I'm guessing you meant random for this "Kiss Roulette" post? Sorry it took me so long to get to it. The random number btw landed on #18 "A Kiss While Laughing". I hope you're okay with a fic that's post-CACW, pre-Endgame. Enjoy!
The Table
"What are you doing?" asked Sam.
As.
Bucky seemed to be putting a table back together.
"Well," said Bucky, getting out from under the table, "It was outside on the side of the road and it looked like it was in pretty decent condition. All it really needs is a little love. Maybe a new paint job. Look at it."
The table was nice enough.
Though.
Sam snorted.
"This is a safehouse, Bucky. I'm not sure if we're going to be here long enough for us to really fix this place up," said Sam.
They thought it might be best to temporarily split up.
Spread out and lay low before they figured out a more permanent home base.
So, Steve, Nat, and Wanda had gone one way and Sam and Bucky had went another.
For now.
"I know. But - but I saw it and I just got to thinking. Maybe. Fantasizing. About how this could be our place," said Bucky softly, "How we could get a bookshelf and fill it with our favorites. And - and spruce this table up so that it looks nice if we had dinner parties or potlucks. Maybe get a bed that doesn't hurt your back just laying on it. I don't know. I got lost in the idea of it."
Oh.
"No. I get it," said Sam as he walked over to Bucky; as he reached out for Bucky's hand and gently held it.
Felt.
Bucky's other hand cup his cheek.
Sam closed his eyes.
Leaned into the touch.
"Before everything went down, I had - I had this fantasy," whispered Sam.
"Of what?" asked Bucky, stepping closer; encroaching Sam's personal space.
"Of you and me. A house near my sister's. Maybe helping out with the family business. Hopping on a quinjet when the world needs saving," said Sam, just seeing it, "Beach days and family holidays and nights tangled up. I know it was a long shot even then, but..."
"I guess it's a snowball's chance in hell now," commented Bucky, which made Sam snicker.
And.
Sam.
Felt Bucky lean in.
Felt.
The press of Bucky's lips.
On Sam's.
Giggling and kissing as they seemed to tangle up in one another.
As Bucky held Sam there in his arms.
"We're going to make it happen someday," said Bucky, holding Sam just a touch tighter, "I don't know how but - but we're going to make it work."
Sam nodded.
"We will," said Sam resolutely, wanting to believe in that.
In a future where it wasn't just safehouses and never-ending disasters. Where maybe, just maybe, they could have time to make a life with one another.
"Let's paint that table," whispered Sam, wanting a bit of that fantasy now.
Summary: What if you met what might possibly be the greatest guy in your life? Only one problem there’s a bit of a age gap. But what if something happens that gives you a chance to be with the guy you had a bit of a crush on? Will you take it?
Warnings: I’m so sorry, but no this is not the end
Letting out a painful groan you slowly try to move your fingers. “Miss, it seems that if you don’t move from this area you might be crushed.” You open your eyes to see that you’re under a bit of rubble.
Shimming yourself from underneath you feel a slight pain in your arm but you decide to ignore it. Standing up, you retract your helmet looking around.
“A.B.I.S...where am I?” “You’re underneath the compound. There has been an attack.” “Can you reach anyone on the team?” You question trying to find a way out. “Trying now.”
Making your way over a hill of bricks and concrete you walk a bit further to come across a glowing red tunnel. “Well, this totally doesn’t seem creepy.” You mumble as you begin to make your way down it. About halfway down you’re still trying to figure out your comms situation when you hear talking on the other end.
“Bruce? Scott?! Hello?! Can anyone hear me?” You yell. “Ugh,” you fixed it a little bit. As you continue to walk down the tunnel you paused. You didn’t feel like you were alone anymore. And that wasn’t a good thing. Quickly putting back up your helmet, you spin around to let a baby missile down the tunnel.
“Oh shit!”
As the missile went down the tunnel the flame lit up showing some alien-like creatures making their way through the tunnel behind you. They begin to run, growling some going up on the walls and ceilings to catch up with you.
You began to run faster, a couple of feet between you and them. You shoot a bomb behind you making the tunnel begin to collapse all around you. Spotting an opening at the end. You shoot out one last explosion in the tunnel before the whole thing collapses, the force flinging your body forward.
“Miss, you should probably stop having your body chucked forward so much.” Rolling over to your back, you roll your eyes. “Thanks for the heads up.” A flash of red flew above you.
“Dad!” You yell, getting up and seeing his suit leaning against a rock a few feet up. Running towards him, you retract your helmet off trying to shake him awake. “F.R.I.D.A.Y?” “He seemed to just be knocked out, miss.” “Oh thank goodness.”
Looking around you see a big purple...thing fighting Steve. “Thanos.” You whisper. Your body begins to fill with rage. Rage with how he hurt your father for the past eight years. Rage with how half of your family disappeared. Rage with how your second mom is now gone. Rage with Peter being gone.
Before you can do anything you feel something grabs your ankle. Looking down you see a red and gold hand. You turn around to see Tony looking up at you. “Don’t Y/n...you’ll get killed.” “Dad!” You say quickly kneeling down next to him.
He looked so exhausted. “I think you might be getting a bit too old for this old man.” “I think you might be right.” Before anything else could be said, the ground began to shake. Both you and Tony look towards the big spaceship and you watch as creatures among creatures pour out.
Thanos’s army.
“Dad...we have to help Steve. He’s really going to try and ba-“ before you can finish you see a golden circle appearing behind Steve. The same golden circle you saw five years ago before your dad disappeared.
You help your dad up, as more and more heroes begin to pour in. Some you know some you’ve never seen before. A blue and silver suit lands right in front of the two of you and the helmet opens to reveal Pepper.
The two of you help your dad help as you watch the magnificent sight. You saw a familiar red and blue suit fling in and land on a rock.
“Avengers!” You heard Steve yell into your coms and everyone got into battle pose. You weren’t gonna lie, you was kinda nervous. This was your first real battle, but you knew you weren't alone. Everyone here had your back.
They were your family.
Closing your helmet, standing in between your dad and Pepper. You close your eyes letting out a soft whisper. “This is for you Nat.”
“Assemble.”
With Thor’s battle cry, the fight began. You took off with your parents, flying into the battle and shooting bolts towards the enemy. You watch as the others took on the aliens...some in very interesting ways.
Off in the distance you see a bright red glow, looking to see that it’s Wanda fighting Thanos, and it looks like she was beating him. Till his ship started shooting out to the battlefield. You watch as one of the blasts hit what you could only think as a Pegasus.
“Pepper!” You say rushing over to the two falling, her following your cue. You catch Peter as she catches the other person. A blast goes off near you causing you to fly into the ground, pulling Peter close to your chest as you both roll onto the ground under a big rock.
With the gauntlet between the two of you as he holds it close to his chest, you hover over him, hands placed on both sides of his head as debris falls around you guys.
His mask retracts back, slight fear clear in his eyes. “Um, thanks.” He says. Retracting your helmet, you can’t help but to smile. Confusion is written all over his face. “Bubbles?”
Tears begin to form in your eyes as your smile gets wider, if that was even possible. “Hey Peter.” Both of you just laid there, watching one another, not even noticing the silence of the shooting till you hear the thud of someone landing right between you two.
Looking up you see Carol with a knowing smirk on her face. The two of you grew close over the last five years, she said you reminded her of her best friend's daughter when she was around your age. You move off Peter as he sits up looking at Carol a bit frightened.
“Hi, I-I’m Peter Parker.” Carol smirks, glancing over at you raising her eyebrows before looking back at Peter. “Hey Peter Parker, got something for me?” You help Peter up. He gives a questionable look and you nod, indicating that you guys can definitely trust her. “I don’t know how you’re gonna get through them.” He says gesturing towards the aliens that are starting to run where you guys are.
“Don’t worry.” Wanda says landing down. “She has back up.” Okoye says flipping her spear. Other women began to appear heading to fight the army. Turning back to Peter you shoot him a quick wink before putting back on your helmet. “See ya after the battle, Parker! Stay safe.” You say before blasting off to continue fighting.
You feel as the adrenaline in your body is starting to disappear. Last time you saw Thanos he was getting into it with Carol...and was losing. You could see the others beginning to lose energy also.
That was when it clicked in your mind. The only way to win this battle right now...was to snap them away.
Quickly spinning around, you see your dad there on his knees, as the stones begin to settle into his suit. At that moment, it feels as if time stopped. Well, it slowed down, but your heart stopped as you saw the energy shoot through your dad’s suit.
“Dad!” You yell, beginning to run to his direction, but it was too late. “And I,” you hear him crock out from a few feet away as you get closer to him. “Am Iron Man.”
He snaps his fingers and you have to stop running as a bright light illuminates from him. Quickly rushing his side, you help him scoot back against the building. You already knew there was no him surviving, Bruce almost lost his arm while being in the Hulk.
You feel your suit retract back into your brooch, not even caring that you’re vulnerable, you just wanted to be with your dad.
“Daddy.” You force out, voice cracking from your suddenly dry throat. Tony’s eyes meet yours, tears slowly appearing into his. A small smile forces his way across his lips. “Hey Bug.” He whispers, wiping a tear from your face.
