Well, I've been a godspouse for 5 years now...
Thought I better say something about that.
I haven't got proper words so here's what I can dredge up, inadequate as it is.
My god speaks to me in the language of trees and rocks. His words drip sap and strew dirt across the floor of my spiritual practice. To me that is sacred, but how do I explain it to those who do not know him?
(The following involves historical symbolism from Pan's myths and cultus, in which he is described as a god of forests, rocks, wilderness, mountains, caves, the panflute, hunting, and terror. So this is some mix of my personal experience with him and VPG.)
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Pan is like a cave.
Also he is like a wind playing that cave's mouth like a flute, and the dark terror of spiritual mystery within that cave.
His nature is like gorgeously delicate rock formations that took millennia to form hidden deep in the cave. His character is astonishingly lovely!
Yet to see who he is, I must first climb the steep mountain upon which the cave exists. Reciprocity demands effort.
For me, this is one of the ways godspousing plays out.
My daily practice is like... regular excursions up the mountain of my god, sweating and cursing the ruins of my theology, while others wonder what mad devotion afflicts me.
Because you see, Pan can be like that also: an inscrutable heap of craggy rock shrouded in fog, waiting for what approaches.
Like a silent hunter, the mountain of him consumes the offering of me as I enter the cave. My heart is ensnared by him: caught, trapped and devoured.
No, this journey has required sacrifice, consistent effort, and turning away from human thought to explore spiritual wilderness.
Is there love in the cave of Pan? There can be, among many other experiences. I could speak of bloody passions, but that's too inhuman for mortal equivalence, and anyhow seeking love is not my goal.
Spiritual intimacy is the target instead.
When I emerge from the cave wild-eyed, yammering of otherworldly beauty and unspeakable mysteries, smelling of this god, people sniff in distaste.
It's not proper. There is a kind of horror inherent to a god consuming a person's devotion this way, which repels people.
They say I should value human respect more, pursue social standing and follow religious rules. Moderate my love and behave myself.
No. Not if that keeps me from this deity.
A wild god deserves wild devotion. He knows what it tastes like.
