#seductive suffering

[seductive-suffering]

“I have this idea.”

“What is it little love?”

It’s a lifetime,

A eternal promise.

It’s you.

And it’s me.

It’s longer than forever because I could climb onto your soul and it wouldn’t be long enough.

[seductive-suffering]

Maybe we will just turn back,

Go back in time.

Settle in a new place, a new timeline.

Somewhere our lives can begin and end wrapped up.

Me with you.

[seductive-suffering]

We are lost to a world we never see.

Lenses changing our perspective.

Pushing to be more or less.

We are lights dancing in vacant skies.

And I’ll meld into you and find myself.

I can see a soundless dance that pulls us together.

A place where two become one.

Find me so we may dance again.

[seductive-suffering]

I. Will. Never. Recover.

I may smile.

I make joke.

But my foundation is destroyed.

I am grieving, I am suffering. I am broken.

And I will NEVER not love you.

You held me then, you hold me still.

[seductive-suffering]

I’m waiting on baited breath,

I’m holding myself.

I’m imagining Your hands where only mine are.

Touch me.

Take me.

I could be perfect with you.

For you.

[seductive-suffering]

Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll feel again.

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll breathe easy.

Maybe tomorrow, I won’t feel pain, sorrow, and contempt.

Maybe today, I’ll fall asleep blissfully unaware of the heaviness in my limbs, my heart.

Maybe today, I won’t feel emotion one can feel.

Maybe in this minute I won’t miss you.

[seductive-suffering]

I love you.

I mean.

I loved you.

Can I still say I love you if there’s no longer a you.

[seductive-suffering]

You drop your gaze so innocently;

You eyes pay no mind to my penetrating stare.

Your lip quivers;

Your chest heaves.

I could count the seconds until your eyes reconnect with mine but I’m taking in all the ways I find myself wanting you.