He was proud of what he got to accomplish in the last five years, he saw you grow to be a beautiful, smart teenager and a wonderful young woman in the making and he knew you helped to lead Morgan down the same path.
“Be there for your mom and sister. And remember no boys till your 30.” He says laughing a bit before wincing at the pain. He feels as his body is slowly beginning to go into shock.
Tony glances up at the person behind you, a faint grateful smile on his lips. Feeling a hand rest on your shoulder you turn to see that it’s Rhodey.
“Mr. Stark?” Your heart stops at the sound of Peter’s voice. You scoot over to the side, as Peter repeats the same words again. “We won, Mr. Stark.”
A quiet Tony leaves his lips as you reach out grabbing his hand. His tearful brown eyes look at you before scooting next to you. You guys watch as Pepper says her last words to him, knowing that he’ll finally be able to rest properly.
“We’ll be okay.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You stand in front of the mirror staring at yourself smoothing out your black outfit. Making eye contact with yourself in the mirror you see your puffy, e/c eyes staring back at you.
“Come in.” You spoke softly at the gentle knock that was on your door.
You look at the reflection seeing Pepper’s strawberry blonde hair pop in. She gives you a sad smile and you give her one back.
She walks up behind you and you both just watch yourselves in the mirror. “I have something for you.” She pulls out a little black box from behind her back.
“He wanted to give it to you when you graduated. But then..” you turn towards her a little letting her know you know what she’s trying to say. “Anyway, it was his mom’s and he knew you would love it.”
She places the box in your hand and you open it. You cover your mouth trying not to let out a sob. Pepper pulls you into a hug and you cling onto her tightly starting to cry again.
Inside was a gold chain with a teardrop style charm with a small pink diamond inside with smaller ones surrounding it.
There’s another knock on your door and you both look to see Peter shifting from leg to leg. “Just uh came to see how you were doing.” Peter asks, rubbing the back of his neck. You give Pepper another hug and she places a kiss on your forehead.
“Be down in two.” She says giving you and Peter small smiles as she walks back downstairs. Peter walks up to you, staring at you before pulling you into a hug. “I still can’t believe you’re about my height.” He says muffled by your shoulder.
A content smile comes across your face as you feel the warmth resonating from his body to yours. You rub his back. Letting out a shaky breath he pulls away seeing the box on your dresser. “Would you like for me to help you put it on?” He asks gesturing to the necklace in the box.
You look over at it, then down at a locker that you always had on. “Maybe another time. Think ima stick with old reliable.” Peter gives a tight smile before glancing over at your clock. “Y/n. Peter. It’s time.” Pepper says halfway up the stairs.
Out of habit Peter grabs your hand, interlocking his fingers with yours. “Oh sorry.” He says quickly moving his hand away, but you catch it back, locking your fingers back together. “It’s fine...I need a bit of a reminder about my childhood right now” you say giving him a small smile.
You knew it was going to take Peter a bit to get used to you not being a child anymore, but you were willing to help him adapt back.
By the end of your fathers goodbye you were sure you were all cried out. You watched as the hologram walked closer to the table staring right at Morgan. “I love you 3000.” He says. Then as if as he was really standing there he turns towards where you’re sitting on the other side of Pepper.
“I love you to the stars and beyond.” He says before the hologram disappeared. That was your guys version of love you 3000.
Standing at the top of the steps, Morgs between you and Pepper, you keep your head up high as you guys walk down the path, friends and family standing on both sides.
You guys did Nat’s memorial about three days ago. Another reason why you’re possibly out of tears.
As everyone is mingling and talking about your dad, you're sitting on a swing set that you guys have set up. The slightly cool soil brushes against your foot every time you slightly swing.
You hear two pairs of feet approach you, one stops behind you, going into the swing next to you while the other goes to lean against the tree.
“Well, look who went and grew up without me?” You heard the voice say from the tree. Rolling your eyes but a small smile pops up on your face. “Shut up Harley.” Harley walks up to, pulling you against his body so your head is resting on your stomach.
You knew Harley a bit longer than Peter, when he was 13, he would spend the summer with you guys. You never really knew how your dad knew him till he told one day about a kid who saved a mechanic.
“So bubs, I heard you guys are moving back to the city?” Peter starts from beside you. Turning your head, you look at Peter giving him a slight nod.
“When I started high school, I convinced dad to buy a house out there so it’ll be easier for me to travel to get to school instead of an almost hour drive.
Peter lets out a quiet oh before opening his mouth again. “I go to Midtown.” You say knowing he was going to ask. “Like...my Midtown?” You pull away from Harley and he moves back to the side. “Yep! I convinced dad to let me go there. Said it was one of the ways I can feel a bit closer to you again.” You say the last part without thinking.
After realizing what was said, you just keep your head straight. Silence comes across the three of you as you all just watch the sun begin to set over the lakefront.
Tony and Pepper had found out they were expecting, and it was bittersweet. Of course, before the snap, before the world lost over half of it’s population, the couple were talking about the possibility of a child. And then Thanos happened, and Peter died in Tony’s arms. Tony’s world came to a stop at Peter’s death and he was just starting to move on with Pepper when Harley showed up at their door, without a mom or sister, as they’d gone with the snap.
Harley’s arrival helped Tony deal with the grief of losing Peter, but still left a gaping hole in his heart. Tony was just happy to know Harley hadn’t also died when the snap happened. Tony was sure he wouldn’t have been able to handle the loss of both his pseudo-sons.
Tony and Pepper moved forward with their wedding, keeping it small and only with those closest to them, and Tony kept a picture of Peter in his jacket pocket, just over his heart.
Then Pepper told him she was pregnant, and that was the hardest thing yet. They were going to be bringing life into this world, this empty world where so many people died and were still struggling.
They found out they were going to have a little girl and Tony cried from relief. He wasn’t sure that he could raise a son and not compare them to Peter.
They started talking about names and for the first name they chose to stick with Tony’s initial suggestion that came from a dream before either of them knew that Thanos existed. Morgan, after Pepper’s eccentric uncle, Pepper’s favourite uncle, who died before the snap.
“Maybe we could give Morgan the middle name Petra or something along those lines, to honour Peter?” Pepper had suggested.
Tony felt his whole chest seize up, lungs burning. He couldn’t breathe, tears springing to his eyes as his world spun having heard Peter’s name for the first time in way too long. Pepper rushed to Tony’s side helping the man sit down through the sudden panic attack. Tony could hear Peter’s last words, could feel Peter’s body disintegrating in his hands.
He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t name his daughter after the son he failed. It felt disrespectful. It felt like throwing a bandaid on a wound that was too big and too deep. Tony failed Peter and it would be selfish to pretend otherwise.
While in Tony’s head ur seemed wrong to name Morgan after Peter, Tony still wanted to pay tribute to Peter somehow with his daughter. Wanted Peter to live on somehow, because Tony was the only one left alive who knew Peter Parker and loved Peter Parker.
“I don’t know how I can give Morgan a middle name that pays homage to Peter, without actually giving her a middle name that comes from Peter’s name.” Tony told Harley one day, as the two of them were working on building a house on a lake.
“You used to be scared to help Peter and get close to him, right?” Harley asked after a moments hesitation.
“Of course, with you everything was online and phone calls and visits but with him it was all in person. It felt like a lot more room for error.”
“Something must have convinced you that you wouldn’t ruin Peter, so why not name Morgan after that instead, as a reminder that you can be a good Dad.”
That made things click for Tony, and the perfect middle name for Morgan came to fruition. Tony just needed to talk to Pepper first.
“Harley, you are a genius, and I don’t say thay lightly, I knew there was a reason I kept you around all these years!”
Tony pulled Harley into a hug, happy with his decision.
“Here, I thought you kept me around for my southern charm.”
Once the two were back home -and Tony was in bed with Pepper, the lights dimmed and holding each other as some old movie was playing on the TV- did Tony tell Pepper his idea for a middle name.
“Harley and I talked today. On how we can give Morgan a name that pays homage to Peter. He suggested naming her after whatever convinced me that I could help Peter and have a relationship with him.”
Pepper hummed as she nodded, giving her husband a kiss on the cheek, encouraging to continue on.
“I wouldn’t have been able to have a relationship with Peter if it wasn’t for Harley. When I was still struggling with helping Peter Harley had said, ‘You probably won’t be able to hurt Peter more than he already has been.’ So, I think Morgan’s middle name should be Harley, that way both of them can be honoured.”
“Morgan Harley Stark.” Pepper whispered their daughter’s name. “I like that a lot. I think Harley will too.”
The day Morgan was born was a hard one. She was born August 10th, the same birthday as Peter, a full week after she was supposed to be due. It was like the universe wanted to remind Tony that Morgan was his last chance to do things right. It was a hard day, but such a happy day too.
Pepper was holding their daughter when she told Tony to get Harley out of the waiting room and let him meet the newest member to their family. When the two boys re-entered the room, Pepper have Morgan to Tony, encouraging Harley to come closer to her.
“Do you want to hold her?” Pepper asked.
“What type of brother would I be if I didn’t want to hold her?” Harley laughed before backtracking. “I can be her brother right? That’s no a problem?”
“You can have whatever relationship you want to have with her Harls.” Pepper laughed, having the boy sit down.
