. Through all the hurt it caused, all the pain and tears and grief, he didn’t want to show them they’d won. He wanted to show them that they hadn’t beaten him yet.
“I get it,” Macxè sighed and held his hand up to the sore. “None of it’s fucking fair. I want them to stop, I want it all to stop.”
“But?” Alekoran sensed one.
“…It’s just, I think there’s a point where it doesn’t help. They don’t see it like the fighting spirit that won’t quit, they’re just annoyed. They get annoyed and mad and take it out on us, and… they do get away with it. I just don’t see how it helps us.”
Alekoran was silent, the weight of Macxè’s words clouding the air between them. He found his hand raising to Macxè’s, resting gently against the back of his hand. It was feeble, he knew, thinking he could help ease the hurt caused by the guard. Even so, he noticed some of the strain in Macxè’s expression fade away with his touch. They locked eyes with each other, and time seemed to freeze.
“I… I guess it doesn’t,” Alekoran whispered, his thumb brushing Macxè’s knuckles softly. “I just… I don’t want to lose you. And I—I don’t want to leave you either. I don’t want that.”
“…Oh,” Macxè sighed and leaned a little into Alekoran’s touch. There was a moment of hesitation, but he turned his head into Alekoran’s hand. Blood stained the tips of his fingers slightly, but even the scarred and broken skin underneath felt soft and smooth. Alekoran’s heart was pounding in his chest, so much that he wondered if Macxè could hear it.
“It’s—It’s not just me, is it?” He was almost afraid of the answer.
“No, it’s… it’s not,” Macxè shook his head and smiled, “It’s definitely not. I… I don’t want to lose you either.”
“Then don’t. I-I know I can’t make them stop, but… I can’t lose you. If we say anything, then that’s done. They’ll just kill us…”
Alekoran leaned forward and cupped Macxè’s face between his hands. His eyes filled with tears, spilling down his cheeks as Macxè leaned forward too.
“Please, will you hold on, for me?”
They leaned in unison and met in the middle with a kiss. Lips were soft against the other, leading to an enveloping warm that washed over both of them. Alekoran had thought about doing this for so long, even before they were brought here. He dreamed of it.
Macxè moaned softly against his lips and brought his hand up behind Alekoran’s neck. He was gentle just as Alekoran was, with a hint of growing eagerness as he ran his fingers up through his hair. Alekoran reciprocated, stroking his fingers up the back of his neck softly. He wanted this to last forever, one good feeling he could cling onto in the midst of so much darkness.
Thank Thásol and the heavens beyond that Macxè wanted the same.
He wasn’t sure how long it was before the kiss ended, but he sighed softly as their lips parted. The air around them was almost a dreamy haze, as though nothing existed but the two of them in this space. Macxè looked back up at him, green eyes drifting up to meet his blue.
“…Okay.” He whispered in a voice only Alek could hear. “I…I will.”
Alekoran couldn’t help letting out a sigh, a mix of relief and excitement as he pressed his forehead to Macxè’s. He was careful not to touch the gash on his cheek, blood now drying out on his skin, but he stayed as close as he could. In this place at this time, it would be enough for him.
It would be enough for both of them.
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