Well, I woke up at 5:30 today. Today is also my 21st birthday. My dad got me gifts and a cake, which I'm glad for. But I'm not really looking forward to a lot about my birthday. My birthday is a deeply existential time for me, a time when I get depressed and moody. Especially as aging only reminds me of the passage of time and of all of my many, many stressors. I've already made some pretty big posts about this, but I figured one more post wouldn't hurt.
My blog's header still says I'm 19. But I'm not feeling like I want to change my header to 21. Because I don't really feel 21. I still just want to be able to look at that 19 and try to remember when I actually was that age. I feel like that isn't all too crazy, although it may still be a little bit weird.
I feel like there's more I could be writing, but I'm still rather tired. I woke up 3 hours ago, and I'm also now dealing with sore skin on my left thumb and feeling like I almost want to masturbate. But I don't want to let myself masturbate. I'm trying to hold in my urges and focus on discipline and restraint.
But yeah, today's my 21st birthday. I plan to basically treat it like any other day. A day with cake and presents, but an average day nonetheless. If I start overthinking it, I'll remember that College begins again on Monday. Also that College ends in April. And my dad goes back to work full time in May. And I may never go to school again once this college year ends, which is stressful. There's a lot, so I'm just trying to force myself not to overthink.