“Alright Harley, meet your little sister Morgan Harley Stark.” Tony smiled, handing Morgan off to Harley.
“You named her after me?” Harley’s voice cracked as he looked down to his little sister, thinking about the one he lost and how he’ll treat this one right.
“Harley, if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have had the confidence to have a relationship with Peter or to be a Dad now. You wormed you’re way into my heart and forced me to change for the better. So as long as you’re okay with sharing your name with Morgan, we’d really like to keep her middle name as Harley.”
“Yeah, yeah, I can share my name with her. I’m gonna teach her exactly how to live up to her middle name too. She’s a little mini-me now. Can’t take it back.” Harley laughed, wiping away the tears from his eyes. “Morgan Harley Stark.” Harley whispered quietly.
Y/N feels betrayed by the two people she thought she could trust the most. Stucky x reader
Warning; angst, fighting, betrayal
The day started out normal, you woke up in between your two favorite soldiers, made some coffee & waffles, and then three of you snuggled up on the couch for some movies. Y/N didn’t think there was ever a time she felt so safe. Between being superheroes and going on missions for weeks or months at a time, having her boys here meant more to Y/N then she could ever say. Which is why they specifically designated lazy Sundays as an official part of their weekly calendar.
This particular Sunday went differently. While it started out great, it ended in broken hearts and tear-stained sweatshirts. Y/N knew her boys were protective, some would even say possessive, but those people didn’t see what went on behind closed doors. Bucky still fighting the nightmares, Steve handling the after-effects of beating Thanos, and Y/N trying to recover from her injuries after the war. It had terrified Steve and Bucky to their very core, one moment Y/N was on comms and the next was radio silence. It all happened so fast that the only thing Y/N can remember is waking up in the medical ward in Wakanda days after it ended.
Since that day she’d been on bed rest. Well, up until last week when she had been cleared for missions again. Y/N was relieved, while she loved quality time at home with her boys, she missed the outside world and it got lonely when they were away, leaving her with no one to talk to at the apartment.
Steve carried a bowl of popcorn into the living room, scooting next to Y/N and placing the bowl in her lap. “Here, sweetheart. Your turn to pick the movie today.” He smiled sweetly at her, while Bucky handed her the remote. Y/N barely got the chance to turn on the TV before their alarms went off, alerting them of a new immediate threat. Bucky picked up his device, reading out the words flashing in bold letters across the screen. “Mission Status; Active. Jet sent to your location. All active agents report to jet immediately. Agent Romanoff, Agent Barton, Winter Soldier, Captain America, and Agent Y/L/N.” Bucky’s face went blank after reading the last name off, looking toward Y/N and frowning when she got up from the couch. Steve already running toward their room for their uniforms.
“This must be a mistake. Sit back down, I’ll let Agent Hill know that you aren’t ready yet.” Bucky laid his hand on Y/N’s shoulder, gently pushing her back down onto the couch. Steve walked back into the living room with his shield in one hand and his & Bucky’s suits in another. “Buck, hurry up we have to go.”
Y/N frowned deeply, stood up and pushed Bucky’s hand off her, while brushing past him saying, “I have to go suit up. I’ve been cleared baby, and I’m ready to get back into the field.” Steve dropped the shield and grabbed her arm before she could pass him, haltering her movements and jolting her in front of him. “Honey, you sit this one out.”
Y/N was baffled and honestly starting to get irritated at the fact that they didn’t have more faith in her. She ripped her arm away from Steve, “I’ve been given a mission. I’m going and you can’t stop me.” She replied, sending him a glare before marching to her closet.
“Steve, we can’t let her do this. She isn’t ready, and you know it.” Bucky whispered, coming up to stand next to Steve.
“Yeah I know, and I have a plan but it’s a bad one. She won’t like it, but she’ll be safe.”
“Count me in.” Bucky glanced over at their entrance to the room, watching Steve go close the bedroom door and order Friday to not let Y/N out under any circumstances until he or Bucky say otherwise.
“Yes, Captain. Although may I say, Miss Y/N will not be pleased.”
“I know, but she’ll forgive us later” Steve replied, sharing a heavy serious look with Bucky before they walked outside to the jet.
Meanwhile, Y/N had suited up and grabbed her weapons, before walking out of their closet to find she couldn’t open the bedroom door. Pulling and twisting, she tried to reign in any unknown strength she could have had, before giving up and banging on the door. “Hey, I think the door got jammed. Can one of you break it open for me?” She called out but got no response. “Hello?” She called out again, her eyes narrowing when the worst thought came to her. Did they leave her here? No. No way, they’ll notice when she doesn’t come out in a minute and come get her.
Then she remembered Friday, and the quickest option was to just ask her to tell them. “Hey Friday, can you let Steve or Bucky know that the door is stuck and I can’t get out?” She asked, raising her head to look at the ceiling. “I’m sorry Miss, I’m afraid the Captain and Mr. Barnes requested I keep the door shut until they say otherwise.”
Y/N froze, blood rushing to her face once she realized the situation. They locked her in? Y/N couldn’t tell you how long she stood there, the reality of the situation sinking into her bones, fueling her feelings of anger and betrayal. Y/N brought her hands up, watching how they shook with fury. Tears building up in her eyes, letting them run down her face as she stared at the door in exasperation.
Once everything sunk in, she became like a tornado. Throwing their stuff across the room, flipping the tv stand over, grabbing the lamp and using it to bang on the door. She knew it was useless, Stark specially designed these doors for them, the whole apartment really. Although designed to keep people out, she felt like it was only trapping her in.
Finally exhausted, she slumped against the wall opposite to the door, putting her head into her hands and sobbing. The whole time she has known Bucky and Steve, she has always been there for them. She was there through all the nightmares, through everything they went through when mending things with Stark, and not once had she ever felt like she had misplaced her trust. She felt safe with them, and she loved them with every ounce of her being. Yet right now, she felt nothing but resentment, anger, and sadness toward them.
It felt like hours later when she heard the nearby engines of a jet. Millions of thoughts were running through her head, but only one stuck out. And it made her decision on what to do perfectly clear.
Steve opened the door, letting Bucky walk in first. The mission had been simple, just saving hostages and beating up hydra thugs. However, the whole time they were gone, all they could think about was the overwhelming guilt they felt for leaving Y/N behind. They expected a mission far more dangerous than what they got, and for once, Steve was dreading what was behind their bedroom door.
“Friday, unlock our door please.” Bucky requested as he stood at their door, having missed his doll way too much. His guilt was gnawing at him, and he knew the only thing that could make him feel better was seeing Y/N safe, to reassure himself leaving her behind for the potential danger was worth it.
However, when the door unlocked and he walked in, he was surprised the see their room empty and completely trashed. He winced, knowing the mess was no doubt a result of her anger at them. Walking further in, he saw the bathroom light on with the door cracked. Walking up to it, he gently knocked on it, slowly pushing it further open. All he saw was a flash of Y/H/C hair whip past him, catching him off guard for a second as she swiftly walked back into their room. “Doll?” He softly spoke, reaching out to where she stood with her back to him in front of the closet. When she turned around, his heart dropped.
Y/N was standing with two duffel bags in her arms, wearing a sweatshirt that looked like it had been cried on for days, with her eyes being no different. Bloodshot and red, Bucky got a glimpse of glaring eyes before Y/N’s face was indifferent. She looked him up and down, almost as to reassure herself that he was okay, before turning and walking out of their room.
Almost crashing into Steve, Y/N stormed to the kitchen where they kept their medicine cabinet and started to put her prescriptions in her bag. Steve watched with wide eyes, stuttering out, “H-honey what a-are you doing? Where are you going?”. She turned, glancing at him long enough to check that he was fine, then marching towards their front door where Bucky stood prepared to stop her.
“I know you’re mad, WE know you’re mad, but just let us explain to you why we did it. Don’t leave, there is no need to leave.” Bucky exclaimed, practically begging by the end of his sentence. Y/N watched him with narrow eyes, feeling Steve walk up behind her and grab her hand. “Please, “ he whispered, tugging on her heartstrings when she saw his distraught face as she looked over her shoulder.
Throwing her bags down next to the door, Y/N walked over to the couch and plopped herself on it, looking expectantly at the two super soldiers. “Go on” she spoke with no emotion, clearly past the furious stage.
Steve looked at Bucky nervously, before approaching the couch to sit next to Y/N, only for her to stand up and stand facing out toward the big glass windows surrounding the room. “Listen,” Steve started, letting out a big sigh.
“No, you listen.” Y/N interrupted, turning quickly toward the two soldiers who looked as if they were about to be scolded by their mother. “I have had all day of being locked in a room, restrained from doing my job, to think about what I want to say to you two. And honestly? I have nothing. Just looking at each of you is making me sick. The two people I trusted most in the world, betrayed me.” Y/N spoke strongly, tears filling her eyes but face remaining a picture of fury. “Both of you conspired against me and kept me from doing something I love. Something I have been doing for far longer than the three of us have even been together. How do you expect me to react to that? How do you expect me to forgive that?” Y/N exclaimed, glaring back and forth from Steve to Bucky before she started walking toward the door.
“I’m leaving. I can’t do this.”
