#pda autistic

[bunns-being]

(PDA = Pathological Demand Avoidance)

Burnout as a PDA profile autistic is the worst.

The lack of energy leaves me with little room for demands. I am procrastinating sleeping as I type this because it is a demand. I have to do it, I even want to do it. This doesn’t change the fact that I am angry I have to do it.

I see the anxiety of PDA talked about. But my anxiety turns into anger so easily. I get so triggered interacting with loved ones that I don’t know what to do with myself most days.

I have a book club meeting and I am going to see a movie & then go to a housewarming party tomorrow. I am prepared to not do anything for the next 2 days in order to recover from this. I will not fully recover in 2 days, I will simply be in the same burnout spot I am right now. (Probably more like a week ago. I have been laying around for 3 days.)

It’s hard to recover from burnout when everything is a demand. Normally I cope by tracking everything I do in a day intensively. Now? I don’t want to look at my tracking pages at all. I don’t know what to do with myself, I can’t even watch a lot of TV some days.

I literally just lay in bed and do nothing for hours because I have to. If I don’t then I’m basically guaranteed to lash out later.

[betweenthenotes]

Idk who needs to hear this other than me but you don’t have to sit there hitting skip over and over, you can just go ahead and play that song. You don’t have to wait for it to come up on shuffle okay? Take control <3

[maevesweirdart]

me: hm maybe i’ll.. do a thing today

my amygdala:

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Why is “selfish” a bad word?? If you don’t ever put yourself first you will die?? I don’t mean to sound facetious or hyperbolic but I feel very strongly about this. Be selfish. Be your own biggest supporter. Love and care for yourself in a way that nobody else ever would. Why wouldn’t you?? You’re the only one that has to live your whole life as you. You’re the only one that has no escape from your own company. Be selfish.

If the only reason you help others is because it feels good to be helpful, or because you want to be perceived as a good person, or because you like when people are indebted to you, that’s not bad that’s just human. Be selfish. Good for you for looking out for yourself. Bonus points if you’re able help other in the process, regardless of your motivation for doing so.

(Inspired by this post)

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

PDA autistic culture is hating the demand that comes with labels so much that you don’t even like identifying as agender because it still feels like…a gender (a concept which society forcefully imposed on you, and you therefore want no part of)

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

I’ll never forget my counselor’s face when I said I used to secretly be really into aliens because I was worried that I was one. I thought I must not be from earth. But I must have known how weird that was because I never wanted anyone to find out. I would pull up the wikipedia page for dogs or trees or something, just to have a decoy tab to click to really fast so I wouldn’t risk anyone noticing what I was actually reading about or asking me why.

Anyway I’ve never attempted clinical diagnosis but if a professional ever tries to tell me I’m allistic I will laugh at them so hard and mock their career choice.

Go ahead tell me I don’t seem autistic I dare you

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

I’m fine with the original concept of honest advertisement but we hardly ever see that anymore and I’m so disgusted by what its turned into that I feel absolutely no remorse in reporting every single ad as offensive or inappropriate. I actually find them all deeply offensive and inappropriate thank you very much

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Someday I’ll get over my weird panic thing about doctors and needles and get blood work done and a doctor will get my results back and be like “holy fuck you’ve been living with untreated _____ and ______ this whole time how are you just now getting diagnosed are you okay??” and I’ll be like noo lol and then everyone that’s ever called me lazy will be suddenly struck by an all-consuming wave of guilt and shame <3 yay