Bucky stepped in front of her, stopping her into her tracks. His eyes bore into hers, pleading.
“Baby, don’t. You know we just wanted you safe, we didn’t mean to upset you like this.” He explained, glancing at behind Y/N as Steve walked up behind her. Effectively trapping her between the two of them.
“Y/N we love you more than anything in the world, and we should have discussed it with you beforehand. It just all happened so fast, and we made a stupid mistake. But if you’re going to be mad, be mad at me. It was my idea, and I have never regretted anything more.” Steve said, lightly laying his hands on her shoulders, kissing the back of her head softly.
Y/N stared straight ahead, her heart and mind in battle. She knew they meant well, and she knew she might have done the same if the roles were reversed. But she had far more confidence in them than they obviously had in her. With that in mind and her heart in the losing race, she lightly pushed past Bucky.
Bucky went willingly to the side, reaching to grab her hand as she went by yet failing when she snatched it to her chest.
Walking to the door, Y/N picked up her bags and turned back to look at her boys. Tears falling down her face, Y/N whispered, “I just need some time.” Pulling the door open, she walked out of their apartment, her last words echoing in Steve and Buckys ears.
Bucky turned toward Steve, disbelief mixed with shock on his face. “She didn’t forgive us. You said she would forgive us, Steve.” He whispered, beginning to fall to his knees. “We were supposed to let her yell at us, and then make her laugh. And then watch movies all night while we rubbed her feet. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this Steve!” Bucky broke, face falling into his hands.
Meanwhile, Steve was unable to tear his eyes away from the door. One of the most important people in his life just walked out, because of him. He broke her trust and in return, their relationship suffered. All he could hear was his heartbeat pounding in his ears, eyes starting to unfocus as the reality of the situation hit him. Breaking into a sprint, Steve ran to the door swinging it open and heading toward the staircase.
Rushing to the lobby, Steve looked around rapidly for Y/N. Getting a glimpse of Y/H/C outside, Steve pushed his way through the crowds, “Y/N!” he yelled as he pushed through the lobby doors.
Hearing her name, Y/N paused before getting into the taxi. Meeting Steve’s eyes, Y/N shook her head no before climbing into the cab and demanding the driver to the closest airport. Steve watched in horror as his girl, the holder of half of his heart, left him. Feeling a hand of his shoulder, he glanced over to see Bucky teary-eyed and staring in the direction of the cab.
She was gone.
+++++++++++
I have been working on this one for a while, like before endgame was released hence the tony reference. Please let me know if you like it, I plan to make it a three-part series. Follow for more! (:
Chapter Summary: Jess's interactions with her lonely man move forward and her friendship with David begins to evolve. She is beginning to move on from her loss on D-Day but can't see it for what it is just yet
Her lonely man is awkward funny and she's still oblivious to how taken with her he is, subconsciously she knows something is there but she's not ready to accept it yet.
Words: 2.6k
Warnings: Bit of angst related to missing loved ones, a toxic friendship, bit of home-wrecking, bad language
Situational Evolution
Jess spent her Sunday painting the bathroom. On a whim she bought a few cans of paint in a rich, deep teal colour. She and Will had been planning on redecorating last year but they could never agree on a colour. And so, by default, it stayed the same.
The large oval tub was white with copper coloured fittings. The tiles were white mosaic style with scattering of copper accents. It had worked well with the beige, but the beige bored her. It looked better with the teal, but the paint was still patchy. She’d do another coat on Monday after work.
There was a buoyant sense of accomplishment that accompanied her throughout the rest of her evening. She felt a little guilty, having just gone ahead and changed something in the house. Their house. It didn’t feel anything like what she expected moving on to feel like but she supposed the process had to start somewhere. It was just a house, after all, only a bathroom. All the things that made her life with Will great were locked up inside her, in memories and feelings. A few licks of paint would never change that.
Monday breezed by without so much as a by-your-leave. After a full day at the practice she delved into the rest of her redecorating. She skipped dinner in favour of a few of her signature mojitos made with navy rum and brown sugar, and with a substantial buzz she’d fallen asleep on the sofa once again.
Sleep claimed her quickly but she didn’t rest easy. Her dreams were mercurial.
Jess awoke to her alarm on Tuesday morning with a crick in her neck and a headache. She reached for the hand she’d been holding to find herself alone and her dream companion fading to nothing more than the idea of a man, and a feeling of intimacy. Had she been dreaming about Will?
“You seem different today.” Sadie said as they went through the appointments for the day.
“It’s just a bit of a hangover. Jessica had too many rums last night.” She chastised herself.
“Did she now?” Sadie jested. “Good party, was it?”
“No party.” Jess scribbled notes in her diary. “I painted the bathroom.”
“Good for you. We have to celebrate the little things these days.” She squeezed Jess’s shoulder. “You look great, by the way. You’ve got colour in your cheeks.”
Sadie was the eldest of the dentists based at the practice, and she was one of Jess’s closest friends. At fifty four, she was twenty two years older than Jess but she was still young at heart.
“Hey, do you want to grab a few drinks this evening?” Sadie asked later as they were setting their tools in the UV steriliser.
“I’m meeting David tonight.”
“You mean you’re walking his dog while he spends time with that boyfriend of his, who you’ve never met.”
Jess had told Sadie some of her arrangement with David and she hadn’t approved. The consensus was that Jess needed time for herself and not to be the enabler for the self-destructive behaviours her not-quite-brother-in-law displayed. He needed real help and Jess was too soft to force him to face his issues.
It wasn’t that simple. Jess also needed him. His high demand on her time kept her busy and mentally occupied. It distracted her from her own pain. She knew that was also not healthy.
“I can do after ten?” Jess offered with a shrug.
“Another time, maybe.” Sadie gave her sad smile. “Don’t make me abduct you one night.” She hugged her briefly and left Jess to lock up.
David was waiting impatiently at Neptune’s. He handed her the customary offering of tiramisu hot chocolate, the dog leash and a peck on the cheek. He asked how she was but it felt strained.
“What’s going on? You seem stressed.”
“I really miss Silas.” He sighed, shaking the tension out of his shoulders. “I must have it bad if I can’t go two days without seeing him.”
She didn’t blame him. Missing someone that bad was like a gut punch that kept on giving.
“It’s still new.” She smiled reassuringly. “It’s only been a couple of months, hasn’t it?”
Wow, a couple of months? Is that how long she’d been helping him lie to Bill?
“Almost three.” He nodded, glancing in the direction he needed to go to meet his beau.
“Why don’t you bring him one evening. I’d love to meet him.”
“Yeah I’ll ask him. Listen, Jess, I’m gonna go. I’ll meet you back here at ten. Promise I won’t be late.” There was barely time for a reply before he was marching off. He hadn’t even walked her across the street to the park this time.
“Have fun!” She called after him.
Jess wasn’t fooled by the apparent amiability of the weather; she carried her waterproof poncho in a small tote bag and had swapped her heeled pumps for a pair of boots.
She meandered the paths of the park as was her routine. Without David there talking she had more time to think, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing. Daisy did her business and Jess dutifully picked up. The dog was bouncing in and out of the bushes, excitedly chuffing as she snuffled around. Jess couldn’t help but smile at her.
Down on the boardwalk she wondered if the lonely man would be there, and he was. Sat in his usual spot on a bench by marker twelve.
She gave him a nod of acknowledgement and received one in return before taking up her place at the railings. Both the sea and the sky were calmer than they had previously been. Jess thought the clouds were thinning even further despite the cooling transition from evening into night.
The ocean always made her feel small and helpless. To think of something so massive, uncontrollably powerful, and somehow alien, gave her shivers. It was natural to fear things we didn’t understand. She imagined what it would be like to stand here while a ginormous wave grew out of the ocean, bearing down on the land and washing everything away, even her. A wave like one in a disaster movie, hundreds of feet high. She’d had dreams like that in the past when she was feeling overwhelmed and unsure of choices in her life. She’d never envisioned one in her fully conscious mind though. It gave her goosebumps.
A shiver passed over her, and she came back to herself to find that she was not alone. Swiping at the moisture under her eyes, she flicked a quick glance to see the lonely man. He’d noticed her tears, a concerned look on his face.
“It’s calmer today.” She said, glancing at her watch. She’d been stood in silence for more than an hour. “I still don’t trust it though.”
The lonely man nodded as if considering. “Yes, those pesky storms are far from reliable.”
“Maybe the Lord of Thunder is angry.”
“God, of Thunder.” He interjected flatly. “He would be the God of Thunder. Lord of Thunder just wouldn’t do him justice. Rather insulting if you ask me.”
She laughed at his dorkiness.
“Oh, my bad.” She held her hands up in mock surrender, jostling the bell on the dog’s leash. “God of Thunder, please don’t strike me down.” She spoke up to the sky with a light laugh tickling the cadence of her voice.
“He would never…”
She was almost lost in her own amusement as the lonely man looked ruefully out to sea.
“Not angry, sorrowful.” He said after a while fixing her with a knowing look. “I mean, I imagine he’s more sorrowful than angry. Just a speculation. Obviously I don’t know him. How would I?”
Jess couldn’t help but laugh at his goofy ramblings.
“He’s an Avenger and not at all like anyone I’d ever hang with.” He scoffed.
“I wouldn’t know.” She turned back to the dark horizon. They were deep in twilight now, the clouds a lighter dark against the coming night.
“You do not know The Avengers?” he seemed surprised.
“Nope. I know of them, sure. But I don’t know much about them. Wouldn’t recognise one. Couldn’t name one. Save for the God of Thunder who I now know is an Avenger, thanks to you.” She shrugged.
He flashed her a smile that lit up his entire face. Something dropped in her chest right down to her stomach, making her feel jittery. Holy hell he was handsome. And yes, there it was, the hot blush she got when she was embarrassed. Just great.
“You have a little something on your neck.” He waved his finger at her.
Distracted, she fumbled to feel her skin.
“A little higher.” He rumbled. “No, to the left. No, my left.” He watched awkwardly as she failed to find it. “Please, allow me.”
When he stepped forward she almost jumped back, stumbling over the dog, who yelped. Gasping, she gripped the railing to steady herself.
The lonely man looked torn, stuck between a choice of back off or catch her. He backed off.
Shocked by the sudden potential contact, she frowned. She didn’t know the man. Strangers didn’t just touch other strangers. And strange men shouldn’t just go touching women who don’t want to be touched. She supposed he was only trying to be helpful.
“My apologies.” He said stiffly, his large hands held out as if to steady himself on unsteady ground. “It’s just a dark smudge of something, dirt perhaps.”
“It’s not dirt.” She rebuked, her pride kicking in. She always took personal hygiene very seriously.
Sensing her offence, he backtracked. “Not dirt, no. Impossible. Definitely not dirt.”
“Poor Daisy Duke.” She crooned, scooping up the dog. “It’ll be paint.”
“Oh! You’re a painter?” He seized the opportunity to draw the conversation on. “How lovely! What do you paint?”
“My nails mainly. Occasionally I paint a bathroom.” She chuckled at his confusion, trying to bring the mood away from her harsh reaction.
Initially she’d thought him a solemn, troubled man, waiting out in the rain for some kind of peace. There was something about him that she felt connected to, like his outward display of – how to describe it - mourning, maybe, was akin to how she felt inside. Now she saw he was light-hearted and really quite funny in an awkward, goofy kind of way.
Unable to make sense of the man, she decided to change the subject. Time was getting on and she had to meet David back at Neptune’s.
“I better be going.” She gestured with a thumb directed over her shoulder. “It was, ummm, educational talking with you.”
“The pleasure was all mine.” He smiled warmly if a little reluctantly. “Would you like company on walk back through?” The suggestion was hasty.
“No thanks, I’m good.” She said. “See you tomorrow.” The little smirk that curled her lip was involuntary and she turned to hide it, waving vaguely in leu of a goodbye.
“Good night!” He called.
David arrived at precisely ten o’clock, jogging around the corner, dishevelled like he’d rushed his clothes on only minutes before.
“Good visit?”
“The best!” He hugged her tightly, planting a lingering kiss on her cheek. Did she want to know where those lips had been?
She was always happy to see him happy. It was more rewarding than you would imagine, putting yourself out there to help someone who then relied on you to help keep the balance of their fragile but fierce happiness. Jess felt, in moments like these, that it was all worth the effort. This feeling was exactly why she supported him the way she did.
“Did you ask him about meeting up? I really wanna see this mystery man who makes you so happy.”
“I did.” David was sheepish. “He doesn’t think it’s a good idea.”
This didn’t sound good at all. Usually when David got defensive it was because he’d done something wrong or because he knew that people wouldn’t approve. It was rare that he wouldn’t tell her the truth however.
“Why not? I’m not going to bite. I just want to meet him. It’s not like me seeing him is gonna somehow trigger your dad finding out or anything.
“He’s not ready to meet people, you know, out.” He tried to explain it away but couldn’t look her in the eye.
She felt the irritation rising up under her skin as a restless burning feeling. She clenched her teeth, pursing her lips and going fully with the disapproving frown.
“I accept that you don’t have to tell me everything. It’s your life. But when all I’ve ever done is support you, the least you can do is not lie to me, David.”
“It’s complicated, Jess. I can’t ask him to do this.”
“David, so help me god…” She hissed.
“He’s married, Jess. As in straight and married. As in going behind his wife’s back to sleep with me, his gay lover.” His agitation faded as the words flooded out.
“Jesus…”
Her mouth fell open and she didn’t know what else to say. She felt pity for him and his situation but she also felt angry for being kept in the dark. Knowing wasn’t any better than not knowing. In fact, now, all she could think about was that man’s poor wife. People had so little left to feel happy about, after D-Day, that to wreck someone’s marriage knowingly was pretty despicable.
“I know what you’re thinking.”
“No. No, you don’t.”
“I know you, Jess. You think I’m a selfish prick for getting involved with a married man. I’m no homewrecker.”
Okay, so that was pretty close to what she thought, but still…
“He’s never going to leave his wife, and I accept that. They lost their child like I lost Will and Mom, and he is all she has left. He still cares for her, he’s just gay. And this makes us happy.” He gasped emotionally, shoulders hanging down. “We found something together that keeps the darkness at bay, you know, we’ve both lost so much.”
A tear slipped free. How could she not understand? She’d lost as much as anyone.
“Jess, I’m so sorry.” He reached for her and she went to him, hugged tight against his chest. He kissed the top of her head and rested his cheek there. “I’m so tactless sometimes. You’re always so strong that I forget you’re suffering too.”
That was her curse. She was always the strong one, the one people turned to for support. She cared too much, gave everything asked of her and took very little back.
“Am I forgiven?” David mumbled into her hair.
The wind was getting up again, cold and gusty, carried off the see and straight up the street. The effect was not unlike a wind tunnel during high winds.
“Not by a long shot.” She slapped his shoulder, withdrawing back to her own space. “There’s going to be a free dinner in it for me sometime in the near future.”
“Cheap dinner though.” He cringed. “I’m a broke-ass basic bitch right now.”
Jess couldn’t help but laugh. She’d probably never call in that favour, like the hundreds before it. David was her brother. Not just because of Will but because they shared this strange life together, each needing the other in some way just to get by. She wasn’t sure if she needed David in the same way but he kept her tethered to Will in a way that allowed her to live rather than moping at home in a pit of her own despair. She was a high functioning griever.
(A.N: rough sequel to Armour! This just was in my head and I wanted to get it out. Enjoy some thorhulk angst idk)
Thor awoke, and the bed was cold.
That alone was enough to put him on edge. Because nothing was cold, not since Nivadellir. No, after the forge, everything burned until it was numb - but it was never cold. His lightning burned, the fake eye that the rabbit gave him seemed to be short-circuiting whenever it got the chance, and some kind of unnatural fever had pushed him into dreaming even when he’d sworn to himself that he wouldn’t.
But no cold.
His hand crept out across the covers, feeling the empty expanse of pillows and blankets where Bruce should have been.
Of course, he might have left. Might have had things to do, after helping Thor off to sleep. But, as much as he wouldn’t blame Bruce for leaving him, the scientist didn’t share his sense of loathing. Thor might’ve been content to abandon himself to an evening of suffering, but Bruce was once again stubbornly insistent that they should spend the night together.
And he was grateful. He’d been grateful for Bruce’s arms running through his hair, coaxing pieces of armour from his torn body. Grateful for the whispered words of comfort and the faint smell of coffee that somehow always seemed to cling to Bruce’s clothes.
So, him leaving was somewhat alarming.
The bed creaked as Thor swung his feet to the floor, biting back a wince as his aching muscles protested his movement.
He’d long since learned to stop listening to the rational voice inside his head. The one telling him to go back to sleep, to rest, and to look for Bruce in the morning.
That voice could frankly mind it’s own business. Thor was going looking for Bruce and no voice in his head or concern for his own wellbeing was going to stop him.
Not even the looming corridor, the usual bright colours darkened to shadow, or the late-night moon making monsters out of coat rails.
He couldn’t deny that he felt just a tad uncomfortable, though. It reminded him too strongly of home, of tiny feet pattering down corridors and tinier hands knocking on his mother’s door after a nightmare. Or of his teenage years, when the sleepless nights seemed to stretch out forever, and all he had to do was walk down a few corridors to find Heimdall who would show him the stars.
Looking down the corridor now was like looking at a eulogy. A timeline of events, of things passed. Things and memories that weren’t coming back, no matter how much he wanted them to.
He dragged a hand down his face, groaning softly.
If he was getting this sentimental over a corridor then maybe he should go back to bed.
Stifling a yawn with the back of his hand, he was about to turn away to the comfort of his room, when something brushed against his neck.
A puff of hot air, too hot to be a draft from the window, and a low grumbling sound.
He span with a yelp, lightning flashing through his fingertips, illuminating the corridor in front of him - and, apparently, his ‘attacker’.
Hulk stood in front of him, eyes cast down to the ground, feet shuffling awkwardly against the carpet.
“Oh my g- Hulk! You can’t just sneak up on people like that in the middle of the night!”
Thor shook his hand in an effort to rid himself of the few lingering sparks that still darted around his fingertips, trying to force the newly found adrenaline out of his system with a rough sigh.
“Sorry.” Hulk mumbled, twisting his head to stare firmly out of the window, eyes carefully tracking a stray raindrop as it made its way down the glass.
Thor frowned, whatever anger he’d been feeling being quick to melt away.
“It’s fine, honestly. You just gave me a fright.” He paused, taking a few careful steps forward to tap Hulk gently on the arm.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon. Bruce said you’d gone quiet - wouldn’t even come out for the battle, apparently. Is everything ok?”
Hulk shrugged in response, turning slowly back to face Thor, his face unreadable in the dark.
“Not really.”
“Well, that’s understandable. Half the universe did just die. I’d want to take a sick day too.” Thor tried for a smile, but ended up with something more similar to a pained grimace.
“Thought you were dead.”
Thor froze.
“You...You what?”
“On spaceship. Got sent to earth, without you.”
The floor shook slightly as Hulk made his way towards Thor, voice getting louder and louder with every word until he was almost at his usual self. A fact that would’ve been comforting, had it not been for the shaking in Hulk’s shoulders, or the tremor in his words.
“Got here, and Thor not there. Thor not anywhere, and Asgardians gone, spaceship gone. Didn’t show up until big fight and…”
Hulk trailed off, words evidently catching in his throat and…
Oh no.
Hulk was crying.
Surprisingly, he didn’t make all that much noise while he was doing it. It was more of a silent shaking than anything - Thor didn’t even see the tears until a stray flash of lightning illuminated his face.
His body was moving forward before he even registered what he was doing. His steps were stumbled, somewhat, like a puppet being dragged on some invisible string. His hands flew up to grab at what they could, which at that moment happened to be Hulk’s arm - pressing large fingertips over his own to try and prove to his friend that he was here, he was fine. He wasn’t dead, left to drift among the stars. He was here.
“I’m okay now, Hulk. I promise. Please.”
Thor tried to trace patterns onto Hulk’s skin, but he doubted the green giant could even feel it.
Instead of a reply, Hulk promptly bent at the waist, shoving his face deep into the crook of Thor’s shoulder, and almost knocking him to the floor in the process. But, he kept his feet. Stayed stable, as much as he wanted to collapse into the night.
Thor bent his own head, ignoring the shooting pains of his neck, and tried to mutter his own words of reassurance. He wasn’t even sure what to say, aside from telling him again and again that he was alright. That he was alive.
He couldn’t say he was fine. That would be a lie, and lying to Hulk was something he was trying never to do again.
But he could offer his life. He could offer his pulse, the faint thrum of lightning in his veins, proof that he was here and solid and wasn’t going anywhere.
“Didn’t get to say stuff. Before…” Hulk shook his head, burrowing deeper.
“I’m here now, Hulk. You can tell me things now, if you like.”
Hulk looked up at that, straightening so abruptly that Thor almost lost his balance. Green eyes swept up and down the corridor, as if checking for intruders, and Hulk’s posture was so unsure and so unlike him that Thor was really starting to worry over what was going to be said - until Hulk said it.
And then, he couldn’t quite register it. He’d heard the words, sure, but hearing and listening were another matter entirely.
“I’m sorry,” Thor cleared his throat, his fingers lightly pinching the skin of his wrist even just to prove that this was real.
“Could you repeat that?”
“Love Thor. Both do.” Hulk glanced away again, but was quick to refocus, eyes intently studying Thor’s expression for a reaction.
“Hulk and Banner.”
“What…”
Thor laughed nervously, although with none of his usual mirth. His hands wound into the fabric of his shirt, clutched at his hair, did anything to keep them from being still and focusing on the matter at hand.
“What do you expect me to say to that, Hulk? We’re not exactly...That is to say I’m not...I just don’t think -”
“Thor not like Hulk?”
“No, no, Norns no. Of course I like you, Hulk - both of you, for that matter. It’s just…”
Thor turned away, ears burning and lungs tightening as the weight of it all began to build back up. As the roaring of the dying star once again rang in his ears, strong and true, as if he was still standing in front of the forge. Still staring out at the rings of metal, trying to find the stars in between.
Forcing words through his throat seemed so much harder than holding the gates open. Because that, well, that was a task he was well acquainted with. Bearing the unbearable was somehow not so unbearable anymore, not after all he’d lost.
But voicing this fear, (because that’s what it was ; there was no sense in lying to himself further, no sense in plastering on another layer of armour when the first had been so painful to remove) it took so much more precision than clumsy hands against cold metal.
It took so much more from him to admit that he was afraid his friend was going to die.
“Thor-”
Hulk began, but Thor cut him off with another sharp turn.
He lay his hands against either side of Hulk’s face, bruised and bandaged tan against deep forest green. His own heart hammered in his head, and Hulk looked concerned and so unbearably confused that…
Thor couldn’t hold this back any longer. Bruce had pushed through his first layer of illusions, had coaxed him into allowing feeling to trickle back into his nerves. But the trickle had become a flood, a tidal wave of sadness and anger and despair and it was useless trying to build dams against that sort of thing.
So why even try?
“You don’t see. Of course you don’t see - you’re much too kind for that.”
He spoke softly, pressing his still-burning forehead against the cool expanse of Hulk’s.
“You don’t see what happens to the people I love? They die, Hulk. They die and I can’t even say it’s peaceful. It’s horrible and brutal and just so pointless. I can’t…I can’t see that happen to you. You cannot ask that of me.”
His eyes burned with tears he didn’t even realise had started falling, at least, not until one careful green finger had risen to his cheek, brushing feather-light against the skin with a reverence that felt sacrilegious.
Thor wasn’t worthy of this. Not of Hulk’s gentleness - the side of him so many didn’t get to see. A sight that was hidden from the universe, privy to only a select few. He didn’t deserve that. Hadn’t earned it. Not in the slightest.
He hadn’t earnt the feeling of warmth that enveloped him as Hulk pulled him inwards, cradling him against his chest.
His shoulders shook, and his throat ached, and Thor finally gave himself up to the wave that he’d tried to outrun.
Fragile fingers clutched at Hulk’s shoulders, and he sobbed. Clinging to the gigantic frame like an animal seeking shelter under the tallest tree. And what a shelter Hulk was - green eyes casting their faint glow down onto him, brows that wrinkled into a frown of quiet concern, deep tones rumbling like the thunder he held in his heart close to his ear.
Hulk even had the audacity to sway, rocking him gently back and forth until they both ended up back on the floor, crouched in the middle of the room.
The howling rain outside, the slamming of shutters, the faint sound of someone watching the news - it all started to grow quiet. Even the ringing in his ears that hadn’t faded since Nivadellir - in face had only gotten that much worse when he’d landed in Wakanda - that seemed to ebb under Hulk’s watchful gaze and cautious words.
“Hulk not leave. Just...needed you to know. In case.”
“M’sorry. I think I’ve made rather a mess of what could’ve been a lovely confession.”
Thor sniffled, wiping harshly at the tears still streaming down his face.
“I think I’m just a little tired of it all.”
Hulk nodded, his cheek moving against the top of Thor’s head.
“Could go to bed.”
“Only if you join me.”
“Thor soft.”
“Well.”
He paused, feeling his face lift in the ghost of a smile.
summary: It’s nice having Peter with her when she wakes up in the morning. He’s been so much closer to her after he went to space, much clingier. He sleeps over a lot more, but she doesn’t go over to his and May’s place for dinner every Friday night like she once did. She’s unsure of why her mum hasn’t commented on Peter staying at theirs at much as he does.Y/N doesn’t have an issue with Peter being with her as much as he is, until she finds out why.
warnings: this is very sad im sorry, hallucinating, mentally ill!reader (but there’s no diagnosis)
A/N: this is is set after infinity war but before endgame so y’all can guess what’s happening right?
i have come to love this fic so much because it was a support through some of the tougher times with my mental health since the start of april, so this fic is my baby
tagged: @hey-its-grey (thanks for dealing with my rants about this fic), @poetrypeter, @hollandroos, @kiwispideys, @plushparker, @naturallytom
my masterlist
the playlist
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Y/N walked into the train carriage with her best friend and boyfriend, Peter Parker. The train was packed as it usually was at 3:30 after school, so the two lovebirds stood and held onto one another, trusting each other to not fall.
Earphones were plugged into her phone and extended out with one earbud in Y/N’s ear and one in Peter’s. Some kind of alternative music was playing that could be heard due to the set volume, but they both still talked to one another, electric guitar playing in the background.
They maintained eye contact throughout the train ride back to Y/N’s apartment. When they first started dating, eye contact was hard for the both of them, but they both found out later on that while talking, the eye contact meant everything to them (they’d also be cheesy and would always say that they would ‘get lost in each other’s eyes’ and their friend MJ would gag every time). They denied it, but many of their friends labelled them as a cheesy couple.
After a thorough conversation about a new episode of a cartoon the two recently had become obsessed with and had binge watched over the weekend, the train came to their stop and they both hopped off.
The walk back to Y/N’s home included hand holding and more alternative music but at a lower volume this time. The streets of Queens weren’t as loud as the train was, especially on this sunnier afternoon.
Peter was always staying at Y/N’s place after school. He would come over and study with her and they’d go out for dinner some nights. One particularly warm night, they walked around the city as the sun was setting and buy some street food they would find. Any nights that Y/N would end up being a little bit clingier, Peter would be happy to stay the night.
It was like everything was going Y/N’s way, but she didn’t question it.
Her usual school routine was waking up in the morning, Peter would grab his own breakfast while Y/N got changed and then she would grab hers as her boyfriend got changed. They always brushed their teeth together as they looked at one another at the mirror and danced around listening to some of Peter’s playlists. They’d catch the train together and they’d go to their classes together.
Ned and MJ were different though. Y/N sat with them at lunch, but they didn’t really talk much. Y/N wanted to know why there was always silence between the four of them for nothing had changed. Ned and MJ still sat on the seats opposite Peter and Y/N in the cafeteria. It wasn’t like any of them had died in the snap.
Y/N knew about the real Stark internship. She was always worried about what would happen to Peter when he went out on patrol. She feared him coming to her room with some horrible wound or him not coming back at all. At the same time however, she knew that this is what Peter wanted. He loved helping others and even though he was putting his life at risk, he felt good about how he was helping the city he lived in. (Also, he had a great relationship with Tony Stark and Y/N loved hearing Peter talk about Tony and what they worked on with his suit).
She was scared when she turned around in the city, seeing people turning to dust around her. She called Ned and MJ to make sure that they were okay, but Peter wasn’t answering her calls. She feared that he may have turned to dust, and she couldn’t handle that thought. She couldn’t bear to think of a life without Peter by her side. So, when she returned home that afternoon to see Peter lying on her bed, doing his chemistry homework and his endearing smile appearing on his face when he noticed her come into her room, she knew everything was going to be alright.
Later that night however, when her Mum returned home with the news that her father was one of the victims of the snap, she held her face in her hands as she sobbed and ran back to her room. Peter had whispered to her that he had heard the news through the wall, as he hugged her as Y/N wept on her bed all night long.
-
There were quiet whispers shared among the two teens sitting in their chemistry class. They were writing some new equations that they had just learnt as the bell rang. It was their last class for the day and like usual, the two packed their school bags and caught the train back to Y/N’s home.
They opened up their chemistry textbooks and notebooks to do the rest of their work and Y/N was confused at one moment, so Peter helped her out.
‘Babe, you’ve forgotten to balance the equation here, that’s why you aren’t getting the right answer. See with phosphorus, you’ve got it written as seven when it should be 3.’ Peter explained.
‘Thanks Pete,’ she smiled as Peter went back to doing the rest of his work.
‘I love you.’
‘I love you too Y/N. I’ll love you for as long as I live.’ The brown-haired boy smiled.
She laughed as she leant in and gave her boyfriend a kiss on the cheek and they went back to their homework.
-
Y/N’s mother came home from work and said to Y/N that she needed to go see someone about her father’s death. Her mother wanted her to talk about how she was feeling because she wasn’t talking about his death all that much.
Y/N was confused because she did talk openly about it to her mother. She had grieved and she still missed her father, she always would but she didn’t understand. She grieved every night for a month but now she thinks of her father daily, and she hopes that he would continue to be proud of her.
She ate dinner with her mother as Peter went back to his and had his dinner with his Aunt. They weren’t going to hang out tonight because Y/N was tired, and she wanted to do some reading for English that night and wanted to read some of her own novels.
She wanted some downtime to herself, which she always valued a lot.
Before her appointment with the counsellor, she didn’t realise how much ‘downtime to herself’ she would have after the session.
-
Her first class was English for the day. Writing notes on the themes of the novel, colour coordinating. Peter and Y/N didn’t have the same English class, but it was nice to have some distance while at school.
Class felt like it went on forever, but when it ended, she walked to her locker and had planned to go to library for her spare periods to study. Peter also had spares at the same time and on these particular days they would go out for lunch. Some days it was a pizza, some days it was going to Delmar’s Deli-Grocery where Peter and Y/N played with the cat that sat on the counter until their sandwiches were done.
Y/N wasn’t looking forward to her appointment with her councillor. She hadn’t seen her in a few months. She saw her after the snap when her father had passed and if it wasn’t for her councillor, she wouldn’t know what kind of mental state she would be in currently.
Peter and Y/N studied together, Y/N writing a few more notes for her English and Peter studying for his Spanish test the next period (classic Peter style).
They then walked through the streets of NYC, making their way to Delmar’s that day. Peter and Y/N were ordering separately that day. They petted Murph as they were waiting and sipped their soft drinks.
When they returned back to school, Peter went off to his Spanish class and Y/N wished him good luck with a kiss on his cheek and he walked off down the corridor, the sun coming in through the windows in front of him.
-
Peter had told Y/N earlier on that day that he was leaving straight after school to help May with something, so she didn’t need to wait up after class.
It worked well for Y/N because she needed to go to the appointment which was about an hour later after school finished.
Prior to their appointment, she browsed her favourite second hand book shop and managed to find a really nice edition of her favourite book, and also a cool looking comic that she knew Peter didn’t have. She’d give her boyfriend the comic next day at school.
Y/N then walked a couple more blocks until she was standing outside the councillor’s door and she was nervous. She would have liked to have Peter holding her hand in this moment to calm her nerves.
She didn’t understand why she had to talk to someone right now. Y/N was doing well in school and her mental health was fine. She didn’t need a check-up.
But her mum thought otherwise.
-
Y/N sat on the couch while her councillor asked her how she was. She told her that she didn’t understand why she had to be sitting there. Y/N was alright. She hadn’t had a panic attack in couple of months, so things weren’t adding up.
‘Well, your mum called, and she told me to discuss with you a few things that are concerning her.’
So, she asked some of the usual questions. How she felt about her Dad and his death. Of course, Y/N still missed her father and her heart still hurt but at least her heart rate didn’t increase at any mention of him anymore. She had become stronger and moved on, just like her dad would have wanted her to.
Then she asked Y/N about Peter.
‘What? Peter, my boyfriend? Yeah, he’s doing well. We’ve been studying together lately but since the whole ‘half the world dying’ thing, he has been a bit more clingy than usual, but nothing has really changed.’ She rambled.
‘What does Peter have to do with this anyway?’ She questioned, confused on why the person opposite her, who knew so much about her would be asking about her boyfriend.
What direction was this conversation taking?
‘See, your mum wanted me to talk to you about Peter.’ The councillor smiled softly.
‘Okay look, if she’s wanting to say that we need to spend more time apart, why she would ask you to talk to me about it?’ Y/N asked with a puzzled face, but a small laugh to cover up her nervousness.
Her councillor laughed but their face then turned into a frown.
‘Peter didn’t survive the snap.’
Y/N knew she didn’t hear that sentence right.
‘Sorry?’
‘Peter died in the snap. He was one of the victims. He isn’t with us anymore.’ Her councillor said softly, cautiously.
‘Okay you see, that isn’t true. He helped me out with my chemistry homework a couple of nights ago!’ She stood up, infuriated that someone was telling her that her own boyfriend was dead, even though she saw him walk into his Spanish class for his test only a couple of hours prior.
Y/N started to feel the familiar tightness in her chest that she hadn’t felt for months. Her heart rate increased. Her councillor’s voice sounded like a dull, echoey sound in the back of her mind but she couldn’t hear it over the thudding of her heart. Y/N could hear someone calling out her name, but she didn’t feel like she was in the moment.
She looked at her councillor dead in the eyes and said ‘no’ as she walked out of the room, blinded by tears.
Now it wasn’t her smartest idea to walk blindly through New York at one of its busiest times, but Y/N jumped on the train and headed home. She wiped her tears away as her councillor’s words swam through her mind. She hit shuffle on her music to hopefully take her mind off everything only for the song to play was one that Peter had recommended to her.
‘You have to listen to this artist they’re so good Y/N’ Peter smiled. He had her computer sitting on his lap as he went through her Spotify. He had created a playlist called ‘peter p’s recs’ because he thought it was cool and Y/N needed a ‘music education’. He had chosen a silly photo of him that was on her computer as the photo for the playlist.
She looked at that playlist now, realising that it hadn’t been touched in months. She didn’t want to believe it, but she needed to find out herself.
She felt her tears return as she hopped of the train and headed to the direction of Peter and May’s apartment.
She walked up the stairs, headphones no longer playing music, just listening to her unsteady breath as she looked at the door she hadn’t seen in so long.
Y/N was debating on walking away and not dealing with the situation that was arising, but before she could stop herself, she had knocked three times on the door.
Moments later the door opened, and a familiar face appeared.
‘Hi Y/N, how are you? I haven’t seen you in so long’ May said to her but her smile quickly disappeared when she saw the tears in Y/N’s eyes.
‘Is he here? Or have I just been imagining all this time that Peter is still next to me and that we’ve gone to grab lunch together only for the reality to be that I go to Delmar’s alone?’ She sobbed.
May opened her arms and Y/N fell forward into her embrace and the teenage girl cried.
‘I don’t want it to be real but now I can see that everything is pointed towards him not being here. I haven’t seen you in so long which is completely out of the ordinary, I don’t see Spider-Man on the news anymore, but Peter wouldn’t want to fight after everything, I know that, but MJ and Ned don’t even talk about Peter anymore. It’s just silence.’ She ranted.
‘He can’t be dead because he held me. He held me when I cried for my Dad to come back when he died. He was there. I could feel him.’ She said, tears falling from her eyes as May was at the bench, making the two of them cups of tea.
May had sent Y/N’s mother a text saying that her daughter was over at hers and that she was safe, she just needed to talk. It was a part of the female guardian code.
Y/N heard the door open and she heard the keys being placed on the small table by the door.
‘Hey babe, I didn’t realise you were gonna be over.’ Peter smiled at Y/N but just like his aunt, his smile faltered when he saw her red eyes.
‘What’s wrong honey?’ Peter asked, worried.
That’s when she turned to May.
‘Can’t you-? He’s right there.’ Y/N pointed to the chair opposite her at the table and she looked at May. She shook her head as she placed the two mugs down on the table.
‘May please, he’s right there. Can’t you see him? He’s there okay. He helped me with my chemistry homework okay. He’s alive.’
‘Y/N, he’s not here.’
She looked back to where Peter was standing, except he wasn’t there anymore. Her eyes widened as her boyfriend disappeared.
‘Pete? Peter? Where’d you go?’ She called. She could hear the panic set into her voice.
She felt arms wrap around her and she cried into Aunt May’s chest.
‘He was telling me jokes in class and- and-’ Y/N hiccupped.
Peter was now gone, and Y/N had finally come to terms with it, and she let out all the pain.
She fell onto the floor, wailing loudly. The pain, it was unbearable. It was scorching hot but ice cold at the same time. It was nothing but everything at once.
May helped her up and guided her towards Peter’s bedroom. May knew that Y/N needed to rest and was unsure whether sleeping on Peter’s bed would be good for her or not, but it was the best and easiest place for she to stay for tonight.
May again, let Y/N’s mum know that she was staying over because she was in no position to go home but to let the school know that she wasn’t going to be at school the next day and to pick her up late morning.
Peter’s scent filled her nose when she entered her dead boyfriend’s room. Everything was left the exact same, nothing had changed.
She fell onto Peter’s bed in the corner of his room and cocooned herself in his cold blankets. She was wrapped in his scent and she knew that this was the last time she would feel whole in a long time. So, she fell asleep to try and numb the pain.
She hadn’t just lost her boyfriend, she was feeling the pain of losing her best friend and her mind.
-
'Cause I'm bringing you back to life
And I know that you're gone, but I swear that you're here
It's a feeling that won't disappear
Summary: The trauma inflected on Pepper and Tony from Thanos has both of them suffering. One night, they just can't ignore the emotions eating them up. Prompt: from Imagine by Ariana Grande "Imagine a world like that"
Rating: T+, WC: 1281, CH: 1/1, Language: English
Series: Part 3 of Quarantine Quick Rights
Notes:
Wow, so uh, yeah this was really hard to write. Tonight I chose my prompt a little differently. Genna and I have playlists for some of our ships, so I generated a random song from our Pepperony playlist, and then generated a line and this is what I came up with. Again, I only had an hour to write this, but I'm happy with what I got out. I was really going through my emotions writing this. I truly see this happening canonically. Good luck, ye who enter here...or however that goes. (I'm fading fast ya'll).
(See the end of the work for more notes.)
The sun set hours ago, and Tony is still in his workshop tinkering away. Turning over in bed, Pepper huffs as she sees the clock blink out 5:00 AM. Tonight makes it a full week that Tony has stayed up through most of the night working instead of being a normal human, leaving Pepper to take care of Morgan in the mornings while juggling the crisis plans for a billion dollar company.
“God dammit Tony,” Pepper mutters as she pushes herself out of bed to shuffle down towards the dim glow of the workshop lights. She can hear the faint murmurings of Tony talking through whatever he’s working on, and the occasional clink of metal.
“Alright FRIDAY try this configuration, replace 2000 watts with 2750 watts and run it again.” Pepper can tell just from Tony’s voice that his brain is running a thousand miles an hour in every direction.
“Sure thing, boss. Do you want me to lower the compression as well?” FRIDAY’s eager to please voice chirps back.
“For now, no, but put up the shields in case of any blow back.” When Pepper reaches the door, a faint whirring begins, and she pushes through to see the workshop in chaos from Tony’s latest breakthrough in solving whatever new crisis he has conjured up.
Tony hasn’t noticed Pepper’s arrival, so she clears her throat. Nothing.
“Tony, do you have any idea what time it is?” Tony swivels around in his chair.
“Pep! Is it Tuesday morning already? You need me to put in the order for taco stuff for tonight?” Tony looks jittery and like he’s been put through the ringer all at the same time.
Pepper sighs, “Tony, Taco Tuesday was five days ago. It is 5:00 AM on a Sunday . What has kept you from coming to bed this time?” Pepper is rubbing her temples now, she can already feel a migraine coming on, and she knows it will only get worse.
“Huh, Sunday already?” Tony pauses when he notices the frustration edging Pepper’s face. “It’s nothing to worry about honey, I’ll be fine. I’ll come to bed in a little bit. Why don’t you get some more sleep?”
“Tony you have been saying that for the past week, and every morning, I have to come down here to drag you back to our room after you pass out during one of your little experiments. Now I know things have been really hard adjusting to everything that’s happened, but Tony if you don’t talk to me I can’t help you.” Pepper is trying — she really is — to keep herself from exploding with the built up anger from the past seven months of these episodes.
She’s let it go because she knows that the trauma Tony has gone through with Thanos is beyond anyone’s comprehension, but she feels as though she’s been raising their child with Tony only half there.
It’s now gotten to the point where she doesn’t think she can handle much more before she has a grade-A meltdown.
“I know, I know it looks bad. But really, I’m okay. Look, I will wrap up the project for tonight, and I will be up to bed in a little bit. I just have to finish this up—”
“Tony enough!” Pepper erupts, stunning Tony into silence. “What if you just stopped? What if you just accepted that things are not going back to the way they were, and actually joined your wife and daughter in the new reality? For christ’s sake Tony, you have a fucking daughter and you are barely there to see it!”
She’s screaming now, and her face is hot and most likely burning red, but it just feels so good to get it out, “What if you actually showed up for regular meals and bedtime? What if you started acting like the father I know you can be? Imagine a world like that!”
Tony is now red and shaking with more emotion than Pepper has seen in him in awhile. This is not what Pepper wanted to do when she came down here, but she knew it was bound to happen eventually.
“Imagine a world like — Pep, imagine a world where Morgan can truly be safe! Imagine a world where Morgan can meet people that have greatly impacted her parents’ lives! How can I call myself a good father if I don’t even try to give those things to her? I am the only person alive now that could possibly provide that for her! And you just want me to give up?”
Tony’s face is streaming with tears that match Pepper’s. There’s so much that has been left unsaid. So much hurt. Pepper thought it was best to give each other space to work it out, but now she’s realizing that what they need is the exact opposite.
“Tony,” Pepper is nearly sobbing now, “you have been working away down here for over seven months now. There is only so much you can do. You’re barely here, and even when you are with us, you aren’t really with us. It’s like living with a ghost . I feel like I’m raising our daughter alone, and I don’t know how much more I can take.” Tony softens, and steps closer to Pepper, reaching out to brace her arm in support, his tears still freely flowing.
“I would give anything to get Peter and the others back...but babe I don’t think there is a world like that.” Pepper’s voice cracks at the end, saying it out loud makes it all too real.
Tony crumbles into Peppers arms, “I — I know, but I — I couldn’t bring myself to give up. I can’t Pep. He was just a kid .”
“I know, babe, I know. But I don’t think he would want you to waste away trying to save him when you have a beautiful daughter to live for.”
“How? I want to stop so badly, but the guilt eats me alive Pep.” Pepper rubs her hand up and down Tony’s back in soothing motions. This is the most physical affection they’ve given each other in months, and she eats up the warmth it brings her.
Her tears slowly fall into Tony’s hair as she says, “We can work at it together. A step at a time. I don’t know all the answers, but being honest with each other will help.” He shakes in her arms, and she kisses the side of his head.
“I think it’s time we both try and see a therapist. Together and separate. There’s no way we can keep on like this and still be able to be there for Morgan.” Now that everything is out, it’s allowed Pepper to calm down and think straight.
“How can we manage all that? Everything seems so impossible right now.” It’s one of the most vulnerable things he’s said to her. She squeezes him tighter, whether for Tony’s benefit or her own, she’s not sure.
“I know Rhodey would love to get some Morgan time, and Nat as well. That can take a little bit off of us as we try and figure everything out. We got this babe.”
“You are the smartest woman I know Mrs. Virginia Potts,” Tony sniffles and it makes Pepper smile.
“You bet your ass I am Mr. Anthony Potts.” Tony chuckles before relaxing further into Pepper.
“Take me to bed?” It’s like he meant for it to be playful, but it sounds more hesitant and weary.
“Always.” She responds with a resounding kiss to the head.
The next year is a journey that leads them to a new quaint cottage where the world finally feels a bit brighter.
Notes:
So yeah. So sorry for any hurt you may be feeling right now...I take full responsibility. Please please please, feel free to yell at me in the comments on AO3 or here. Love you all, stay safe and stay healthy!
